WrestleMania

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about WrestleMania.
The anticipated battle between The Rock and Goldberg was immortalized in statue for WrestleMania XX.

WrestleMania (a.k.a. Lawler's Syndrome) was an annual event begun in 1981 by Vince McMahon and Ted Turner, two powerful entertainment executives who both shared a love for bear porn. The event was orginially for charity, raising money for Lawler's Syndrome patients by showing well-shot nature documentaries frequently interrupted by scenes of large sweaty men hauling each other by the crotch around a boxing ring. McMahon's and Turner's target audience could not tolerate the lewd acts displayed in the nature documentaries, so WrestleMania was reprogrammed as seven straight hours of softcore bear porn. It has also known to be a serious mental disorder which causes the victim to go mildly insane (hence the mania tag) and go on harmful spending sprees for brief periods of time, like spending fifty bucks on shitty and overhyped matches.

The first WrestleManian to rise to fame was Hulk "Eugene" Hogan (6/23/55-10/16/07). Hogan was a natural-born showman and brought WrestleMania to the attention of the public at large. His World WrestleManianing Champion title was threatened in 1984, however, when O.J. Simpson announced he had Lawler's Syndrome. It was soon discovered that Simpson's genitals had atrophied for other reasons.

Hogan and WrestleMania continued to succeed until Turner broke with McMahon in a bitter lover's quarrel. Turner obtained custody of Hogan while McMahon kept WrestleMania. However, his years of intimate contact with the event caused McMahon to contract the grievous illness. In 2003 he was crushed to death by a mob in Memphis after giving The Undertaker an open-mouth kiss on stage.

In 2004 WrestleMania was at last conquered by the wandering adventurers Simon and Garfunkel, offering hope for a cure to millions the world over.

WrestleMania dates and venues[edit]

Event Date City Venue
WrestleMania I March 31, 1985 New York, New York Burger King
WrestleMania II April 7, 1986 Los Angeles, California
Chicago, Illinois
Uniondale, New York
Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena,
Rosemont Horizon,
Nassau Coliseum
WrestleMania III March 29, 1987 Pontiac, Michigan The basement of Lou's Bar
WrestleMania IV March 27, 1988 Atlantis, New Jersey Trump Plaza
WrestleMania V April 2, 1989 Atlantic City, New Jersey Trump Plaza
WrestleMania VI April 1, 1990 Toronto, Ontario SkyDome
WrestleMania VII March 24, 1991 Los Angeles, California Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena
WrestleMania VIII April 5, 1992 Indianapolis, Indiana Camp Nou
WrestleMania IX April 4, 1993 Las Vegas, Nevada Caesars Palace
WrestleMania X March 20, 1994 New York, New York Madison Square Garden
WrestleMania XI April 2, 1995 Hartford, Connectthedots Hartford Civic Center
WrestleMania XII March 31, 1996 Anaheim, California Arrowhead Pond
WrestleMania XIII March 23, 1997 Chicago, Illinois Sears Tower
WrestleMania XIV March 29, 1998 Boston, Massachusetts FleetCenter
WrestleMania XV March 28, 1999 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania First Union Center
WrestleMania XVI April 2, 2000 Anaheim, California Arrowhead Pond
WrestleMania XVII April 1, 2001 Houston, Texas Reliant Astrodome
WrestleMania XVIII March 17, 2002 Toronto, Ontario WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SkyDome
WrestleMania XIX March 30, 2003 Seattle, Washington Safeco Field
WrestleMania XX March 14, 2004 New York, New York Madison Square Garden
WrestleMania XXI April 3, 2005 Los Angeles, California Staples Center
WrestleMania XXII April 2, 2006 Chicago, Illinois Allstate Arena
WrestleMania XXIII April 1, 2007 Detroit, Michigan Nobody Knows
WrestleMania XXIV March 30, 2008 Orlando, Florida Citrus Bowl
WrestleMania XXV April 5, 2009 Houston, Texas Reliant Stadium
WrestleMania XXX April 1, 150 (time travel accident) Ancient Rome, Roman Empire The Roman Colisieum
WrestleMania XXXI March 53, 2014 Jamaica Bob Marley Memorial Stadium and Seafood Shack
WrestleMania XXXIII April 3, 2015 Saffron City Saffron City Gym
TNA Presents Wrestlemania Seventy-Fuckin-Three!! November 28, 2057 New York, New York Madison Square Garden [1]
TNA Presents Wrestlemania Seventy-Fuckin-Four August 36, 2064 No Where Spiral Mountain
TNA Presents Wrestlemania Seventy-Fuckin-Five August 36, 2065 a parking lot None of your damn bussiness
TNA Presents Wrestlemania Seventy-Fuckin-Six TBA Philly None of your damn business


Footnotes[edit]

  1. TNA Presents Wrestlemania Seventy-Fuckin-Three!! is currently slated to be held at MSG; however, MSG is expected to be blown up by terrorists in the year 2034. If this event occurs, W7F3 will be held at Yankee Stadium IV.

BIG TIME!!!

Results[edit]

Wrestlemania I[edit]

Kurt Angle all pumped up for Wrestlemania.

Wrestlemania I took place in the local Burger King in New York City. The exact date is believed to be March. 21, 4 B.C. The event was highly publicized by the likes of K-Mart, and some headlines even appeared in Hilary Clinton's ass from time to time. The Main event was a fisticuffs match was between Hitler and Chaplin, other notable matches were Mr. T vs. Roseanne, and King Kong vs. Godzilla whih is still taking place (current lead Godzilla). Celebrity appearances were pretty low and disappointing since no one real big in the business, these included Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, R. Kelly, Paris Hilton, and that one fat kid from Jerry Maguire.

Wrestlemania II[edit]

Wrestlemania III[edit]

In Soviet Russia Though:

Kurt Cobain defeated Tupac Shakur, Elvis Preseley, and Jim Morrison in a four-way "They're Still Alive!" match. Afterwards, Kurt retired back to his mansion in the Bahamas, laughing about "all those stupid Gen-X kids".

Japanese Shit Heavyweight Championship Match
(Elimination Chamber)
Elimination # Wrestler Eliminated by Elimination move Time
1 Sailor Moon Yoshimitsu Pinfall 3:02
2 Yoshimitsu Cloud Strife Pinfall after getting hit with Cloud Strife's motherfuckin' large sword which is bigger than his. 8:08
3 Naruto Seto Kaiba Pinfall after Kaiba screwed the rules since he has money 17:31
4 Seto Kaiba Pikachu Pinfall after a thunderbolt 23:58
5 Cloud Strife Pikachu Pinfall after zappping Cloud's Strife large sword 27:13
Survivor: Pikachu

Wrestlemania IV[edit]

Main article: Wrestlemania IV

Tag-Team Title Match: The Allied Powers: John Cena and John Cena defeated Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson

Money in The Bank Ladder Match: Luigi defeated Shang Tsung, Oprah Winfrey, Randy Orton, Jesse, Festus and Larry the Cable Guy to go on and win the WWF Championship

Paddle on a Pole match: Brad Pitt defeated Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton's question: What's a Paddle on a Pole Match?, the answer to Paris Hilton's question: Duh, everybody knows what a paddle on a pole match is!, Hilary Clinton and Time Itself

Logic defeated Emotion when Logic got a roll-up on a distracted Emotion when Emotion began crying

Tupac defeated Biggie in a "Gun on a Pole" match

Wrestlemania V[edit]

Hitler vs. Osama: Clash of the Mega Powers
  • S.T.A.R.S defeated the Umbrella Corporation
    • After S.T.A.R.S found out Albert Wesker betrayed the WWF, they successfully defeated the Tyrant he unleashed on them.
  • Americans defeated The Nazis in a "War of Terrorism" Match
    • The Americans (Composed of Bush, Kerry, Clinton & Obama) Defeated the Nazis (composed of Hitler, Mussolini, Lenin & Goebbels) Cleansweep (Last defeating Hitler by using Osama "Yo Momma" bin Laden as a battling Ram.... its a no disqualification match so dont expect they are disqualified fucktard!!! ).

Wrestlemania VI[edit]


Cancelled because WWF needed more bear penis.

Wrestlemania VII[edit]

  • Shawn michaels defeated Panic at the disco to a rights to sweet chin music match.
    • patd were raped by DX but they enjoyed it so michaels kicked there ass with HHH.
    • fall out boy interfered on behalf of patd but GM god said they were to gay to enter the ring.
    • HHH and HBK stabed the patd in the mouth so they couldnt sing n more. HHH and HBK were rewarded by GM God.

Post-Grunge defeated Grunge when The Corporate Music Business did a run-in


Wrestlemania VIII[edit]

Wrestlemania IX[edit]


Cancelled because of a sexual assault claim by the bears involved in Wrestlemania IV.

Wrestlemania X[edit]

Tito Santana faces Babe, the Blue Ox.
  • Vince McMahon and His own Sexuality fought to a time limit draw in a Closet match
  • Jigsaw defeated Maggie Simpson and Jason Bourne in a razor wire punjabi prison match
  • Hulk Hogan defeated Chris Benoit in a "Tooth vs. Life Match"
  • According to the stipulations, Hulk extracted one tooth from Benoit's mouth. If Benoit had won, he would have gotten to kill Hulk Hogan.
  • Team Dada (Tristan Tzara, Hugo Ball, Jwan Arp)defeated Team Surrealism (Andre Breton, Max Ernst, Rene Magrite) and Team Absurd (Samuel Beckett, Eugene Ionesco, Jean Jinet) in a Three-Way Tag Team Turmol Steel Cage match when Salvador Dali turned on Team Surrealism by hitting Andre Breton with a chair, then get thrown through a table with penises on it. The match was said to have been a bomb, as the performers spent most of their time not wrestling and instead engaging in bizarre antics and antagonizing the audience.
  • Jimmy "Norden" Norton defeated Eddie Murphy by disqualification in a Tranny on a Pole Match
  • Hurricane Hugo defeated John Waters
  • Evil defeated Good
  • Evil rolled up Good with a sneaky pin after interference from Vince McMahon
Solar System Heavyweight Championship Match
(8 Planet or names that have planets Elimination Chamber)
Elimination # Wrestler Eliminated by Elimination move Time
1 Perry Saturn Earth Pinfall 1:00
2 Neptune Val Venus Pinfall 6:27
3 Val Venus Earth Pinfall 6:33
4 Joey Mercury Earth Pinfall 8:25
5 Mars Earth Pinfall 9:13
6 Jupiter Earth Pinfall 9:49
7 Uranus Earth Roll-up Pinfall 99:59
Survivor: Earth

Wrestlemania XI[edit]

  • Wendy's defeated Burger King and McDonald's in a Triple Threat Match For Fast Food Supremacy
    • Wendy's was declared the winner by default after it was announced both losing companies failed the health inspection test taken before the match.
  • Kevin Nash defeated Hulk Hogan in a "Tear The Quad's" match
    • Kevin Nash was declared the winner after he had tore his quads only seconds after the opening bell.
  • The deadman defeated Tina Fey in a "Coconuts" match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship
    • The match ended after The Devil passed the deadman a coconut
  • Chris Hyatte and Scott Keith went to a double-countout in a "King of the IWC" match when both fatass virgins were too lazy and tired to get back in the ring after a brief brawl on the outside
  • The Undertaker defeated Megatron, a Google rpresentative and Bill Crosby in a Losers leave WWCEWEF and forced to go to an independant circuit battle royal.
    • Undertaker blasted Megatron with a laser and Megatrons pieces squashed the Google representative and Bill Crosby.

Wrestlemania XII[edit]

  • Jeff Hardy defeated Everyone in a "Better In Bed" match (w/ Your Mom as special guest referee)
    • The match lasted until WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Three where there is rumored to be a rematch scheduled.
  • Bobby Lashley defeated the entire population of South Park to unify the Colorado Springs Division of Death Championship with the South Park Championship into the State of Colorado Undisputed Championship in a Hardcore Match.
    • The entire population of South Park ran away at the pure sight of Lashley's muscles.

Wrestlemania XIII[edit]

Substituting for friend Milkman Dan, Oscar Wilde comes out of retirement to face Karen Tracy (managed by Lord Byron) at WrestleMania XIII.
  • George W. Bush defeated An Apple to win the WWF Incontinent Chocolatechip of the semi-region of Afghanistan
    • Bush won with the assistance of a Computer.
  • Dr. House vs A Chair went to a no-contest as Dr. House was unable to pin the chair.
  • Kazaa defeated Morpheus, Ares and Limewire in a Winner takes control of the internet match.
    • 457237211941309104019329488558 spywares interfered on Kazaa's behalf
  • Oscar Wilde (w/Lord Byron) defeated Karen Tracy to win everything
    • Jesus interfered on Oscar Wilde's behalf, while Jebus interfered on Karen Tracy's behalf.

Wrestlemania XIV[edit]

  • Jeff Hardy defeated Scott Hall in a "Defeat Your Personal Demons" match
    • Jeff was declared the winner when he defeated his demons before Hall defeated his.
    • After the match, Hall took a survey to decide if the audience was with Jeff's win or if they were against it. They all were with it and Hall sadly pronounced "One More For The Good Guys".
  • Mari Ju Ana defeated Rob Van Damin a submission match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship
    • Mari Ju Ana forced RVD to tap out to "The Addiction".
    • After the match with Mari Ju Ana the Highway Patrol Troopers "HPT" interfered and keep beating him and finished with an "Arrestlock"
    • Another Match for the title was granted for the money in the bank winner The Deadman
  • The Deadman defeated Mari Ju Ana in a "Ladder" match for the WWF Undesputed Championship.
  • Milk defeated Coors 3-1 at concession stands.

Wrestlemania XV[edit]

  • Simon Cowell and Kevin Federline fought to a no-contest in a "Winner takes Britney" match.
    • The match was cancelled after both men refused to appear.
  • Capitalism beat Communism. USA! USA! USA! USA!

The World title was then awarded to Ugly Betty.

Random People Championship Match
Elimination # Wrestler Eliminated by Elimination move Time
1 Oprah Winfrey Pikachu Pinfall after a Thundershock 0:05
2 Harry Potter Pikachu Pinfall after an Atomic Wedgie Drop 66:27
3 Power Rangers Pikachu Pinfall after a Tombstone Piledriver 74:54
4 Pillsbury Dough Boy Pikachu Pinfall 80:25
5 Pikachu The deadman Pinfall after a chokeslam 80:30
Survivor: The deadman


Wrestlemania XVI[edit]

The WWF invades the UFC at WrestleMania XVI.
  • Goatse.cx defeated Tubgirl.com to retain the WWW.ShockSite.championchip
    • Tubgirl.com was disqualified after pouring an unknown liquid over Goatse.cx.
  • Rocco defeated Jenna Jameson to retain the WWF XXX Hardcore Championship.
    • Rocco "pinned" Jenna Jameson.
  • Ace Hardware defeated Home Depot in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match
    • Ace won by a package piledriver onto Home Depot unto 2 recalled tables.
  • Kevin Federline defeated Britney Spears in a Court Hearing for Child Custody match
      • As a result, Federline wins custody of his children. God help us all.
  • Lelouch "Zero" Lamperouge and Codename: V fought one another to a draw in a "Masked Revolutionaries" match.
    • Both combatants fled when they knocked each others' masks off, not wanting to risk revealing their identities.
  • Rick Astley defeated Ugly Betty in an ECW Seasons in the sun match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship.
    • Astley won by singing "Seasons in the sun" which is hereby decreed EXTREME by Dr. Kevin Nash
  • Yokozuna vs Rossie O' Donell went to a no-contest as the ring collapsed with both participant's weight.
    • After the match the Arrowhead Pond began to collapse as well and everyone got out of the building (except for Samoa Joe) to save their lives, finally, Adema sang Immortal to close the show.
  • The Deadman defeated Rick Astley in a "Hell in Two Cell" match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship.
    • The Deadman got Rick to submit by singing to him.

Wrestlemania XVII[edit]

Tagline: Why are we still here?
  • Eminem and The REAL Slim Shady fought to a no contest in a Rap Battle
    • The match ended when Eminem couldn't get the REAL Slim Shady to please stand up.
  • Pokemon defeated Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh in a "Triple Threat Supremacy over Saturday Morning Anime" match
    • Digimon was cancelled before the match began and Yu-gi-oh! lost because it angered the audience with it's pathetic new gimmick of Yu-Gi-Oh GX.


Pokemon Heavyweight Championship Match
(Elimination Chamber)
Elimination # Wrestler Eliminated by Elimination move Time
1 Palkia Dialga Pinfall 3:14.15
2 Giratina Latios Pinfall 6:19
3 Dialga Latios Pinfall 6:31
4 Latios Pikachu Pinfall after a Volt Tackle 8:28
5 Pikachu Giratina Pinfall 16:13
6 Latias Arceus Pinfall after Judgment 91:49
7 Mewtwo Arceus Roll-up Pinfall 12842148:59
Survivor: Arceus
  • WWE title match in a Elimination chamber humiliation I quit Money in the bank Texas bull rope Hell in a cell lumberjack submission Inferno Hangman's horror last rights last ride Punjabi prison yard Tables Ladder barbed wire Elevation X..............
    • There was so much going on, we couldn't tell who won or who was even wrestling.

Wrestlemania XVIII[edit]

Tagline: We're going down to South Park.
  • Kevin Federline defeated Britney Spears in a custody of the children battle royal
    • K-Fed punched Spears to her death, after match K-Fed killed the children.
    • After Killing the Children, Leonidas kicks K-fed in a black hole in behalf of Vince Mcmahon
  • Yahoo! defeated MSN and AOL in a "Triple Threat" match to win bragging rights
    • Yahoo used Geocities to beat AOL's AIM and MSN's Hotmail to win. After the match, Google came out and asked Yahoo! to an open challenge.
  • Cactus Jack defeated MC Hammer and Eminem in a "Triple Threat Lead Pipe Rapp-Off" to win the Ultimate Rap-Off Championship and a piece of Banana Pie.
    • Cactus Jack Won after rapping about a beached whale (Later comfirmed to be Eminem's uncle).
  • The Immovable Force and The Unstoppable Object went to a no contest
South Park Championship Match
(8 Man Elimination Chamber)
Elimination # Wrestler Job Eliminated by Elimination move Time
1 Mrs. Garrison Teacher Chef Refused to fight, so Chef kicked Garrison in the stomach and pinned 1:54
2 Kenny Kids Mr. Slave Pinfall after Mr. Slave did hoodie attacks on Kenny 6:27
3 Stan Kids Mr. Slave Pinfall after an illegal low blow 6:54
4 Kyle Kids Mr. Slave (again) Pinfall with a roll up 8:25
5 Butters kids Mr. Slave (once again) Pinfall with Slave's feet on ropes 9:13
6 Eric Cartman Kids Mr. Slave (OMG!! Wat is up w/ Mr. Slave!!) Pinfall after a squizzle 9:49
7 Mr. Slave Homosexual Chef Roll-up Pinfall 10:44
Survivor: Chef (Staff at South Park Elementary) AFTER THE MATCH ROB DAY CAME IN AND SHOVED A GRENADE DOWN HIS THROAT

ROBERT DAY DEFEATED SAM HURST IN A KILL THE DICK MATCH SAM HURST GOT A PUNCH AND HIS HEAD IMPLODED

Wrestlemania XIX[edit]

Tagline: We wrestle because we can't get real jobs. We only want to be normal like everyone else, but Vince McMahon won't let us leave. That's why we're going to be here...FOREVER!!!!
Royal Rumble
Entrant Eliminated by Time
1 Oscar Wilde 1 User:127.0.0.1
2 Jimbo Wales 12 Nobody 0:02
3 AAA 2 User:127.0.0.1 4:20
4 Giant Douche 9 Nobody 4:21
5 Captain Obvious 28 Spider-man 6:66
6 George W. Bush 3 Nobody January 20, 2009
7 That Gay 4 To Whom It May Concern 16:78
8 Big Brother 5 To Whom It May Concern, Hitler, and That One Guy Yesterday
9 To Whom It May Concern 14 Hitler Whenever
10 Your Mom 11 Hitler 87:34
11 Dick Cheney 22 Nobody January 20, 2009
12 User:127.0.0.1 10 Mr. T You know
13 God 7 Hitler 40 day 94 nights
14 Mr.T 8 Satan The end of time
15 Hitler 6 Satan Tuesday
16 That One Guy 27 Satan 0:24
17 Satan 19 That Guy Febuary 30th
18 Spider-man 21 A carrot None of your business
19 Nobody 13 Nobody 0:00
20 AAAAAAAAA! 15 User:127.0.0.1 4 hours 20 minutes
21 Ra 16 Hulk Hogan Today
22 Mario 18 Hulk Hogan Yesterday
23 Hulk Hogan 29 The Deadman Monday
24 Chuck Norris 17 Sergey Brin 1924
25 Sergey Brin 24 Chuck Norris 1925
26 Someone 26 Someone Else Tuesday
27 Everybody 23 Someone Else 0:01
28 A carrot 25 Someone Else Lunchtime
29 Someone Else 20 User:127.0.0.1 2420
30 The Deadman - Winner: Mario, DK, Sagat and Giga Jesus
Note: Red ██ indicates a Uncyclopedia Hero, blue ██ indicates a Wikipedia Bum, and grey ██ indicates an Hippie. A new entrant came out approximately every 6 hours.

Wrestlemania XXX[edit]

Wrestlemania XXX, was the final Wrestlemania under the WWE's banner. This was because during the event, Vince McMahon lost ownership of the company to Jeff Jarrett and Dixie Carter during the event. Thus the company became property of TNA. Vince Russo was hired to book the event. Because this was the biggest Wrestlemania of all time (and would be the last under the WWE banner), many of the card's matches were either big matches, interesting cross over match ups, pointless matches, stupid dragged out segments, endings to long time feuds, or spoiler matches. Celebrity involvement at the event was huge; many of which the audience didn't wanna see there in the first place. The main theme music of the event was "End Of All Hope" by Nightwish. "Lose Yourself" by Slim Shady provided the closing music to the event.

    • Backstage,Vince McMahon had a stare down with Jeff Jarrett. The segment took up 15 minutes and was completely boring as the two talked about things the audience didn't want to hear. Vince talked about Triple H (much like he always does) and Jarrett talked about his love for Carrie Underwood.
    • Backstage, there is a massive brawl going on between Peter Griffin and The Big Chicken. The two are both bloody and bruised and cannot be stopped. The two brawl for several minutes and many legendary wrestlers such as Hillbilly Jim, Shockmaster, Steve Blackman, Virgil, and Nacho Libre try to stop them, but ultimately fail. The two continue fighting until they head down to the ring. Immediately a red faced Vince McMahon announces that Peter Griffin and The Big Chicken will do battle in a "Street Fight".
  • Peter Griffin "defeated" The Big Chicken in a "Street Fight" match when Abdullah The Butcher came out and body slammed The Big Chicken.
  • Following the match, Peter walked off quietly to the backstage. Meanwhile, the chicken's leg moves and clenches into a fist. This means the two will do battle again...very soon.
  • Angry Video Game Nerd "defeated" Angry German Kid in a "20,000,00 Lighttube Log Cabin Unreal Tournament" match
  • Following the match, at the end, Angry German Kid started beating the ref, with lightubes logcabins, tables, and even the keyboard.

Cage has cut his penis and had started sucking it.

  • Ian Rotten/w Negro Butcher "defeated" D-Von Moore/w Bubba Moore in a "IWA MS redneck retarted wrestling promotion" match.

D-Von Moore and Bubba Moore put both of them on two tables and then they had put your mom through with them on top.

  • Lake "defeated" Stream
  • Optimus Primal defeated Optimus Prime in the "TRUKK NOT MUNKY Royale" Match.
  • Jessica Simpson defeated Ashlee Simpson in a "Loser Never Can Sing Again Match" after Joe Simpson, Mrs Simpson , Ryan Cabrera , and Nick Lachey interfered on Jessica's behalf.
    • After the match the audience booed Ashlee Simpson and chanted "NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNA Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye" as Ashlee Simpson walked off crying. No longer able to sing in public again and after losing her remaining fan base (which was nobody) and her contract deal, Ashlee went on to follow her life's true calling; a fry cook for her hometown of Weirdo Texas's local McDonalds.
  • Al Gore vs ManBearPig in a "Super Cerial Match" ended in a double disqualification after the referee discovered that ManBearPig wasn't real and found out that Al Gore was using ManBearPig as a way to get attention since he has no friends. Apparently he blames us for the fact ManBearPig doesn't or does exist.
  • Mello defeated Willie Wonka in a "Chocolate Bar Cage Match" when Mello ate through the chocolate bars to escape the cage.
  • Near defeated Albert Einstein in a "Solving Algebra In Latin" match when Near completed his Algebra before Einstein.
  • Oscar Wilde vs. Big Bird in a "Unfair Battle Royale"
  • Big Bird never saw him coming.
    • Light "Kira" Yagami came out with the members of the Japanese investigation team to meet Near and the SPK unit. Kira planned to rid of Near, the investigation team, and SPK members at that moment, but his plans were foiled when Near revealed that the Death Note Light possesed was a fake. Light then asked Ryuk to write their names in his Death Note, but Ryuk proceeded to challenge Light to a match...
  • Ryuk defeated Light "Kira" Yagami in a "Death Note Match" after Ryuk wrote Light's name in his Death Note w/ an excellent assist by Matsuda (whom denies all allegations of murder).
  • Pokemon defeated Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh in a "Supremacy Over Saturday Morning Anime" Handicap match.
    • After The Match, both Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh were both booed out of the bulding because the audience found Digimon was a cheap rip-off of Pokemon and the audience booed in disapproval of Yu-Gi-Oh's new gimmick of Yu-Gi-Oh 5D. Then Pikachu revealed he was gay and was married to Blastoise, and was also booed off the stage.
  • Lois Griffin defeated Maria in a "First Blood Match" to win the Women's Championship Belt.
  • Jack Nicholson (dressed as the Joker from Batman 1989) VS Heath Ledger (dressed as the Joker from The Dark Knight) in a "Who is the superior Joker" match went to a no contest after Peter Steele (dressed in his Joker outfit from the critically acclaimed Batman: The Riker Island Chronicles) proceeded to knock out both competitators with a crowbar.
    • After the bell was rung, Peter Steele grabbed the microphone and proceeded to ask both knocked out Jokers "Why less miserable?". The audience roared in thunderous applause of the one true superior Joker.
  • SpongeBob SquarePants vs Patrick Star in a "Grudge Match" went to a "no contest" after both compeditors made up several minutes into the match. The audience booed both and as a result, General Manager Hulk Hogan put both in a WWE Tag team championship against Jeff and Matt Hardy
  • SpongeBob Squarepants and Patrick Star defeat Jeff and Matt Hardy to win the WWE tag team championship when Jeff hardy hit the swanton bomb and bounced when he hit spongebob, and as a result, Patrick pinned jeff to pick up the win. And as a result, General Manager Hulk Hogan put both in a handicap match against Umanga
  • T-Pain made an unexpected guest appearance at the event. The audience went wild and chanted "T-Pain. T-Pain then announced that he would be laying a special "Buy U A Drank" open challenge to anybody in the lockeroom whom thinks they can buy more dranks for girls than he can. At that moment, Trevor "Kano" Goddard's music hits and the audience goes wild and begins chanting Trevor's name. After sharing a few kind words. The match is on.
  • Trevor "Kano" Goddard vs T-Pain in a "Buy U A Drank" open challenge went to a draw when the time limit went out and both compeditors bought the same amount of girls drinks.
    • Following the match, T-Pain and Goddard shook hands and invited all the girls they gave drinks to to the ring for an in ring celebration. Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa came out and joined the celebration. Soon after The Godfather and his hoe-train came out and joined the celebration since...you know...can't have a party without the Godfather and his hoe-train.
  • Jiraiya defeated Kisuke Urahara, Professor Oak, Master Roshi, and Ric Flair in an "Old Pervy Horndog Brawl Match".
    • The special guest referee was Trish Stratus
    • Following the match, Jiraiya along with Kisuke, Roshi, Oak, and Flair all chased after Stratus whom was screaming in horror over the fact she was being chased after by old, pervy, horndogs.
  • Scott Hall and Kevin Nash defeated Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage when Hall pinned Savage after Hogan turned on Savage.
    • Following the match, Hogan, Nash, and Hall reformed the n.W.O for the 50 millionth time. Just then, some scary Asian music played and the arena lights turned black and red. The audience booed because they thought the n.W.o Wolf pack was also coming back, but seconds later the Akatsuki came out. The audience cheered wildly. The leader Pain challenged the n.W.o to a "New World Order" match to see which criminal orginazation would reign supreme. The group agreed, called out the remaining 50 members of the n.W.o and the match was on.
  • Goldberg defeated Stone Cold in a "Who's Da Man Now Bitch? Match" following a Spear and a Jackhammer.
  • Power Rangers defeated Pokemon in a "Supremacy over Saturday Kids Show in the U.S and the World" following a Megazord attack, killing May.
  • Sub-Zero and Scorpion defeated Naruto and Sasuke to win the WWE Ninja Tag Team Championship.
    • After the match, Sub-Zero killed Sasuke by doing a spine rip on him. Scorpion burned Naruto until he turned into brown bones. Sakura was crying. Shortly after, she was challenged by Kasumi after she accused Sakura of not being an actual ninja.
  • Kasumi defeated Sakura in a "Battle for female ninja supremacy" match thanks to assistance from her half-sister, half-lesbian, Ayane.
  • Hulk Hogan defeated Ted Turner to win the WWE Championship after Ted Turner laid down for Hogan, allowing Hogan to pin him for the belt.
    • Following the match, Russo came out and delivered a promo along the lines of the one he gave out in 2000. He then announced that "this shit ain't happening again" and stated Hogan would put the belt on the line against John Cena.
  • John Cena defeated Hulk Hogan in a kick your opponent in the balls match to win the WWE Championship Belt.
    • After the match, the audience came to a shocking conclusion, Hogan LOST! The audience cheered wildly after Cena had finally ended Hogan's 5,000,000th title reign.
  • John Cena defeated Superman to win the WWE Championship Belt
    • Yokozuna interfered in the first 30 minutes of the match singing America The Beautiful (Seriously that song is way too used at Wrestlemanias!)
    • After the match, John Cena won a lottery of $700,000,0000
  • Jeff Jarrett defeated Vince McMahon in a "Loser loses ownership of their company" match. Afterwards, Eric Bischoff and Paul Heyman interfeared on Jarrett's behalf.
    • After the match, the three beat the crap outta Vince and tossed him out of the ring. The audience cheered wildly as the Bischoff, Heyman, and Jarrett raised each other's hands in victory. Jarrett is now the owner of the WWE. Jarrett proudly grabbed a mic and official declared the WWE "terminated" and that this would be the last Wrestlemania ever and would be replaced in favor of Bound For Glory. The WWE marks cried as the numerous TNA fans in the crowd wildly chanted "WWE sucks, TNA rules".
  • Following the match, the lights dimmed, dramatic opera music began to play, and Lillian Garcia announced that the next match would decide once and for all which organization reigned supreme as the best "Hot/Freakish/Gay Multi-Membered Evil Organization in any anime/video game ever. The audience roared in great volume as all the members of Akatsuki, the Espada, and Organization XIII came to the ring (via their awesome enterances) and the match began. The audience was glad they would get one match that wouldn't suck massive balls....
  • Team Akatsuki (Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigaki, Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Tobi, Konan, and leader Pain) vs Team Espada (Stark, Barrgan, Haibel, Ulquiorra, Niotra, Grimmjow, Zombarri, Aporro Granz, Arranio, and Yammy) vs Team Organization XIII (Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaus, Zexion, Saix, Axel, Demyx, Luxford, Marluxia, Larxene, and Roxas) went to a no contest when Jeff Jarrett cancelled the sure to be epic and best match on the card.
    • Jeff Jarrett cancelled the match and transformed it into a pillow fight between the organizations. The audience immediatly pelted the ring with garbage and a riot began to hunt down Jeff Jarrett.
Elimination # Wrestler Entrance Eliminated By Elimination Move Time
1 Knuckles 2 Triple H Pinfall after H took all of Knuckle's gold rings followed by a Pedigree 19:20
2 King Kong 3 Triple H Pinfall after H called a squadron of planes to shoot down Kong followed by a Pedigree 26:15
3 Randy Orton 4 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H delivered a promo about how Randy Orton "wasn't in his league" and Orton fell unconscious due to the terrible truth 27:27
4 The Grinch 5 Triple H Pinfall after a Triple H tricked The Grinch into apologizing to the audience for stealing their merchandise, followed by a low blow to the Grinch's groin. 32:32
5 Chuck Norris 6 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H survived Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick and H delivered a Pedigree to a shocked Norris 34:55
6 Super Saiyan 8 Goku 7 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H turned into "King Of Kings" Triple H followed by a Pedigree 36:01
7 Pee Wee Herman 8 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H performed "Masturbation Arrest" on Pee-Wee Herman 38:55
WINNER Triple H 1
    • Following the match, the audience booed loudly, chanted vulgar remarks at Triple H, and pelted the ring with garbage. Then Jeff Jarrett came out and announced that Triple H would be immediately stripped of the championship and be forced to defend it once again in another Fatal 8 Way Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship. The audience cheered wildly as they thought that Triple H wouldn't retain the title after that brutal match.
Elimination # Wrestler Entrance Eliminated By Elimination Move Time
1 Albert Wesker 2 Triple H Pinfall after a Pedigree 10:20
2 Darth Vader 3 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H tricked Vader into joining the "light side" followed by a Pedigree when Vader lowered his lightsaber 15:15
3 Pikachu 4 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H absorbed Pikachu's thudershock attack with his sledgehammer followed by a hammer of Thor. After the pinfall, Triple H threw a pokeball and captured the pikachu. 20:27
4 Shang Tsung 5 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H performed a fatality by absorbed Shang Tsung's souls with his sledgehammer. Triple H then performed a pedigree on Tsung's lifeless body to add "insult to injury". 27:32
5 Cloud Strife 6 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H proclaimed that his "weapon" was bigger than Cloud's and crush Cloud's buster sword with his sledgehammer followed by a Pedigree. 30:55
6 Jason Bourne 7 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H delievered a low blow after tricking Bourne into thinking the government was behind him. 35:27
7 The Deadman 1 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H performed a pedigree. 40:00
WINNER Triple H 8

Following the match, the audience began to Cheer but of cause Mr. McMahon, likes cocks, hates everyone. He ordered a match.

Elimination # Wrestler Entrance Eliminated By Elimination Move Time
1 Light Yagami 2 Triple H Pinfall after Light attempted to write Triple H's name in the Death Note only to find out Triple H wasn't his real name. H then grabbed a sledgehammer claiming that it had Light's name written all over it and knocked Light out with it. 2:00
2 Ichigo Kurosaki 3 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H performed his Bankai and knocked out Kurosaki with a Super Pedigree 10:15
3 Vin Diesel 4 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H delivered a promo about how horrible Vin Diesel's acting skills were and Diesel fainted following the horrible truth 11:27
4 General Grievous 5 Triple H Pinfall after tearing off all 4 of his arms and stabbing him with his own lightsabers, followed up with a Pedigree 15:32
5 John McClain 6 Triple H Pinfall after The Deadman beat the crap outta McClain followed by a Pedigree 20:02
6 Vegeta 7 Triple H Pinfall after Vegeta read Triple H's power level and crushed his own scouter with his fist after discovering it was "Over 9,000!" and fainted in disbelief. 20:59
7 Shao Khan 8 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H performed his fatality. Following Khan's defeat, Triple H grabbed a microphone and shouted "It's official, YOU SUCK! MWHAHAHAHAH!!!! 25:55
8 Yoda 9 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H tricked Yoda into thinking he would turn to the light side and followed with a low blow and the World's Smallest Pedigree to the midget jedi. 34:40
9 Shadow The Hedgehog 10 Triple H Pinfall after Triple H knocked all of Shadow's rings from his body and nailed him with his cock, then preformed 223 Tiracle Peninsulars. 50:00
WINNER Triple H 1

Following the match, the audience stood in utter shock. Jarrett himself was completely silent. None of them could believe that Triple H had won and defeated all those that stood in his way. Triple H stood over all the bodies of the wrestlers he had defeated and posed with the belt as the arena turned red and unholy screams filled the arena. Just then, Liu Kang's enterance music hit and the audience cheered wildly. Liu Kang then proceeded to announce that he was cashing in his Money In The Bank briefcase for a World Heavyweight Title match against Triple H right that minute in that very ring.

  • Liu Kang defeated Triple H to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
    • Following his defeat, Triple H began to vibrate wildly and smoke erupted from his body. After several more seconds, Triple H turned to stone and exploded to a million pieces shortly after. The the audience immediatly cheered in great excitment and joy and began to flood the arena. The audience held Liu Kang over their shoulders as a holy light illuminate the arena from the heavens. Soon after, all the other wrestlers on the roster and the other participants of Wrestlemania XXX joined in the celebration of Liu Kang's victory over the now former tyrant of wrestling. Liu Kang achieved his goal of being the smallest World Heavyweight Champion since Hornswaggle held the belt so many years ago.


      • The celebration didn't last long, since the general manager Adolf Hitler forced Liu kang to put his title on the line aganist Ryu, Sagat and Akuma, in a fatal 4-way Liu Kang Haters math, After bein beaten to near-death, liu kang managed to score a pinfall on sagat, by sellin' his soul to bill gates. aparently, the contender's brain melted because of the BSoD( Microsoft announced that Street fighter would not be compatible with windows anymore).

but the celebration didn't lasted too long, since Eddie Guerrero came back from the dead, and screwed liu Kang outta the world heavyweight championship. Eddie celebrated with his ol' heaven Pal, JESUS!!!. apparently his death was only a plot planned by jesus, him and god, to screw a jew outta the World Heavyweight Championship (yes, it was confirmed that Liu Kang was actually, a jew, with expains Adolf Hitler screwing him). God played their hit song I lie I cheat I steal while killing Adolf Hitler again as the show closed. God declared That Hitler has already played his Role.

Wrestlemania XXXI[edit]

This was the first TNA Wrestlemania and the first TNA PPV that actually got over 100 fans.

  • Team Heaven (God, Jesus, Harry Potter and Eddie Guerrero) defeated Team Hell (Satan, The Undertaker and Adolf Hitler) and Team Famous (Al Gore, Pikachu and Oprah Winfrey) in a Triple Threat Hardcore 10-man six sides of steel Lethal Lockdown Tag Team match for the Three (or four) man Stable Championship
    • God and Eddie Guerrero squashed everyone in Team Hell while Jesus and Harry Potter used magic to eliminate Team Famous.
      • after that, Eddie Guerrero suddenly turned on his team, by Hitting each one of them them with a Frog Splash each, with was clarelly a heel turn by Guerrero.
      • After Guerrero left the ring, The Undertaker beat the unholy crap out of Satan and Hitler, killing them and deleting them from existence along with hell, which was a babyface turn by 'Taker.
  • American McGee's Alice defeated Disney's Alice
    • American McGee's Alice won after killing Disney's Alice. Shortly after, Alice in Chains interfered but was soon wiped out by psychotic Nirvana fans.
  • Angry German Kid "defeated" T.C.K and Madman Pondo with a keyboard.
  • Flippy "Defeated" Lifty and Shifty
  • Nintendo defeated Sony in a "Winner Rules all children's minds" match
    • After the match, all Playstations and Sony TVs were immediately blown up.
  • The American Olympic team defeated Kurt Angle in a "Winner takes Olympic medals" Match
    • Kurt Angle cried so much that he revealed his true identity as Oprah Winfrey.
  • Ric Blade defeated Justice Pain in a "Random Indy wrestler" Match
  • A pirate won a 1,000 man battle royal for the TNA World Internet Championship
  • The Deadman defeated Mr Kennedy in a Winner Takes All Dumberjack match
    • The Match Ended after a shocking chair shot followed by an electric cumshot from Jabroni, all the way into Ken Kennedy (...kennedy)s Candy Ass, as delivered by the great one The Rock!!
    • After the match another match was sanctioned by the great one stating that he would 'send the deadman on a trip down Jabroni Road, by Know your Role Bulovard and the rock will Lube up his boot real good, twist it about 90 degrees, and shove it so far up the deadman's candy ass...IF YOU NASALLY DETECT WHAT THE ROCK IS PREPARING IN THE KITCHEN'. and on that faithful night the match was done
  • Eddie Guerrero defeated The Deadman and The Rock in an Triple Threat I Quit Match for the Vacant WWE Championship

Thus ended the legacy of Wrestlemania and the end of WWE.

God and Jesus assaulted Eddie after the math, demanding him to apologize for the earlier math. Guerrero apollogized.

Coming soon Wilford "Diabeedus" Brimley Vs. Sir Thomas Bosley from Vince McMahon's new Oldtimer Celebrity Diabeedus Wrestling or OCD Wrestling hosted by Jesse and Ace Ventura

Wrestlemania XXXIII[edit]

WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Three[edit]

Jeff Jarrett committed suicide three seconds before WM7F3 started so the 200-year long special WrestleMania Sevety-Fuckin-Third Anniversary celebration was swapped for a seventy-fuckin-three second memorial for your mom.

WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Four[edit]

This is the last WrestleMania held under TNA's tittle because Jeff Jerret loses the company to Vince McMahon in the opening bout.


WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Five[edit]

WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Five will took place on every single day, this was known as the gayest one yet.

WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Six[edit]

Hulk Hogan defeated Bret Hart in a spitting screwjob match


Team SONY (Ratchet & Clank, Jak & Daxter and Crash and Spyro) Beat team Microsoft (Master Chief, Ryu Hayabusa, Marcus Fenix and cole) In little boys match. Every Xbox were destroyed and Red Ringed.