Difference between revisions of "Gary Kasparov"

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Gary Kasparov is the inventor of the game of chess. He is the smartest person who ever lived (EVER), and is suspected by some to be the alter-ego of [[Dr. No]].
A mechanoid chess player built by the Soviet Union in 1984 to divert lazy american mathematicians from building nuclear missile and nuclear defense systems by enticing them into consuming resources in the making of supercomputers.
 
   
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==Early Years==
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Gary was born 3 seconds after the dawn of time, on April 13, 1974, to Thai Black Hindu Gay Jewish Parents. Gary renounced his various religions, races, and orientations at a young age to pursue a career in being brilliant. He founded [[SPECTRE]] at age 5. 37 seconds later, he disbanded it as it had lost touch with his original visions. It was refounded by [[Donny Osmond]] the next day, but these actions are exemplary of Kasparov's eccentric nature. He has always spent his money as quickly as he earns it, so it's fortunate he started earning $34 million hour at 8.
   
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==[[Chess]]==
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Gary invented the game of chess in his wisdom in order to make the human race smarter, but also to humiliate the evil one, Boris Spassky. However, [[Bobby Fischer]], the even eviller one, managed to humiliate Spassky first, and then had the nerve to defy Gary by refusing to play him. He must be destroyed.
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===Chess technique===
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Gary's original rules for chess were far too complex for any mere mortal to understand, so he allowed for a lower law to be given. By these rules, small wooden pieces representing people, rather than the people themselves (also castles) are moved around a board and made to fight. Also, witches and adulterers should be stoned. Because this lower law requires pieces to mosey along a board, it is referred to as the law of Moses. Gary's loyal followers know that someday he shall return (from Russia<sup id="fn_(footnote ref)_back">[[#fn_(footnote ref)|1]]</sup>) to restore unto us the fullness of the law.
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===Chess history===
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Gary has made numerous public appearences to try and get the public to grasp the rules of chess, and as such inadvertently started the tradition of playing competitively. This allowed for the rise of the even eviller one, who called himself Bobby Fischer, and sought to destroy the great Kasparov for his own glory. Gary, however, nobly called his bluff, however, and the coward went into hiding.
   
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==The Presidency==
== Kasparov Mark IV Specifications ==
 
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At first, [[Russia]] was the only country that truly recognized Gary's greatness, and they celebrated the glad news of his message by making him the Russian president in 2004. His shining influence has spread, and the UN tried to make him ruler of Earth, but, once again, the Bush administration went over and screwed things up.
   
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==Present==
Engine 2 LADA 40HP liquid ethanol engines (substitute with vodka for injection-cleaning)
 
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Gary's legacy lives on as he has moved into producing over 47.66666666666666666666667 feature films, earning over $23 Kajillion Worldwide. Ever the philanthropist, he has donated most all of his wealth to noble charities, such as the society for the preservation of art, bad art, and child pornography (SPABACP). He lives a humble life on the Singaporian countryside with his wife and 37 children.
Mensurations: One big ruskie
 
   
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In soviet russia, Gary Kasparov owns you!
 
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<cite id="fn_(footnote ref)">[[#fn_(footnote ref)_back|1]]</cite> With Love

Revision as of 07:32, 17 April 2006

Gary Kasparov is the inventor of the game of chess. He is the smartest person who ever lived (EVER), and is suspected by some to be the alter-ego of Dr. No.

Early Years

Gary was born 3 seconds after the dawn of time, on April 13, 1974, to Thai Black Hindu Gay Jewish Parents. Gary renounced his various religions, races, and orientations at a young age to pursue a career in being brilliant. He founded SPECTRE at age 5. 37 seconds later, he disbanded it as it had lost touch with his original visions. It was refounded by Donny Osmond the next day, but these actions are exemplary of Kasparov's eccentric nature. He has always spent his money as quickly as he earns it, so it's fortunate he started earning $34 million hour at 8.

Chess

Gary invented the game of chess in his wisdom in order to make the human race smarter, but also to humiliate the evil one, Boris Spassky. However, Bobby Fischer, the even eviller one, managed to humiliate Spassky first, and then had the nerve to defy Gary by refusing to play him. He must be destroyed.

Chess technique

Gary's original rules for chess were far too complex for any mere mortal to understand, so he allowed for a lower law to be given. By these rules, small wooden pieces representing people, rather than the people themselves (also castles) are moved around a board and made to fight. Also, witches and adulterers should be stoned. Because this lower law requires pieces to mosey along a board, it is referred to as the law of Moses. Gary's loyal followers know that someday he shall return (from Russia1) to restore unto us the fullness of the law.

Chess history

Gary has made numerous public appearences to try and get the public to grasp the rules of chess, and as such inadvertently started the tradition of playing competitively. This allowed for the rise of the even eviller one, who called himself Bobby Fischer, and sought to destroy the great Kasparov for his own glory. Gary, however, nobly called his bluff, however, and the coward went into hiding.

The Presidency

At first, Russia was the only country that truly recognized Gary's greatness, and they celebrated the glad news of his message by making him the Russian president in 2004. His shining influence has spread, and the UN tried to make him ruler of Earth, but, once again, the Bush administration went over and screwed things up.

Present

Gary's legacy lives on as he has moved into producing over 47.66666666666666666666667 feature films, earning over $23 Kajillion Worldwide. Ever the philanthropist, he has donated most all of his wealth to noble charities, such as the society for the preservation of art, bad art, and child pornography (SPABACP). He lives a humble life on the Singaporian countryside with his wife and 37 children.


1 With Love