Worst 100 Creatures To Have Sex With

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The top 100 worst creatures to have sex with in all kinds (i.e. Oral, anal, etc.). There are important reasons not to have sex with these creatures, and some are too horrible to explain. It all happened one day when a friend of mine experimented by having sex with different creatures. Since that tragic incident on, I listed the most important creatures not to have sex with.

You may want to use precautions when having sex with any of the following creatures:

100-91[edit]

100. Dragon
Though, how large they are, they can still rip out your man-part
99. Dinosaur
Very similar to dragons, except more ancient!
98. Wooly mammoth
If you're lucky enough to get through all that hair without getting squashed. But I'm not having sex with those ugly elephant things anyways.
97. Smoker
Loose their teeth often.
96. Skunk
Filth be upon you for thee who hump thy noble skunk
95. Eucalyptan shrew
Pretty stupid animals.
94. Wild ass
They shit all over you
93. Raptors with chainsaws
It is written... Only Leatherface can hump these things.
92. whale
Way too loud or noisy.
91. Osama Bin Laden
Luckily he's dead... Or IS HE?

90-81[edit]

90. Leatherface
And what do you think you're doing?
89. Flea
Try humping it without squashing it.
88. Jollibee
Molest
87. Zombie Ladies
If you did, congratulations! You got AIDS, and you are going to give birth to a corpse.
86. Necrophiliac Psychopath
Like Ted Bundy
85. Nazi
Like Hitler
84. Person with OCD
Will insist on an odd or even number of thrusts.
83. Apollo
He is way too boastful.
82. Coconut Crab
They'll pinch you with their extremely powerful pincers if things don't go their way.
81. Pinkie Pie
She might "cupcake" you out.
Do not believe. She's a psychopath (Or a cannibal).

80-71[edit]

80. Odin
He took out one of his eyes.
79. Twilight Sparkle
She will horn drill you
78. Camper
You know the reason why they roast weinies on a stick? Because your's came along.
77. George Bush
Burning Bush
76. Tardigrade
If you think the flea is hard, then you'll totally struggle with this one.
75. Sunni Daze
That horrifying prick
74. Black guy
Like Blu Mankuma
73. Kangaroo
You will suffer excruciating pain from an epic crotch-kick.
72. Your girlfriend's brother's daughter
Sounds more horrible than you think
71. Any girl who watches Twilight
Anyone who makes out of them turned into a mother

70-61[edit]

70. Your Dad
Way worse than 72
69. Swordfish
Unless you want a dick/vagina to be stabbed.
68. Anteater
Do you really feel safe being naked near a creature with a tongue like that?
67. Bill Gates
He won't give your kid (amusing you don't do birth control) any money.
66. Tapir
Has a very large dick compared to its body.
65. Squidward
He has a dick for a nose. Why else do you think he doesn't wear pants?
64. Electric eel
You may need a rubber condom, or a penis made of silicon
63. Griffin
You shouldn't have sex with those lion-bird things!
62. Peter Griffin
Ew!
61. Zeus
Reason why Kratos wants revenge

60-41[edit]

60. Grue
How can someone have sex with that?
59. a three-year old
Doesn't have to be a human.
58. Sarah Palin
NO.
57. Death
Once touched, never live again, even if its a virgin
56. Chief Man Who Dreams Of Sky
He's busy. Probably praying to his magical sky daddy
55. Bigfoot
Why make love with a big hairy monkey thing that doesn't exist?
54. Doctor Octagonapus
BLAAAAAAARRRGGHHH!
53. Mickey Mouse
Disney-style sex with a talking non-human animal. Need I say more?
52. Cock
Although it's named after "Cock", it will surely give you bird flu.
51. Your son
What Zeus does often to Kratos.
50. Athena
"My beauty killed you"
49. Richard Watterson
Plays too many video games and watches too much TV.
48. The Lava Monsters
Roasted Man-Stick Barbecue, best served hot
47. The school bully
Unless you're a jock.
46. Prostitute
Unless if trained.
45. Person With Obesity
This will increase the chance of having a fat offspring.
44. Neanderthal
Seriously! Did you how they were in Night in the Museum.
43. Chuck Norris
You touch it, you KICK it
42. The Doctor
See the number?
41. Murtaugh
He'll make a Karma Portal out of your genital for that

40-21[edit]

40. Demon
He or she will cause hell.
39. Glenn Quagmire
Don't bother. He'll have already raped you by the time you even think about it.
GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO
38. Imelda Marcos
Her shoes have the answer.
37. El Chupacabras
Not only will you have made it with a Mexican, but you'll have goat's blood all over you!
36. Rayquaza
It will use hyperbeam on ya, giving you a charred penis
35. Fidel Castro
He likes Cigars
34. Judas Iscariot
Since he betrayed Jesus, he might do the same to you
33. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Mutated AIDS, STD, many other diseases
32. Freddy Mercury
He died of AIDS, you had sex with him, you got AIDS, die, end.
31. Hatsune Miku
Congratulations, you are offically a Weeaboo.
30. King Leonidas
TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL
29. Bull
Unless you want to be tossed and trampled like a crushed Caesar salad.
28. Hobo
This one is so obvious!
27. Cthulhu
Tentacle rape, much?
26. Tiger
They'll eat you afterwards!
25. Snapping turtle
Sounds painful, but not as bad as #24.
24. Shark
Seriously?
23. Piranha
Worse than sharks and snapping turtles combined.
22. Baby clown
I get nightmares thinking about it.
21. Jason Voorhees
Serial killer, request coitus, die, ???, PROFIT

20-11[edit]

20. Pedobear
May give sensation and not discomfort if 91 years old above
19. Grandma
The older the ass, the filthier
18. Charizard
Even worse than dragons.
17. Rarity
ಠ3ಠ
16. Chicken
They go like "bak bak".
15. Blackbeard
You wanna have sex with a pirate? I didn't think so.
14. Vikings
A worse type of pirates.
13. Walrus
You'll need an oxygen tube for this one
12. Sumo Wrestler
You'll need an oxygen tube for this one too
11. Hindu people
Kamasutra is the only reason why.

10-01[edit]

10. Platypus
It's already two animals at once, and Nature doesn't need another freak.
09. Ferret
Or any other small furry bastard that climbs up your pants and bites off your balls.
08. Hillbillies
For anyone who got kidnapped by one and ended up getting raped inside a log cabin.
07. Thing
He's so ugly.
06. Isaac Newton
He might be intelligent, but he wants to stay a virgin.
05. Cannibal
Might get hungry and mistake your dick/vagina for a Vienna sausage.
04. Ganon
YOU DARE BRING LIGHT INTO MY LAIR? YOU MUST DIE!
03. Parazoan
Way too simple.
02. Porcupine
Do I need to explain why?
01. Justin Bieber
What the shit! Who on the planet would want to have sex with this creature?!