World War III
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“I'm not worried about the Third World War, that's the Third World's Problem”
~ George Bush on The Third World
“I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought with, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT WILL BE EXTREMELY KICKASS!!!!!!!!!”
~ George W. Bush on World War III
World War III (abbreviated WWIII), or the Third World War, is the current worldwide military conflict; the amalgamation of two separate conflicts, one beginning with the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, causing the president of the United States at the time,George W. Bush, to start the War on Terror and to invade Afghanistan, and the other beginning in the Republic of China, 2013, with the invasion of the People's Republic of China. It is regarded as the historical successor to World War II. This came as a surprise to most well informed radicals because it was believed that had these events not came to be, the Swiss would have launched thermonuclear warheads at Canada, then blaming the innocent Germans creating a favorable economy boost. However, these events did happen without the Swiss... or did they? The Swiss are very interesting people. Canada captured the entire world, under the command of Don Cherry, then gave it back and apologised, as it is not the "Canadian way". This global conflict split a majority of the world's nations into two opposing (three including the TWP) military alliances: the Allies and the Axis. Spanning almost all of the globe, World War III resulted in the deaths of 42 people, making it the deadliest conflict in human history.
World War III was the most widespread war in history, and countries involved mobilized more than 1 billion military personnel (China, seriously who else has that many people). Total war erased the distinction between civil and military resources and saw the complete activation of a nation's economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities for the purposes of the war effort; nearly two-thirds of those killed in the war were civilians.
The conflict ended in an Axis/Allied (Some powers switched sides at the last moment) victory. As a result, Britain and Russia emerged as the world's two leading superpowers, setting the stage for World War IV in the next 23 years. Self determination gave rise to decolonization/independence movements in Africa and the Middle-East, while the United States itself began the road leading to the American Occupation.
Meanwhile, a budget war was beginning in Africa, where a bunch of third world kids started throwing rocks at each other over what appeared to be a stray peice of bread from Italy. Thus giving it the name: "Third-world War"
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[edit] Course of the war
In 2008, Barack Obama of the Democratic Party became president of the United States. Under the Democrats, the United States began to rearm and to pursue a new nationalist foreign policy. By 2012, Obama also began demanding the cession of territories which had historically been part of the British Empire, like Canada and Australia. However, this plan failed, causing considerable backlash from other World Organizations and Nations. Because of this, the state of Kentucky, upset over their government’s failure to take these territories, declared independence, and reformed as the Great Commonwealth of Kentuckistan. Needless to say, fighting commenced almost immediately between the Kentuckistani rebels and the American Army, thus causing Kentuckistan to become allies with nations such as China and Venezuela, the beginning of a new Axis.
Shortly thereafter, all of Southeastern Asia, part of Alaska and Bongo land formed the socialist country of Juango, forming an alliance with the United States, Russia, and Great Britain, forming what was to become the allies. After a dispute over the Chinese Premier forgetting to return the lawnmower, they promptly invaded China and its ally Iran.
In the fall of 2010, Northern and Western Australia seceded and formed Trevada, which then immediatly declared war on New Zealand, Juango and the United Federation of Baghdad, which had been an independent city state since the end of the Iraq war earlier that year. The United Organization of Gamblers Who Have No Lives joined them in the attack and became their arms dealers.
Meanwhile, in Paris, Napoleon Bonaparte was resurrected as a zombie and executed Nikolai Sarkozy on the grounds of treason and burned the surrender treaty Sarkozy had signed which forfited all the cheese in the presidential kitchens to neutral Belgium. He then began a campaign to take over Africa, Spain, and Portugal. Zombie Napoleon invaded Andorra, where the people proceed to call him a "fart-face", prompting the short zombie to eat the country for lunch. Zombie Napoleon declared that "France shall go on a world crusade to find the world's best foods, and we shall consume them! Frenchmen and Frenchwomen, we shall eat until our bellies resemble that of America! We shall scour the world for their treasure troves of food, and we shall...OK, you know what, I'm just hungry. Let's go invade countries for their food now, k?" By March 2011, the northern sector of China seceded and formed Communisland, which backed Juango and invaded China. Suddenly and without warning, Germany attacked BC, Canada. Even the kids were pissed, throwing rocks and sharpened sticks and stabbing them. The kids of Vancouver won without losing a single man. I mean kid.
In late 2012, a communist/nazi revolution in southern Mexico led to the country being split in two, the northern half reforming, and moving the capital to Monterrey. Not long after, two new crucial nations were formed in Europe and Asia respectively: Absurdistan and Have-Nuke-istan. In July, 2013, the United States launched a moderately sized invasion of mainland China , as they would not back down and allow the Chinese to claim Taiwan as an overseas territory. This began with the bombing of Beijing and Shanghai. The Chinese fought well, and managed to supress to the US Invasion.
Around the world, nations condemned this attack, leading to two separate and official alliances being formed: the Axis (led by China) and the Allies (led by the United Slates). By 2014, the world was in chaos. Africa was relatively peaceful, save for the conflict between South Africa and Zimbabwe and the fact that Trevada took over the countries of Madagascar and Mozambique. The Kentuckistani rebels had finally been surpressed after the fall of Louisville, most fleeing into the Appalatians. The war in Mexico failed to gain any ground, however, thanks to backup support from Venezuela. Luckily, the Chinese were prevented from invading the United States due to fighting on two fronts against Mongolia, Russia, and India.
In Asia, China disliked the United States’ power and decided to overtake it. In September, 2015, the Chinese, with the help of the Katyua (or The Knights that Want to Return Imperialism to its Formal Glory in the World) invaded South Korea, Pakistan and the ROC, taking the Republic of China from the United States and occupying northeastern Juango. This surge in victories led to several Middle Eastern nations joining the Axis, and quickly overwhelming and occupying Isreal. The United States and Britain did not declare war at first, hoping they could persuade these nations through appeasement, but they did not respond.
By January 2016, peace in Africa was broken when Trevada and Zimbabwe, in an attempt to knock out South Africa, invaded Tanzania and Zambia. The remaining African countries (including South Africa), annoyed about being trampled on by the Axis, formed the African Alliance and began major offenses on the Trevadians and Zimbabwians. They managed to drive them out of South Africa and liberated Mozambique (it later joined the Alliance). In Spring of that year, the biggest offense in history occurred when the Alliance sent 3 million troops to Madagascar and a bloody war ensured, with Trevada retreating. Madagascar was free, despite that the island was pretty much burned to the ground and only 11 soldiers survived the battle. Sudan and South Africa later invaded and captured Zimbabwe, deciding to split the country between them then disbanding the Alliance. By May 2016, Africa was once again peaceful.
In 2016, Zombie Napoleonic France was losing ground quickly in Africa, but it was quickly establishing dominance in Spain. Wondering why those "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" haven't lived up to their stereotype yet, the Dutch commenced an attack on Eastern France, but were promptly driven back by a French-backed Belgian commando force, armed with the country's best Belgian Waffles. Zombie Napoleon, realizing the potential of Belgian Waffles, incorporated Belgium into his empire and begins to use his Waffles of Mass Destruction (WMD).
In 2016, the Katyua captured Japan, India and parts of Mongolia in the spring, which led to retaliation in the form of the Russians, Juangoians, and Communislanders launching nukes (and Pakistani rebels, who weren't terrorists), reducing the Katyua's headquarters in Mumbai to a pile of radioactive ash. However, the Axis didn't retaliate because they didn't want to be wiped off the face of the earth and so abandoned the remaining Katyua soldiers, all of whom were arrested by the allies and were either killed, imprisioned or declared missing in action. With Katuya forces knocked out of the war, Juango reclaiming their seized lands. Soon, Juango annexed India and took Sri Lanka with the help of the Tamil Tigers. In the early summer the United Kingdom was targeted by the Axis; the Irish attempted to cut the UK off from vital supplies and obtain air superiority in order to make a seaborne invasion from Belgium possible. This never came to pass, but the Irish continued to attack the British mainland for a further three months until the British realised that the Derry Oil Refinery was still pumping fuel into the Republic of Ireland, the government promptly cut off oil supplies crushing the Irish war effort and enabling them to capture Ireland.
By October 2016, Iran was losing against Communisland and Juango's mighty armies and after its uramium factories were destroyed and the capture of Tehran, the Ayatollah surrendered Iran, which was divided into three occupation zones: one for Communisland, one for Juango and one for the United States.
Since being invaded by the United States in 2001, Afghanistan had been subjected to increasing economic sanctions by Russia and was attempting to reduce these sanctions through diplomatic negotiations. In December, 2017, however, the war expanded again when Afghanistan, already into its sixteenth year of war with the United States, which was on hold due to the Treaty of Kabul, launched near simultaneous attacks against American and British assets in South-east Asia; four days later, Afghanistan declared war on the Allies.
Trevada captured the remainder of Australia and New Zealand by November 2017 and expanded its empire to Sri Lanka. It captured Indonesia, the Phillipines, and all of Juango’s Southeast Asian Territory. Juango wasn't able to stop their suprise attacks and thus, lost most of their homeland, being forced to move the capital to Halifax, Nova Scotia in their Canadian territories.
Later, a female called Alex Rodriguez the new Ayatollah united the Iranian residents to attack the occupying Allied forces, and won several key battles. They soon recaptured Tehran by 2020, free to fight for the Axis again.
In June, 2017, the war expanded dramatically when China, taking advantage of a break on the Russian front, invaded the the United States. The Chinese attack started strong, overrunning great tracts of American territory, even reaching Colorado by December, but began to stall by winter. While this was occuring, they attacked Juango, which was weak because it was fighting Trevada in the Pacific and the uprisings in its Iranian occupation zone. The Chinese and Trevadian soldiers were able to cross the globe and launch a surprise attack on the Juangonian capital, Halifax. A long battle insured and Juango finally fell in October 2017. With the fall of Juango, India re-declared its independence, and returned to fight for the allies.
Later, the Chinese invaded Commuisland because until now, it had relied on its now occupied ally, Juango, to send aid to defend itself. Communisland fell with little resistance in January, 2018.
In May 2018, the Republic of Absurdistan launched a full-scale offensive against European Axis powers such as Italy, Austria, and Germany. Although the attack started strong, overwhelming cities such as Vienna, Venice, and Dresden, they failed to force a surrender, and a stalemate quickly developed.
In 2018, the new-found military might of Belgium Waffles-backed France was shown to the world. Morocco and the Western Sahara were taken, and Switzerland, despite being neutral, could not resist the temptations of Belgian Waffles and was formally absorbed into the Greater French Empire.
In 2019 the war-weary United States suffered devastating losses to the Chinese. By this point, realizing that the Allied side of the war was a lost cause, the British and Russians quickly changed sides to avoid furthur devastation. The Russians soon invaded and occupied Alaska, causing Canada to switch sides as well in order to avoid invasion. In retaliation, the US launched its final great offensive of the war. The greatest tank battle waged by the Americans in military history began when the US attempted to halt the combined Chinese, Trevadians, British, French, (who, instead of using tanks, used Belgian Waffles) Russian, and Canadian forces at the Battle of Witchita. However, despite heavy losses, the Axis army continued coming, forcing the Americans to retreat across the Mississippi. American forces were expelled from South America, and the former Allied forces began driving southward down through Texasand Mexico. The Americans continued to lose ground as the Axis forces seized Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands through bombing raids. The French dropped Belgian Waffle commandos all over the country, and Zombie Napoleon himself commenced an attack on Louisiana, leading French troops who were still complaining about Napoleon's undead smell.
In 2020, the outcome of the war was becoming clearly unfavorable for the Allies. The United States now only had South Africa, Sweden, India, their occupation zone in Iran and Absurdistan as allies, and they were quickly facing their own problems at home. The US military became boxed in as a combined Russian and Canadian offensive became a juggernaut in the east, pushing the Americans out of New England, quickly followed by a British sea attack on New York City, causing most of the city to be destroyed, and most of its poplulation killed. Anti-Communist Mexico finally turned on the US, and invaded Florida, assisting the ongoing attack. France, having captured Louisiana, agreed to give it to Mexico in exchange for 70 tons of Breakfast tacos.
By 2021 the war was coming to a close. In Asia, a final American bombing raid on Shanghai and Beijing failed. French troops decided to invade India, promising food that would NOT be just sushi. In May, British forces captured Washington, D.C., raising the Union Jack over the US Capitol building in a humiliating gesture. The French, whom were busy eating their breakfast tacos, lazily came from behind and raised the tricolors over the White House. (To this day, they do not realize they left a bit of egg on it.) The President Stewie Griffin signed a treaty of surrendur to the Axis later that day. After a nuclear bomb was launched at New Delhi, India was forced to capitulate, ending the conflict in Asia. South Africa and Sweden signed peace treaties with the Allies later that week. Following the Announcement of US Occupation, a man named Cory Patriot IV tried to start a Second American Revolution, but the British strapped him to a chair and forced him to watch PBS for the rest of his days. The Government of the United States was officially dissolved, and the once-great nation was divided up into occupation zones, each Axis nation occupying anywhere from two to eight states. Later, these zones would become the new United States of America. (France demanded the American remnant government hand over the last of its apple pies). AHAHAHAHA yeahh man
[edit] Countries/Factions
[edit] Before WWIII
- Red: The Commonwealth: The remains of the free world. Consists of the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, South Africa and Gibraltar.
- Gold: The Blue-Eyed White Jesus's Holy Self-Righteous States of America
- Blue: the USASR (Union of Soviet Anti-Socialist Republics)
- Black: The Axis of Evil (includes Nazis, Communists and Hippies). It is lead by Benito Mussolini. Germany, Italy and Ireland are just a few members.
- Yellow: China and its allies: The world's new superpower, which is rapidly taking over Asia.
- Brown: The Asia Against China (AAC) group including India, Japan and South Korea. Its war-time research led to the discovery of the AAC codec, which, eventually, was of no military use.
- Green: Spanish and Sometimes Portuguese Armada. If you speak Spanish and sometimes Portuguese, and are not a Nazi, you belong here!
- Blue: The French Union, lead by France.
- Grey: The League of Nations that Hate France, led by Sweden.
- Khaki: Iran.
[edit] After WWIII
- Red: Trevada, Now one of the worlds new superpowers after the conquest of the United States.
- Gold: The Occupied Territories
- Blue: Russia and it's allies, including Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria and Cell Phone Land.
- Black: Deutschland und friends.
- Yellow: What is left of China.
- Brown: The Greater East Asian Co-prosperity Sphere.
- Green: The Porto-Spanish Empire, led by Francisco Franco.
- Blue: France.
- Burgundy: Anti-Communist Mexico.
- Grey:
Swedish EmpireHoly Danish Empire. - Light Grey: The smouldering ruins that used to be Poland.
- Khaki: The Enlightened Neo-Persian Imperial Islamic Republics of Iran.
- Orange: Radioactive Zones.
- Pink: fluffy rainbow unicorns!
[edit] Aftermath of the war
Following the separate peace treaties signed by the remaining Allied nations, a final peace conference was held in Helsinki, Finland, hence becoming known as the Helsinki Conference. The following terms were put in place during this conferance.
- The United Nations announced that Steven Segal is no longer allowed in the army, as it is an unfair advantage.
- The Government of the United States would be dissolved for a period of 10 years. The Axis powers would continue their occupation during this time in order to "reform" the American public. Following this, the respective occupation zones would have the right to vote to remain separate, or return to being a united nation.
- Russia would be allowed to Annex Hawaii and Alaska from the United States.
- Kentuckistan would be granted full independance, and become an officially recognized Nation.
- Isreal would be dissolved, and the territory added to Jordan.
- Absurdistan would have to return the territory it took from Austria, as well as ceding what was formerly Slovakia to Poland.
- Venezuela Annexed Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands as colonies.
- Disputed areas between India and China would be given to China.
- Have-Nuke-istan was allowed to Annex Turkmenistan.
- Sweden, Australia, Japan, and New Zealand would pay war reparation debts to Britain, France, Germany, and China for the next five years.
- France would gain control of Sweden's vast amounts of Swedish sausage. French Indochina would be ceded to France, as the people of Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia are getting tired of Japanese sushi, and instead want French breakfast tacos and Belgium Waffles.
- France would reach a deal with Mexico to have Lousiana and its surrounding states after complaining about how they won't get to see "the food-like splendors of Louisiana and its surrounding territories". When asked if they wanted Texas, Zombie Napoleon gave the Mexican representative a cold look.
- Kazakstan was added to Russia, and Mongolia was added to China.
- China annexed the Korean Peninsula (Including the radioactive dead zone that was once North Korea).
- Iran would have a government that only allows women to have roles in government and take away rights from men. By 2030, it will have the worst human rights record in history (not like current Iran's record was bad enough).
- Trevada will take over all of the Eastern coast of Africa and the Western coast of South America. By 2030, Trevada will be a major world power
The world would never be the same after this war. Many people had been killed due to the massive scope of the war, and a lot of land had been rendered uninhabitable by the battles fought during the war. It would take years for America to rebuild itself from the ashes, and even then, it would never be the superpower it once was.
For the next few years, the Earth was relatively peaceful. Except for the Great Penguin Uprising of 2023. But that's another story. Eventually, advanced consumerism spread across the world, leading to the events of World War IV 26 years later. The Penguins were then harnessed by Kim Jong Il in an effort to invade the Great Tiger nation.
[edit] Concentration camps and slave work
The American Occupation was the killing of approximately twelve million Americans, as well as another six million others who were deemed "unworthy of life" as part of a program of deliberate extermination planned and executed by the National Socialist government in New Afghanistan.
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