Capital Punishment

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Capital Punishment.

Not to be confused with Capitol Punishment, a particularly cruel fate where you go with 50 pubescent 8th graders to the Capitol in Washington D.C. who complain while you must fill out a 20 page quiz while going through the capitol (without looking because it would be cheating, of course).

Capital punishment is, quite simply a free ticket out of the universe without engaging in any emo activities. Unfortunately its requirements are quite high. First of all, you have to be in some sort of awesome country such as Soviet Russia (however, old Joey must be huffed by kittens yet), China good. Also, America will do... at least until Britain goes V for Vendetta-style on it again. Borg Unimatrix Zero is also asseptable. On your quest to achieve a pimped out prison funeral total enlightenment you must perform the following tasks:

A. Kill an admin

B. Convert to the Dark Side

C. Listen to Linkin Park for seven endless days

D. Find Google in real life

X. Make sick potshots at Vista, which obviously can't defend itself against all the shit it gets. This requirement is an alternative to the others. Eat at own risk.

2. Figure out who wrote this piece of shit article. PLEASE! 9. Save princess peach for the what 500th time.

8. Catch the three legendary birds.

6. save the digiworld.

11. Run for president.

70. Learn what Avacato means.

1. get laid twice in the same day then three times a week from that da.

26. Advertise Dr. pepper in a nazi uniform.

Micro$0f7 in all its masochistic glory has helped you here. Should I pick X? No, I sooo want to go out with style. As good citizens of the world we should all openly declare our love for the Goddess of Vice and consume billions of puppies, because they just taste so good. I can't stop.

Methods of Capital Punishment[edit]

  • - Peaceful injection
  • - Firing squad
  • - Shark food
  • - Being forced to watch curling

lowercase punishment[edit]

this is a bizarre awful torture which seems to be a derivative of capital punishment in which two star crossed lovers come and sit on your shift keys whilst constructing love (wearing hard hats of course). instead of trying to remove them, one should always sit back in one's chair and raise one's personal defcon by one. eventually they will realise that they could just alter the user's mind chemistry to make them forget about the shift key altogether.

the origins of these odd invaders are, again, unknown, but it seems they came to canada around the time the maple tree evolved, fearing the repercussions if the trees were to turn communist and occupy flags. such sad sick users are thus promptly guided to find good ol' w0w, by the benevolent m1cr0$0f7, who are proactively acting in the new axis of evil involving money hungry companies, which instinctively have evolved to combat you.

Capital City Punishment[edit]

Every so often, the political sleaze in a nation becomes just too much for a group of doodz becomes too much. Such nations exercise their right to throw off the shackles of the admins, and the capital city must be punished. This happened in some crazy land where lots of camels and people with wild beards live, and a city that gave the name to unwanted "homosexual sexual intercourse" was erased by some guy (later killed by Athe of course).