John Paul Jones

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“Did he become pope?”

~ Tamia

“I have not yet begun to fight!”

~ John on fighting his drug abuse

John Paul Jones (Known to friends as Jones John Paul, or more simply JJP) is the current bass guitarist and keyboardist for the band Led Zeppelin, and is also a horrible fail. You could never see him on stage, cause Jimmy and Robert were dicks who had to take up the whole stage all the damn time.


JPJ was born in 1942 to John Jones and Paula Jones. Despite having the same last names, his parents were not related before their marriage. His Parents could not decide on an original name and so decided to use a combination of their names. The birth was largely uneventful.

Early Life[edit]

From a very early age Jones was interested in flying. He would run around on his roof and then jump off in the hopes that he could fly. The only reason he survived was his superhuman power of undeath. When Paul was 5 years old his parents bought him his first airplane.

John enjoyed flying round the countryside of Sussex so much that he could regularly be found in his local pub telling anyone who would listen of his great adventures.

War Years[edit]

John Paul Jones fought in the Revolutionary War against the British, and was known for declaring he had not yet begun to fight. He was also known to ram British ships after saying this, before boarding and slaughtering all aboard with a raging hatred. once god figured out how awesome of a british killer he was he was hired to kill chickens and love ducks

Later Life[edit]

25 years and a couple of airplanes later, Jones was hired by the Bismarck von Zeppelin to be the Head Pilot on the Zeppelin's new Zeppelin. Jones Paul agreed and history was set into motion. Paul John was the third best pilot that the Bismarck had ever had. When JPJ wasn't too busy sleeping he was a skilled pilot.

In 1955 Von Zeppelin was being flown by PPJ to the Glastonbury festival. While directly above Moscow, the airship was mistook for an enemy bomber and was shot down by Lenin and Marx.

After surviving the fall and being guest in a Russian concentration camp for several years, Jones John decided it was time to go home. On the three year voyage back to England JPJ dedicated all of his time to learning various instruments, such as guitar, harmonica, and the electric washboard.

On his arrival in England he found his home had been repossessed by a ghost that had been exorcised many years earlier. John purchased a tent and lived for many years as a gremlin in a patch of woods. It was in these woods that PJJ's bass lines were heard by Page and Plant. As coincidence would dictate, they needed a new pilot for their Zeppelin. P.S. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!


After 29 successful years of flying the Zeppelin for Led Zeppelin (not Von Zeppelin), John Jones decided that it was time for him to retire. He spent several years after this being a solo pilot. despite getting good reviews from fans, his solo piloting work was less then commercially succesful. In 2007, Page and Plant had the idea that they should reform for one night only. Of course they needed a pilot and there was no other choice then Paul Jones John. After one last night of piloting at the O2 arena in London, John Paul died peacefully on a bed of nails. Recently, however, John Paul was resurrected to join the rest of the crew of Zeppelin for another world tour to the delight of their fans and the dismay of God, who was certain he'd got him good the first time.

See Also[edit]

Led Zeppelin