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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Firewall.

“Mr. Gates, tear down this wall!”

~ Al Gore on Firewalls
How To: Firewall installation

Firewalls are small protection devices that keep viruses, hackers and AIDS out of your computer, and as commonly known, are also really annoying with live games and torrents.

User Account control[edit]

Windows certainly has the knack for security

Following the success of the literally infamous Firewall, Microsoft, having enjoyed the reaction they got from their release of Windows, saw yet another opportunity to piss off their customers off. Microsoft, decided to aim high into the sky, to unleash a new operating system, that had all the extras that their customers dreaded, of course, they needed to impress. Microsoft decided to go with a new approach to the Windows revolution, so after a MASS-DEBATION at the Microsoft head office, someone pointed out to Bill Gates, "Hey Bill, you know, there are so many viruses these days, I mean, with all this technology, killing a PC is a piece of cake! They can sink a computer more effeciently than we can. The fact of the matter is, Windows is completely obsolete." So Bill, responsibilly took the matter into his own hands, and came up with a way that was sure to rewrite history, he invented the User Account control, the ultimate in preventing virusses (in other words, you) from killing a PC, and letting Windows finish the job it started by itself.


The firewall was created in 1985, to protect video game consoles from viruses coming from the electricity source, invented by Durex. After which, Trojan, Durex' main rival company, began creating viruses for computers in 1989. Sadly, as Gates' computer only had 126 Kilobytes in their hard drive, no virus could fit into the computer, and needed at least 10 hard drives to correctly infect one.

Thus, after creating larger computers (thanks, Jobs!), Apple made larger computers just for these viruses. The computers were advertised as "We Fit Viruses, but Don't Have Any". Thus, market sales were won by Apple by a landslide.

Understanding that viruses really don't work, Trojan continued with making firewalls their self, instead of trying to penetrate through such. In 1994, Durex invented an AIDS and even Anti-Pregnancy vaccine, known as a condom, which saved the world from dying out by AIDS.

By then, firewalls were made by Microsoft for Microsoft. That really annoyed a lot of people for no reason, and they all went over to Apple Mac OS X. Sadly, 99% of all humans use Mac's, they can be found by stereotypical methods.


New research by scientists Hobbes, Hobbes and Hobbes (not related to the other two), as published in Nature (September 2003), suggests that firewall could also be a wall made of fire.

Due to the dirty nature of Firewalls, it is widely expected that even being within 1 mile of these devices will bring you to contract a life threating disease.

An example of a highly advanced firewall used in several countries in Asia