Al Qaeda Initiation Rites

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Al Qaeda Initiation Rites

Recent US Intelligence sources have revealed that the recent all-star top-selling Boy Band Al Qaeda holds open auditions in the deserts of Somalia. You may know them from their all-time greatest hits such as "I'd Rather be a Taliban", and "I Left my Goat in Pakistan", and "I'll Smear my Guts on Your Windshield if You Give Me a Quarter".

Details of the Initiation Rites

Wanna-bes are required to

Rite #1. Successfull seduce at least three goats - simutaneously - within a six-year probationary period. No terrorism activity is allow until at least three goats have experienced simultaneous orgasms (but see Rite #3). Osama bin Laden, lead singer of the group, is especially well known for his sexual prowess with goats. It is rumored that he acquired all of his wealth by charging admission for his goat-fucking sessions. All Al Qaeda members aspire to his abilities.

Rite #2. Lemmings are sometimes used to remove polyps from the colon of Al Qaeda initiates. The procedure involves smothering colonic polyps with peanut butter, and dangling popcorn from a string tied to the polyp. A similar proecure is used to remove hemorrhoids. This is the only form of health care offered to Al Qaeda members, and Medicare doesn't cover it.

Rite #3. Blowing one's self up, while alone, in the desert, with no one around, is perfectly fine and will guarantee instant membership in Al Qaeda. While Medicare doesn't cover this, either, virgin goats, lemmings and all the peanut butter you can eat in the after life is also guaranteed.

Recent news from the border of Pakistan... Reports from the recently de-polyped Boy Band groupie... Al Qaeda has released a new hit single... "I Like it Chunky-Style". Available at pet stores and farms near you.