(The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her, But She Ain't) Broken

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"Screw drinking up your cider, I'm going to stick it inside her!"

(The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her But She Ain't) Broken is a pop song written by Somerset-based folk singer Pete Chaff, which became a hit in 1977 by The Wurzels.

Taken from their chart topping album from the same year Stick It In Cider, the song (also known as "The Gash Song") was their biggest hit, reaching #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart in January 1978. It reached #1 in Canada and Australia, and #4 in the UK. It was released on the Hinton Blewett Records label with "I'm Stuck Up The M5 And The Vicar's Stuck Up The Choirboy" as the B-side.

The success of "(The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her But She Ain't) Broken" was reported to be the main reason as to why The Wurzels were selected to record the theme song to the 1979 James Bond Film Moonraker.

In addition, the song is widely hailed as The Wurzel's magnum opus, and it marked a decisive point in the band's career and set them on the way to become one of the West Country's most successful music groups.

A popular favourite at Morris Dancing conventions since the mid 1980s, an incidental version of the song was used as the theme tune to BBC1's Saturday night entertainment show Strictly Morris Dancing.

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The song is lighthearted in tone, sung from the viewpoint of a young Weaver who returns home at the end of the work day and relates to his three small children a chance sexual encounter earlier that day with the wife of the local Farmer.

Cquote1.png I've heard many rustic stories about your four inch gash

I'll supply you with the sausage if you provide the mash
She gave me the runaround
And I gave her the reacharound


The chorus (which at live performances would be sung by the entire audience) then follows:

Cquote1.png Oh, The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her

But She Ain't Broken
I popped one up and emptied my sack in her
Afore we'd even spoken
When I first clasped eyes on her
Communication wasn't tough
I just bent her over
And tickled her muff



Despite the song being used as part of a promotional drive for the Somerset Tourist board in the late 1970s and early 80s, many listeners detected innuendo in the lyrics, but this was refuted by songwriter Pete Chaff who maintained that the song was simply one for the whole family:

Cquote1.png The story behind The Gash Song was based upon my own sexual experiences. I presupposed that the juxtaposition of the lyrical content coupled with the symphonious complexion of the melody was starkly reminiscent of a Cole Porter tune. My initial proposition was to construct not only a simplistic ditty, but an enduring composition that would unite nations the world over ... me lovely. Cquote2.png

Music video[edit]

Although it was a number one pop hit, (The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her, But She Ain't) Broken is perhaps most notable for its controversial music video, filmed in Taunton's Municipal buildings, and which featured scenes of partial nudity, homosexuality, mild sadomasochism, group sex, and Apple Bobbing - The latter of which had been outlawed in Somerset since 1906.

It wasn't until after the success of the song that it became regular practice for record companies to produce promo videos for artists' single releases. These could then be shown on television shows such as the BBC's Top of the Pops, without the need for the artist to appear in person. A promo video also allowed the artist to have their music broadcast and accompanied by their own choice of visuals, rather than dancers such as A Tinge of Minge.

Selected list of recorded versions[edit]

  • 1979 The Slightly Troubled Ninnies, on the EP, Morris, I'm Only Dancing.
  • 1990 The Three Tenors, at the opening ceremony of Italia '90.
  • 1996 Ballbag, on the album, Mama's Got A Brand New Ballbag.
  • 2007 Dolly Parton, on the album, Inflatable Dolly - The Hits and The Tits.

See Also[edit]