From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Zulu is a 1967 movie dealing with the events in 1879 at Orc's Drift, The Battle Of Orc's Drift in what is now Rhodesia but was then the Crown Protectorate of New South Africa. The film is commonly used to teach stiff upper leadership to officer candidates.

“Where's Zulu?”

~ Drunk Englishman on the loo

Sample scene[edit]

Exterior shot, day, somewhere in Africa. A platoon of sweating soldiers drills on a makeshift parade ground. Lions graze in the distance.

Medium shot. Two very British officers.

Forsythe: Hot again today, Porker.
Lamington-Brown: Rather!

Sound offscreen: ZUUU! Zulu Zulu Zulu Zulu Zulu Zulu...

Both officers turn to listen.

Forsyth: Do you hear that? Reminds me of a steam train!
Lamington-Browne: Rather!

Sound offscreen: Zulu Zulu Zulu ZUUUU! Zulu Zulu Zulu!

Forsythe: Getting closer, what?
Lamington-Brown: Oh my god! Sir.

Camera pans upwards to the crest of a distant ridge. A silhouette of a warrior appears dramatically. Naked but for spear and lioncloth. He raises his spear. Others appear beside him. More and more appear until the ridge is black with them. They keep on coming, pushing the first few off.

Forsyth: Bloody savages.
Lamington-Browne: There's thousands of them, Sir! And we've only got thirty men!
Forsyth: Hmmm. Sergeant!

British sergeant marches stiffly up. Red tunic. Red sash. Red face. Halts with a stamp. Salutes extravagantly.

Sergeant Jones: Sah!
Forsythe: Need more ammunition, Sergeant. Only three cartridges for the thirty of us. Give the Quartermaster this chit, will you?
Sergeant Jones: Sah!

Salutes. Begins about-turn movement.

Forsyth: Oh, and Sergeant?
Sergeant Jones: Sirrr?
Forsythe: Another dozen sherry with that, there's a good chap!
Lamington-Browne: Rather!
Forsythe: Supply will pop that chit on the next clipper, have a crate of ammo out here in a fortnight or so.
Lamington-Browne: No fear!

Jump cut to Zulus running down the ridge and attacking. Pan back to the officers. Young infantryman comes into shot. He has sustained some wounds although this is not at first apparent.

Forsythe: I say, soldier, toddle along and fetch a tin of kippers from the mess tent. I'm frightfully peckish. A good fight always makes me peckish. Eh, Porker?
Lamington-Browne: Rather!!
Infantryman: Oi'll do me best sir. But I moight be a short while.
Forsythe (giving icy glare): What's all that then?
Infantryman: Well Oi've got this spear through me lungs, sir --
Forsythe: Tush!
Infantryman: -- and me left leg's orf just below the knee. Bleedin' quite a lot, sir.
Forsythe: Well you'd best shift your pins, soldier, I want those kippers here yesterday at latest.
Infantryman: Oi'll do me best sir!
Forsythe (aside to Lamington-Browne but loud enough for soldier to hear): Chap's Irish. Bloody windy soldiers the Irish, ought to put 'em in the Home Guard nancies where they belong.
Lamington-Browne: Oh, raw-THER!

Continuity errors and anachronisms[edit]

In the first bestiality scene in the Officers Mess, a Land-Rover is briefly seen in the background. This model of Land-Rover has the "Urban Warrior" decals, which were unavailable in 1879.

In the ninth bestiality scene, the sheep has a black face, but when seen post-coital laying back on the pillow it has a series of white spots above its nose. It is also smoking a Winston cigarette although the British in Rhodesia had only Chesterfields.

In the final assault scene, Captain Forsythe is shown aiming and firing his Webberley revolver in his right hand. He fires sixteen shots, but immediately after despatching his final Zulu warrior he is seen posing over the fallen body and the sherry glass in his left hand is miraculously full again. Some dispute this error, and simply say that the man's fag is simply superior.