X Japan

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(See also: Perfection)

X Japan, or "The Band Formerly Known as X", was founded in 1982 by Yoshiki Hayashi and Toshimitsu Deyama (better known as "Toshi", or "Toto" as Yoshiki calls him).

X Japan's second album, Blue Da Ba Dee, was their first album released on a major record label. They released a total of 5 albums, all of which were the most perfect albums ever made. They were known for their many styles of music, including speed metal, power metal, progressive rock, ballads, electronica, reggae, techno, hip-hop, and disco. They were also known for using over 9000 bottles of hairspray a day to maintain their gravity-defying hairstyles, which would eventually create a massive hole in the Ozone layer.

The Early Years[edit]

X-JAPAN!!

X Japan's first single, I'll Keel j00, You n00b!, was released on Defense Against the Dark Arts Records in 1985. One year later, Yoshiki founded Crystal Meth Records. X Japan's second single (Organization XIII), and their debut album Vanishing Creme, were both released via this record label. At the time, X Japan's lineup consisted of Toshi on vocals, hide "My name must always be lowercase because I am God" Matsumoto on lead guitar, Pata Ishizuka on rhythm guitar (and later additionally on lead violin), Taiji Sawada on bass, and Yoshiki on drums, piano, cello, accordion, castanets, bagpipes, koto, kazoo, didgeridoo, and cowbell. They made a cameo appearance in the movie Tokyo Popsicle, a movie about, you guessed it, popsicles. Toshi's favorite flavor is strawberry. Yoshiki is terribly allergic to strawberries, and breaks out in hives whenever he is within a 10-foot radius of one.

X Japan's Blue Da Ba Dee album included hits such as Kool Aid Ice, and It's Endlessly Raining Men. In 1991, X Japan released their third album, Envy, which was recorded in the Pacific Ocean. The following year, Taiji quit the band when he realized that he had hydrophobia. He was replaced by Hiroshi "Heath Bar" Morie.

The Later Years[edit]

The cover art for hide's debut album.

With Taiji gone, X Japan decided to change their record label to Pacific Records. This would make it more convenient for them to continue recording songs in the ocean. Their next album, released in August of 1993, contained one song called Painting of Death. This song is 3 days, 17 hours, and 42 minutes long, which is also the Guinness record for "Longest Amount of Time That People Spent Holding Their Breath Underwater". The song was only performed live once, because once X Japan finished performing it, all 5 members had to be hospitalized.

Once they all recovered, they began to work on side projects. hide released his first solo album, called Wear a Paper Bag Over Your Face. The album had a completely different sound from X Japan's music, leaning more towards jazz. Yoshiki collaborated with Queen, George Martin, Kiss, and Elvis Presley. He also released a CD featuring R&B arrangements of X Japan songs. In 1996, X Japan released their final album, Doll Me Up. It contained a bonus disc of them singing songs from the album on (Drunken) Karaoke Night at one of the hotels that they were later banned from. The hotel wishes to remain anonymous, but the results of that night have made Yoshiki the actual Guinness Book recordholder of "Most Punitive Hotel Damages." (RLY!)

Around this time, X Japan decided to forego their Visual Kei look, because they were sick of being asked if Yoshiki was really a woman. However, X Japan disbanded after Toshi was kidnapped by aliens. The band's final concert was on February 29th, 1997.

After the Breakup[edit]

Oh Floor, no one must ever know of our love.

Once the band broke up, Yoshiki and hide decided to get married. hide also started two new bands. The first was his backing band from his solo career, whom he re-named Peanut Butter Platypus. The second was a collaboration with American artists, including Marilyn Manson and Kurt Cobain. This band was called Zip, Zero, Zilch. Unfortunately, the marriage and the bands were short-lived, as hide was forced to change his name and flee the country after receiving multiple death threats from Courtney Love, who suspected him of flirting with Kurt Cobain. She was wrong about this, of course, as hide was happily married to Yoshiki. However, in a fit of jealous rage, she killed Kurt anyway. On May 2nd, 1998, now historically known as the Saddest Day Ever, hide died under tragic yet mysterious circumstances. Yoshiki was finally free to marry his one true love: The Floor.

Pata and Heath became drug dealers for a short time, but realized that they preferred their music career. They decided to make a new band, which they named Pot Headz in honor of their short-lived life of crime. I.N.A., a member of Peanut Butter Platypus, joined them. However, they went their separate ways after releasing two albums. Heath became a solo artist, and Pata joined the band Ra:In (which stands for "Radioactive:Ions and Neutrons")

Yoshiki briefly joined a boy band called World before deciding to work as a producer. He has produced bands such as Rudolph the Red Nosed Rein Deer en Grey and The Track Stars. He has recently decided that he wants to perform as a musician again, and is working on a project known as Marigold UC, which he originally started at the age of 5. The UC stands for Unfinished Celebration, possibly because all of the songs written for Marigold UC are still unfinished, and there will be a celebration when their first album finally comes out. (Update: On October 2nd, 2007, Marigold UC released a song called Red Ladybug on the soundtrack of the movie Honeycombs. They are also scheduled to make the main theme song for the movie We've Come to Repossess Your Soul: The Bionic Musical!)

Yoshiki also formed a band called S.K.I.N. with Gackt, Sugizo (the former lead guitarist of Luna Sea), and Miyavi. It is very likely that the combined force of their egos on one stage will eventually cause a black hole to appear and destroy all of the world's fangirls. There are also rumors that Miyavi is actually hide in disguise, trying to continue pursuing his musical career while hiding from Courtney Love. S.K.I.N. has yet to release an album or a single or anything of the sort, causing people to question if they actually exist despite the attendance of over 9000 people to their first (and so far only) concert.

On February 11th, 2007, the aliens decided to return Toshi to Earth (in the Dark), and Toshi posted a message on his website announcing that he would like to re-join X Japan. Yoshiki made an emo post about this on his ElJay.

Reunion[edit]

In October, it was confirmed that X Japan had reunited. They wrote a song, called Ivy, for the movie I Saw Four Movies Just Like This. On October 22nd, they filmed a promotional video for the song in front of over 9000 people, and announced that they would be having their reunion concert in Tokyo in Spring of 2008. Tickets are expected to be sold out before they even go on sale (Update: This actually happened).

On January 20th, 2008, Yoshiki held two press conferences in Japan; one by himself, and one with the other members of X Japan. It was announced that X Japan is plotting world domination. The first step in their plan is to sell the song Ivy on Napster for $99 per person. Then, they will have two concerts at Tokyo Dome; Death Night (March 28th) and Rebirth Night (March 30th). The director of the Evangelion movie is planning to sue them for copyright infringement. Rumors about what X Japan plans to do after these concerts include a world tour (which will include over 9000 concerts), hide coming back from the dead to perform with them, and Yoshiki marrying Toshi. (Update: All of these rumors were confirmed to be true during the Tokyo Dome concerts. And yes, Yoshiki and The Floor were divorced before Yoshiki married Toshi. The Floor is now dating the Pink Floyd album The Wall.)

World Tour[edit]

Shortly after the Tokyo Dome concerts, which ended up being for three nights instead of two due to a group of rabid fans threatening to kidnap the band if they didn't perform more shows, X Japan announced that they did indeed plan to go on a world tour as part of the next stage in their world domination plot. So far, they have only confirmed overseas concerts in Paris, New York, Taiwan, Antarctica, and the Pacific Ocean. The Paris concert will be on July 5th, but tickets will not be on sale until July 4th at midnight. (Update- The tour was postponed a minute before tickets for the Paris show were set to go on sale due to Yoshiki being attacked by the rice monster. Pata and his band Ra:In performed in Paris instead. Pata also controlled the weather to make it actually rain that day.)

The Paris concert eventually got rescheduled to November 22nd. Tickets were set to go on sale September 5th but due to Princess Yoshiki not being able to decide on the appropriate font and color combination, ticket sales were delayed. Eventually the whole concert was postponed again because rice monsters were invading France. The Paris concert has now been re-scheduled again and will hopefully take place on October 10th, 2009.

Back in Japan, Yoshiki confirmed a New Year's Eve concert called the Bowdown Gig which took place on December 31st, 2008. On January 16th and 17th, X Japan played in Hong Kong, which was their first concert outside of Japan that wasn't performed in the Pacific Ocean. Soon after this, rumors began to circulate that Heath was thinking about quitting the band to become a drug dealer again.

On May 1st, X Japan announced that Heath was going to stay and Sugizo was officially recruited to help them with their world domination, bringing X Japan's power level to over 9000. On May 2nd and 3rd, they played two more concerts at Tokyo Dome. During the concerts, giant cats that vaguely resembled Yoshiki were brainwashing the audience into becoming X Japan's slaves. Luna Sea promptly sued them, stating that only they could have Slaves. X Japan won the lawsuit since Sugizo was now a member of the band, and they also debuted their new song, Emerald.

On May 30th, they performed in Taipei, Taiwan. Toshi and Yoshiki decided to remind everyone that they were married by appearing on stage in the clothes they wore to their wedding; Toshi wore a suit, and Yoshiki wore a dress. The fangirls rejoiced.