WrestleMania (a.k.a. Lawler's Syndrome) was an annual event begun in 1981 by Vince McMahon and Ted Turner, two powerful entertainment executives who both shared a love for bear porn. The event was orginially for charity, raising money for Lawler's Syndrome patients by showing well-shot nature documentaries frequently interrupted by scenes of large sweaty men hauling each other by the crotch around a boxing ring. McMahon's and Turner's target audience could not tolerate the lewd acts displayed in the nature documentaries, so WrestleMania was reprogrammed as seven straight hours of softcore bear porn. It has also known to be a serious mental disorder which causes the victim to go mildly insane (hence the mania tag) and go on harmful spending sprees for brief periods of time, like spending fifty bucks on shitty and overhyped matches.
The first WrestleManian to rise to fame was Hulk "Eugene" Hogan (6/23/55-10/16/07). Hogan was a natural-born showman and brought WrestleMania to the attention of the public at large. His World WrestleManianing Champion title was threatened in 1984, however, when O.J. Simpson announced he had Lawler's Syndrome. It was soon discovered that Simpson's genitals had atrophied for other reasons.
Hogan and WrestleMania continued to succeed until Turner broke with McMahon in a bitter lover's quarrel. Turner obtained custody of Hogan while McMahon kept WrestleMania. However, his years of intimate contact with the event caused McMahon to contract the grievous illness. In 2003 he was crushed to death by a mob in Memphis after giving The Undertaker an open-mouth kiss on stage.
In 2004 WrestleMania was at last conquered by the wandering adventurers Simon and Garfunkel, offering hope for a cure to millions the world over.
- 1 WrestleMania dates and venues
- 2 Results
- 2.1 Wrestlemania I
- 2.2 Wrestlemania II
- 2.3 Wrestlemania III
- 2.4 Wrestlemania IV
- 2.5 Wrestlemania V
- 2.6 Wrestlemania VI
- 2.7 Wrestlemania VII
- 2.8 Wrestlemania VIII
- 2.9 Wrestlemania IX
- 2.10 Wrestlemania X
- 2.11 Wrestlemania XI
- 2.12 Wrestlemania XII
- 2.13 Wrestlemania XIII
- 2.14 Wrestlemania XIV
- 2.15 Wrestlemania XV
- 2.16 Wrestlemania XVI
- 2.17 Wrestlemania XVII
- 2.18 Wrestlemania XVIII
- 2.19 Wrestlemania XIX
- 2.20 Wrestlemania XXX
- 2.21 Wrestlemania XXXI
- 2.22 Wrestlemania XXXIII
- 2.23 WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Three
- 2.24 WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Four
- 2.25 WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Five
- 2.26 WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Six
WrestleMania dates and venues
Wrestlemania I took place in the local Burger King in New York City. The exact date is believed to be March. 21, 4 B.C. The event was highly publicized by the likes of K-Mart, and some headlines even appeared in Hilary Clinton's ass from time to time. The Main event was a fisticuffs match was between Hitler and Chaplin, other notable matches were Mr. T vs. Roseanne, and King Kong vs. Godzilla whih is still taking place (current lead Godzilla). Celebrity appearances were pretty low and disappointing since no one real big in the business, these included Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, R. Kelly, Paris Hilton, and that one fat kid from Jerry Maguire.
- Oscar Wilde defeated Lord Byron via disqualification
- Michael Savage defeated Randy Savage by TKO
- Mr. T defeated Roseanne
- WordGirl w/ Captian Huggyface defeated Hitler & Burger Queen for the World Tag Team Championship
- The Ubermensch defeated Nihilism with Friedrich Nietzsche as special guest referee for the Will To Power Championship
- Sandra Bollock defeated A good script by bad acting
- Keith Richards defeated The Coconut Boyz
- Mr. Gleason defeated The Rock to win the WWF Intercontinental Title
- King Kong and Godzilla fought to a no-contest
- The match is still in progress.
- Charlie Chaplin defeated Hitler in a Fisticuffs match
- The Undertaker defeated Pikachu in a Casket Match
- Chris Brown def. Chris Benoit in a winner gets to beat up Rihanna match.
- Real Madrid defeated the Chicago Bulls in a Hooligans match
- Salvator Allende defeated Augusto Pinochet in a Father vs. Son match
- Karl Marx defeated the Google Boyz in a Dead or Alive match
- Marx won after Googlez server was shut down by 127.0.0.1.
- Hitler fought to a no contest against George W Bush Sr. in a World Domination match
- Wikipedia (w/Jimbo Wales) and Uncyclopedia (w/Sophia) fought to a no contest in a "Dream Match"
- The match ended after Your mom interfered.
- Chris Brown defeated Rihanna
- The Russian defeated Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat to retain the WWF Undisputed Championship.
- That 70's Russian defeated Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat to retain the WWF Earth Lightweight Championship in "The Other Main Event"
In Soviet Russia Though:
- Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat defeated The Russian to win the WWF Undesputed Championship.
- Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat defeated That 70's Russian to win the WWF Earth Lightweight Championship in "The Other Main Event"
- Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein def. George W. Bush and a retarded monkey to win the WWF World Domination Tag Team Championship.
- The deadman defeated Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat,The Russian and That 70's Russian to win the WWF Undesputed Championship and The WWF Earth Lightweight Championship
Kurt Cobain defeated Tupac Shakur, Elvis Preseley, and Jim Morrison in a four-way "They're Still Alive!" match. Afterwards, Kurt retired back to his mansion in the Bahamas, laughing about "all those stupid Gen-X kids".
- Pikachu defeated Cloud Strife, Yoshimitsu, Seto Kaiba, Naruto and Sailor Moon in a Japanese Shit Heavyweight Championship Match inside an Elimination Chamber
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Eliminated by||Elimination move||Time|
|2||Yoshimitsu||Cloud Strife||Pinfall after getting hit with Cloud Strife's motherfuckin' large sword which is bigger than his.||8:08|
|3||Naruto||Seto Kaiba||Pinfall after Kaiba screwed the rules since he has money||17:31|
|4||Seto Kaiba||Pikachu||Pinfall after a thunderbolt||23:58|
|5||Cloud Strife||Pikachu||Pinfall after zappping Cloud's Strife large sword||27:13|
Paddle on a Pole match: Brad Pitt defeated Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton's question: What's a Paddle on a Pole Match?, the answer to Paris Hilton's question: Duh, everybody knows what a paddle on a pole match is!, Hilary Clinton and Time Itself
Logic defeated Emotion when Logic got a roll-up on a distracted Emotion when Emotion began crying
Tupac defeated Biggie in a "Gun on a Pole" match
- The deadman and Kane defeated The Mario Bros (Mario and Luigi) and Team Sonic (Sonic and Miles 'Tails' Prower) to win the WWF World Tag Team Heavyweight Championship
- S.T.A.R.S defeated the Umbrella Corporation
- After S.T.A.R.S found out Albert Wesker betrayed the WWF, they successfully defeated the Tyrant he unleashed on them.
- Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock defeated Dennis Hopper in a Speed Match
- The match was stopped when, while Keanu and Dennis fought on top of a train, Dennis Hopper lost his head.
- Adolf Hitler defeated Osama "Yo Momma" bin Laden
- Adolf Hitler defeated Osama with on of his finishers "Blitzkrieg" .
- Americans defeated The Nazis in a "War of Terrorism" Match
- The Americans (Composed of Bush, Kerry, Clinton & Obama) Defeated the Nazis (composed of Hitler, Mussolini, Lenin & Goebbels) Cleansweep (Last defeating Hitler by using Osama "Yo Momma" bin Laden as a battling Ram.... its a no disqualification match so dont expect they are disqualified fucktard!!! ).
- Gordon Freeman defeated Wallace Breen to win the Combine Heavyweight Championship
- Gordon pinned Breen after a Chokeslam from the top of the Citadel.
- The deadman defeated Luigi, Wallace Breen, Edge, Triple H, The Undertaker, Your Mom and Lindsey Lohan in a Money in The Bank Ladder Match to go on and win the WWF Undesputed Championship
- Cardinal Jesse Ventura defeated Koko B. Ware in a Frankie on a Pole Match
- Ventura won when he took Frankie down from the pole and killed him in the middle of the ring.
- Jack Bauer defeated Osama Bin Laden in a 24 hour fake tan match. Bauer won after chopping Bin Laden's penis off and spraying the foreskin of Your Mom
- Cloud Strife defeated Shephiroth (w/Jenova).
- The match went on for 3 hours.
- After the show, the audience pelted the ring with materia.
- Shawn michaels defeated Panic at the disco to a rights to sweet chin music match.
- patd were raped by DX but they enjoyed it so michaels kicked there ass with HHH.
- fall out boy interfered on behalf of patd but GM god said they were to gay to enter the ring.
- HHH and HBK stabed the patd in the mouth so they couldnt sing n more. HHH and HBK were rewarded by GM God.
Post-Grunge defeated Grunge when The Corporate Music Business did a run-in
- Tom from MySpace won a 300-man battle royal to become #1 Contender for John Cena's Spinning Belt and lost because John Cena interfered, he's a penis.
- Liam Gallagher & Noel Gallagher defeated The Hardy Boyz in a Manchester back alley scrap
- Nunzio defeated Big Show, The Great Khali, Andre The Giant, Giant Gonzales, "Happy" Horatio Humphrey, Kane, Undertaker, Jeff Hardy, Randy Orton, Umaga, Big Daddy V and Giant Haystacks in a Handicap Ladder Match
- Vince McMahon and His own Sexuality fought to a time limit draw in a Closet match
- Jigsaw defeated Maggie Simpson and Jason Bourne in a razor wire punjabi prison match
- Hulk Hogan defeated Chris Benoit in a "Tooth vs. Life Match"
- According to the stipulations, Hulk extracted one tooth from Benoit's mouth. If Benoit had won, he would have gotten to kill Hulk Hogan.
- Team Dada (Tristan Tzara, Hugo Ball, Jwan Arp)defeated Team Surrealism (Andre Breton, Max Ernst, Rene Magrite) and Team Absurd (Samuel Beckett, Eugene Ionesco, Jean Jinet) in a Three-Way Tag Team Turmol Steel Cage match when Salvador Dali turned on Team Surrealism by hitting Andre Breton with a chair, then get thrown through a table with penises on it. The match was said to have been a bomb, as the performers spent most of their time not wrestling and instead engaging in bizarre antics and antagonizing the audience.
- Jimmy "Norden" Norton defeated Eddie Murphy by disqualification in a Tranny on a Pole Match
- Hurricane Hugo defeated John Waters
- Evil defeated Good
- Evil rolled up Good with a sneaky pin after interference from Vince McMahon
(8 Planet or names that have planets Elimination Chamber)
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Eliminated by||Elimination move||Time|
- Tina Fey and Optimus Prime fought to a no-contest
- Wendy's defeated Burger King and McDonald's in a Triple Threat Match For Fast Food Supremacy
- Wendy's was declared the winner by default after it was announced both losing companies failed the health inspection test taken before the match.
- John Cena defeated Helen Keller, Waldo and Stevie Wonder in a "You Can't See Me" match
- That is hilarious!
- Kevin Nash defeated Hulk Hogan in a "Tear The Quad's" match
- Kevin Nash was declared the winner after he had tore his quads only seconds after the opening bell.
- The deadman defeated Tina Fey in a "Coconuts" match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship
- The match ended after The Devil passed the deadman a coconut
- Chris Hyatte and Scott Keith went to a double-countout in a "King of the IWC" match when both fatass virgins were too lazy and tired to get back in the ring after a brief brawl on the outside
- Old Man Hogan and "Rodeo Clown" Bob Orton fought to a no-contest in a "Hall of Famers" match
- The match ended after the audience fell asleep almost 5 minutes into the match.
- The Undertaker defeated Megatron, a Google rpresentative and Bill Crosby in a Losers leave WWCEWEF and forced to go to an independant circuit battle royal.
- Undertaker blasted Megatron with a laser and Megatrons pieces squashed the Google representative and Bill Crosby.
- Jeff Hardy defeated Everyone in a "Better In Bed" match (w/ Your Mom as special guest referee)
- The match lasted until WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Three where there is rumored to be a rematch scheduled.
- A prison guard invented the Hell in a Cell match and the prisoner killed him. The dead body was dealt with by the Undertaker.
- Bobby Lashley defeated the entire population of South Park to unify the Colorado Springs Division of Death Championship with the South Park Championship into the State of Colorado Undisputed Championship in a Hardcore Match.
- The entire population of South Park ran away at the pure sight of Lashley's muscles.
- Nobody won a Midget Mania "17 and a half man" Battle Royal
- George W. Bush defeated An Apple to win the WWF Incontinent Chocolatechip of the semi-region of Afghanistan
- Bush won with the assistance of a Computer.
- Kazaa defeated Morpheus, Ares and Limewire in a Winner takes control of the internet match.
- 457237211941309104019329488558 spywares interfered on Kazaa's behalf
- Oscar Wilde (w/Lord Byron) defeated Karen Tracy to win everything
- Pamela Anderson defeated The Three Stooges and Conan O'Brien in a "Triple Threat" match
- Pamela Anderson was declared the winner after both the Stooges and Brien contracted Hepitius.
- Jeff Hardy defeated Scott Hall in a "Defeat Your Personal Demons" match
- Jeff was declared the winner when he defeated his demons before Hall defeated his.
- After the match, Hall took a survey to decide if the audience was with Jeff's win or if they were against it. They all were with it and Hall sadly pronounced "One More For The Good Guys".
- WordGirl vs Undertaker in a "Grudge Match" fought to a "no contest" after Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked both of them.
- Mari Ju Ana defeated Rob Van Damin a submission match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship
- Mari Ju Ana forced RVD to tap out to "The Addiction".
- After the match with Mari Ju Ana the Highway Patrol Troopers "HPT" interfered and keep beating him and finished with an "Arrestlock"
- Another Match for the title was granted for the money in the bank winner The Deadman
- The Deadman defeated Mari Ju Ana in a "Ladder" match for the WWF Undesputed Championship.
- Simon Cowell and Kevin Federline fought to a no-contest in a "Winner takes Britney" match.
- The match was cancelled after both men refused to appear.
- Capitalism beat Communism. USA! USA! USA! USA!
- Hurricane Wilma defeated Hurricane Rita and Hurricane Katrina to retain the WWF Women's World Heavyweight Chocolatechip
- A needle full of steroids defeated Barry Bonds in a non-title match for the WWF World Heavyweight Chocolatechip
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Eliminated by||Elimination move||Time|
|1||Oprah Winfrey||Pikachu||Pinfall after a Thundershock||0:05|
|2||Harry Potter||Pikachu||Pinfall after an Atomic Wedgie Drop||66:27|
|3||Power Rangers||Pikachu||Pinfall after a Tombstone Piledriver||74:54|
|4||Pillsbury Dough Boy||Pikachu||Pinfall||80:25|
|5||Pikachu||The deadman||Pinfall after a chokeslam||80:30|
- Goatse.cx defeated Tubgirl.com to retain the WWW.ShockSite.championchip
- Tubgirl.com was disqualified after pouring an unknown liquid over Goatse.cx.
- William Shatner's ego defeated Jerry Bruckheimer's list of productions and Clifford the Big Red Dog in a "All Things Great and Small Triple Threat" match
- William Shatner's ego pinned Clifford.
- Rocco defeated Jenna Jameson to retain the WWF XXX Hardcore Championship.
- Rocco "pinned" Jenna Jameson.
- Ace Hardware defeated Home Depot in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match
- Ace won by a package piledriver onto Home Depot unto 2 recalled tables.
- Kevin Federline defeated Britney Spears in a Court Hearing for Child Custody match
- As a result, Federline wins custody of his children. God help us all.
- Carlos Mencia defeated Joe Rogan and Bill Cosby by disqualification in an Unfunny Comedians Battle
- Nielson's Ratings defeated Veronica Mars in a Ratings match
- Veronica Mars failed to draw a decent percentage of ratings for the match.
- Spike the Vampire, Spike Spiegel and Spike Network fought to a no-contest in an "Awesome Fictional Characters Called Spike" match
- The match ended prematurely when SpikeTV pulled the plug on the event.
- Vince McMahon defeated Shang Tsung in a "Fate Of Wrestlemania" match
- Lelouch "Zero" Lamperouge and Codename: V fought one another to a draw in a "Masked Revolutionaries" match.
- Both combatants fled when they knocked each others' masks off, not wanting to risk revealing their identities.
- Rick Astley defeated Ugly Betty in an ECW Seasons in the sun match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship.
- Astley won by singing "Seasons in the sun" which is hereby decreed EXTREME by Dr. Kevin Nash
- Yokozuna vs Rossie O' Donell went to a no-contest as the ring collapsed with both participant's weight.
- After the match the Arrowhead Pond began to collapse as well and everyone got out of the building (except for Samoa Joe) to save their lives, finally, Adema sang Immortal to close the show.
- The Deadman defeated Rick Astley in a "Hell in Two Cell" match to win the WWF Undesputed Championship.
- The Deadman got Rick to submit by singing to him.
- Tagline: Why are we still here?
- Your Mum defeated Val Venus in an "I Quit" match
- Eminem and The REAL Slim Shady fought to a no contest in a Rap Battle
- The match ended when Eminem couldn't get the REAL Slim Shady to please stand up.
- Pokemon defeated Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh in a "Triple Threat Supremacy over Saturday Morning Anime" match
- Digimon was cancelled before the match began and Yu-gi-oh! lost because it angered the audience with it's pathetic new gimmick of Yu-Gi-Oh GX.
- KFC defeated McDonalds in a "Fried Alive" match. McDonalds had the upper hand until the Health Department saved KFC
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Eliminated by||Elimination move||Time|
|4||Latios||Pikachu||Pinfall after a Volt Tackle||8:28|
|6||Latias||Arceus||Pinfall after Judgment||91:49|
- WWE title match in a Elimination chamber humiliation I quit Money in the bank Texas bull rope Hell in a cell lumberjack submission Inferno Hangman's horror last rights last ride Punjabi prison yard Tables Ladder barbed wire Elevation X..............
- There was so much going on, we couldn't tell who won or who was even wrestling.
- Tagline: We're going down to South Park.
- Kevin Federline defeated Britney Spears in a custody of the children battle royal
- K-Fed punched Spears to her death, after match K-Fed killed the children.
- After Killing the Children, Leonidas kicks K-fed in a black hole in behalf of Vince Mcmahon
- Yahoo! defeated MSN and AOL in a "Triple Threat" match to win bragging rights
- Google defeated Yahoo!, AOL and MSN in a Gauntlet match
- Cactus Jack defeated MC Hammer and Eminem in a "Triple Threat Lead Pipe Rapp-Off" to win the Ultimate Rap-Off Championship and a piece of Banana Pie.
- Cactus Jack Won after rapping about a beached whale (Later comfirmed to be Eminem's uncle).
- The Immovable Force and The Unstoppable Object went to a no contest
(8 Man Elimination Chamber)
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Job||Eliminated by||Elimination move||Time|
|1||Mrs. Garrison||Teacher||Chef||Refused to fight, so Chef kicked Garrison in the stomach and pinned||1:54|
|2||Kenny||Kids||Mr. Slave||Pinfall after Mr. Slave did hoodie attacks on Kenny||6:27|
|3||Stan||Kids||Mr. Slave||Pinfall after an illegal low blow||6:54|
|4||Kyle||Kids||Mr. Slave (again)||Pinfall with a roll up||8:25|
|5||Butters||kids||Mr. Slave (once again)||Pinfall with Slave's feet on ropes||9:13|
|6||Eric Cartman||Kids||Mr. Slave (OMG!! Wat is up w/ Mr. Slave!!)||Pinfall after a squizzle||9:49|
|7||Mr. Slave||Homosexual||Chef||Roll-up Pinfall||10:44|
|Survivor:||Chef (Staff at South Park Elementary) AFTER THE MATCH ROB DAY CAME IN AND SHOVED A GRENADE DOWN HIS THROAT|
ROBERT DAY DEFEATED SAM HURST IN A KILL THE DICK MATCH SAM HURST GOT A PUNCH AND HIS HEAD IMPLODED
- Tagline: We wrestle because we can't get real jobs. We only want to be normal like everyone else, but Vince McMahon won't let us leave. That's why we're going to be here...FOREVER!!!!
- Captain Planet vs Ted Turner ended in no contest when it turned out Captain Planet and Ted Turner were the same person
- Ronald McDonald defeated Papa John, The Burger King, Cheese-kun, and Colonel Sanders in a 5 way fast food battle royal match
- Team Apple defeated Team Microsoft
- After the match Team Angle came in and attacked the already injured Team Microsoft.
|6||George W. Bush||3||Nobody||January 20, 2009|
|7||That Gay||4||To Whom It May Concern||16:78|
|8||Big Brother||5||To Whom It May Concern, Hitler, and That One Guy||Yesterday|
|9||To Whom It May Concern||14||Hitler||Whenever|
|11||Dick Cheney||22||Nobody||January 20, 2009|
|12||User:127.0.0.1||10||Mr. T||You know|
|13||God||7||Hitler||40 day 94 nights|
|14||Mr.T||8||Satan||The end of time|
|16||That One Guy||27||Satan||0:24|
|17||Satan||19||That Guy||Febuary 30th|
|18||Spider-man||21||A carrot||None of your business|
|20||AAAAAAAAA!||15||User:127.0.0.1||4 hours 20 minutes|
|23||Hulk Hogan||29||The Deadman||Monday|
|24||Chuck Norris||17||Sergey Brin||1924|
|25||Sergey Brin||24||Chuck Norris||1925|
|28||A carrot||25||Someone Else||Lunchtime|
|30||The Deadman||-||Winner:||Mario, DK, Sagat and Giga Jesus|
|Note: Red ██ indicates a Uncyclopedia Hero, blue ██ indicates a Wikipedia Bum, and grey ██ indicates an Hippie. A new entrant came out approximately every 6 hours.|
Wrestlemania XXX, was the final Wrestlemania under the WWE's banner. This was because during the event, Vince McMahon lost ownership of the company to Jeff Jarrett and Dixie Carter during the event. Thus the company became property of TNA. Vince Russo was hired to book the event. Because this was the biggest Wrestlemania of all time (and would be the last under the WWE banner), many of the card's matches were either big matches, interesting cross over match ups, pointless matches, stupid dragged out segments, endings to long time feuds, or spoiler matches. Celebrity involvement at the event was huge; many of which the audience didn't wanna see there in the first place. The main theme music of the event was "End Of All Hope" by Nightwish. "Lose Yourself" by Slim Shady provided the closing music to the event.
- Liu Kang defeated Shang Tsung , Samus , Link , Denica Fairman , Buu , Ryu , Leon Kennedy and Bowser in "The Money In The Bank Ladder Match" to win the money in the bank.
- "The Alpha Male" Marcus Cor Von defeated Simba in a "Winner Becomes King Of Pride Rock" Match to become the new king of Pride Rock.
- Team Neopets (Adam Powell, Donna Powell, Doug Dohring & Super Jesus) defeated Team Marapets (Ultimate Viacom monster (aka Viacom the Hut), 2 Gay Undertaker clones & a super angry Marapets nerd)
- Backstage, there is a massive brawl going on between Peter Griffin and The Big Chicken. The two are both bloody and bruised and cannot be stopped. The two brawl for several minutes and many legendary wrestlers such as Hillbilly Jim, Shockmaster, Steve Blackman, Virgil, and Nacho Libre try to stop them, but ultimately fail. The two continue fighting until they head down to the ring. Immediately a red faced Vince McMahon announces that Peter Griffin and The Big Chicken will do battle in a "Street Fight".
- Barrack Obama and Joe Biden defeated John McCain and Sarah Palin in a winner goes to the White House match
- Barrack Obama def. George W. Bush in a winner will be the new president match after throwing his shoe into Bush's face.
- Peter Griffin "defeated" The Big Chicken in a "Street Fight" match when Abdullah The Butcher came out and body slammed The Big Chicken.
- Following the match, Peter walked off quietly to the backstage. Meanwhile, the chicken's leg moves and clenches into a fist. This means the two will do battle again...very soon.
- Angry Video Game Nerd "defeated" Angry German Kid in a "20,000,00 Lighttube Log Cabin Unreal Tournament" match
- Following the match, at the end, Angry German Kid started beating the ref, with lightubes logcabins, tables, and even the keyboard.
Cage has cut his penis and had started sucking it.
- Ian Rotten/w Negro Butcher "defeated" D-Von Moore/w Bubba Moore in a "IWA MS redneck retarted wrestling promotion" match.
D-Von Moore and Bubba Moore put both of them on two tables and then they had put your mom through with them on top.
- Lake "defeated" Stream
- Optimus Primal defeated Optimus Prime in the "TRUKK NOT MUNKY Royale" Match.
- Jessica Simpson defeated Ashlee Simpson in a "Loser Never Can Sing Again Match" after Joe Simpson, Mrs Simpson , Ryan Cabrera , and Nick Lachey interfered on Jessica's behalf.
- After the match the audience booed Ashlee Simpson and chanted "NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNA Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye" as Ashlee Simpson walked off crying. No longer able to sing in public again and after losing her remaining fan base (which was nobody) and her contract deal, Ashlee went on to follow her life's true calling; a fry cook for her hometown of Weirdo Texas's local McDonalds.
- The Deadly Alliance (Shang Tsung and Quan Chi) defeated The Mario Brothers (Mario and Luigi) to win the World Tag Team Championship Belts .
- Al Gore vs ManBearPig in a "Super Cerial Match" ended in a double disqualification after the referee discovered that ManBearPig wasn't real and found out that Al Gore was using ManBearPig as a way to get attention since he has no friends. Apparently he blames us for the fact ManBearPig doesn't or does exist.
- Jackie Chan ate some cookies
- Bruce Lee became the only living being to defeat Chuck Norris in a "Loser Leaves Martial Arts Behind Match"
- Mello defeated Willie Wonka in a "Chocolate Bar Cage Match" when Mello ate through the chocolate bars to escape the cage.
- Near defeated Albert Einstein in a "Solving Algebra In Latin" match when Near completed his Algebra before Einstein.
- Oscar Wilde vs. Big Bird in a "Unfair Battle Royale"
- Big Bird never saw him coming.
- Light "Kira" Yagami came out with the members of the Japanese investigation team to meet Near and the SPK unit. Kira planned to rid of Near, the investigation team, and SPK members at that moment, but his plans were foiled when Near revealed that the Death Note Light possesed was a fake. Light then asked Ryuk to write their names in his Death Note, but Ryuk proceeded to challenge Light to a match...
- Ryuk defeated Light "Kira" Yagami in a "Death Note Match" after Ryuk wrote Light's name in his Death Note w/ an excellent assist by Matsuda (whom denies all allegations of murder).
- Pokemon defeated Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh in a "Supremacy Over Saturday Morning Anime" Handicap match.
- After The Match, both Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh were both booed out of the bulding because the audience found Digimon was a cheap rip-off of Pokemon and the audience booed in disapproval of Yu-Gi-Oh's new gimmick of Yu-Gi-Oh 5D. Then Pikachu revealed he was gay and was married to Blastoise, and was also booed off the stage.
- Team Nu-Metal (Adema, Korn, Linkin Park, Papa Roach, and System Of A Down) defeated Team Pop (Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, and Gwen Stefani) in a "Battle Of The Bands" match by disqualification when Team pop was disqualified after it was relvealed that they were lip syncing.
- Lois Griffin defeated Jillian Hall , Victoria , Candaice Michelle , Melina , Michelle McCool , Marge Simpson and Beth Phoniex to win a Women's Championship Title Match against champion Maria.
- Jack Nicholson (dressed as the Joker from Batman 1989) VS Heath Ledger (dressed as the Joker from The Dark Knight) in a "Who is the superior Joker" match went to a no contest after Peter Steele (dressed in his Joker outfit from the critically acclaimed Batman: The Riker Island Chronicles) proceeded to knock out both competitators with a crowbar.
- After the bell was rung, Peter Steele grabbed the microphone and proceeded to ask both knocked out Jokers "Why less miserable?". The audience roared in thunderous applause of the one true superior Joker.
- SpongeBob SquarePants vs Patrick Star in a "Grudge Match" went to a "no contest" after both compeditors made up several minutes into the match. The audience booed both and as a result, General Manager Hulk Hogan put both in a WWE Tag team championship against Jeff and Matt Hardy
- SpongeBob Squarepants and Patrick Star defeat Jeff and Matt Hardy to win the WWE tag team championship when Jeff hardy hit the swanton bomb and bounced when he hit spongebob, and as a result, Patrick pinned jeff to pick up the win. And as a result, General Manager Hulk Hogan put both in a handicap match against Umanga
- T-Pain made an unexpected guest appearance at the event. The audience went wild and chanted "T-Pain. T-Pain then announced that he would be laying a special "Buy U A Drank" open challenge to anybody in the lockeroom whom thinks they can buy more dranks for girls than he can. At that moment, Trevor "Kano" Goddard's music hits and the audience goes wild and begins chanting Trevor's name. After sharing a few kind words. The match is on.
- Trevor "Kano" Goddard vs T-Pain in a "Buy U A Drank" open challenge went to a draw when the time limit went out and both compeditors bought the same amount of girls drinks.
- Following the match, T-Pain and Goddard shook hands and invited all the girls they gave drinks to to the ring for an in ring celebration. Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa came out and joined the celebration. Soon after The Godfather and his hoe-train came out and joined the celebration since...you know...can't have a party without the Godfather and his hoe-train.
- Jiraiya defeated Kisuke Urahara, Professor Oak, Master Roshi, and Ric Flair in an "Old Pervy Horndog Brawl Match".
- The special guest referee was Trish Stratus
- Following the match, Jiraiya along with Kisuke, Roshi, Oak, and Flair all chased after Stratus whom was screaming in horror over the fact she was being chased after by old, pervy, horndogs.
- Scott Hall and Kevin Nash defeated Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage when Hall pinned Savage after Hogan turned on Savage.
- Following the match, Hogan, Nash, and Hall reformed the n.W.O for the 50 millionth time. Just then, some scary Asian music played and the arena lights turned black and red. The audience booed because they thought the n.W.o Wolf pack was also coming back, but seconds later the Akatsuki came out. The audience cheered wildly. The leader Pain challenged the n.W.o to a "New World Order" match to see which criminal orginazation would reign supreme. The group agreed, called out the remaining 50 members of the n.W.o and the match was on.
- Team Akatsuki (Itachi Uchiha, Kisame, Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu, Sasori, Madara Uchiha (as Tobi), Zetsu, Konan, and Pain) defeated the n.W.o (Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and 50 other midcarders) in a 'New World Order match".
- Following the match, the audience cheered and all the Naruto fans joined the Akatsuki in performing various jutsu technquies. Too bad there isn't a jutsu to prevent Hogan from winning any more titles.
- Goldberg defeated Stone Cold in a "Who's Da Man Now Bitch? Match" following a Spear and a Jackhammer.
- Power Rangers defeated Pokemon in a "Supremacy over Saturday Kids Show in the U.S and the World" following a Megazord attack, killing May.
- Sub-Zero and Scorpion defeated Naruto and Sasuke to win the WWE Ninja Tag Team Championship.
- After the match, Sub-Zero killed Sasuke by doing a spine rip on him. Scorpion burned Naruto until he turned into brown bones. Sakura was crying. Shortly after, she was challenged by Kasumi after she accused Sakura of not being an actual ninja.
- Kasumi defeated Sakura in a "Battle for female ninja supremacy" match thanks to assistance from her half-sister, half-lesbian, Ayane.
- Cactus Jack defeated Serge Knight, Tupac, and The Notorious B.I.G. in a 1 on 3 Barb-Wire Lead Pipe Steel Cage Taco Eat-Off Rap Battle to keep the Ultimate Rap-Off Championship.
- Since when has Cactus Jack been a rapper???????
- Ash Williams and Ash Ketchum fought in a no contest in a "Battle for the Ash Name" match.
- Hulk Hogan defeated Ted Turner to win the WWE Championship after Ted Turner laid down for Hogan, allowing Hogan to pin him for the belt.
- Following the match, Russo came out and delivered a promo along the lines of the one he gave out in 2000. He then announced that "this shit ain't happening again" and stated Hogan would put the belt on the line against John Cena.
- John Cena defeated Hulk Hogan in a kick your opponent in the balls match to win the WWE Championship Belt.
- After the match, the audience came to a shocking conclusion, Hogan LOST! The audience cheered wildly after Cena had finally ended Hogan's 5,000,000th title reign.
- John Cena defeated Superman to win the WWE Championship Belt
- Yokozuna interfered in the first 30 minutes of the match singing America The Beautiful (Seriously that song is way too used at Wrestlemanias!)
- After the match, John Cena won a lottery of $700,000,0000
- Jeff Jarrett defeated Vince McMahon in a "Loser loses ownership of their company" match. Afterwards, Eric Bischoff and Paul Heyman interfeared on Jarrett's behalf.
- After the match, the three beat the crap outta Vince and tossed him out of the ring. The audience cheered wildly as the Bischoff, Heyman, and Jarrett raised each other's hands in victory. Jarrett is now the owner of the WWE. Jarrett proudly grabbed a mic and official declared the WWE "terminated" and that this would be the last Wrestlemania ever and would be replaced in favor of Bound For Glory. The WWE marks cried as the numerous TNA fans in the crowd wildly chanted "WWE sucks, TNA rules".
- Mortal Kombat defeated Street Fighter, King of Fighters, Dead or Alive, Virtua Fighter, and Tekken in a "Battle of Fighting Games Match".
- Naruto Ultimate Ninja 2 interfered but got it's head ripped off by lightning.
- After the match, the audience came out and did Fatalities on the interfering fighting games.
- Following the match, the lights dimmed, dramatic opera music began to play, and Lillian Garcia announced that the next match would decide once and for all which organization reigned supreme as the best "Hot/Freakish/Gay Multi-Membered Evil Organization in any anime/video game ever. The audience roared in great volume as all the members of Akatsuki, the Espada, and Organization XIII came to the ring (via their awesome enterances) and the match began. The audience was glad they would get one match that wouldn't suck massive balls....
- Team Akatsuki (Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigaki, Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Tobi, Konan, and leader Pain) vs Team Espada (Stark, Barrgan, Haibel, Ulquiorra, Niotra, Grimmjow, Zombarri, Aporro Granz, Arranio, and Yammy) vs Team Organization XIII (Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaus, Zexion, Saix, Axel, Demyx, Luxford, Marluxia, Larxene, and Roxas) went to a no contest when Jeff Jarrett cancelled the sure to be epic and best match on the card.
- Jeff Jarrett cancelled the match and transformed it into a pillow fight between the organizations. The audience immediatly pelted the ring with garbage and a riot began to hunt down Jeff Jarrett.
- 'Triple H defeated Knuckles The Echinda , King Kong , Randy Orton , The Grinch , Chuck Norris , Super Sayain 8 Goku and Pee-Wee Herman in a "Fatal 8 Way Elimination Chamber Match" to win The WWE World Heavyweight Championship Belt for the 9,000,000,000th time (effictivly surpassing Ric Flair's 17 title reigns). The order of elimination is as follows,
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Entrance||Eliminated By||Elimination Move||Time|
|1||Knuckles||2||Triple H||Pinfall after H took all of Knuckle's gold rings followed by a Pedigree||19:20|
|2||King Kong||3||Triple H||Pinfall after H called a squadron of planes to shoot down Kong followed by a Pedigree||26:15|
|3||Randy Orton||4||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H delivered a promo about how Randy Orton "wasn't in his league" and Orton fell unconscious due to the terrible truth||27:27|
|4||The Grinch||5||Triple H||Pinfall after a Triple H tricked The Grinch into apologizing to the audience for stealing their merchandise, followed by a low blow to the Grinch's groin.||32:32|
|5||Chuck Norris||6||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H survived Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick and H delivered a Pedigree to a shocked Norris||34:55|
|6||Super Saiyan 8 Goku||7||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H turned into "King Of Kings" Triple H followed by a Pedigree||36:01|
|7||Pee Wee Herman||8||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H performed "Masturbation Arrest" on Pee-Wee Herman||38:55|
- Following the match, the audience booed loudly, chanted vulgar remarks at Triple H, and pelted the ring with garbage. Then Jeff Jarrett came out and announced that Triple H would be immediately stripped of the championship and be forced to defend it once again in another Fatal 8 Way Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship. The audience cheered wildly as they thought that Triple H wouldn't retain the title after that brutal match.
- 'Triple H defeated Albert Wesker , Darth Vader , Pikachu , Shang Tsung , Cloud Strife , Jason Bourne , The Deadman in a "Fatal 8 Way Elimination Chamber Match to win The World Heavyweight Championship. The order of elimiantion is as follows
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Entrance||Eliminated By||Elimination Move||Time|
|1||Albert Wesker||2||Triple H||Pinfall after a Pedigree||10:20|
|2||Darth Vader||3||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H tricked Vader into joining the "light side" followed by a Pedigree when Vader lowered his lightsaber||15:15|
|3||Pikachu||4||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H absorbed Pikachu's thudershock attack with his sledgehammer followed by a hammer of Thor. After the pinfall, Triple H threw a pokeball and captured the pikachu.||20:27|
|4||Shang Tsung||5||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H performed a fatality by absorbed Shang Tsung's souls with his sledgehammer. Triple H then performed a pedigree on Tsung's lifeless body to add "insult to injury".||27:32|
|5||Cloud Strife||6||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H proclaimed that his "weapon" was bigger than Cloud's and crush Cloud's buster sword with his sledgehammer followed by a Pedigree.||30:55|
|6||Jason Bourne||7||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H delievered a low blow after tricking Bourne into thinking the government was behind him.||35:27|
|7||The Deadman||1||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H performed a pedigree.||40:00|
Following the match, the audience began to Cheer but of cause Mr. McMahon, likes cocks, hates everyone. He ordered a match.
|Elimination #||Wrestler||Entrance||Eliminated By||Elimination Move||Time|
|1||Light Yagami||2||Triple H||Pinfall after Light attempted to write Triple H's name in the Death Note only to find out Triple H wasn't his real name. H then grabbed a sledgehammer claiming that it had Light's name written all over it and knocked Light out with it.||2:00|
|2||Ichigo Kurosaki||3||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H performed his Bankai and knocked out Kurosaki with a Super Pedigree||10:15|
|3||Vin Diesel||4||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H delivered a promo about how horrible Vin Diesel's acting skills were and Diesel fainted following the horrible truth||11:27|
|4||General Grievous||5||Triple H||Pinfall after tearing off all 4 of his arms and stabbing him with his own lightsabers, followed up with a Pedigree||15:32|
|5||John McClain||6||Triple H||Pinfall after The Deadman beat the crap outta McClain followed by a Pedigree||20:02|
|6||Vegeta||7||Triple H||Pinfall after Vegeta read Triple H's power level and crushed his own scouter with his fist after discovering it was "Over 9,000!" and fainted in disbelief.||20:59|
|7||Shao Khan||8||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H performed his fatality. Following Khan's defeat, Triple H grabbed a microphone and shouted "It's official, YOU SUCK! MWHAHAHAHAH!!!!||25:55|
|8||Yoda||9||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H tricked Yoda into thinking he would turn to the light side and followed with a low blow and the World's Smallest Pedigree to the midget jedi.||34:40|
|9||Shadow The Hedgehog||10||Triple H||Pinfall after Triple H knocked all of Shadow's rings from his body and nailed him with his cock, then preformed 223 Tiracle Peninsulars.||50:00|
Following the match, the audience stood in utter shock. Jarrett himself was completely silent. None of them could believe that Triple H had won and defeated all those that stood in his way. Triple H stood over all the bodies of the wrestlers he had defeated and posed with the belt as the arena turned red and unholy screams filled the arena. Just then, Liu Kang's enterance music hit and the audience cheered wildly. Liu Kang then proceeded to announce that he was cashing in his Money In The Bank briefcase for a World Heavyweight Title match against Triple H right that minute in that very ring.
- Liu Kang defeated Triple H to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
- Following his defeat, Triple H began to vibrate wildly and smoke erupted from his body. After several more seconds, Triple H turned to stone and exploded to a million pieces shortly after. The the audience immediatly cheered in great excitment and joy and began to flood the arena. The audience held Liu Kang over their shoulders as a holy light illuminate the arena from the heavens. Soon after, all the other wrestlers on the roster and the other participants of Wrestlemania XXX joined in the celebration of Liu Kang's victory over the now former tyrant of wrestling. Liu Kang achieved his goal of being the smallest World Heavyweight Champion since Hornswaggle held the belt so many years ago.
- The celebration didn't last long, since the general manager Adolf Hitler forced Liu kang to put his title on the line aganist Ryu, Sagat and Akuma, in a fatal 4-way Liu Kang Haters math, After bein beaten to near-death, liu kang managed to score a pinfall on sagat, by sellin' his soul to bill gates. aparently, the contender's brain melted because of the BSoD( Microsoft announced that Street fighter would not be compatible with windows anymore).
but the celebration didn't lasted too long, since Eddie Guerrero came back from the dead, and screwed liu Kang outta the world heavyweight championship. Eddie celebrated with his ol' heaven Pal, JESUS!!!. apparently his death was only a plot planned by jesus, him and god, to screw a jew outta the World Heavyweight Championship (yes, it was confirmed that Liu Kang was actually, a jew, with expains Adolf Hitler screwing him). God played their hit song I lie I cheat I steal while killing Adolf Hitler again as the show closed. God declared That Hitler has already played his Role.
This was the first TNA Wrestlemania and the first TNA PPV that actually got over 100 fans.
- Team Heaven (God, Jesus, Harry Potter and Eddie Guerrero) defeated Team Hell (Satan, The Undertaker and Adolf Hitler) and Team Famous (Al Gore, Pikachu and Oprah Winfrey) in a Triple Threat Hardcore 10-man six sides of steel Lethal Lockdown Tag Team match for the Three (or four) man Stable Championship
- God and Eddie Guerrero squashed everyone in Team Hell while Jesus and Harry Potter used magic to eliminate Team Famous.
- after that, Eddie Guerrero suddenly turned on his team, by Hitting each one of them them with a Frog Splash each, with was clarelly a heel turn by Guerrero.
- After Guerrero left the ring, The Undertaker beat the unholy crap out of Satan and Hitler, killing them and deleting them from existence along with hell, which was a babyface turn by 'Taker.
- God and Eddie Guerrero squashed everyone in Team Hell while Jesus and Harry Potter used magic to eliminate Team Famous.
- American McGee's Alice defeated Disney's Alice
- American McGee's Alice won after killing Disney's Alice. Shortly after, Alice in Chains interfered but was soon wiped out by psychotic Nirvana fans.
- Angry German Kid "defeated" T.C.K and Madman Pondo with a keyboard.
- Flippy "Defeated" Lifty and Shifty
- Nintendo defeated Sony in a "Winner Rules all children's minds" match
- After the match, all Playstations and Sony TVs were immediately blown up.
- The American Olympic team defeated Kurt Angle in a "Winner takes Olympic medals" Match
- Kurt Angle cried so much that he revealed his true identity as Oprah Winfrey.
- Ric Blade defeated Justice Pain in a "Random Indy wrestler" Match
- R.O.B. defeated Optimus Prime, The Iron Giant, C-3P0, R2-D2, and that robot from Lost in Space in a Robot Wars battle royal
- A pirate won a 1,000 man battle royal for the TNA World Internet Championship
- Team X Division (Sonic X, Megaman X and Petey Williams) defeated Team Heaven (God, Jesus and Harry Potter), Team 3-D (Brother Ray Dudley, Brother Devon Dudley and Cuddly Dudley) and Team Villains (Megatron and Team Rocket) in a Gauntlet to win the Three man Stable Championship
- The Deadman defeated Mr Kennedy in a Winner Takes All Dumberjack match
- The Match Ended after a shocking chair shot followed by an electric cumshot from Jabroni, all the way into Ken Kennedy (...kennedy)s Candy Ass, as delivered by the great one The Rock!!
- After the match another match was sanctioned by the great one stating that he would 'send the deadman on a trip down Jabroni Road, by Know your Role Bulovard and the rock will Lube up his boot real good, twist it about 90 degrees, and shove it so far up the deadman's candy ass...IF YOU NASALLY DETECT WHAT THE ROCK IS PREPARING IN THE KITCHEN'. and on that faithful night the match was done
- Eddie Guerrero defeated The Deadman and The Rock in an Triple Threat I Quit Match for the Vacant WWE Championship
Thus ended the legacy of Wrestlemania and the end of WWE.
God and Jesus assaulted Eddie after the math, demanding him to apologize for the earlier math. Guerrero apollogized.
Coming soon Wilford "Diabeedus" Brimley Vs. Sir Thomas Bosley from Vince McMahon's new Oldtimer Celebrity Diabeedus Wrestling or OCD Wrestling hosted by Jesse and Ace Ventura
- Stevie Wonder defeated THE Hellen Keller and Ray Charles in a Reverse Blindfold Match match
- Romans defeated Christians in a Loser Gets Fed To Lions match
- Joe Rogan, Phil Keoghan and Jeff Probst defeated Ellen Degeneres, Super Nanny and Dr Phil in a Reality TV vs Talk Show TV tag-team match
- The match ended when Phil Keoghan used a Fast Forward on Ellen Degeneres and she was fed to the Madagascan hissing cockroaches Rogan supplied. No-one complained.
- Barack Obama and Joe "Momma" Biden w/ Pudge Daddy Jefferson defeated Sarah Palin and Jesus w/ Retarded Baby in a Electoral Votes On A Pole match
- Jesus abandoned Palin midway through the match.
- Chris Benoit fought to a no contest against Eddie Guererro in a Zombie Revenge match
- The match ended after both wrestlers left the ring to feed on the audience.
- John Cena (w/Spinner Belt and Shiney New Neck Scar defeated the World w/ Your Mom
- The match ended after Cena overcame the odds.
- Oscar Wilde defeated John Cena
- Due to pre-match stipulations it became a federal offense to quote Oscar Wilde.
- Coraline defeated the Other Mother in an Scavenger Hunt Match.
- Sgt. Reznov defeated Captain Price in a Mustaches of Power Match.
- The ensuing struggle between fans of each combatant severely delayed the next match.
Jeff Jarrett committed suicide three seconds before WM7F3 started so the 200-year long special WrestleMania Sevety-Fuckin-Third Anniversary celebration was swapped for a seventy-fuckin-three second memorial for your mom.
This is the last WrestleMania held under TNA's tittle because Jeff Jerret loses the company to Vince McMahon in the opening bout.
- Vince McMahon def. Jeff Jerret's corpse in a Loser lose their Company match
- Mama Luigi def. Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, Link, Captin Falcon, Banjo-Kazooie, Ganondorf, Yoshi, Frank West, the entire Soul Caliber roster, the entire Mortal Combat roster, a Koopa Troopa, a Goomba, Spyro, Pikachu and a shit load of other video game charecters in an A shit load of people over the river and through the woods match
- Your Mom def. Your sister in a Naked battle in a bowl of pudding match to defend the the title of Most respected female in the house Bitch when she spank Your sister until her ass bleed so bad the match had to be stopped beause the Child Services were called by Party Pooper
- Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, and Patrick fight to a no contest in a UH-OH! Someone forgot to lock the chamber door match when they all escaped and began feasting on th crowd
- John Cena defended the Plastic Spiner Title by DQ against 16,000,000,000,000,000,069 time WWE Champion HHH managed by DX partner 72,000,000,000.5 time WWE Champion Shawn Micheals when THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR Jumped the barricade demanding Vince McMahon make it a Triple-Threat match
- THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR def. John Cena and 16,000,000,000,000,000,069 time WWE Champion HHH managed by DX partner 72,000,000,000.5 time WWE Champion Shawn Micheals when John Cena's pants fell down and THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR went for the Roll-up
- Randy Orton Def. Hulk Hogan, OJ Simson, AJ Styles, Bowser, Spider-man, and Umaga in a Males only Strip Fight match for the I am NOT Gay Title when Bowser's shell cracked after he fell off the balcony onto Wolverine's Adimentium Pillow.
- Wolverine challanged and defeated A Nude Bowser in a Sushi Grudge Match by Cuting Bowser into 5,001,002,008 pieces and serving them to the crowd and every one got seconds. (Note: the number of pieces Bowser was chopped into coresponds with the relase date of Logan's Classic movie X=Men Origns: Wolverine
- Edge became Mr. Money in the Bank after beating Payton Manning, MudKip, The Great Kelly, Shannon Moore, Dolph Ziggler, Chuck Noris, Sting, Trish Stratus, and His Holiness, the Dalai Lama by climbing the incredibly unstable 120ft ladder and reaching the title and removeing it from the hook after doing a spear to any one who tried to do the same
- Yoda def. Oscar Wilde in a Your Moma jokes contest to defend the UnQuoteable championship after Your Mom was offended by on of Oscar's jokes. She procceded to jump the barricade and hit Oscar in the head with the Most respected female in the house Bitch chanpionship
- SpongeBob def. Umaga in a Hell in a Cell, 69 Sides of Steel, Over the top-rope, Bubble blowing, Pole Vaulting, Last Thing Standing, Ultimate-X Match when Umaga could not stand listning to SpongeBob list the rules any longer and was DQed for eating SpongeBob
- Micke James and Kane def. Eugene and by DQ in a Strange Bed-Fellows Match when Eugene forgot that the stipulation was a tag team match not a Sexy Party and began rapeing Candice Michelle
- Vince McMahon Anounced hat the next match would be a A Shit Load of men over the Great wall of China match between ∩, Fred Phelps, Ed Gein, Assholes, Al Gore, Hugo Chavez, Barack Obama, Sailor Moon, George W. Bush, Mario, Benito Mussolini, Dick Cheney, Adolf Hitler, the Jackoff, Nancy Pelosi, Bert, Samuel L. Jackson, Daffy Duck, George Washington, Bears, Organization XIII, Ernie, Joe Biden, Centrelink, Mothman, Killer whales, Nancy Pelosi, Ł, Ronald Reagan, Oprah Winfrey, Satan, KFC, Old Men, Xerxes the Gay, The Burger King, Wendy Thomas, Ronald McDonald, Enron, Grue, Elvis Presley, The Pope, Penguins, Your Mom, Kyle Broflovski, King Stewie of the Universe, Sephiroth, Kermit the Frog, Margaret Thatcher, Adult Swim, Jimbo Wales, 1337, Mickey Mouse, Star Wars Kid, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Mel Gibson, Mudkip, Dick the Clown, Bill Clinton, Mojo Jojo, 4Kids, Robert Mugabe, Eddie Caputo, and Emos for the position of King of Evil
- Team Family Guy def. Team The Simpsons and Team American Dad in a 9,622 and 3/4ths vertices of Cheap plastic match to win Supremacy over Sunday Night Television
- Brittney Spears def. Lindsy Lohan in a Naked Battle on the Streets of LA while covered in Whip Cream match to defend the title of Crazyist Bitch on the planet
- Doc Ock def. Octa-mom in a Ladder match for the Number 8
WrestleMania Seventy-Fuckin-Five will took place on every single day, this was known as the gayest one yet.
- Tourettes Guy defeated everyone in a battle royal
- Uncyclopedia defeated ED
- Irate Gamer def.Tay Zonday with a keyboard.
- Oscar Wilde defeated you via disqualification
- You defeated Me by TKO
- Mr. T defeated Kimbo Slice
- McPussy w/ Ronald Mcdonald defeated Burger King & Burger Queen for the World Tag Team Championship
- Sharon Stone has sex
- Kimbo Slice defeated some biscuts and a bucket of chicken
- OMG defeated WTF to win the TNA X Division Title
- King Bong and qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm fought to a no-contest
- Shithead defeated Hitler in a match
- The Undertaker defeated Shitface in a Table Match
Hulk Hogan defeated Bret Hart in a spitting screwjob match
Team SONY (Ratchet & Clank, Jak & Daxter and Crash and Spyro) Beat team Microsoft (Master Chief, Ryu Hayabusa, Marcus Fenix and cole) In little boys match. Every Xbox were destroyed and Red Ringed.