Ninjewtsu

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Ninjewtsu (忍猶術) is the techniques used by the ninjew. There are several different types of ninjewtsu techniques.

  1. Yiddish Menorah no Jewtsu (伊出衆燭台の術): This ninjew technique involves shanking someone with a menorah that has been fashioned into the ultimate in 9-pointed shanking shanks.
  2. Throwing Star of David no Jewtsu (堕秀星剣の術): This involves throwing sharpened stars at ones enemies while spreading gossip about them behind their back. This is always a stealth style, not because it wouldnt kill someone if it wasn't, but more because its hard to gossip about someone behind their back while their attention is centered on you.
  3. Menorah Candle Nunchaku no Jewtsu (燭ヌンチャクの術): The devastating use of the candlechuck causes damage of biblical proportions (yuk yuk yuk). These candles connected by their wicks can be swung at amazing speed and usually knock their opponents head off when they strike, even if they hit in the vicinity of the ankle.
  4. Bris By Fire (炎の割礼): Believe me, you don't want to know about this technique.
  5. Bris By steel Is a really useful technique, more often used by high level ninjews as a torture to get allies or ennemies to talk. Can be used with low energy(dick part) or maximum energy(to the balls).
  6. Yehova no Jewtsu: Ultimate ninjew technique created. Summons the ONE GOD.There is one MAJOR flaw tho: it never actually worked, well not in more than 2000 years(ninjewtsu wasn't invented yet, you remember), so the Ninjew always got pwnd in situation God would have helped the ninjews.
  7. Kasher No Jewtsu: A special support Jewtsu that allows to turn anything into consumable food, which help a lot since true ninjews masters won't eat anything but Kasher food since it would corrupt their soul and give potential ennemies economic shares.
  8. Form Change No Jewtsu: A well known technique many foes feared from ninjews is the Form Change No Jewtsu. It allowed them to use many different forms, from rats to magpie to fool their potential ennemies. It's commonly used by ninjews who have the Sacred Family Blood.
  9. The Art of Flying Leaves: Every Ninjew knows how to do this well. Essentially, the Ninkew reaches into his wallet, takes a big wad of cash, and throws it at the enemy. The enemy will be too confused and happy to know how to react. Take this chance to use the other moves as neccesarry.
  10. 1 Nose Beam no Jutsu: This is the most powerful move, created by Barbra Strizan. It is when a high powered Ninjew Launches a flying laser beam from their nose at the target. If hit in the face or testicles, you will permanently turn Jewish.

The users of the Ninjewtsu, the ninjews, follow a strict code called the Jewshido (猶士道). Many say that one cannot truly use ninjewtsu without subscribing to the Jewshido. A subcategory of Jewtsu is genjewtsu, which allows ninjews to control their foes with illusions and deception. A good jewtsu to consider in this subcategory is the Victimisation no jewtsu, which saved dozens of ninjews from certain deaths. It was developed around 1947. Another subcategory of Jewtsu is jewjipu, found exclusivly within the financial comunity.

Jewguiltsu[edit]

A variant on Ninjewtsu is Jewguiltsu (猶太流疚映術), practised almost exclusively by Jewish mothers. Jewguiltsu uses no weapons, and in fact has no physical contact, but instead relies on the ability to guilt a person to death.Putting Oy'vey in fronot of it makes it so much more powerful.

Examples of famous Jewguiltsu attacks include:

  • Why couldn't you grow up and become a nice doctor or lawyer, like your older brother?
  • Why couldn't you marry a nice doctor or lawyer, like your sister did?
  • You paid how much for a(n) [insert any item]!?!?!?


Blood Limit Jewtsus[edit]

Many Sacred Ninjews family existed, mixing their heirs, making then powerful genetic blends that allowed secret or elusive skills. The Cohen Family, the Shmolo Family, and the Strapon Family are well known example of the legendary families who have the Sacred Blood and developed powerful Ninjew arts. The most famous being Matzo Ball Blood line limit. It is infamous in its ability to make Deadly Matzo Balls as big as sky skrapers.

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'Ninjewtsu is the techniques used by the ninjew.