Phyllis Hyman

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Revision as of 21:12, 4 January 2017 by (talk) (Space.)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Alicia Keys?
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Tamia (Nobody Cares!)?
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Phyllis Hyman.

“I will always love my dear Archangel Phyllis. However, I am a just God, and largely due to her suicide, I could not righteously give her the glorious crown of High Prophetess. But I forgive her.”

“You know how to rape my ears”

~ Tamia on Phyllis Hyman

Phyllis the Old School (Autrefois) Singer[edit]

Phyllis Hyman was the best singer of her time and the best voice of all time, musically. Her Contralto voice graced many stages and still can be heard in recordings. She was even a great whistler. She was a great living singer for about 20 years, until her suicide. Phyllis is remembered by her fans, especially those lucky enough to have heard her live and/or grew up with her music.

The Archangel Phyllis[edit]

The Most Holy Ancient of Noodles, the FSM, our God, created a wonderful Archangel with an angelic voice in the great soul of Phyllis Hyman. In fact, the Flying Spaghetti Monster had His Sacred Heart set on making Phyllis Hyman the High Prophetess, but could not do so because she failed the test He set forth for her. She had to struggle with Bipolar Disorder. She could have taken a different course, treatment that could have saved her life. She instead risked her precious life. She felt that by taking the proper treatment, she would somehow hinder her creativity as a singer, and may have disliked taking the medication. Even after two suicide attempts, she went on continuing this dangerous course, with the sad and fatal ending in 1995. Consequently, the FSM promoted Alicia Keys to High Prophetess instead. His Noodlyness allowed her to remain an Archangel and blessed her with forgiveness. Most of Phyllis fans have forgiven her,especially after taking the illness that she struggled with into consideration.

A Fan's Perspective[edit]

I truly admire Phyllis Hyman. She is only bettered by Alicia Keys. I have been a fan of hers since I was six years old, and I will always be one. I grew up admiring her as my favorite throughout the years. I did not even realize how much danger she was in until her suicide. It saddened me (and still does). Yes, it pissed me off too. I understood very little about Bipolar Disorder then. I am blessed not to have this illness myself. I am forgiving of Phyllis as are most fans. We can't have her here on Earth anymore, but we can still hear her wonderful voice in recordings, which in turn will generate more fans for Phyllis Hyman. I sure do miss you dear Phyllis.