Man

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Revision as of 19:34, 28 March 2009 by 89.243.22.56 (talk)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for The Man?
Man, oh Man

“I think that God, when creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability”

~ Oscar Wilde on men

“i'll neva get one of dem reli fit men”

~ Pre-teen bitch on men

In the beginning god created "woman". The women governed the land but god got sick of hearing complaints and fucking nagging and bitching. God decided to create Man to restore order and to put those venomous serpents with tits back in their place, which would now become what was then known as "Keptchanie" which translates into "kitchen". Men have been known for incredible acts of pure power. Scientists believe that Women in fact created "cancer" and there has been substantial evidence that "women" are behind most outbreaks of disease because of their jealous rage of the man and better looking women.

Origins

Whilst "science" supposedly demonstrates that man has evolved from apes over millions of years, this theory is considered by some to be hogwash. I mean, you only have to look at an ape to know that this is ridiculous. Apes can't talk and they can't drive cars, nor can they speak English. However, the bestselling books the Bible and Koran claim that man (and woman) were created by God out of some clay. This is a much more credible claim, as is proven by the fact that millions of people in America and the Middle East believe it. Yeah, bitch, where is your Richard Dawkins now?

Domination of Earth

Men love to hang with other men

Man rose to be the dominant creature on the planet Earth mostly by hunting animals and eating them. And by building and wearing clothes. Man also invented other things to help him dominate the Earth, such as the electric light (to see in the dark); the car (to take him all over the world); the train (to carry the heavy load - monoliths, for instance) and the bullet (for the war, which comes when he meets other men who compete with him for resources or have a strongly-opposing ideology).

But it would all be nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl. Unless he's a gay, but where would that leave us all?

Manly pleasures

So what do men like? Well, most of them like women but there are some who like other men, these men are known as "da guurly-men". There are still other men who prefer the company of little boys, these men are known as "seedy".

Men like tits. The more the better.

Regardless of who they like to be with, there are some things all men like. These include beer which is so popular with men that it's found anywhere in the world in which men can be found. Another thing men like is farting; as well as finding it enjoyable, all men also find this incredibly funny and (despite what they may claim) they love the smell and will gladly push their noses up each others' asses in order to take a good sniff. They only don't do this in public because ladies might be watching and find it uncouth. Just remember, though, if you see two men together and one of them farts the other man is just aching to get his nostrils far into the other man's back-passage and inhale deeply on those methaney fumes. They also enjoy whining. They will whine over anything, even the most mundane tasks like taking out the rubbish. They are also prone to weakness and pain, crying over a cold or a stubbed toe.

Nice Young Men

Nice young men, out on a sunny day, undoubtedly discussing how best to help fund a youth baseball league

The dapper man of today must always think to himself, what is the modern way of life? What are we to do with our brillcreme, yogurt tins, and the calculus? We may have studied well and in school earned very high marks. But what does it lead to, pray tell? What more is there to life than simply making money and getting good grades? What about the state of the nation, the sagging economy, the downtrodden looks on the faces of our clowns and entertainers?


more nice young men, discussing rape this time

The nice young men can take care of this. They stand for good values, wholesomeness, a can-do attitude, and they love their mothers so very much (and their wives!!). Indeed, these fine young men are the future of the nation, and if they learn properly the values that will stand them in good stead in the eyes of their fellows, and the lord our savior Jesus Christ as well, can really make a go of it in life. They won't be the sad and loser types. They are up an at 'em, go getter, wonderful, young men.

See also


Fat man.jpg
   v  d  e
Fundamental Stereotypes
Adults | African Americans | Americans | Aspies | Armenians | Australians | Babies | Basement-dwellers | Beatniks | Blexicans | Bros | Bronies | Blacks | Blondes | Boys | Brazilians | Brits | Brunettes | Canadians | Captains | Cavemen | Children | Christians | Communists | Corpses | Dead people | Dolphins | Douches | Dummies | Elves | Emos | Extremely Ugly People | Fantards | Fascists | Fat People | Feminists | Flying Gypsies | Foreigners | French | Frisians | Furries | Gays | Germans | Ghosts | Girls | Gnomes | Heroes | Hindus | Hippies | Hipsters | Hispanics | Humans | Idiots | Indians | Irish | Italians | Japanese | Jehovah's Witnesses | Jews | KKK | Lesbos | Men | Mermaids | Metalheads | Metrosexuals | Midgets | Minsters | Moldovans | Mormons | Mudripper | Muslims | Midgets |Native Americans | Nazis | Nerds | Niggles | Ninjas | N00bs | Nuns | Nudists |Ninja Pirates | New Yorkers | Old people | Pagans | Perverts | Pikeys | Pimps | Pirates | Platypuses | Poles | Preggos | Poor people | Politicians | Preps | Psychics | Redheads | Rednecks | Retards | Rich people | Romanians | Russians | Satanists | Scarecrows | Scots | Southern People | Teenagers | Thieves | Transsexuals | Trolls | Toddlers | Tourettes People | Trekkies | Vegetarians | Whites | Wiccans | Wiggers | Wookiees | Women | Yuppies | You | Zionists | Zombies