X-mas

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
A metrosexual urges people to eat his flesh for the Save Everyone with X-mas foundation

X-mas is a rare skin bacteria invented by Nintendo that affects the genital regions of children between 3 and 53. The bacteria attacks skin cells and steals one of their chromosomes. Technically, X-mas is the super Nintendo port of eczema, but execs from Nintendo opted for a more trendy name that would appeal to their target market; sexually active 8 year old girls. Hence the phallic hyphen used to separate X from mas. It is often associated with Jesus Christ, the first man ever observed to have the disease after his father, Santa Claus, gave him X-mas for Christmas. In those days, anything that didn't sprout vegetables was thought to have been a witch and Jesus was mistakenly nailed to a cross and left to rot.

Santa Claus the instant he contracted X-mas

Symptoms[edit]

   _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
   _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )
             |    __    |_/    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |          |> )
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |          |> )
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |    __    |_/    _  __________
          / \| O      O |
          \ /|          |
          | ||  |vvvv|  |
          | ||  |    |  |              
          \ \|  |^^^^|  |_
           \_|          | \
             |          |> )
             |    __    |_/
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|
             |   |  |   |
             |___|  |___|

People who have contracted this condition often experience feelings of euphoria or mild retardation at the site of colourful packages. They will usually react to these feelings by ripping at the packages violently and sighing in disappointment when they come to realise that all they've managed to do is expose the crappy two dollar socks and poorly digested golfballs inside.

Cure[edit]

Rather than wrapping the socks and semi-consumed spherical white balls in paper, Some of the more wound-up parents choose to quietly place the socks and faeces-covered golfballs into their sleeping child's throat, and letting quietly choke. This is a sensible and very legal option as the quality of life for these children can become terrible as they grow to be more and more accustomed to their primitive behaviour. As the disease affects children on a chromosomal level, it is also probably the only option as parents wishing to adopt children generally aren't morons. Others argue that listening to Kate Bush songs backwards also cures X-mas in some cases. Other others swear by the "10,000 days in a bubble" method.

Quarantine Zones[edit]

Several countries are designated for people with this disorder to prevent outbreak.