This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.
Represented here are the time periods from 1700AD to 1799AD.
- Russia abandons the Anno Mundi calender system in favour of drinking Vodka.
- Burger King rides in beefly upon Daisy and claims Canada for the hung-over
- Disney starts construction of its latest theme park for French: The island of Britain will contain pubs and Princess Diana.
- A few people wonder when Jesus is coming back.
- Louis Robet (1747-1700) dies, effectively making him the only known human being to have a negative age (-47 years). This phenomenon has lead to the recent assertion that Robet is proof for the theory of Intelligent Design. Robet obviously fulfills the speculative role of Superior Being, a "Time-Traveling Biologist," who sets the evolution of the earth from "random" to "ordered." However, until either we discover how to time-travel, or are told how by our future selves, Robet's role in the creation of the earth cannot be sure.
- France invents Abraham Lincoln. He is slow to take off.
- Several banana scientists fall in love.
- Japan invents the first remote control by accident whilst trying to invent the second remote control.
1701 was the year in which the Y2k phenomenon became a widely recognized fact.
- Britain asks the Catholics to look at themselves in a purposely built 200 foot square mirror.
- Last of the Summer Wine is shown for the first time on BBC 1.
- Congress adopted an African Aids Orphan.
- Captain William Kidd is booted out of the Big Brother House.
- A bunch of pirates sailing around the Cape Horn invent Morbul. There is a lot of rejoicing until Peg Leg Willie is thrown aboard.
- Joe Walsh travels to Rocky Mountain Way.
- The coldest period for 500 years; star-jumps are invented to create warmth and improve morale.
- June 11 - Isaac Newton discovers that apples bruise.
- May 4 - Chinese Emperor "His most divine and invisible keeper of the Cheese" Quin Qill Qwook wins his first game of Yahtzee.
- June 30 - Edward Lhuyd dies. Who is he? No idea...
- June 3 - Lord Alvin Redund is born.
- Beijing becomes the largest city in the world after a barbeque in Istanbul burns the outside but doesn't cook the inside.
- Copyright legislation replaces leg length comparisons as the least interesting thing to be involved in.
- Battle of Helsingborg: 14,000 naked Danish argue with 14,000 naked Swedish about yoghurt and pornography.
The letter e is murdered by i, who is jealous of e's relationship with a. e is later resurrected, along with the number 7 and bell-bottom pants. 7 later ate 9, thus increasing his strength, and took revenge on whomever killed him.
- The Great Apple Purge (or Granny Smith Rape) is begun in Holland. All apples in Holland are forcibly relocated to other parts of Holland, and the Purge is instantly declared a smashing success.
- The Intertemporal Association of Time Travellers gives 1714 the "like watching paint dry" award.
1716: The Word
- 1716 is a word without any visible Number. Nobody ever saw a 1716 with a number in it, or not in it. +
Did you know:
- 1716 was a few days ago ?
- When asked about 1719 Roald Dahl said something like "the thing about years is, is that they are always in order, always orderly. Everyone knows the year. I think. Everyone is playing god. Ignorance. They don't know what year it is anymore than I do.. and that's what is different about 1719, it wasn't a year at all. It broke the rules... " and then he swam off.
- Leather was introduced to the music video and a new era of dance was born.
- The last monkey was killed, and all hope for the human race was lost.
Scone mania hits the US as them damn southern pixies jam up their dough and let it pitter-patter next to a mug of warm brown.
Standardized spelling invented by descendant of Guttenburg, his name may be a Jewish one.
- Decemeber 24 - Last of the Decepticons are defeated at Guernica, prompting Picasso's famous painting of the Scene
- Jacob Smiles-Gropius demonstrates steam-driven mechanical television at a meeting of the Royal Society. The device is successfully suppressed along with all knowledge of its existence.
- 'Drowning of the Bulls' festival in Pamploma changed (forever) to, 'Running of the Bulls'. PETA does it's First protest.
- Leet's Quadricentennial
- British matchstick artist L. S. Lowry's pinkie finger is broken during an argument with a Scally Drug Dealer who had "Messed up his Shit". Reporting the incident to the local police at the Salford "Shopping" Precinct, this event would later lead to the War of Lowry's Pinkie.
- The dynasty of the Burger Kings begins ascending the throne of Burgonia after Emperor Whopper III becomes insane.
- Everyone finally forgets about 1738.
- Rolling Stones release first album.
- There was a huge fight. Nobody was injured.
- During the later months one or two people briefly remember 1738.
- The United States of America go to war with Kittenolivia
Louis Robet(1747-1700) is born.
- Lu Bu throws up after a heavy night drinking (593 kegs of beer would do that to him). The result is Alaska.
- December 25 - Welsh pop maestro with famous pelvic control issues, Thomas "Whose knickers them panties over by 'ere then boyo?" Jones is born to delighted parents Shirley Bassey and William Shatner. The date has been marked by a National Holiday ever since.
- José Cid arrives to Lisbon, coming from outer space. His ship crashes in the outskirts of the city, causing a catastrophic earthquake.
- A bloodless revolution takes place in Romania resulting in some one million mutilations, 267,000 viral infections and 72,506 bisexual cows -- but zero deaths -- brought to power an anarchical government. This authoritarian regime continues to remain in power in part to its ingenious use of dictatorial tacos and nachos.
- May 6 - Australian blogger Sigmund Freud is born in London, England.
- June 3 - Lord Alvin Redund celebrates his 47th birthday.
- Samuel Johnson releases his
shameless cash-inwell-regarded sequel to Dictionary, the List of one letter words starting with A.
1760, commonly known as 1755, but five years later, was actually quite an interesting year.
- January 26 - The camera was invented by Lord Nelson.
- March - The first Special Olympics games were held in the French province of Texas.
- August-September - 1337 was discovered somewhere in South America.
- September 13(early morning) - A bunch of Swedish soldiers were held accountable for the death of Jesus Christ.
- December 32 - Lucy was spotted in the sky with diamonds.
- January 5 - Oxford University is destroyed.
- February 33 - Alphonse Elric, Prince of Jupiter is born.
- March 13 - The city of Moderate York is destroyed.
- August 6 - Barney destroys the island of Java in Indonesia.
- December 43 - George Lincoln Adams Nixon Warren Alan S Grant is born.
- Known as the year of The Great Excommunication of Everything, the Pope excommunicates BBC TV the wise, the Republic of Chunnel, and Chris Tarrant after constantly disagreeing with everything that the Pope had ever said.
The Great Duck War
- The Great Duck War begins after the Robot Nazis leader C-3PO made disgraceful comments about the duckist faith, followed by even more derogative comments by the Robot Nazis head of Security, Robbie Robot. Duckist fundamentalists then bombed the Robot Nazis headquarters in Berlin, Germany, and then the war broke out.
- Berlin gets the living shite bayt out of it by the Duckists.
- Berlin is still gettin' the livin' shite bayt out of it by the Duckists.
- The Robot Nazis rebel, and the R.N.R (Robot Nazis Rebellion) was formed, designed to win back the stolen cities of the robot nazis, including Berlin (which was still getting the livin' shite bayt out of it) and Warsaw.
Famous People Born in 1764
- Jesus (again)
- Steve Jobs
- Your Mother ooooooooooooooh
- Montel Williams
- Steve Sunby, 17th of July, alleged founder of Happyland
- Benjamin Button.
The Battle of Berlin
- The R.N.R attack Berlin's duckists, in the Battle of Berlin. By the time the mighty battle was over, it was no longer Berlin, it was the duckist's west Berlin, and the R.N.R's east Berlin.
The year 1765 was, arguably, the greatest year that ever happened. Don't argue.
Notable things that have happened during this year include:
- Birth of Santa Claus.
- Confederation of Canada
- World War I
- World War I - Part II
- World War I - Part Duex
- World War II
- Hebe Camargo's first and second attempts to fuse with Oprah
- War of the Worlds
- Death of Santa Claus
- Discovery of the colour brellow.
- Forging of the great rings.
- Microsoft forges rival rings of power.
- Oscar Wilde builds the Great Pyramid
- James Watt invents Nuclear Fission Reactor.
The Rough Year
- 1765 was also 'The Rough Year' for the Great Duck War the one year that consisted of the most violence, and the most deaths. Instead of one battle, the Battle of the Duck seemed to go on forever, in the form of gang fighting and fundamentalist murders. The conflict became so bad that duckists had to be shipped to the gigantic refugee camps in Ducksberg. The duckists and the R.N.R were just too equal, too matched and were just weakening each other. Soon, they were both tiny forces.
The Church of Duck
The Victory of the Robot Nazis
After the Battle of the Refugees, where the newly formed the Church of Duck destroyed Duckist forces in Duckistan. This weakened Duckist forces so much that it allowed the Robot Nazis and the R.N.R to completely destroy duckism and win the Great Duck War!
Dick Van Dyke announced he was making counterfeit Vaseline, to fund his non profit organisation - 'money for penniless actors'.
California first settled by Spaniards, Mexicans and Romans.
- American colonies overtaxed by the British to be greedy assholes.
- Carolina Nation (North and South Carolina) becomes a tax haven.
British conquest of Canada, Quebec or Acadia. Full of "Frenchies".
Ten years after the great war, Robot Nazis landed on the remote island of Kragen to find 15 duckists. People and robots alike were scared this would start another war but it didn't. The Duckists were left to thrive on Kragen and today 67 live there peacefully.
- A small semi-aquatic creature, not unlike the newt, becomes first animal to run a 3-minute mile. Everyone is sufficidntly impressed.
- Canadians revolt and overthrow their Burger King government. Tim Horton is elected as new Prime minister.
- The year of the horrible secret government crash thingie of 1775.
- Also the year they invented moosebricks.
- The Americans go and fight the power because Flava-Flav told them to.
- Ireland gains its independence from England and Charles Barkley.
- The Copyright is invented.
- Queen Elisabeth of England was born this year and rules the nation to this day.
- A great stink descends on what will become the Northeastern US. It is traced to fatso Benjamin Franklin, who immediately flees to Paris to get regaled by the girls.
- Alec Baldwin travels back in time to discover that the only horse in Paul Revere's town of Boston has died of bullshit exposure due to ungrateful, spoiled American colonists. Disgusted, he then travels further back to kidnap Jesus and bring him to the fine year of 1775. After Jesus gets over his initial horror of the polygamy and incest that is colonial America, he reluctantly agrees to raise the horse from the dead, thus allowing the Americans to win the Revolutionary War and simultaneously reset the end of the world from never to December 21, 2012.
- Voter Apathy - New buzzword in Politics - Officially Recognized as main reason United States Declaration of Independence took so long to ratify by Political Parties, as, No Cash was offered for their Vote, by presiding President.
- Halo 3 is released on Xbox 360, resulting in the American Revolution.
- Native Americans of Carolina Nation decide to help out their British friends by keeping part of their colony out of the American Revolution while North Carolina is allowed to join the United States.
- For fear that Carolina Nation would drag the colonies back under British control they didn't object to this.
- Several minutes after Halo 3 is released the Legendary difficulty is beaten for the first time solo, which resulted in the War of 1812
- some new dumb country claims its independence but who cares about that
- Stephen Hopkins runs out of beer. Oh no!
- Due to conflicts in the Mayan, Gregorian and Chinese calendar this year was postponed until 1834 when it was forgotten about and skipped, hence it never actually occurred.
- However, that didn't stop the 1782 Country Music Awards from featuring the hit song, "It was Seventeen Seventy Somethin" which was claimed to have been written in and about 1777.
- Count de Lafey uncovered his cheating wife, 9 months of loving and sharing, oh it was a bastard child. How could he have been so blind? "No bastard baby will inherit what's mine!" Another one of her affairs had left him in despair. So he pushed her down the stairs to die... "No!" she cried. In 1777. On the 7th day of July! The countess broke her neck and the embryo came out dead. Then he burned his beloved wife, and the embryo he gave a name. Abigail you must rest in shame, REST IN SHAME!
- First official book of Pope-isims is published, most prominently featuring the immortal quote:
- "Pope'n ain't easy!". This quote is still used to this day, but all of the others have been forgotten.
- Mother Teresa gives birth to fifty lepers.
- American soldiers foresee victory over the British in the American Revolution. The British giggle and give them severe wedgies. (see Bigfoot, above)
- A homely group of farmers set the record for staying up late. After a rebellion-filled evening of kitten huffing and cow tipping, they finally fell asleep at 7:44 PM.
- Benedict Arnold hides out in New York like a total noob.
- Mother Nature had her first period, got pissed, and caused a hurricane.
- George Washington traps the British at Yorktown where he launches an aerial attack.
- The Industrial Revolution occurs, causing the entire rural population of England to move into one small tenement building in Manchester.
- The Civil War begins after a failed campaign by the USA (United States of Armenia) to break the severely addictive hold of the Otaku anime over Armenian children, young adults, and waterfowl by introducing such shows as Teen Titans, Beavis and Butthead, Evangelion, and Gumby.
- Happy-land founded by Steve Sunby and Coka-caine.
- First state of the union was...one of the 13 American colonies, don't know which one.
1785 is a fine number indeed. Possibly the finest of numbers.=
- 1785 saved my life back in 1923, you know. 1923, now there's a number you've got to look out for! Borrowed my candelabra and broke my favorite park bench, the rotter did. Anyway, my god am I ever pretty!
- Aside from the rantings of this mad old man quoted above, 1785 was also the date of the Great Mass-Pwning at Rick James Beach, in which Pez dispensers were used to drive back the evil penguin hordes of Mordor. The battle was won when an unknown force caused the chainsaw-happy penguins to spontaneously combust.
- 1785 was at one point most popular for being the only number to not have tried drugs in the 1960's. When it later came out that 1785 was in fact a Lutheran, it became a recluse and then a cyborg.
- Congratulations, Sammy, the chicken's a star.
- Nothing much happens this year as everyone spends all their time thinking, 'Gosh, can't believe it's 1787 already.
- At the North Pole, the Royal Band of Elves force Santa Claus to sign a constitution. Unfortunately, Claus is on the pot at the time. Thus arises the phrase, "to take a constitutional". The document is called the Crappa Carta.
The best year to the Poms, Australia is created and settled.
- January 26- The Poms created Sydney and steal the Aboriginal objects found, known as the Stolen Generation.
- The executive president of the universe's great-great-great-great-great grandfather was born
- 74,972,498,756 people were killed by moldy marklar on the planet Marklar
- Yogi Bear was deemed "greatest mind of our age".
- Robotjesus was crucified in outer space
- The Himilayan Conflict breaks out between the Tibetans and the Brazilians.
After the French revolution there were many dead people, but still no double-breasted suits.
- A decade widely remembered due to the fact that people all over the place were saying "It's only ten years to 1800 ! We are doomed !".
- Many people became rich by teaching other people how to deal with the Y1.8K bug.
- Lu Bu fights to the death with Megatron. Megatron ends up at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean...next to Altantis.
- Nostradamus predicts the year 1971 will be known only for being the palindrome of 1971. He was surprisingly overlooked from instant excommunication by the Catholic Church although in retrospect the Pope was excommunicating a lot of things that year so he probably didn't notice.
- Dolittle College is founded by Doctor Dolittle.
- May 3 - The May Constitution of Poland (first modern constitution in Europe) is proclaimed by the Polish Diet, only to be promptly superseded by the Atkins Diet.
- May 29 - On the third annual No Anniversary Day, surprisingly nothing happens.
- British Lemonade Tax announced as a result of the Himalayan conflict.
- The LemonParty is founded by Urethra Franklin, George Washington Carver, and Baba Yaga.
- Tony Danza sympathizers assassinate Arch-Duke Franz Ferdinand, proclaiming "I got soul but I'm not a soldier!"
- Vangelis releases the Death 666 Satana album.
- Aileen Wuornos, a popular American Country & Western singer, is sentenced to death by her husband Tony Blair for bigamy. She is eventually made a saint in 2001.
- The US Dollar is officially created by the Coinage Act of 1792, immediately drops to €0.80 on rumour of insider trading.
- April 20 - France declares war on itself, surrenders. France then Declares War on Austria, Austria shits itself laughing at France.
- April 25 - The first execution by guillotine goes horribly wrong when the severed head misses the basket, rolls into the crowd, and is stolen by dogs. The body is later buried with a carved pumpkin in place of the head.
- June 16 - week long looting of the French royal treasury begins. Best buy starts it's 'Stinkin Hot Summer Sale'.
- June 19 - Puzzle potato officially goes missing.
- Octobuary 21 - The Queer Famine of 1792 begins.
- Charles Darwin creates the science known as geology after physicist James Clerk Maxwell time travels from Edinburgh in 2420 to the Galapagos Islands to give Charles Darwin the idea.
- Vangelis releases his Kiss me babe album said to mark a new period of Vangelis's music. However due to technical difficulties manufactures forget to mark the period on his album thinking it was a silly typo.
- The Tún tribe joins the Disneyland Confederation, becoming its eighth member.
- June 29 - The slang term "manjunk" is first used by Frenchman Jean Paul Lafayette.
- 1794 did not occur, as the four popes at the time decided that the number was evil so the world skipped to 1812, but they decided this was too far and went back to 1795.
"Seriously, how can people be so stupid?!" -God
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge kills an albatross, dips it in gold and wears it on the cover of his debut rap album. This ill advised fashion disaster triggers the Albatross War between albatrosses and humanity that continues till today.
- Nostradamus Predicts This Year Will Be The Year 1797
- Oscar Wilde stars in the first series of Celebrity Love Island, along with a few others.
- Everyone was knocked out by a huge meteor storm so no one remembers this year, but a lot of people got lumps on their heads.
- A psychic (only human not to get hit my a meteor) predicts the birth of Elton John. Mass panicking and chaos follows.
- Glen Stefani has sex change operation, promptly changes name to Gwen.
- Steve Jobs produces his first invention under the name Eli Whitney.
- 1799 is the year of Linux on the sewing machine.
- Everyone was partying like it was 1799