Worst 100 Things to Stick your Dick in
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The following are the Worst 101 Things to Stick your Dick in.
- 101. Oprah
- She is mine, beeatch!
- 100. Jesus' foreskin
- They'll be making "in-jokes" about you for months.
- 99. Beetroot
- "What a stain that would leave"
- 98. Your own ass, if you can reach it
- 97. Your own peehole
- Though it presents an interesting logical conundrum
- 96. Vanilla Coke
- "It burns"
- 95. Cardboard tube
- "Paper cuts there hurt ten times as much."
- 94. That goatse guy
- Even though it would easily fit.
- 93. An Electrical Socket
- This proves that not all female ends are suitable for fucking.
- 92. An electric fan while it's turned on
- When the **** hits the fan....
- 91. Jerry Sandusky
- This time hes the receiving end.
- 90. A floppy disk drive
- I don't care how floppy your 3 1/2 inch "disk" is, it DOES NOT belong in there.
- 89. Wikipedia
- type with your hands, dumbass!
- 88. Britney Spears' Make-up Kit
- she touched her face, then the make-up; the make-up touched the case; Now where has her face been?
- 87. Uncyclopedia
- well, you wouldn't be the first
- 86. A Mouse Hole
- It's cats that go after mice, not chicken.
- 85. Mother Teresa
- Necrophilia is generally considered to be a no-no.
- 84. Chinese Finger Trap
- But, if you do, trying to get it out only makes it worse.
- 83. Potato soup
- well, last time I did it, I left the soup out. Then my grandma got hungry...
- 82. Venetian blinds
- 81. A Denny's employee's steak
- "waiter, I'd like it well-done, if you know what I mean!."
- 80. A CD burner
- though it would be nice to be able to play "Cum Fly with Me" in the shower
- 79. A flaming melon
- You've seen it all too often on America's Funniest Home Videos.
- 78. Vending Machines
- Wrong type of Slit.
- 77. Lukewarm Hawaiian Punch
- trust me, it stains badly.
- 76. A tube with a lit firework in it
- Talk about going out with a bang...
- 75. A elephant
- Unless you have a fetish for being trampled.
- 73. A record player
- "It's called latex, not vinyl."
- 72. Your Own Mouth
- You'll either snap your neck or develop a bad k-ink in your back. Or you could even snap your dick in two. This is actually a great idea. Do it now.
- 71. Oscar Wilde
- He won't give it back. What a prick.
- 70. A vacuum
- There are better ways to clean it.
- 69. A Barbeque
- Not that hot-dog, stupid!
- 68. A Fireplace
- Although it would make a fast and easy marshmallow roasting stick.
- 67. A white dwarf
- That's a star, genius. while we're at it don't stick you dick in the sun. Don't go the way of the dildo.
- 66. The sun.
- Fucking dumbass...
- 65. Sausage Grinder
- It's not meant for that kind of sausage. Unless you are a cow.
- 64. Microsoft Windows
- instability? spyware? worms? viruses? TROJANS? You do realize we can't reformat that, right?
- 63. Microsoft PowerPoint
- too many templates...you never know who used them last.
- 62. Those red-velvet ropes
- They would give you rug burns on your thing. Now wouldn't that be embarrassing!
- 61. Category-6 LAN terminators
- it's just too confusing with two configurations. You just don't know -- which one to put it in!
- 60. An audio cassette player
- Have you seen what they can do to tapes?
- 59. Elephant Ears
white stuffpowdered sugar gets everywhere.
- 58. That cartridge slot in your Super Nintendo Entertainment System
- I know those systems are a lot of fun, but for God's sake try to show some dignity!
- 57. Anyone who knows what #58 is
- they're up to no good.
- 56. Your car's ignition
- It's impossible to buckle your seat belt in this position.
- 55. Lycos
- Your piece won't be the only thing popping up.
- 53. A Food Processor
- Anyone up for some rocky mountain oysters?
- 52. A chocolate donut
- Ruins the taste.
- 51.5. A Treasure Chest
- Wrong kind of Booty.
- 51. Your dad
- Not as fun as it sounds...
- 50. Knife rack slots
- one slip...
- 49. A Keyhole
- "Hold on honey I'm just going to open the door."
- 48. Acid
- "No bones?"
- 47. A Cigar Cutter
- That is not what we meant by Automatic Circumciser...
- 46. The Green Glass Door
- 45. Up a faucet
- I think I hit the g-spot!
- 44. The spout of a teapot
- What type of tea would you prefer? Would you like mint, chamomile, Earl Gray or OH MY GOD SOMEBODY'S PUTTING THEIR DICK UP THE TEA SPOUT!!!
- 43. Car Exhaust
- Excluding the position you would have to get into, and the size you would need to be, this is just a really really bad idea.
- 41. The Village Dump
- "If you use the VD you're sleeping with everyone else who's used it" -Splaka
|40. A Grue:||Score: 0||Moves: 0|
There is a Grue in the corner.
Oh, and the Grue ate the rest of you as well.
- 39. Custard
- Yes, it is made with milk and eggs, but it's not the kind of milk that you're thinking of, or eggs.
- 38. Particle accelerators
- But hey, look on the bright side! At least you will have a very electric personality! And a charred penis on fire.
- 37. Brass instruments
- You're two letters off, bud.
- 36. A bucket full of KFC's eleven herbs and spices chicken
- The herbs feel fine but the spices will leave you in a whole lotta pain for weeks.
- 35. A can opener
- I just came over here to open a can of "Cunt's Tomato Soup" and this is what I get!?
- 34. A Manual Juicer
- Slightly less painful than #33... slightly.
- 33. An Automatic Juicer
- Home-made Pimp Juice... yummy.
- 32. Pocket Protectors
- 31. A Guillotine
- Be safe, wear protection, use a titanium condom.
- 30. A Taco
- If it's pink, its fine
- 29. Glasses
- unless you have express consent from the party wearing said glasses.
- 28. A Lion
- JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION! GET IN THE CAR!
- 27. Pita
- or PETA, since neither agrees with wieners.
- 26. Euroipods
- 25. Porridge
- There's too much cream involved.
- 24. Joints
- they "canoe" too much this way.
- 23. David Fan
- He might not notice. But if he does, get the tissues ready.
- 22. Your fresh graffiti
- and you thought it was bad getting caught red handed!
- 21. Hummingbird feeders
- 20. An animal. Unless you're into bestiality.
- 19. Printer paper trays
- when it starts to feed...
- 18. Crimethink
- Minitrue will mark you doubleplusungood, and you don't need a reputation like that.
- 17. Standard Deviations
- Because if you do more than three statistically it can reasonably be assumed that you have no dick.
- 16. Carpet rolls
- I've just seen one too many cartoons in which some animal crawls into one.
- 15. A bong
- you can either suck to clear the chamber or suck to clear your "head", but don't mix the two.
- 14. Your Toaster Oven
- Lets recap, Pussy = Warm, Pie = Warm, Toaster Oven = Warm, but only the latter one will burn you.
- 13. Broadway
- If you Rent it there, some Greasy character named Sweeny Todd may try to play Hot Feet.
- 12. Fax Machines
- unlike Star Trek's transporters, fax machines don't reassemble the torn-apart particles of whatever was in it.
- 11. Olmec art
- neither in nor near. It's not friendly looking...
- 10. A Cup
- if the size is less than C, chances are that it's statutory.
- 9. The VCR
- I'll be fucked if those tape heads will ever be clean again.
- 8. A bottle of oil
- Weenie in a Bottle
- 7. If you got to, YOUR OWN HANDS
- wash 'em! wash 'em you dirty, dirty nerd!
- 6. Britney Spears
- Her make up was bad enough
- 5. A deep fryer
- "Extra crispy, please!"
- 4. An automatic Pencil Sharpener
- Only dull people do this.
- 3. Sarah Palin
- Her running mate is bad enough.
- 2. Liquid Nitrogen
- Get a hammer and give yourself a cheap castration. And you know, once you go the liquid nitrogen route you won't be sticking your dick in anything else.
- 1. An anthill
- Ants will eat almost anything. And they bite.
- 0. Your Brothers anus when hes asleep. Get him drunk or slip something in his drink. Ok you'll go to hell or he'll wake up and enjoy it. But Im not you am I?