George Michael

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to George Michael.

Despite being born without a surname, George Michael went on to become one of the most sexy and under-rated teenage sugary pop so sweet it rots the teeth singers of his generation.

Early years[edit]

George Michael was a really sexy gay Greek tiger who was known for his mating songs and prowling the parks for cute guys.Sadly his nine lives were up after dying of a broken heart (as it was given away, then sent back to him, during Christmas of 2015 by some bloody cunt) in December of 2016. George was born in 1963 to a Greek fisherman and a beautiful figure skating mermaid from England. He led a normal childhood with two older sisters who admired his ability to sing like their mermaid mother, but little did they know he would become one of the sexiest tigers of the world.

After a battle between the world's bubble gum pop stars, the fleeing George Michael rode past some fans who were brewing up a drink consisting of Diet Coke, cough syrup, and ginseng, in a bar in Ireland. They predicted that he would eventually become Prime Minister of England and establish better public schools with an emphasis on arts and music ( as kids these days frustrate adults with their obsession with that Beiber clown and think Michelangelo is a ninja turtle).

His childhood best friend was Andrew Ridgeley. Andrew and George hung out often, and still did even after George ate one of Andrew's pet goats. George would talk to him on the phone often about unicorns,Prince's underwear, Teletubbies, and other subjects to add to George's new songs.

George was living in Berlin before he died where he ran a sports club for humans,unicorns, leprechauns, elves, Hobbits,and mermaids alike. And he was planning to open an art gallery where he was going to put on naked performance art where he was going to paint his body and dance for a private audience.

== Success! In 1980 he had an eerie experience that would change the very fabric of space-time, and send the universe skidding off its tracks and plunging down the ravine of the edge of Heaven. Forced to perform at a gay club for leprechauns, he teamed up with Andrew. As a joke the pair stripped down to Speedos and performed an improvised song entitled "Careless Jitterbug" under the name of Wham. The act was a smash hit and soon they were picked up by Mr.T.

A totally awesome album soon followed, featuring such tracks as " I Want to Live With My Parents at Nineteen Rap", "Club Jurassic Park", and "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me". The world lapped up Wham's kawaii kitschy bubblegum pop music and lavished them with more $$$$$$$ and hos like Madonna than they cared for.

Success was short-lived, and when George realized that he had become a sex symbol to EVERYONE he disbanded Wham and sent Andrew packing.After mastering the ability to sing at a higher hertz level, that only whales and dolphins can hear, he returned to civilization to work on a new album. When some of his old friends caught a wind of his new ventures they begged him into including them in his music video entitled "I want your sexy cat" His commercial success was great but the gay tiger mafia had extorted all of his proceeds and he was forced into hiding. Throughout the entire ordeal, though, he kept a firm hold on his friends.

He moved to the Little Tokyo district in Los Angeles, California in attempts to make it big by opening a Greek-Japanese fusion restaurant that had servers and other employees dressed as anime style gods and goddesses of the Greek Mount Olympus. But while exercising his singing tiger skills in a Los Angeles park, local pigs caught him. One arrest and a disturbing encounter with anal probing aliens later he was free, but his restaurant was forced to close.

Solo efforts[edit]

Ironically, George's career was saved by Michael Jackson, and the two became good friends. A string of Dada inspired hits followed, and for a while it looked as if most of humanity had been caught with its heart in its mouth. Finally in the late 1990s realization dawned and George was exiled to Disneyland Paris. To this day the very treat of being able to sing with George Michael keeps all but the worse bratty kids from committing crimes in Disneyland Paris such as kicking characters in the balls, shoplifting keychains ( blame Morrissey for that as he's the one singing about the uniting of the shoplifters of the world!),or barfing on the dresses of the princesses. The princesses were safe with George as he preferred the hot,rough, swarthy French and Turkish pirates over the ball-gowned pretty girls.

His solo days ended too soon as he died of a broken heart. Let's go outside and take a walk and remember this sexy Greek tiger!


George Michael was a known lover of yellow Labrador retrievers, and is quoted as saying that these dogs were the main source of inspiration for his early work and the only animals that can consistently grasp the idea of bubblegum pop music. "I just love asking Labradors for advice on my next pop hit!" he said once. He planned to set up a Labrador retriever themed amusement park in his hometown in 2018.


  • " George Michael Sugar Shock" (1982)
  • "The Gay Tiger Album" (1987)
  • "Wake Me Up Before You Cosplay as a Labrador Retriever"(1984)
  • "Careless Jitterbug" (1982)
  • "I Want Your Sexy Cat" (1985)
  • "Last Christmas You Broke My Heart You Cunt!" (1985)
  • "Cowboys and Anal probing Aliens" (1990)
  • "Freedom in 69" (1990)
  • "Outside your Anus" (1999)
  • "Jesus Says To Listen to George Michael" (2001)
  • "The Bad Boys Album" (2003)
  • "Shoot the Trump, Then Fuck His Cornhole" (2004 1/2)
  • "From Your Mouth to My Dong" (1987)

External links[edit]