Yellowcard

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“I got a yellow card at one of their concerts for being "too aroused" by their music.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Getting a yellow card because of Yellowcard

“We are very glad they decided to involve us in the punk-pop genre, even though it sucks. We feel so loved!”

~ Violins on Yellowcard

Yellowcard is a punk pop band from Michael Jacksonville, Florida whom took on a solid form in 1997 after watching Terminator 1 1/2: Judgment Belayed. This band is often confused with the sport utensil of the same name. No, not the bat, you stupid...*mumble**mumble* The yellow card!

Contents 1 From Humble Beginnings... 2 The Early Years... 3 Those Crazy Album Years... 3.1 Ocean Avenue's Eleven 3.2 Blind and Deaf 3.3 STEEL BALLS 4 The Future and Beyond... 5 Notable Songs

[edit] From Humble Beginnings...

Yellowcard was started by the young, ambitious Yellow "The Yellow Card" Card (otherwise known as Yellow C) who sought a new direction in life after growing tired of his demanding sports career. The little swanker ran to the nearest art school, which happened to be "Douglas Anderson School For How to Make Perfect Pretty", and recruited five students, despite their inability to make perfect pretty.

The six start-up members of the band are as follows:

• Yellow C ~ Lead Vocals
• Todd Fairy ~ Lead "Magic Wand" player, Granter of Wishes, Back up vocals
• Benrapa the Rapper ~ Button Sequence Completer, Rapper, Harp Player
• Sean "I got the blues" Macaroni ~ Violin, Back-Up Vocals, Mac n' Cheese Maker
• Warrant (to) Choke ~ Bass Guitar, Lead Strangler
• Long (I knew) W. Pardons the 3rd ~ Drums, Lead Beating/Abuse Expert
  

The band started out with the name "Boys who can('t) Make Perfect Pretty", but changed it once they realized that other bands were making fun of the name behind their backs. The next name, "We have a Violin in Our Music (Which makes us Special)", was scrapped shortly after it was announced, deeming it to be too "Pete Wentz-ish". Eventually, the band came to be known as "Yellowcard", since the band members gave up all hopes of being creative.

[edit] The Early Years...

After many heart-to-heart talks with soccer referees and practice sessions on Rock Band, the band decided that it was time to record their first album, Midget Flossing. The album stressed using midgets as floss instead of actual floss, saying that it would save one out of every five hundred (1/500) sheep whom are sent to the slaughter house after their wool stocks are all dried up. This, however, never really made sense to anyone other than the band members, whom enjoyed the fresh, yet burning, taste of midget in their mouth. The album was poorly received due to the ridiculous theme and the fact that the tracks consisted of songs from many Nickelback albums. Though, despite the negative reception of the first album, Yellowcard released a second album, titled "X Marks the Spot in Which We Stand". This album was slightly better received than the first one, but started the "yellow card fad", in which people ran up to others, called them a n00b, then slapped a yellow card onto said n00b's forehead. This further hurt the band.

The Lead singer, and sole member of the band, Yellow C grew tired of all the hardships and decided to leave the band. Shortly after his departure, Yellow C went missing, though, he was presumed to be a victim of kidnapping. The prime suspect, Rob Zombie, claimed he was innocent, but was found guilty after evidence showed that Yellow C was casted in his movie "The Devil's Rejects", most likely by force (much like the rest of the cast), and was killed off during "that one scene with that one guy".

After hearing of the news of the late Yellow C, the other members of the band recorded a tribute EP, in the year 2000, to commemorate Yellow C and all he had done for the band. (Though, it was later said that the album was really supposed to be a quick cash in before the Y2K bug destroyed everything, including the world's supply of ham.) The EP was reluctantly named "Still Standing (EP! You're a Rob Zombie!)". The EP was very well received and was even dubbed "Soap Opera of the Year". However, things were not all fine and dandy for Yellowcard. Due to the overwhelming heart-break that Todd Fairy felt after the beloved Yellow C had died, the "magic wand" specialist apparently killed himself after granting his own wish to join Yellow C in death. This is exactly why you emo kids don't have Fairy God Parents (or Fairly Odd Parents, for that matter).

Shortly after Fairy's death and an arousing game of tackle football, the remaining band members decided to forget about Yellow C and Fairy and just move on. However, the band needed a new lead singer since Sean Macaroni sounded like a smashed accordion on meds when he sung alone. So, they abducted Ryan Keys and forced him to be the new lead singer of Yellowcard for only three apple jacks per year. Ryan Keys, however, wasn't disappointed with this, saying the true reward was being able to sing. Heh heh...the poor sucker...anyway, with the help of Ryan Keys, the band went on to record their next album, One Kid for that Crazy Michael Jackson, as well as the "Under that Dawg EP", which was named by Benrapa the Rapper. After the recordings for both where finished, Warrant (to) Choke left the band and went into hiding after ironically being convicted of strangling without a warrant. The band called on Peter Griffin to replace Choke as the new bass player.

[edit] Those Crazy Album Years...

[edit] Ocean Avenue's Eleven

Yellowcard finally came out of the closet with their hit album, Ocean Avenue's Eleven. The album sold millions upon millions of copies and even spawned a movie (with a significantly shortened named), which is known as Ocean's Eleven. The special edition version of Ocean Avenue's Eleven included the movie as an added...er..."bonus". However, the theme of both the album and the movie is widely unknown. In an interview with Ryan Keys, a reporter asked the lead singer what the theme was, to which Ryan replied, "There's a place off Ocean Avenue where I used to sit and talk with you! We were both sixteen and it felt so right; stayin' up all day and sleepin' with you at niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!" Ryan went on to say, "Now sit still while I make love to your ears." It is not known why Ryan gave this answer, why he can't say "night" in under five seconds, or why he wanted to make love to the reporter's ears. We assume that it's because he's crazy.

During the recording of Ocean Avenue's Eleven, Griffin left the band, saying that he needed to take out five years worth of trash or his wife would leave him, and, like the dopes they are, the rest of the band believed him. Yellowcard, now devoid of a bass player, began looking for someone who could fill Griffin's role, eventually coming across Alexander the Great. After Alexander finished conquering all of the known world, the band went on tour, promoting their already freaking popular album. Mid-way through the tour, Peter Griffin came back to the band, smelling of rotten eggs and burnt rubber bands. Griffin pleaded for his position as bass player back, getting it after winning a game of Rock, Paper, Ninjas against Alexander. Feeling a bit mistreated, Alexander pledged to destroy Yellowcard, its reputation, and its career with his own band, the Arctic Monkeys. With this in mind, Yellowcard began growing a loyal and suicidal fan base, which they used as a forcefield against Alexander's future attacks. The band then used their popularity to fortify their forcefield, drawing power from (which is code for "they 'borrowed' money from") MTV and EA.

[edit] Blind and Deaf

After Alexander the Great no longer proved to be a threat, Yellowcard went back into the studio to have an Extreme Slumber Party, which lasted for most of 2005. After running out of activities to do at the Extreme Slumber Party, the band recorded their fifth album, Blind and Deaf. The album was the first to have a comprehensible message, stressing the fact that once something is gone, you can never get it back. (Well, for you poor middle class kids, anyway. Us rich kids get second chances all the time.) The album wasn't as popular as Ocean Avenue's Eleven, due to the fact that it consists of fourteen 3-minute tracks that have no audio whatsoever, causing the album to only sell a million upon a million copies. The band deemed it a failure and grew very angry. Fans of the band complained that Sean Macaroni and his violin were barely heard on the album, saying that that guy gave the band its unique twist. Yellowcard responded with, "Well, we would've included Sean in the album more if he would've been more serious. He thought the whole recording session was a pillow fight, so we just fought him off while playing the songs." The fans didn't accept this excuse and called the band "just another punk pop band". This angered the band members even more so.

Now filled with undeniable rage from both the fans and the failure CD, the band members needed someone to take it out on; Benrapa the Rapper was guy for the "having anger taken out on me" job. Rapper was dismissed from the band, supposedly because he wasn't punky enough, what with being a gangster and all. Rapper, much like Alexander, pledged to take revenge on the band with his record label, Takeunder Records. Though, due to the already impenetrable forcefield that the band had placed over their rumps, they were unable to get screwed. This is undeniably true, since Yellowcard was able to take more power (money) from EA since one of their songs were featured in Burnout: Forgive and Forget.

[edit] STEEL BALLS

Now that the band was more powerful than ever, they seemed to be invincible, almost to the point where they didn't have to work another day in their lives. However, they decided to release another album, claiming that they had to make it up to their fans after Blind and Deaf bombed. Yeah, let's just do that instead of incinerating everything and making a new world order...oh wait, Scooby Doo and the gang would've ruined that somehow. Damn, my plan would've been perfect if I hadn't thought of those meddling teenagers and their talking dog! Bah...anyway, the band recruited guitarist Private Ryan, whom has apparently been saved, to help with the album. No one really knew Private Ryan's last name, so they just nicknamed him Ryan #2 to avoid any confusion between Ryan and Ryan Keys, then went about recording their sixth album.

STEEL BALLS, the album's official name, is a message from the band that they are willing to branch out into other genres of music and take chances by doing the exact same thing they did before Blind and Deaf, cause they got balls. But not just any kind of balls; STEEL BALLS. The album was also supposed to also be about getting out of Rock Bottom in the video game, Sponge Bob Square Pants: Employee of the Month, and feeling a sense of accomplishment by doing so, but no one believes that. However, it is up to you to believe it or not. Another lie you could choose to believe is that the original name of the album was Paper Balls; a reference to the enjoyment that the band members get out of hurling paper balls at random people. Apparently, the band decided that this was a stupid idea, which lead to the album's renaming.

Fans have accepted this album better than Blind and Deaf because it has actual audio tracks and a bit that old Yellowcard zing, which is, apparently, just a dash of salt added to CD stew. With the fans happy again, Yellowcard can look forward to a prosperous future, seeing it simultaneously.

[edit] The Future and Beyond...

Ryan Keys will shave his head and then lose his keys, I guess. I don't really know. Why not consult some old people? Or Yellowcard. They both seem to know a lot about the future.

[edit] Notable Songs

This is a list of notable songs, obviously. If you didn't realize that, maybe you're stupid:

• Blind and Deaf
• Only One, Two, Three...Goddamn! How many babies did we have!?
• Empty Apartment (I got Robbed Again)
• STEEL BALLS
• Ocean Avenue's Eleven
• Three Flights Up, then Three Flights Down, then Two Up, then One Down, and then Five up
• Rough Landing, Flight 180
• City of Robot Devils
• Dear Bobby, I Believe you Starred in King of the Hill
• Five Becomes Four (If You do Your Math Right)