World War III
“If America were going down, who would defend them? The Brits?? Don't make me laugh...”
“I'm not worried about the Third World War, that's the Third World's Problem”
“I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought with, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT WILL BE EXTREMELY KICKASS!!!!!!!!!”
“This article is about World War 3!”
World War III (abbreviated WWIII or WWW), or the Third World War, was a worldwide military conflict beginning with the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, causing the Mr. President of the United States at the time, George W. Bush, to start a war War of Terror and to invade Afghanistan, and the other beginning in the Republic of China, 2013, with the invasion of the People's Republic of China. It is regarded as the historical successor to World War II and the final installment of the World War Trilogy. This came as a surprise to most well informed radicals because it was believed that had these events not came to be, the Swiss would have launched thermonuclear warheads at Canada, then blaming the innocent Germans creating a favorable economy boost. However, these events did happen without the Swiss... or did they? The Swiss are very interesting people. Canada captured the entire world, under the command of Don Cherry, then gave it back and apologized, as it is not the "Canadian way".
This global conflict split a majority of the world's nations into two opposing (three including the TWP) military alliances: the Allies and the Axis. Spanning almost all of the globe, World War III resulted in the deaths of six and a half trillion people, making it the deadliest conflict in human history.
World War III was the most widespread war in history, and countries involved mobilized more than 1 billion military personnel (China, seriously who else has that many people. Of Course the Chinese propaganda news said that no Chinese people were killed, because they used war robots). Total war erased the distinction between civil and military resources and saw the complete activation of a nation's economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities for the purposes of the war effort; all of those killed in the war were civilians. USA USA USA USA USA
The conflict ended in an Axis/Allied (Some powers switched sides at the last moment) victory. As a result, Sealand and Alaska emerged as the world's two leading superpowers, setting the stage for World War IV in the next 23 years. Self determination gave rise to decolonization/independence movements in Africa and the Middle-East, while the United States itself began the road leading to the American Occupation.
Meanwhile, a budget war was beginning in Africa, where a bunch of third world niggers started throwing rocks at each other over what appeared to be a stray piece of bread from Italy. Thus giving it the name: "Third-world War"
The War Going Global
In 2008, Barack Obama of the Demoncratic Party became President of the United States. Under the Democrats, the United States began to rearm and to pursue a new nationalist foreign policy. By 2012, Obama also began demanding the cession of territories which had historically been part of the British Empire, like Canada and Australia. However, this plan failed, causing considerable backlash from other World Organizations and Nations. Because of this, the state of Kentucky, upset over their government’s failure to take these territories, declared independence, and reformed as the Great Commonwealth of Kentuckistan. Needless to say, fighting commenced almost immediately between the Kentuckistani rebels and the American Army, thus causing Kentuckistan to become allies with nations such as China and Venezuela, the beginning of a new Axis.
In the fall of 2009, the late George W. Bush came to Barack Obama as an adviser. He informed Obama that the military had been working on a secret bomber called the Bush Whacker 1337. It was to turn the tide of the war. He also called Obama an idiot for cancelling NASA's plans to go back to the moon, because now they can no longer retrieve the M1 Abrahms he secretly stored there when they launched the shuttle Columbia in 2001. It was believed to be taken down in the 2003 disaster by terrorists. Then 10,000 pope's did the irish jig.
Shortly thereafter, all of Southeastern Asia, part of Alaska and Bongo land formed the socialist country of Juango, forming an alliance with the United States, Russia, and Great Britain, forming what was to become the allies. After a dispute over the Chinese Premier forgetting to return the lawnmower, they promptly invaded China and it's ally Iran. Kim Jong Il decided that this was the perfect time to launch a 50 kiloton nuclear warhead called the Kim Jong Wang at Japan, obliterating Tokyo. Japan was then annexed into the US.
In the fall of 2010, Northern and Western Australia seceded and formed Trevada, which then immediately declared war on New Zealand which in conjunction lead to another penis, Juango and the United Federation of Baghdad, which had been an independent city state since the end of the Iraq war earlier that year. The United Organization of Gamblers Who Have No Lives joined them in the attack and became their arms dealers.
Meanwhile, in Paris, Napoleon Bonaparte was resurrected as a skeletal spider and executed Nikolai Sarkozy on the grounds of treason and burned the surrender treaty Sarkozy had signed which forfeited all the cheese in the presidential kitchens to neutral Belgium. He then began a campaign to take over Africa, Spain, and Portugal. Spider Napoleon invaded Andorra, where the people proceed to call him a "fart-face", prompting the short skeleton to eat the country for lunch. Spider Napoleon declared that "France shall go on a world crusade to find the world's best foods, and we shall consume them! Frenchmen and Frenchwomen, we shall eat until our bellies resemble that of America! We shall scour the world for their treasure troves of food, and we shall... okay, you know what, I'm just hungry. Let's go invade countries for their food now, k?" In America, Obama was struck don by a flying pig and was replaced by Winston Churchill's fifth cousin uncles son twice removed Julian became president (and made almost no decisions and sat around all day but was still considered better then the past three presidents).
By March 2011, the northern sector of China seceded and formed Communisland, which backed Juango and invaded China. Suddenly and without warning, Germany attacked BC, Canada. Even the kids were pissed, throwing rocks and sharpened sticks and stabbing them. The kids of Vancouver won without losing a single man. I mean kid.
In late 2012, a communist/Nazi revolution in southern Mexico led to the country being split in two, the northern half reforming, and moving the capital to Monterrey. Not long after, three new crucial nations were formed in Europe and Asia respectively: Absurdistan, Have-Nuke-istan, and Fyromistan. In July, 2013, the United States launched a moderately sized invasion of mainland China , as they would not back down and allow the Chinese to claim Taiwan as an overseas territory. This began with the bombing of Beijing and Shanghai. The Chinese fought horribly, and had to surrender South China (with Shanghai). The dictator threw up and cursed for three days straight to the direction of Shanghai. In Argentina, after the supreme court was taken over by the New Triumph Party and was able to establish their own fascist government, they would also surprise the allies with the robotic technology they got as a present from Japan as a peace treaty during the Russo-Japanese War because Argentina gave them the ship know as Nisshin. Argentina joined with the Axis when they invaded Chile to gain more territory.
Around the world, nations condemned the attack on China, leading to two separate and official alliances being formed: the Axis (led Antony Wong, the dictator of China) and the Allies (led by the United States). By 2014, the world was in chaos. Africa was relatively peaceful (until Antony Wong spirit bombed it), save for the conflict between South Africa and Zimbabwe and the fact that Trevada took over the countries of Madagascar and Mozambique. The Kentuckistani rebels had finally been suppressed after the fall of Louisville, most fleeing into the Appallatians. The war in Mexico failed to gain any ground as they were still fighting the wrath of Antony Wong, however, thanks to backup support from Venezuela, they held Antony's goldfish (named Wong-Tong) at ransom. Luckily, the Chinese were prevented from invading the United States due to fighting on two fronts against Mongolia, Russia, and India.
Still, Antony Wong of China, realized had advanced nukes and decided to bomb those U.S bitches... derka derka. In September, 2015, the Chinese, with the help of the Katyua (or The Knights that Want to Return Imperialism to its Formal Glory in the World), and the Robot Fascist Empire invaded South Korea, Pakistan, and the ROC, but was unsuccessful. This surge in defeats led to several Middle Eastern nations quitting the Axis and joining the Allies. The United States and Britain did not declare war at first on Antony Wong... but he did.
By January 2016, peace in Africa was broken when Trevada and Zimbabwe, in an attempt to knock out South Africa, invaded Tanzania and Zambia. The remaining African countries such as Morocco (including South Africa), annoyed about being trampled on by the Axis, formed the African Alliance and began major offenses on the Trevadians and Zimbabweans. They managed to drive them out of South Africa and liberated Mozambique (it later joined the Alliance). In Spring of that year, the biggest offense in history occurred when the Alliance sent three million troops to Madagascar and a bloody war ensured, with Trevada retreating. Madagascar was free, despite that the island was pretty much burned to the ground and only 11 soldiers survived the battle. Sudan and South Africa later invaded and captured Zimbabwe, deciding to split the country between them, then disbanding the Alliance. By May 2016, Africa was once again peaceful.
In 2016, Spider Napoleonic France was losing ground quickly in Africa, but it was quickly establishing dominance in Spain. Wondering why those "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" haven't lived up to their stereotype yet, the Dutch commenced an attack on Eastern France, but were promptly driven back by a French-backed Belgian commando force, armed with the country's best Belgian Waffles. Spider Napoleon, realizing the potential of Belgian Waffles, incorporated Belgium into his empire and begins to use his Waffles of Mass Destruction (WMD).
In 2016, the Katyua and the Fascist Robot Empire captured Japan, India and parts of Mongolia in the spring, which led to retaliation in the form of the Russians, Juangoians, and Communislanders launching nukes (and Pakistani rebels, who weren't terrorists), reducing the Katyua's headquarters in Mumbai and the secret base of the Fascist Robot Empire in the ocean of Argentina to a pile of radioactive ash. However, the Axis didn't retaliate because they didn't want to be wiped off the face of the earth and so abandoned the remaining Katyua soldiers, all of whom were arrested by the allies and were either killed, imprisoned or declared missing in action, while the remaining Fascist Robot Empire of Argentina built a secret base in Antarctica to rebuild, but was later discoverd because it was 1000 feet in the air and was invaded to be officialy pwned by Morocco. With both Katuya and Argentinean forces knocked out of the war, Juango reclaiming their seized lands. Soon, Juango annexed India and took Sri Lanka with the help of the Tamil Tigers. In the early summer the United Kingdom was targeted by the Axis; the Irish attempted to cut the UK off from vital supplies and obtain air superiority in order to make a seaborne invasion from Belgium possible. This never came to pass, but the Irish continued to attack the British mainland for a further three months until the British realized that the Derry Oil Refinery was still pumping fuel into
the Republic of Ireland, the government promptly cut off oil supplies crushing the Irish war effort and enabling them to capture Ireland.
By October 2016, Iran was losing against Communisland and Juango's mighty armies. Following the destruction of its uranium factories and the capture of Tehran, the Ayatollah surrendered Iran, which was divided into three occupation zones: one for Communisland, one for Juango and one for the United States.
Since being invaded by the United States in 2001, Afghanistan had been subjected to increasing economic sanctions by Russia and was attempting to reduce these sanctions through diplomatic negotiations. In December, 2017, however, the war expanded again when Afghanistan, already into its sixteenth year of war with the United States, which was on hold due to the Treaty of Kabul, launched near simultaneous attacks against American and British assets in South-east Asia; four days later, Afghanistan declared war on the Allies. They lost a day later because the flu was infecting everybody and nobody really cared, so Afghanistan people were extinct.
Trevada captured the remainder of Australia and New Zealand by November 2017 and expanded its empire to Sri Lanka. It captured Indonesia, the Philippines, and all of Juango’s Southeast Asian Territory. Juango were able to stop their surprise attacks and thus, captured most of their homeland, being forced to move the capital to China's Government-in-exile in some mountain with monks.
In June, 2017, the war expanded dramatically when the US, taking advantage of a break on the Russian front, invaded China. The US attack started strong, overrunning great tracts of Chinese territory, even reaching Shaanxi by December, but began to stall by winter. While this was occurring, they attacked Trevada, which was weak because the country was fighting Juango in the Pacific. The US and Juangonian soldiers were able to cross the globe and launch a surprise attack on the Travadan capital. A long battle insured and Travada finally fell in October 2017. With the fall of Travada, India re-declared its independence, and returned to fight for the allies.
Later, the Chinese invaded Commuisland because until now, it had relied on its now occupied ally, Travada, to send aid to defend itself. Communisland fell with little resistance in January, 2018, but was soon captured by the US due to another flu outbreak.
In November 2017, Pelé took over as Supreme Leader of Brazil because he didn't get his morning orange slice he launched an incursion of Venezuela, capturing the country in three days. Throughout the course of the invasion close to 5,000 soccer balls were dropped on Venezuelan ground with an average speed of about 300 miles per hour, causing craters in the ground as huge as half a kilometer in diameter.
In May 2018, the Republic of Absurdistan launched a full-scale offensive against European Axis powers such as Italy, Hungary, Austria, and Germany. Because the attack started strong, taking over cities such as Vienna, Budapest, Venice, and Dresden, they forced a surrender, and Neo-Nazis moved to the Nazi Mexico before anybody could capture them.
In 2018, the new-found military might of Belgium Waffles-backed France was shown to the world. Morocco and the Western Sahara were taken, and Switzerland, despite being neutral, could not resist the temptations of Belgian Waffles and was formally absorbed into the Greater French Empire.
In 2019 the war-weary China suffered devastating losses to the US. By this point, realizing that the Axis side of the war was a lost cause, the Axis team except for China quickly changed sides to avoid further devastation. In retaliation, China launched its final great offensive of the war. The greatest tank battle waged by the Chinese in military history began when the US attempted to halt the combined Chinese, Trevadians, British, French, (who, instead of using tanks, used Belgian Waffles) forces at the Battle of Wichita. However, despite heavy losses, the Allied army continued coming, forcing the Chinese to retreat across to to Urumqi. The former Axis forces began getting the flu, but Larry King moved there and it suddenly stopped. The Chinese continued to lose ground as the Allied forces seized Tibet through bombing raids, which for some reason was not part of the South China agreement. The French dropped Belgian Waffle commandos all over the country, and Zombie Napoleon himself commenced an attack on the Himalaya, leading French troops who were still complaining about Napoleon's undead smell.
In 2020, the outcome of the war was becoming clearly unfavorable for the Axis. The Chinese military became boxed in as a combined Tibetan and Bejingish offensive, pushing the Chinese out of Urumqi, quickly followed by a British sea attack on Xi'an, causing most of the city to be destroyed, and most of its population killed. Anti-Communist Mexico finally turned on the US, and invaded Nazi Mexico, assisting the ongoing attack. The US, having captured Urumqi, agreed to give it to Mexico in exchange for 12,000 tons of Breakfast tacos, resulting in Napoleon giving the US the stink eye.
By 2021 the war was coming to a close. In Asia, a final Chinese bombing raid on Shanghai and Beijing failed. Chinese troops decided to invade India, promising food that would NOT be just sushi. 300 surrendered before they realized that the "missiles" were just fireworks going off to show India's liking of China. In May, British forces captured Lhasa and also helped India capture Pakistan, raising the Union Jack over the Tibetan Capitol building in a humiliating gesture (Zedong barely noticed until he woke up with Hu Jintao naked next to him he fled the country the next day and was replaced by intergalactic patriot, bad ass, and negotiator Stewie Griffen took office the next day). The French, whom were busy eating their breakfast tacos, lazily came from behind and raised the tricolors over the Lhasa Capitol. (To this day, they do not realize they left a bit of egg on it.) The President Stewie Griffin signed a treaty of surrender to the Allies later that day. After a nuclear bomb was launched from India, China was forced to capitulate, ending the conflict in Asia. South Africa and Sweden signed peace treaties with the Allies later that week. Following the Announcement of Chinese Occupation, a man named Zhang Minguo tried to start a Second Chinese Revolution, but the British strapped him to a chair and forced him to watch the Chinese Killing Channel for the rest of his days. The Government of China was officially dissolved, and the once-great nation was divided up into occupation zones, each Ally nation occupying anywhere from two to eight provinces. Later, these zones would become the new China. (France demanded the Chinese remnant government hand over the last of its food).
PS. As this whole war was going on, no-one noted that behind the scenes certain BIG banks took over ownership of most of the planet (OK, many noticed it, and wrote about it on internet message boards. But the bored watchdogs screamed; this is CONSPIRACY THEORY!" and moved it away from the readers eyes into the nut-heads section with title "Conspiracy theories").
After all, the banksters funded the pre-war 670 Trillion derivatives ponzi scam and Global debt explosion plus both sides of the war during this whole grand orchestrated show. This war served both as a comaouflage and as a means to taking over the riches plus rulership of the planet. The privatization of government assets was actually meant to be collateral for the garantum debt. And the war made sure the countries went bankrupt... China was divided among the banksters into above mentioned occupation zones, each owned by a certain bankster family. And the Banksters lived- HEY NOT YET! All Banks were taken over by the US.
- The city of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada offered to send the Allies 20,000 tractor combines for the cause. When the Allies turned the offer down, the Saskatonions used the combines to harvest their crops.
- Antony Wong of China was a hermaphrodite, I think...
Aftermath of the war
- The United Nations announced that Chuck Norris is no longer allowed in the army, as it is an unfair advantage.
- Russia would be allowed to Annex No land from China.
- Kentuckistan would become part of the US.
- The Brazil dominates South America, forming the Second Brazilian Empire.
- Absurdistan would have to return the territory it took from Austria, as well as ceding what was formerly Slovakia to Poland.
- Disputed areas between India and China would be given to India.
- Have-Nuke-istan was annexed by the US.
- All Axis powers would pay war reparation debts to Britain, Russia, and the US forever.
- The US would gain control of Sweden's vast amounts of Swedish sausage. French Indochina would be ceded to the US, as the people of Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia are getting tired of Japanese sushi, and instead want brunch everyday at 3:00 AM in the morning.
- France would reach a deal with Mexico to have parts of China and its surrounding states after complaining about how they won't get to see "the food-like splendors of Tibet and its surrounding territories". When asked if they wanted Urumqi territory, Zombie Napoleon died of typhus fever. It was all sudden. Larry King saw it and called it Typhus Napoleon
- All parts of China would be forced to the US.
- The US annexed the Korean Peninsula (Including the radioactive dead zone that was once North Korea).
- The US will take over all of the Eastern coast of Africa and the Western coast of South America. By 2030, the US will be a major world power, bigger than the USSR by one Belgian waffle.
- The Netherlands reconquered Indonesia (take that Chuck Norris!)and Fullber became a dancer.
- The remaning of the warmongering fascist robot empire of Argentinia went underground and formed a new civilization to
- No more soviet union jokes could be made otherwise you would have to play russian roulute
- All US troops would piss on every soldier they kill in front of their friends and played a game called "Who ever pisses on the most soldiers wins"
- Chinese apemen from the 13th century BC were dissolved in mercury liquid
- The Axis powers were forced to cede their entire army of Antarctic prototype cyborg snowmen soldiers to the US and its ally Santa Claus after centuries of tense Arctic/Antarctic relations, the true underlying cause of WWIII and the reason why Eskimos invaded Canada for their valuable supply of Canadian bacon, one of the major turning points in the war
- Years after WWIII billions of veterans globally would gather every Saturday morning in memory of the trillions who died for the great cause of preserving the world's stockpiles of silly puddy and Power Ranger Action Figures, claiming that Pokemon would have saved many lives if not for al-Qaeda's partnership with Team Rocket, a sinister tactic made possible by invading armies of anime cosplayers
The world would never be the same after this war. Many people had been killed due to the massive scope of the war. It would take years for China to rebuild itself from the ashes, and even then, it would never be the superpower it once was.
For the next few years, the Earth was relatively peaceful. Except for the Great Penguin Uprising of 2023. But that's another story. Eventually, advanced democracy spread across the world, leading to the events of World War IV 26 years later. The Penguins were then harnessed by the US in an effort to invade the Great Tiger nation.
After everything there was only one Country Nuketown, inspired by Black Ops
The Chinese Revolution would lead to the unoccupation of the Chinese provinces therefore resulting America and its Allies to win the World War III again, because of bombshells.
The 3D worlds produced in the latter half of the twenty first century are really far out, outperforming "Avatar" by heaps and bounds. Especially since the interface is directly with the dreaming center of the brain. When the folks are not slaving in bankster-owned fields and factories, they connect their brain-chip to the Dream-Box, and "go to sleep" to enter paid-for content inside artificial worlds.
Some of them are multi-player. There are thousands of titles already, and categories include "war games", "erotic zone", heavenly worlds", "child's play", "nostalgia", etc. The last mentioned is an 3-D version of Google Maps Street-View, where mainly elder people visit their childhood places or the place where they proposed.
They can even buy avataras of deceased relatives, which in itself is a great source of income for the banksters who own this whole system. And a great way to stop the masses from even desiring a take back of their lost properties.
The external reason for giving this business to the banksters was that some not-so honest heads of state started to use the war-robots by connecting them to an online game where kids thought they were gaming, but actual people were being killed... no more paying for an army, no casualties on the winners side, the temptation was great.... "Somehow" this got into the news, and the UN got the mandate to order the gaming industry into strict control. The solution was to give the gaming and artificial reality industry to the super banks that had created UN in the first place.
The DNA-reading service from which the info for creating the avatars of relatives or historical persons is taken is also a good cash cow. And the auctions for the avatars of deceased famous artist... sometimes the prices go wild, like for Jimmy Hendrix and Marilyn Monroe. Also the avatar of G. Bush was rented a whole month for a huge amount, perhaps someone wanted to torture him for damage caused by the Patriot Act?
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