Worst 100 Things About the '00s

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“It's almost over? THANK GOD!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the '00s

It's almost over, thank God (as Oscar Wilde just stated). Soon the '00s ("The Oh-ohs") will be nothing but a string of phantasmagoric memories that run through the minds of historians late at night. This list will be buried deep in Uncyclopedia, where it may be discovered sometime in the distant future, so that men may know what took place in this dark decade.

Feel free to expand on this Top 100 list, and add your own opinions on the worst things about this decade. True, it says a "Top 100" list, but is Rhode Island actually an island? Does "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" have anything to do with the eight kids? Then why does this need to only be a "Top 100" list?

Contents 1 150 through 141 2 140 through 131 3 130 through 121 4 120 through 111 5 110 through 101 6 100 through 91 7 90 through 81 8 80 through 71 9 70 through 61 10 60 through 51 11 50 through 41 12 40 through 31 13 30 through 21 14 20 through 11 15 10 through 1: The "Top" Ten

[edit] 150 through 141

150. Taylor Swift

Turned millions of teenage girls on to country music, despite all of them living north of the Mason-Dixon line.

149. The Black Eyed Peas

A musical group featuring two black guys, a creepy white guy who dances, and some prostitute.

148. Kim Jong-Il

Some crazy North Korean midget.

147. Judge Grue-dy

Able to make rulings without seeing evidence or hearing testimony.

146. Governor Rick Perry

He wanted to have Texas secede from the United States. If they secede, where are we going to get our right-wing religious nutjobs from?

145. CSI: Miami

Where David Caruso has made taking off sunglasses into an art form.

144. Yemenia Flight 626

French people on an crashing airplane. With fear that they were shot down by an enemy, they surrendered immediately.

143. The secession of Petoria from the United States

The president was going to call it Peterland, but the gay bar down by the airport already took it.

142. The iPhone

Why buy it? Another updated version will probably come out in another six months. In this economy, who can afford to do that?

141. Kelly Clarkson

My life probably wouldn't suck without her.

[edit] 140 through 131

140. The Hills

A "reality" show that stars several retards who live in Beverly Hills in a mansion paid for by MTV. It stars two assholes named Heidi and Spencer. They're so evil, that "E! News" wanted to stop talking about them. And if "E! News" wants to stop rewarding you for being a nuissance to society, then you've really done something wrong.

139. VH1 Decade Nostalgia Shows

Talks are occurring that VH1 will release another one: "I Love the 1880s", where they spend half an episode talking about Grover Cleveland.

138. Two and a Half Men

Starring King Solomon. You know, the guy who said he would cut a baby in half? Of course not, nobody here reads the Bible.

137. Lady Gaga

I try to keep a poker face when saying she's talented.

136. Cold Case

Where a group of 76ers fans you've never heard of solve crimes that occured while the victim was listening to "Frankie Goes to Hollywood". Here is a link to a typical episode of Cold Case:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo4-D8mjDb4

135. Billy Mays

He makes me want to stick Mighty Putty in my ears.

“Try new OxiClean with lemon! Allow me to drink some for you right now!”

~ The REAL last words of Billy Mays

134. The Snuggie

Do I even need to make a joke on this one?

133. Ken Jennings

Worst thing to happen to "Jeopardy!" since Sean Connery kept making "Your Mother" jokes to Trebek.

132. An Inconvenient Truth

One inconvenient truth is that anyone takes Al Gore cereal, I mean serious.

131. The Deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett

This article should explain it all:

UnNews:Michael Jackson dies! Also Farrah Fawcett

[edit] 130 through 121

130. The Weakest Link

Some game show starring some ugly British bitch named Anne Robinson. And the whole show revolved around how dumb she thought the contestants were. Somewhere in that, they were asked trivia questions. The grand prize was usually $3.95 and a coupon good for a free appetizer at TGI Friday's.

129. Ed MacMahon Dies

Even Carnac the Great couldn't have predicted it.

128. Family Guy Character Cleveland Gets His Own Spinoff

If it's as good as the city of Cleveland, then expect the show to be pulled after one episode.

127. Pittsburgh Steelers Win Two Super Bowls

Which is only bad if you're a Cincinatti Bengals fan. If Boomer Esiason couldn't win you a Super Bowl, what makes you think you can win one with Carson Palmer?

126. NBC Releases Even More "Law and Order" Spinoffs

Now stay tuned for Law and Order: Paper Company Unit, right after an all new Law and Order: Spinning Wheel with Dollar Amounts on It Unit and an all new Law and Order: Really Really Smart People Unit. And you certainly don't want to miss Law and Order: Funny Looking Irish Guy with a Late Night Talk Show Unit

125. Larry King

The last king to get married that many times was probably Henry VIII. In fact, they went to high school together.

124. John McCain

“I may be old, but... what? Where am I? This isn't 1967 Vietnam!”

~ John McCain on Alzheimer's

123. Riots in Iran Over Reelection of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

They need to recount tens of thousands of votes when Ahmadinejad won by what, 11 million votes? Can anyone in Iran count?

122. 300

“This is... A BLOCKBUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

~ Leonidas on selling out

121. Survivor

There are apparently snakes and rats on that island. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson should have been on that island; you know how he feels about snakes.

[edit] 120 through 111

120. The Office

The show's actually quite good. It's NBC's need to recreate any show on the BBC that earns it a place on the list. Sorry Michael Scott. You got shafted.

“That's what she said. Or he said.”

~ Michael Scott on the previous sentence

119. Uncyclopedia

How did Yakov Smirnoff suddenly become an expert on global warming?

118. Wikipedia

An encyclopedia that anybody can edit? What a world. What's next, a black president?

117. Joe Biden Opens His Mouth, Yet Again

“Mark my words, Barack Obama will be tested within the first three months of taking office”

~ Joe Biden on Barack Obama

That test: getting Biden to shut up.

116. Jon and Kate Plus Eight

“It's called birth control! Ever heard of it?!?!”

~ Jon of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" on having eight kids

115. 2002 MLB All-Star Game Ends In A Tie

Because commissioner Bud Selig is a total moron, he decided to end the game after 12 innings. Yeah, but he let the 2008 game go on for 15 innings before the American League won, yet again.

114. The Rick Roll

A 2008 adaptation of something that happened in 1987. So is this really pertaining to the '00s?

113. Don Imus

He doesn't entirely hate Rutgers women's basketball. He just liked all the other Big East teams better. Yes, even South Florida.

112. The Pittsburgh Pirates

And the contract extension of manager Lloyd McClendon to four more years, only to be fired one year later. What, you've never heard of Lloyd McClendon? He only hit four home runs in the Little League World Series, and was thereafter signed to an $10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 contract over 500 seasons with the Pirates. Now, he has the prestigious honor of being the Detroit Tigers bullpen coach.

111. Clay Aiken

Has anyone else noticed that his only fans are 50 year old women who want to have sex with 20 year old men?

[edit] 110 through 101

110. Erin Brockovich

A movie starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere where Julia Roberts plays a hooker. How original, considering that "Pretty Woman" was released only ten years earlier.

109. Al Gore

He did not invent the Internet. However, he did invent global warming, the electric blanket, the touchdown celebration, cherry pie, Seinfeld, Duck Duck Goose, the bar graph, paper football, the cowbell, Nutter Butters, and of course, ManBearPig.

108. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em

He likes to Super Soak hos, whatever that means.

107. Michael Jackson Trial

Where some crotch-grabbing musician who hasn't done anything in 20 years got off the hook for... well, you know.

106. Pink

A musician, so she is here for my entertainment.

105. iCarly

iDon't Care.

104. Jessica Simpson

It's fish! Not chicken! But your rack is big (as shown on the left), so I'll forgive you.

103. Kanye West

Everything's a race issue with this guy. Including how there aren't enough black characters on Family Guy.

“Even the dog is white!”

~ Kanye West on being an attention whore

102. Avril Lavigne

Some wannabe punk from Canada. In all actuality, she makes Hillary Duff look like a long-lost member of the Sex Pistols.

101. Lisa Nowak

Remember? That astronaut who drove from Dallas to Florida in adult diapers to kill that other female astronaut? She single-handedly redefined the word "crazy".

[edit] 100 through 91

100. The discontinuance of Betamax by Sony in 2002

Really, it took that long. More than five people outraged.

99. That blackout in 2003

That's six hours of prime time TV viewing I'll never get back! Why, God? Why?

98. That time Steve stole my stapler in 2005

I bet you thought I forgot. Oh no.

97. New Kids On The Block Reunites

Apparently, they want more teenage girls to waste their money on a talentless boy band. No, wait, they're already doing that with the Jonas Brothers.

96. First ten years in Y2K bunker a complete success for the Jones family of Hamilton, Idaho.

Lethal Weapon 4 still bearable after hundredth viewing on decaying VHS tape.

95. John Kerry

Faced with a grinning idiot who couldn't pronounce "nuclear," this was the Democrats' secret weapon?

94. The Pontiac Aztek

Let us never speak of this again.

93. Windows ME

Consider upgrading yours to a doorstop

92. 21st Century Depression Now featuring breadlines with Wi-Fi

New social networking site Dumpster lets friends tell each other where to find the alleys and trainyards with the most succulent leavings, table scraps and pigeons.

91. Wrigley's Doublemint Gum introduces "Improved Flavor" in 2008

Also, "improved" color. We'll admit that the original Caucasian tint was kind of unpleasant, but the new white-with-green-spots thing isn't really working for us either.

[edit] 90 through 81

90. Are We There Yet?

Seriously, this decade is taking forever.

89. Webspeak on the rise

Grammarians capture the last wild apostrophes with hopes of breeding them in captivity.

88. Digital television conquers American airwaves

You'll need to be ready by February 17th - no, June 12th... no, January 5th... no, 2010...

87. Retrospective documentaries on the Aughts undoubtedly already in production

Man in editing studio trying to decide between clips from Napoleon Dynamite and Borat for 90-second montage sequence set to "My Humps."

86. Polaroid stops making Polaroid film in 2008

More than four people outraged

85. Windows Vista

Consider upgrading yours to Windows ME

84. The three four five-blade razor

Why?

83. Season three of Lost in 2006 - 2007

Episode 14 may have actually been a crime against humanity.

82. Global Warming

Head for high ground!

81. The Simpsons

Will somebody please just put this program out of its misery?

[edit] 80 through 71

80. Sarah Palin

Every so often she would look into the camera and you would know - and she would know that you knew - that she meant everything she said. Then she talked about how she can see Russia from her house while playing the flute.

79. Tab discontinued in... wait a minute...

Good lord! They actually still make Tab!

78. George Lucas Sequel Bonanza

Anyone else think George would take a hit in blackjack with 20 showing?

77. Geico officially wears out its welcome with 50th caveman commercial

Good news! I just saved my sanity by switching to Comedy Central!

76. Vladimir Putin

Like Goldfinger, but less menacing and more annoying.

75. Silvio Berlusconi

Like Vladimir Putin, but less menacing and more annoying.

74. Family Guy

This one is perhaps a little dicey. In the beginning, it might have been considered an outlet for topics too abstract or too bizarre for The Simpsons. And yet, its increasingly erratic pacing, mind-breaking cultural reference feedback loop and minimalist plots have slowly turned the show into a rickety parody of what it once was. Perhaps most saddening, however, is its inability to take any kind of criticism without resorting to childish tac...

“YOU WILL NOT CRITICIZE FAMILY GUY. FAMILY GUY IS FREAKIN' SWEET. OUR CHARACTERS HAVE WHAT REALLY COUNTS - GOOFY VOICES - AND EVERY ONE OF OUR TOPICAL JOKES IS GOING TO BE JUST AS FUNNY IN THIRTY YEARS AS IT IS TODAY. JUST LIKE THE CHEQUE BROTHERS ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.”

~ Seth MacFarlane on Family Guy. After mentioning the Cheque Brothers, Peter Griffin came out of nowhere and yelled "We are two wild and crazy guys!", somehow believing that he was Steve Martin

73. The Large Hadron Collider

Judging by the price tag, it's made out of solid gold. And as long as we're here, just saying "there is no realistic danger of black holes" isn't good enough. An explanation would be nice, is all I'm saying. And maybe results with practical applications.

72. Hannah Montana

Some Madonna wannabe. Her two biggest hits were "The Best of Both Worlds" and "Vanity Fair": May 2008. However, she is more talented than Bucky Kentucky and Jane Maine.

71. Any show other than "That 70's Show" and "Futurama" on FOX in the past decade

Oh, yeah. Nothing better than settling down on a Sunday night and watching The War At Home.

[edit] 70 through 61

70. High School Musical 2

A Disney movie starring a photo slut and her gay boyfriend.

69. Katy Perry

So you kissed a girl. We get it, you're a lesbian! And you're hot and you're cold. Have you ever considered that maybe you have swine flu? Which brings me to my next item...

68. Swine Flu

No danger here. *Cough* No da- *Cough* danger at all.

67. Sudoku

Wait, you have to fill in the numbers so there's one in each column, row, and box? All this time I was just drawing wangs on the numbers!

66. American Idol

Making gay men and mentally unstable women think they're talented since 2002!

65. The Octomom

“No job? No husband? No problem!”

~ The Octomom on having 14 kids

64. Larry Craig

I don't go into airport bathrooms anyway. Do you know how filthy those things are?

63. The demotion of Pluto to non-planet

What does it say about us as a species when we can't give a little sympathy to an empty rock three billion miles from the sun?

62. Angelina Jolie

Some twenty dollar hooker that got work (if you can even call "Kung Fu Panda" work) by having sex with Jennifer Aniston's husband. Not to mention, her father is acting legend Jon Voight. Seriously.

61. Dick Cheney shooting that one guy

RAH RAH RAH RAH waterboarding RAH RAH RAH!

[edit] 60 through 51

60. The Jonas Brothers

A group of brothers butt buddies with no talent whatsoever.

“THEY SUCK! IT'S NOT THAT THEY EVEN SUCK IN AN INTERESTING WAY!”

~ Craig Ferguson on the Jonas Brothers. And no, our Scottish friend is not talking about fellatio.

59. The Arizona Cardinals making it to the Super Bowl

Next you're gonna tell me that the Devil Rays made it to the World Series! Wait, they did? HOLY CRAP!

58. The Devil Rays making it to the World Series

Next you're gonna tell me that the Cardinals made it to the Super Bowl! Wait, they did? HOLY CRAP!

57. Dr. Phil

Everyone's favorite fake psychiatrist who got to where he is today by kissing Oprah Winfrey's ass.

56. Paris Hilton

“That's hot!”

~ Paris Hilton on hell, a place she might need to get used to in about ten years

55. Media Coverage of the Death of Anna Nicole Smith

A lot of media coverage, considering that she was one of the worst actresses of all time, was a stripper who married an oil tycoon for his money, and was addicted to TrimSpa. But hey, that's Hollywood for you.

54. The Fabulous Patriots of Foxboro

A popular sitcom about a pro football coach who videotapes his opponent's signals and therefore, kicks the crap out of the opponent in the second half. Ended with the now infamous episode "Super Bowl XLII", where the New York Giants humiliated the Patriots.

Popular spinoffs included "Romeo Crennel Sucks At Coaching the Cleveland Browns", "Eric Mangini Sucks At Coaching the New York Jets", and "Charlie Weis Sucks At Coaching the Notre Dame Fighting Irish". All failed, because no cheating occurred (or so we think).

53. Rock of Love

A reality show about fifteen London sophisticates who all vie for the love of a classy young bachelor.

Just kidding. It's a reality show where VH1 picks fifteen girls out of dumpsters throughout El Segundo, California, and they all claim to have fallen in love with the lead singer of Poison. They get drunk, make out with each other all the time, cuss each other out, and collect their government welfare checks for their previous boyfriend (who they had two kids with and are still having sex with).

52. Flavor of Love

Another reality show, this time about a bunch of welfare moms wanting Flavor Flav, that guy from Public Enemy who can only say three things, to be their baby daddy.

51. [insert random noun here] of Love

Every single frickin' reality show VH1 ever did this decade.

[edit] 50 through 41

50. Maury

A bunch of women who don't know who the father of their children is, a bunch of teen prostitutes, and a bunch of transexuals parading around asking the audience to guess their birth gender. Won 27 Daytime Emmys in 2006 alone.

This video should explain it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wbLdYeZvoc

49. Crazy Frog

He came, and now every other animal, some of which are jelly, are making half-arsed realvidtones for 20 dollars. So explain something to me: why should I buy a crappy ringtone from Melvin the Hampster?

48. Alberto Gonzales

He doesn't remember firing those lawyers. Coincidentally, I don't remember voting for George W. Bush.

47. 9/11

True, all those innocent people died. But the main reason why it's on this list: it's become an excuse for Republicans to kick the crap out of Middle Easterners.

46. Hillary Clinton

Hoped to follow in the "giant footsteps" (if you know what I mean) of her husband.

45. Howard Dean

BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

44. No Country For Old Men

A 2008 movie starring John McCain, Larry King, and Senator Robert Byrd, where they are all kicked out of the United States due to excessive kitten huffing and are forced to live in Kentuckistan. They are kicked out of Kentuckistan because they are all over the age of 10,000, and there is no country for the old men, hence the name.

43. Brokeback Mountain

A film where that dead guy who played the Joker falls in love with that dude from "October Sky".

42. YouTube

Usually, something isn't too good if it is associated with "poop".

41. Francis Winkler

He gave me an F because I didn't read some gay book. I hope he get some sick.

[edit] 40 through 31

40. Beyonce

If you like it, then you should've put a ring on it. If not, then welcome to my world.

39. Brett Favre Almost Retiring For The 500,000th Time

Played for the Packers from 1992 to 2007, and promised to finally retire in early 2008, before changing his mind yet again. He was punished for his bad decision making by playing for the Jets in 2008 and going 8-8 while losing the division to the Miami Dolphins (who went 1-15 the previous year).

UPDATE: Brett Favre has signed a two-year, $25 million dollar deal with the Minnesota Vikings.

“Fuck Brett Favre.”

~ Green Bay Packers fan on Favre's contract with their division rival

38. Madonna Is Still Alive

She's 10,000 years old.

She should have been offered a role in "No Country for Old Men", but wasn't, probably due to the fact that she looks too much like a washed-up hooker. Therefore, she would be too perfect for the role.

37. Steroids

Anyone actually think that Jose Canseco would ever become the voice of trust in baseball? Anyway, the 2005 steroid hearings were kind of like the modern day version of the Salem witch trials, only everyone was lying.

36. That Episode of "Family Guy" Where Peter Keeps Singing "Surfin' Bird"

Seriously, that was just annoying.

35. Lindsay Lohan

Some pretend lesbian who worked for Disney once. No wonder she started drinking and doing ketamine in some club in West Hollywood.

34. Scientology

A bunch of closeted homosexuals with mental problems (and Beck) who worship a bunch of animals who live in volcanoes or something.

33. Joe the Plumber

One less person who could unclog your drain, and one more person who will do journalism in the Middle East. Seriously. I saw them say it on The Daily Show once.

32. Those Girls Who Live With Hugh Hefner Leaving the Playboy Mansion

Now they can go out and get real jobs. Just kidding. They need to go back to Hooters or strip; that's all they're good for, really.

31. Tom Cruise

Famous for saying: "I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES! I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES! I'M NOT GAY! GO SEE MY NEW MOVIE! I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES!", while thinking that Oprah's couch was a trampoline.

[edit] 30 through 21

30. The 2008 Detroit Lions

0-16. Which means they are among the ranks of such "elite" teams as the 1976 Buccaneers and the 1980 Saints.

29. Drew Carey Becoming the Host of The Price Is Right

Replaced Bob "Sex Machine" Barker and totally screwed up the show. Hey, it's still better than when Rosie O'Donnell wanted to be the host. Speaking of which...

28. The Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump Feud

Needless to say, someone got fired. Hopefully both of them.

27. Ann Coulter

The apparent "Queen of the Republicans".

26. MTV Stops Airing Music Videos

They went from "Video Killed the Radio Star" to "Video of 'A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila' Killed the Music Video".

25. Chef Is Killed off of South Park

However, it was by the Super Fun Adventure Club, so it's justifiable.

24. Stephen Colbert

Best known for fighting Jon Stewart to the death for the title of "Best Late Night Political Satire Show to Air on a Network Owned by the Viacom Corporation", and getting pwned really badly.

23. Miley Cyrus

She bears a shockingly similar resemblance to pop star and hooker Hannah Montana (number 72 on this countdown).

22. Borat

About halfway through the third watching of this film, you start to feel bad for actual people from Kazakhstan.

21. Vince with ShamWow.

Apparently, he got arrested for punching a prostitute. She was from Germany, and you know the Germans make good stuff. Order a German prostitute for the low low price of $1,000, and we'll send you a home pregnancy test and a metal coat hanger, just in case things don't go right. A $7.99 value, yours free! What was I just saying? Oh yeah. ShamWow, you'll be saying wow every time.

Also, watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2X7VB-wkz8&feature=dir

[edit] 20 through 11

20. The 2001 Winona Ryder Shoplifting Incident

That's what happens when you sleep with Johnny Depp.

19. Amy Winehouse

Seriously, we don't care what your song says. GO TO REHAB!

18. Boston Red Sox Win the World Series (twice!)

On those two days combined, about 50,000 New York Yankees fans committed suicide.

17. The Passion of the Christ

This film made Mel Gibson admit that he was a Nazi. And still, nobody knows or even cares who Jim Caviezel is.

16. Napster

A music downloading website that forces celebrities to live lives of semi-luxury.

15. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Only one thing about this movie makes me curious: who the hell keeps giving Brad Pitt work?

14. Bill O'Reilly

His show is far and balanced... if you're a Republican.

13. Sex and the City

Stars several prostitutes and their pimp: Mr. Big. Wonder where he got that name?

12. Slumdog Millionaire

Basically, "High School Musical" for adults.

11. Rihanna

PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP THE FREAKING MUSIC!

[edit] 10 through 1: The "Top" Ten

10. King of the Hill

Why did this show ever see the light of day?

9. Gladiator

A film where Russell Crowe goes FIGHTIN' ROUND THE WORLD!

8. Anchorman The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Where'd you get your unfunny one-liners, the toilet store?

7. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire

This quiz show will air again in the fall of 2009. Due to the sluggish economy, it will be renamed "Who Wants to Win 10 Bucks?"

6. Hurricane Katrina

FEMA. Who needs them? Other than the people suffering in New Orleans?

5. Madonna and Britney Spears Make Out At the 2003 VMAs

They don't even have enough musical talent between them to equal half of Michael Bolton.

4. Y2K

We almost got asploded by atomic bombs!

3. Desperate Housewives

A show that features plot turns only O. Henry could write. If you want to know who watches the show, just look at the title.

2. The Pussycat Dolls

America's second favorite untalented posse of strippers, only behind anyone who works for Disney, including *cough cough* Vanessa Hudgens.

1. George W. Bush

You had to know that was coming. Just like the search for nuc-u-lar weapons in Iraqistan.