∞ BC to 1 BC
This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.
Represented here are the time periods from ∞BC to 1BC.
“One of the basic rules of the Universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist... Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”
“Confucius say the Universe is a homosexual.”
- What would become the Universe is only a singularity.
- The Big Bang is the start of the Universe.
- The Universe expands quickly at first in a period called the Inflation.
- The Universe then expands more slowly.
- Dark energy causes the Universe to expand faster than ever.
- The Solar System starts forming from a cloud of gas and dust.
- The Solar System is formed.
- The Hadean Eon begins on Earth.
- The light bulb is invented.
- Life appears on Earth which ends the Hadean Eon and begins the Archean Eon.
- Darwin, the bony fish person, grows legs, is able to eat person food, breathe air, and talk.
- Darwin becomes Gumball Watterson's stepbrother and is called "Darwin Watterson".
- The Order of Nihilists is invented to try to eliminate life from the Universe.
- 500,000 people are in the Order of Nihilists.
- 30,000,000 people are killed by the Order of Nihilists.
- After 224 years of killing living organisms, everyone in the Order of Nihilists gets brutally killed.
- Only 4,589 nihilists are left (these were nihilists who weren't stupid enough to join the Order of Nihilists).
- Aliens test high levels of radiation.
- The radiation tested by aliens 2,620,000 years before this time reaches organisms on Earth causing them to go through a mutation that let them be able to live on land which ends the Proterozoic Eon and begins the Phanerozoic Eon.
- People start masturbating.
- Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde arrive at this time.
- Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde return to their times after hanging out with each other for 8 minutes.
- T. rex appears on Earth.
- An asteroid hits another asteroid.
- The asteroid starts hurtling at Earth.
- The asteroid crashed onto Earth, killing most of the dinosaurs like the T. rex (the rest were birds).
- The last dinosaur died.
- The minigun is invented.
- Gay people are discovered.
- The laptop computer is invented.
- Diamond is discovered.
- An alien spaceship lands in one of Earth's oceans and sinks.
- All the aliens on the spaceship die.
- Australopithecus afarensis appears on Earth.
- Gay people take up 89% of the alien planet Mogrobo.
- An international law is made by all the people of the planet Mogrobo that everyone must have at least three offspring by age 356 (which is middle age for the aliens on the planet).
- The whole gay Mogroboan population suicides.
- Australopithecus afarensis goes extinct.
- Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Chuck Norris arrive at this time to teach aliens how to play poker.
- The trio of humans starts playing poker there.
- Chuck Norris gets in last place and gets mad because he lost $1,000.
- The trio of humans gets into their time machines.
“I will never play poker again! I would rather fuck Irma Grese than that play that game for idiots!”
- Homo erectus appears on Earth.
- Homo erectus learns how to make fire.
- Neanderthals appear on Earth.
- Homo erectus goes extinct.
- The dab is invented.
- Homo sapiens sapiens appears on Earth.
- An evil Homo sapiens sapiens suggests Neanderthals are too stupid to exist.
- Many Homo sapiens sapiens agree with the evil Homo sapiens sapiens.
- Homo sapiens sapiens start killing Neanderthals.
- Neanderthals go extinct.
- Boys in Europe start playing a game called "Urinate on Each Other" in which they urinate on each other (while covering their penises).
- While playing Urinate on Each Other, a boy accidentally swallowed urine.
- The boy died.
- Urinate on Each Other is banned from the city the boy died in.
- Some of the people in the city start a campaign to ban Urinate on Each Other from Europe, Africa, and Asia (the only places were people play it).
- Urinate on Each Other is banned from Europe, Asia, and Africa.
- The last mammoth dies.
- A Christian arrives at this time with an atheist to try to prove this was when Earth was made.
- The two people encounter 66 warriors.
- The atheist escapes and travels back to his time escapes but the Christian gets killed by one of the warriors.
- A Jew arrives at this time with the same atheist to try to prove this was when Earth was made.
- The two people encounter 396 warriors.
- The atheist escapes and travels back to his time escapes but the Jew gets killed by one of the warriors.
- Plans for human civilization on Earth are made.
- People working on human civilization on Earth.
- Human civilization on Earth is made.
- π is discovered exactly 1000π years before 1 AD, which is somewhere on the day of August 4, 3142 BC.
- Ancient Egypt is made.
- The trio of humans (Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Chuck Norris) who played poker in 89129345 BC arrives at this time.
- Chuck Norris starts dating three Mesopotamian women just to see how far he could go.
- Bill Gates and Warren Buffet travel back to their time because there is nothing interesting to do.
- After dating the three Mesopotamian women for one week, Chuck Norris breaks up with the Mesopotamian women and travels back to his time.
- The first empire is made.
- Hinduism is made by a person who thinks he knows everything when he doesn't.
- Sex reaches its heyday.
- Ancient Rome is made.
- Julius Caesar is born.
- 14 people from 1966 arrive at this time to show the Romans how to make a hot dog.
- The Romans think it is stupid because it sounds like eating a dog.
- All the 14 people are captured by the Romans and put to death.
- A large group of nomads arrives in China, steals an entire field of rice with eight nomads and 920 farmers getting killed in the process.
- Nobody cares about the event with the nomads and farmers.
- Julius Caesar dies.
- Krypton, (the element, not the planet) is discovered.
- Juice is invented.