I Love You So Damned Much!

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I Love You So Damned Much! is a children's book written in 1992 to appeal to the "new consumer demographic," prosperous developed-world children with too much money and an early grasp of swearing.

Simultaneously hailed as both a breakthrough for suckering youngsters out of their allowance (UK "pocket money") and a disturbing trend, it rose to the top of the best seller lists almost over night.


I Love You So Damned Much! follows a plastic Power Ranger from his brightly colored, overpackaged beginning in a faceless toy store in exurban America as he attempts to find a soul in soulless surroundings. Along the way he is eaten and transformed into shit, nearly kills himself by jumping into the Los Angeles River, then travels via pink suitcase to the UK, where he finds true inner peace by asking Fatboy Slim to transform him into something more useful, to which Mr Cook agrees, and the symbol of American aggression is transformed into a sliver of music that will bring together Europe's young slackers in a giant group hug, proving that community always wins out over capitalism. Or something.

From Book to Cultural Phenomenon[edit]

In a spectacular example of grasping the obvious, an Icelandic DJ, Jubee Someonessen, wrote an anthem called "I Love You So Damned Much." It gained a life of its own, spreading Ibiza . It was taken up by football and played at games small and large. It was heard by a 10-year-old American on vacation, Sunny Dey, who, upon reaching adulthood, became an appliance engineer and used a clever portion of the loop as the sound made when the fridge door is opened.

Serb orphan Strsk Byvwl (pronounced "Buy a vowel") was read the book by the kindly orphange director, and in place of real parental love, she latched onto the title: "I Love You So Damned Much." As an adult, Byvwl became a greeting card creator and used the to create a line of over-expressive cards sent by repressed people of Northern Europea unable to express emotion face to face.

Film Adaption[edit]

George Lucas recently announced production will soon begin on a movie based on the book. It will be filmed entirely in blue screen, with robotic actors and robotic voice actors. It will be directed by Lucas and produced by his frequent partner, Hugh-Jass Money.


Since the phenomenon started with a tatty toy, it's appropriate that things have come full circle -- a second-generation I Love You So Damned Much "Slacker" doll is available at toy stores on both sides of the Atlantic. Accessories include bandana, floaty skirt, wellie boots, and nipple rings.

Copyright Controversy[edit]

Milli Vanilli claims to have written the story first. These claims are being investigated by the Chinese Board of Copyright Security. Some also speculated that the plot is just a little too similar to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, except for the Los Angeles River part, and the shit part, and the American exurbs. Also the rave anthem part. So far no legal action has been taken in this regard.