World War X

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World War X
Date: 2215 - 2220
Place: All of the world
Outcome: WHLC victory
Western Hemisphere Liberation Coalition (WHLC) World Unity Front (WUF)
Lord High Chancellor Sean Connery Grand Master Dilbert (2215-2217); General Gollum (2217-2220)
Six billion Seven billion
Three billion soldiers, two billion civilians 6,999,999,999 soldiers, 3 civilians

A massive, destructive war in which the world was split in two.

No longer gravity’s chains shall bind us[edit]

World War X was the war that resulted in the Earth’s splitting into two parts. It would not be reunited until World War XII. It had its origins when Sean Connery, who, with the backing of the Grand YTMND Army, had become Lord High Chancellor of Scotland. He began to ally himself with the other powers of the Western Hemisphere: Casinoland, East Canada, Spain II, and Hogwarts. They allied themselves into the Western Hemisphere Liberation Coalition, with the intent of declaring their hemisphere its own planet in 2212.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world found themselves shocked at this declaration, and refused to allow Connery and his allies to split the Earth. In 2214, the powers of the Eastern Hemisphere—the Monaco Empire, the Soviet Union, The Google Republic, and Hugochavia, as well as the Western-Hemisphere West Canada and Disneyland—united together under the World Unity Front in an effort to keep the planet as one.

In 2215, the WUF declared war on the WHLC, and proceeded to attempt to bring them down.

The War, 2215-2217[edit]

At the war’s beginning, the WHLC had the clearly superior military. Every country had spent considerable time building up its military, except for Hogwarts, which was nuked in the first year of the war. Sean Connery did not give a horse’s ass.

But, by 2217, heavy military spending had given the WUF an edge. The Monaco Empire, due to its excessive wealth, was able to quickly establish a powerful military, and the Google Republic quickly created a horde of merciless killer cyborgs under the leadership of Grand Master Dilbert. This nerd quickly became the leader of the WUF cause, because he threatened to create the ultimate computer virus if people did not agree.

The first great battle, the Battle of Disneyland, took place on Disneyland’s soil. Because it had allied itself with the WUF, it was quite open to attack from the WHLC. Fortunately, under the brilliant leadership of the resurrected Mickey Mouse, it was able to defend itself effectively for some time against the offensive. After millions of casualties, the WHLC called off the attack. Disneyland was safe…for now.

Meanwhile, the attack on East Canada by sir Fu the 2nd. West Canada was also going well for the WUF. Because East Canada was inhabited primarily by Quebec-type people, and therefore Frenchies, it had a major disadvantage against its hoser-filled western neighbor. Also, the Great Wall of Canada was failing to hold up, as it was made entirely of maple syrup. The Moose Brigade quickly devoured the wall.

When Connery attempted to invade the Eastern Hemisphere, things continued to go poorly. The Battle of “The 'AND' operator is unnecessary -- we include all search terms by default”, fought in the Google Empire, destroyed half of the Grand YTMND Army. (All of them were 1’d. Few survived.) So far, the war was disastrous for the WHLC.

“ogm t3h 5ux0r 15 7#15”

~ YTMND soldier

And then General Gollum entered the picture.

The War, 2217-2220[edit]

In 2216, a WUF General named Gollum began to consolidate his own power within the WUF. He became increasingly popular among the legions, and many sought to overthrow Grand Master Dilbert. In 2217, General Gollum, with the backing of millions of Yoda clones and other WUF legions, came before Dilbert and ordered him to step down from leadership. Dilbert, as expected, died of heart failure. His syndication was cancelled the next day. From then on, Gollum would lead the WUF—and would be its tremendous downfall.

At that point, Gollum ordered the invasion of Scotland, Casinoland, and Spain II all at once. Meanwhile, he ordered that West Canada beef up its forces in occupied East Canada. He also ordered the construction of 1 million more killer cyborgs, and the relocation of all civilians in WUF-occupied territories to 51 Pegasi VII.

All these expenditures and attacks at once stressed the WUF to breaking capacity. The WHLC wisely chose to focus their defenses carefully, keeping their defenses strong. By 2219, over half of the WUF army had been destroyed. At this point, the WHLC proceeded to invade Disneyland again. Mickey Mouse, once again, was able to keep the defensive strong for a while. But, when Tomorrowland was taken and Obergruppenfuehrer Donald Duck was assassinated, Mickey Mouse fled, considering the cause lost. While it actually wasn’t, Disneyland was hopeless without Mickey. It was conquered in a matter of days after that.

By late 2220, the dwindling WUF forces demanded Gollum to surrender to the WHLC. But Gollum had gone even more insane than he already was, and forced them to continue warring. By Porntober 12, 2220, all but one soldier (the invincible Keith Richards) had been killed. Gollum had already gone to exile in the misty mountains, where he found a ring that might have helped him to win. He cried for three days.

On the first day of 2221, the world was sawed in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Western Hemisphere renamed itself Planet Scotland. The world would not be reunited until World War XI.

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