Conversations Betwixt Thespia and Episkopos

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Revision as of 19:37, 17 June 2011 by Alicia Keys (talk | contribs)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Template:NowikipediaConversations Betwixt Thespia and Episkopos is an early Christian theological text, written c. 100 AD by St. Benedict Mons. The text is in Greek, and expounds upon early Christain doctrine through an imaginary discussion between Thespia (the actress) and Episkopos (the bishop).

For many centuries, this valuable text was lost. Scholars were only aware of its existence because it was quoted extensively by other early Christian writers. Strangely, they only ever mentioned what the Actress said to the Bishop, not the other way round. Thus, we knew that the Actress said things like 'if I crouch down, I can get a better grip', 'the better you knead it, the quicker it will rise' and 'let me help you with your sack.'

Though these aphorisms were of great interest to the ancients, modern scholars have been unable to put them in their proper context, until the recent discovery of a largely intact copy of Thespia and Episkopos. Due to the fragile nature of the manuscript, translation is continuing slowly. As yet, only a few pages have been completed, but it is enough for us to get an idea not only of what the Actress said to the Bishop, but what the Bishop said to the actress, thus improving our understanding of the early church. Here is what little has been translated; doubtless it will be added to in the future:

Bishop: While you're down there, could you grab me something?
Actress: Be careful, you'll get me wet.
Bishop: I can't possibly eat all this.
Actress: Do you have the right tool for the job?
Bishop: If you don't pull hard, nothing will happen.
Actress: I'm glad you're finally on top of things.
Bishop: I got here sooner than I expected.
Actress: Everyone loves a happy ending.

If only we in the modern world were still in touch with this sort of simple wisdom. We've come a long way, but how far have we really come?