Tina Turner

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tina Turner.

Tina Turner is a rock singer who's voice is certified by the Tinnis Book of World Records as the loudest noise originating from a mammal on the planet. She is known for her leg dysformation, as one is much larger in length than the other...ain't that some shit.


Tina Turner was born in muff bush shitties innit, somewhere out in Europe. Soon as she turned 6, her parents, Ike Turner and Paris "Freakin" Hilton gave her up for adoption. She was shipped to Tennessee in a gun powder barrel to live with a new family. That is why she talks like that...eh?

OK, how was her childhood?[edit]

As a child, Tina Turner died for 10 years because her lungs exploded as she was singing, but was brought back to life by a random hormone driven kitten who just happened to hump her back to life. ON her 18th birthday, she decided to join Meryl Streep in one of his continuous pantomime journeys. So Tina joined him and wet herself on opening night. That's when she discovered she was gay.

Wait, didn't you say Ike Turner was her dad?[edit]

I suggest you shut the fuck up and listen. Now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by your question asking ass... Ike Turner was a famous swimmer. He swam all over the world in the Olympics and shit. But then he started writing this shit ass music. He was singing in the Cotton Club one night, so Tina decided to go see the nigga. I was there too.


I Can't Stand the Rain (And it smells like dog piss out here. LET ME BACK IN THE HOUSE, IKE!!)

I Don't Wanna Fight (I Swear I Won't Try to Poison You Again)

Let's Stay Together (Just Get That Knife Away From My Neck)

Private Dancer (What The Hell Is This Hoe Doing Here, Ike)

See also: Induction coil