French Army

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“Halt! Stehenbleiben!”

~ Germans on French Army

“French tanks are very advanced, they have 16 gears in reverse”

~ General Patton on French Army


~ French Army on French Army


~ Oscar Wilde on French army

The French Army is french, potentially an army, although no-one has really seen them yet. They are very quick and well camouflaged.


The French Army is one of the worlds leader in the security sector. They have invented the white flag as well as the escape-button, which found its way to modern computer keyboards, for convenience for gamers who admire French military tactics. Also they developed the most innovative 4-reverse-gear gearbox for tanks, which additionally has one forward gear in case the enemy comes from behind. The French Army has set new protective standards by introducing the now very popular bulletproof vest for the back.

The French Army


International Importance

Foreign nations often invite french troops for manoeuvres because of their effectivness in fighting frog and snail plagues in a very natural way with garlic sauce.


In France comradship is regarded as a very important attribute and is even a parts of national identity with its three maxims égalité, fromagité, oralcomradité. When soldiers in the front can not escape quickly enough, someone has to take care of the sexual desires and needs of the widows. The comrades who survived see widow-caretaking as a for the French sacred duty and always take this heavy burden in deep comradship and loving memory of the fallen upon them. They take it so seriously, that they also take care of the widows of the enemies.

Assault Force

The American and British armies are very advanced.


Thinking France was the only nation on the planet, the French defense ministry build the Maginot Line of monstrous defensibility. This is regularly bypassed by the Germans, but that is part of the strategy. particularly promising is the new escape tunnel under Le Manche.

Training And Excercise

The French Army constantly excercises to maintain the level which was reached in the two street-fighting periods from 1666 to 1939 and 1945 to today. The time between 1939 and 1945 was the most peaceful in French history, as no French army was needed due to a better one being available. They are also extensively trained in the art of flag waving and pleading for mercy.

Although there are many jokes refering to the French army as cheese eating-surrender monkeys it is said that the French foriegn Legion is actually very effective and overall a good fighting force. Mainly because it consists of no frenchman what so ever.


The standard issue French soldier carries the following:

  • Main weapon: Three-foot long baguette. Used for tempting the enemy, or in a pinch, battering roughly around the head and body (if stale).
  • Additional Equipment may include:

See Also