From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Revision as of 00:05, 1 February 2006 by (talk) (doctors are evil)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigation Jump to search These so-called "doctors" kill people for profit.

A doctor is a person who pretends to know what's wrong with people, so he can pretend to treat them, then really charge them a ton (2,000 pounds) of money. Unlike a holistic vibrational herbalist, who can actually cure diseases, a doctor uses a variety of sleight of hand tricks and fancy words to fool people into thinking that so-called "modern medicine" knows all the answers and is better and smarter than God and Jesus and Mother Nature.

Many doctors dress in long, white lab coats to give gullible people the impression that they are somehow cleaner than the rest of humanity, which is naturally a huge lie, since it has been proven that doctors rarely wash their hands after going to the bathroom. The notion that cleanliness to the point of sterility is also a fantastic myth foisted on the general population. Everyone knows that your own body is designed to fix and maintain any irregularity it might have, and it does this by using a variety of natural elements and creatures, including specialized bacteria and virii.

Doctors receive their certification from "medical schools," which are nothing but institutions devoted to maintaining the status quo, taking money and brainwashing people into thinking that natural healing is some sort of abomination or witchcraft that should be stamped out as harshly and quickly as possible. They're taught this by the evil pharmaceutical companies, who make billions of dollars each year with medicines that either don't work or cause more harm than good because they throw of the body's natural balance. Can you believe doctors will actually cut you open? It's true!

The first doctor was the Egyptian genius, Imhotep, who was able to cure anyone of anything except death, and he even made dead people feel better. His methods are lost in the shifting sands of time, but someday the sands of time will shift again, maybe just enough to us find his methods, dust them off, and put them back up on the shelves of medical schools where they belong.

See also: