Zurich Institute for Greater Musical Fondling

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It is unclear whether the Zurich Institute for Greater Musical Fondling was originally an institute to protect music from being fondled, or to facilitate the fondling of music, or even to make sure all fondling was done in a musical manner. It is clear, however, that both Ludwig van Beethoven and Albert Einstein both spent some time here, and that they most likely did all three, possibly with each other.


Beethoven, despite being German, spent a lot of time in the Zurich Institute, quenching his musical fondling lust. Einstein, disguised as Bob Dylan, with his memories in a trunk, passed this way an hour ago with his friend, a jealous monk, who also happened to be a frequent visitor to the Institute.

Noteworthy of the Institute[edit]

In between fondlings, this institute discovered that the pop music album was essentially an alien meme (and with people of Einstein's quality attending, it's no wonder). However, they weren't successful in informing most of the public of this. Beethoven tried to write a song about it, but it turned out he could only perform under the pressure of 8-year-old girls named Elise, none of whom could be found.

The institute is also noteworthy for helping to invent funk with the help of Richard Simmons, the fungus.