Zombie dragon

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“Didn't I just kill that God damn dragon?”

“Damnit all.”

“George Bush doesn't care for Dragon Zombie's.”

Zombie Dragon. Powerful in life, unstoppable in death. No really. Unstoppable. I shit you not. ...Hold on, use a Phoenix Down, that might work. No, dammit, those are chicken feathers. OMG USE CURAGA ON IT!!!!1111oneoneone

Humble Beginnings[edit]

No one is exactly sure where the Zombie Dragon originated. Oh wait, yeah they are. It came from that dragon you just slayed, jerk. Way to go. Now we're stuck with a godless killing machine. Zombie dragons can come from any dragon at all, but only as long as "any dragon at all" equals "A dragon that was once alive and now is not so much". Also, he really has to be dead. Not like, fall off a cliff and never see a dead dragon body, because that thing ain't dead, he's just on hiatus at the bottom of a cliff. Or maybe you totally dropped a huge boulder on him and assumed he's dead, without even like checking his pulse. Again, not dead, just kind of taking a nap under a big rock. Remember the number one rule - Always make sure your damn dragon is dead, or you'll be totally screwed when he's eating you legs first while melting your face off with his fire breath (NOTE: Not all dragons have fire breath, just most). Not that it matters all that much, because once he comes back all zombified he's going to totally be as pissed as he was before you killed him, maybe even a little bit more.

Example Scenario: Wow, it's totally been a long day, and my dogs are barking! I'm just going to slay this dragon and maybe go home and watch some TV. I think there's a new Extreme Home Makeover tonight! I can't wait.—(Stabs dragon in heart, and checks pulse)—Yes, he's totally dead, I know because I checked his pulse. I'm just going to turn around now leaving myself totally open to any unexpected attacks.—(Dragon becomes zombie dragon; commences to totally ruin guy's shit)—Gosh darn it, my shit has been ruined—(dead).

Chances are if your dragon comes back as a zombie dragon it's because some jackass wizard put a zombie curse on him to teach him about sharing or the true meaning of christmas or some shit. Wizards can be such asshats sometimes.

Where It Lives[edit]

Anywhere and everywhere. Basically wherever you find regular run-of-the-mill dragons you can, on a bad day, run across a zombie dragon. Caves, your grandmother's closet, and dance clubs are big ones. Oh yeah, you thought you were safe at dance clubs huh? Wrong. Zombie dragons are above-average frequent near wizard's residences, especially necromancers. It also lives in your mom's cookie jar if Grues are not residing in it.

Diet[edit]

Zombie dragons don't eat, mainly because they have a slow metabolism. Sure, they've tried diet pills to speed it up, but we all know those things don't work. But you have to try em, right? You know, to find out for yourself.

Habits and Hobbies[edit]

Zombie dragons are not boring, no sir. Having to spend an eternity in a rotting shell of your former, illustrious, dragon body means you better have some things you like doing...and like doing forever and ever. Because hey, you're not going anywhere for a while. Here are some things zombie dragons enjoy...

  • Ruining people's shit (literally)
  • Ruining people's shit (metaphorically)
  • Watching reruns of Star Trek
  • Armed Robbery
  • Going for long strolls on moonlit beaches.
  • Wandering around in malls
  • Going to dance clubs
  • Recreational drug use
  • Rock climbing

Breeding Habits[edit]

As you might imagine, it's hard for even the raddest dragon dude to pick up chicks. Honestly, it's damn near impossible. First you've got the dragon part which is a huge turn off. And that whole zombie thing just adds to it. So even with a Porsche, zombie dragons don't really get action too often. This is why it's important for zombie dragons to be excellent masters of the pickup line. Ladies, if you hear one of these lines, you might be getting hit on by a zombie dragon...

  • What's that smell? It's totally not my rotting body, I swear.
  • You ever been with a member of the living dead who can breathe fire?
  • Wow baby, your body is banging. I remember back when I used to have a body...
  • No, I'm not a zombie dragon, really, I'm not.

If all else fails, zombie dragons may resort to slipping something in your drink. They're crafty bastards. Also, zombie dragons will often brag to others about all the chicks they've boned...no, really, boned, get it? Forget you. Anyway, if one of your "boys" is a zombie dragon, it's not unlikely you'll hear him talk about "this totally hot chick he got with last saturday night" when everyone knows he was at home all night watching internet zombie dragon porn, and the cheap bastard was just doing the free trials too.

How to Kill a Zombie Dragon[edit]

How the heck am I supposed to know. You already killed him once and that sure as hell didn't work did it, Einstein. Death is pretty much imminent for you and yours. Also, if you pissed him off bad enough by gloating about how you killed him the first time and taking group pictures around his corpse he's probably going to absorb your soul so you too can spend all eternity with him, except now you have to do it with a bitchy dragon who hates you, way to go moron. Few beers wouldn't hurt.

The most common way to kill a zombie dragon is to wait until all of the flesh and rotting stuff falls off and it becomes a bone dragon, then take one of its old, dusty bones away and step back. If the head is still together afterwards it may hop after you in a humorous manner. This method requires you to be either immortal, a vampire, or a zombie yourself, because it's gonna take about 500 years or so.

And don't be tricky, trying to use the "Shield & Sword" card to switch its ATK and DEF points. That's just a card game. Get a life.

See Related[edit]