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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.
Represented here are the time periods from 1928AD to 1955AD.
- This is an article pertaining to time, if you are interested in numbers, you may be looking for: 1937, 1945. or 1954
1928 was a friendly, though not-too-intelligent year, remembered largely for its taste in short skirts, loud, tacky colors and gangsters.
- A drink was a crime, except police officers and FBI agents in "speakeasies".
- Italy invaded Ethiopia, a trendy hippy boutique on the Kings Mile, Londonsfield-by-the-Shire. The brave shopkeepers of Ethiopia repelled the yammering Guinea Horde with their secret weapon, the lack of high top sneakers. France, although not a party to the conflict, surrendered just in case.
- Malta becomes a dominion of the UK after disruptions occur in Britain's supply of Malta Milk. Although Germany and France raise objections in the Lague of Nations, the action stands. The national emblems of Malta, the Malty Falcon and the Malteaser, are relocated to the British Museum.
- Medical researcher Alexander Phlegm discovers the loogie.
- The small Middle Eastern nation of Lebanon declares its Independence, though from what country no one knows, as none of the colonial powers would admit to having previously owned it.
- British actor Dennis Waterman, is born in London, England.
- The One Ring is forged in Mount Doom.
- No Soap, Radio! originates when a door-to-door survey reveals that most households now have a radio, but do not have soap.
- Gangsters get a new piece of heat "Shwut da fawk up or ay will fawkin blast yoos en da fawkin face, capice?"
- Santa Claus attempts to take over the world with joe's secret army of Bacon-Scorpions. He is thwarted by a magical liopleurodon who leads him they way to candy mountain where Santa is Stabbed in the face by your mom.
- Adorable actress Alice White bought a .45 ACP after her boyfriend told her her feet smelled. Unfortunately, he died before he could explain that they smelled good.
- Hobbits start throwing random objects into Mount Doom, Sauron gets annoyed.
- Patrick Ayers defeats the New York Stock Exchange in an arm-wrestling match, marking the first time an entire economy has lost to the bicep of one man. As a result, the devastated economy goes into a depression for the next ten years.
- The legendary dirigible, The Stock Market was attacked by terrorists. The Greek god Pan was killed as a result of the tragic Stock Market crash.
- Hey Beavis, check it out or something.
- The 1939 World's Fair is begun 10 years early. It is promptly postponed due to the misscheduling.
- A major cold snap occurred, provoking millions of chavs to burn whatever they had to keep warm. The banks burnt money, which turned out to make a lot of people very angry when they tried to make withdrawals, and everybody became poor in the aftermath. Fortunately, the process could be reversed by freezing whatever is used to keep cold.
- The Dutch invaded Michigan to liberate Poland.
- Walt Disney killed a man in an argument over sex with a draft horse.
- Mickey Mouse attempts to kill lover Minnie Mouse. He is charged with attempted extermination and jailed until 1967 when he went on a killing spree and destroyed the planet Jahmandu89 which was inhabited by monkeys with giant bananas.
- George Dubya Bush obtains eternal life.
- The monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole. We saw his asshole. And it was pink.
- Prozac was invented and initially used mostly for industrial waterproofing.
- The Great Depression makes headlines around the world. It is later revealed to be a hoax.
- The man with a name like a vacuum cleaner brand said the world shouldn't worry and wait it out.
- First funny Joke was made.
- First funny Joke was retold again and again and today is known as "why did the chicken cross the road?"
- People lost money because the president borrowed $1 quadrillion from everybody on Earth on nothing but Weed and Crack causing the Great Depression (see also the years 1987 and 2008).
- October 29 The New York Stock Exchange crashes when Michael Jackson drives while being intoxicated.
“It wasn't me.”
- January 30 Song-and-dance team Bonnie and Clyde opened at the Paramount Theatre in Omaha, Nebraska to a packed house. Later that evening, they would rob the entire audience at gunpoint, ending their showbusiness career, but jumpstarting their life of crime. (Heading the bill that night: Alice White's feet. The rest of Alice was in Hollywood essaying non-dancing roles.)
- In order to avert famine, companies begin burning food on city docks. The theory is that this will enable farmers to eat more.
- February 10 Enrico Fermi is arrested and charged with breaking the 18th law of Thermodynamics. Although he was acquitted, the repercussions of the trial led to the law's repeal in 2001.
- February 18 Frozen soup introduced. Home economists describe it as "not very tasty, and tending to numb the mouthparts."
- March 31 The Motion Picture Production Code is instituted, sucking the fun out of movies for the next 40 years.
- April 6 The Hostess Twinkie is invented. Examples of this first batch were unwrapped and eaten in 1980 at the 50th Anniversary celebration.
- October 5 Joan Collins, fresh out of college, begins dating William Shatner soon after he escaped across the Canadian border. They remain friends for some 70 years, but break up after DeForest Kelley tells them their "future child" will destroy the United Federation of Planets.
- Useless fact: Los Angeles grew 150% to have over 1.2 million people. That's when everyone wanted to get in show business. Golden age of Hollyweird where it was technically OK to be a closet fag, alpha female and a Jew full of money. Also too many Mexicans came to work and blacks because there's no work.
- Spock dies. :(.
- 1337 h4Xx0rz w00tr0s 4t7. The Google guys raid Saudi Arabia using a hypnotized US Army, take control of the oil industry, and buy the world.
- Dogpile embezzles all the money in Google's bank, buys the world.
- FDR kills himself. Surprisingly, nobody cared.
- Teddy bear raids. 15 billion monkeys crucified in Naples on the world's largest gondola.
- John Paul Jones eats God, becomes adversary to Eddie Van Halen, all-seeing God of Rock.
- 1 800 CALL ATT. That and a nickel will get you a cuppa.
- The torpedoes escape their damnation. Somebody commits suicide.
- Ron Burgendy loves scotch so much he ended up having sex with mulitiple aliens getting the AIDS and dies next to his husband Billy Jo Jim Bob Thornton.
- Another useless fact: San Francisco in the 1930 census was hailed the "most whitest" major city and only 5% (the Chinese) before they were driven out.
- The Freemasons, in what is known as the Great Chicken Purge of 1931, attempt to destroy all chickens by releasing an airborne virus at the Superbowl. However Colonel Beachers was able to warn all of the Chickens in time although he was forced to flee after the chavs began throwing lots of bling at him. Soon after, the Colonel's benevolence towards his feathered friends turned to extreme animosity and hatred when Beachers came home one evening to find his lolly in bed with one of the very chickens he saved from a silly death. Food prices continue declining, people keep burning food, and other people keep going hungry because the food never makes it to their mouths, having been burnt.
- Ronald McDonald forms the Scottish International Government. However, John Molestor was invited to join the Wardrobe, thus starting his fashion designing career.
- September 21 - Judge John G. Richareds Jr. is born in Texarkana, Texas.
- British explorer George Washington discovers the first USB ports growing wild in east Africa and notes they are a fine food source.
- Windemere, a tiny, neurotic, Jew slave, was purchased by American writer Ernest Hemingway for for a pack of smokes and 15 boxes of tampons.
- Boobs were invented by Prescott Bush as part of the SECRET CONSPIRACY to kill YOU!
- Lu Bu starts throwing hobbits into Mount Doom, Sauron offers Lu Bu a job, but is turned down and promptly thrown into said volcano.
- Not much happens, except for the olympic games in Sunny L.A. and Snowy Lake Placid, N.Y.
- A machine from the year 1984 comes to Des Moines to warn us not to Elect Ronald Reagan. Reagan, then a penniless radio sportscaster, asks the machine for fifteen cents for lunch. The machine says ok, but no running for office, promise? Reagan waits till the machine's back is turned and then attaches it to a passing trolley car with a length of chain, thus destroying the machine and creating a new future where he does, in fact, become president.
- Oswald Mosley's British Union of Facists win the British Elections with a 64% majority heralding in a 60 year golden age for the British Empire and the end of the class wars, discrimination, injustice and the strife of parties and the influence of Internation(al?) Finance in Europe.
- After New Year's Eve 1932, the month of January 1933 mysteriously disappeared. Nobody knows why this occurred, but Hitler specifically expressed that he didn't do it. The month was later found packed in moist towels in the Reichstag's basement, which may disprove Hitler.
- Organised crime made huge inroads in American cities, led by the Godfather La Cosa Nostradamus. His uncanny ability to predict when and where the police would be conducting raids shielded his organisation from law enforcement activity.
- Herbert Hoover, US President and part-time Sorcerer's Apprentice, unveiled the first practical vacuum cleaner, which was quickly nicknamed The Hoover because it sucked as strongly as the President's economic policies.
- Then came a fellow J. Edgar Hoover of the FBI.
- John Dillinger's Penis (see Public Enemies).
- Another public enemy was FDR, according to the FBI, was a "Communist Socialist Jew".
- In June, fire ants were introduced in Iowa to "help give more colour to picnics." 67 died as a result.
- In November, Santa Claus, Inc. began massive elfin layoffs at the North Pole, triggering the Great Elf Migration. Many of the newly-unemployed elves found work in other sectors of industry. Ernie Keebler, a former line supervisor, started a commercial bakery known today as Burry-LU.
- Frazee's Musical Autogyrodrome, a radio comedy, was cancelled after two shows despite "immense" popularity. However, 57 years later it would come back under the name Seinfeld.
- The last world series Babe Ruth played in, the Yankees went on to win again.
- Also the last world series for Washington DC. LOLZ.
- A little girl in Romania died in 1933 at the hands of a chain letter circulator. Her family broke the chain, so he burned her alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma sota balcu" ("Tomatoes with cucumbers") as he burned her. Alive. Eeeew. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
- Penelope Pitstop is killed by Howard the Duck.
- Mars attacks the asteroid field. The Asteroids wins by weight of numbers.
- Max Planck discovers the physical principles of mass amnesia.
- Albert Einstein comes to America, and it was Hitler's loss.
In 1933, Monopoly was beginning. What happen? Somebody set up us the Go square. We get money! Wha? Main Jail Square turn on. How are you people? All your property are belong to Mr. Monopoly. Ha ha ha ha...
- In October 1934, hotshot pilot Gordon Flash used cash he earned as a barnstormer to finance the first manned mission to Mars.
- Regular television broadcasts begin. Millions of people stare fixedly at their radios and see nothing. Meanwhile, the top-rated show, A Man Tying A Bow Tie, is repeated endlessly, then replaced by A Woman Peeling A Banana, followed by The Seinfeld Follies.
- Jim Thorpe becomes the first athlete to jump the English Channel.
- The inflatable match is developed.
- "Dirt" is added to the Four Food Groups.
- On April 6 the first perpetual motion machine goes on sale in Pennsyltucky.
- Minneapolis City Council moves to conduct all business in English. (The official language had heretofore been Ostrobothnian.) Riots ensue; 27 die.
- Unlicensed drug compounder Willy Wonka invented Coke, the first liquid time machine. The original formula contained horse tranqs and "the pause that refreshes" might last anywhere from fifteen minutes to three days, depending on the user's metabolic rate.
- June 9 - Admiral Donald Duck, the controversial military commander of Disneyland under the Mickey Mouse regime, is born.
- America was at the height of its Great Depression after its divorce.
- Mediocre Britain was vaguely experiencing its Mediocre Depression.
- Canada decriminalized tomato paste.
- China was experiencing a shortage of numbers to crunch.
- Cuba was ran by the mob, but prohibition's repeal made the mob return to Miami.
- Denmark was created out of the territories of Equatorial Greenland and Outer Latvia.
- France was drinking more and trying to break bread with Germany.
- Japan was in the midst of its famed Decepticon Tariffs.
- Nobody paid attention to Madagascar for the 137th year running.
- Poland continued to be a butt of jokes in America.
- Russia was in midst of the murderous Stalinist regime.
- Spain in civil war, but America supported fascist bully Franco like usual.
- Suicide, however, was booming, experiencing record numbers worldwide.
- The Grim Reaper was born on October 21st.
- The exception to every rule, Germany was doing great. Chancellor Adolph Hitler reported getting a pony from Santa for Christmas in 1934, which caused much rejoicing throughout the Teutonic nation for the next several years.
The birdcage was invented by famous writer J.K. Rowling. In Japan Godzilla breaks loose from being captive from over 1000 years, and leashes fury over the Japenese government killing millions.
- F.D.R. became dictator of the People's National Socialist Peoples Republic of the United States of American Union.
- Carlos Mencia gets his green card before the Feds rape him.
- Everybody hated Jews, when anti-Semitism was really cool.
- Hamlet was published.
- The United States legalized swing music.
- Time magazine had Adolf Hitler as "Man & Woman of the year" on the front cover of January 1 that year.
- Tom Cruise solves the elusive mathmatical formula known as the Monty Hall problem.
- Psychologist Morgan Scott Peck is born.
- Jesus comes back for a one off strip show in Las Vegas.
- Cardinal Mazarin is dismissed as the official BMW representative of France by Pope Isostar IVMC, later fleeing to Portugal.
- Jesse Owens pisses off Adolph Hitler. The U.S. olympic team decided to have six African-American athletes (they ran faster) instead of weak unathletic Jewish American athletes they called home. Hitler thought Black people are "inferior" and get surprised whenever Owens or his teammates won first place and received medals. Owens returned home a "hero" but still had to enter separate entrances in public places.
- Hermann Goering wins the title of Miss Bavaria. After discovering he was a male he was admonished that he was lucky that Judge Judy was on vacation that week.
- Jesse Owens pisses on Adolf Hitler. "Ain't nobody got time for this transvestite Hermann Goering shit" –Jesse.
- April 20 - C.S. Lewis discovers Narnia.
- May 1 - May Day: Nazis, Commies and Yanks: oh my! Fight it out on the streets.
- June 11 - The Trial of Howard the Duck begins.
- July - the only 45 day month in history. It was voted for by the Axis of Evil, in cooperation with the International Olympic Committee, and was abolished due to the crapness (as distinct from crappiness) of it all.
- July 1 - End of the Trial of Howard the Duck.
- July 3 - Howard the Duck is executed by Electric Chair, who signs the death warrant for hanging by gallows.
- July 27 - Temperatures in New York City reach a record 216°F due to a sudden ice-nine storm. In the withering heat, automobiles, radios, Jews, and saxophones explode instantly when touched, and their public use is outlawed. Mayor Al Pacino floods the city with fire hydrants, puts up signs reading PLAY CITY, and cancels the remaining 18 days of July.
- July 45 - encouraged by the example of New York, the 45 day month is abolished by everyone in the world.
- September 1 - Huey "the King Fish" Long, political extremist from Louisiana assassinated for having a big mouth. There goes America's chances of having free health care for 75 years.
- November 28 - BOOM CHA GA BOOM CHA GA BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM is received on a radiotelescope in Wales. Researchers conclude it is not a sign of intelligent life. They have no idea, at this early date, how right they are.
- December 1 - Jeff Wilde forms The Uncyclopedia Store. The driving force of all fads, traditions, fashion, history and events to come.
1937 was cancelled as of December 28, 1936, due to lack of interest. The toolings are rumored to have turned up on eBay several years ago, but the company refuses to answer inquiries.
- Tax stamp act makes marijuana posession illegal in the US. This affects nearly 2% of marijuana users (A.K.A., a couple).
- It was proven by scientists that people who were born in 1937 are older than people who were about to be born in 1938.
- May 6 - Paul Hindemith suddenly bursts into flames and explodes while attempting to land in Lakewurst, New Jersey, killing him and 36 others.
- Nuclear Holocaust by Candlelight first commenced.
- The Nazis' made every "non-Aryan" wear a yellow six-sided star badge.
- Japan takes northern China.
- Japan takes more of northern China.
- Albert Einstein makes important scientific discovery: Infertility unlikely to be inherited genetically.
- Japan declares Nanking an Ethics-Free Zone, thinking that it would draw evil people to Nanking and away from Japan, where they were causing trouble by spouting erotic and grotesque nonsense. The Zone is too successful, however, and so Japan ordered the Ethics-Free Zone to become an Ethics-Challenged Zone instead.
- Americanism in America declares the U.S. an "Ethnics-Free" zone, therefore we're all white people now, except the Hebes, Darkies, Yellers, HiSPanICs, Injuns and Jews. The idea of tolerance wasn't yet around, despite modern-day American Liberals praised F.D.R. for his New Deal socialism brought on equality of races, sexes and classes, when in fact it's pure BULLSHIT.
- The Rape of Nanking (note: this is not Encyclopedia Dramatica, so don't post sadistic sick rape jokes or type RAPE 1000 times to spam this page to death and the bandwidth is used up, so it will freeze to make the computer ASPLODE).
- British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain declares 'Peace In Our Time' while waving a silly scrap of paper. He also declares the Moon non-existent, and gives his famous 'Pigs Do Fly' speech.
- The Neville Brothers form around lead singer Neville Chamberlain.
- And his bro' Wilt Chamberlain of the Harlem Globetrotters formerly the separate but equal early NBA: two teams the white North Dakota Snowglobe Reindeer and the black South Carolina Spikes Spooks Spades Kikes Japs Spicks and Spans.
- Adolf Hitler can have part of Czechoslovakia if he promises not to start a war within six months.
- Adolf Hitler takes all of Czechoslovakia and Chamberlain forgets his 'Pigs Do Fly' Speech.
- Chamberlain sets up a Commission to check on the 'remote' probability of having a War in Our Time.
- The Commission discovers that the British Defences amount to three bits of plywood, some iron bollards, five twigs and a horse named Rodney.
- Britain states that it intends to re-arm...marginally...
- In recognition of the Munich crisis, American wire services and radio networks declare a moratorium on domestic news for the remainder of the year. For this and many other reasons, no verifiable reports exist of anything happening in the United States in 1938, except that H.V. Kaltenborn and Queen Elizabeth broadcast live for three months from a bathtub in the CBS studios.
- October 31: The Martian War of New Jersey breaks out, with tripods sending heat rays into Secaucus, Geritolopolis, Cape May, Oklahoma, your mom, and various other towns and cities in the vicinity. Orson Welles was said to have started it by giving a Martian taxi driver the finger.
- December 23 Jesus plays a game of chess with Adolf Hitler it wouldn't be resolved until he decides to shoot himself in 1945.
- Queen Elizabeth gives birth in her bathtub, to show the proles, like her great-grandmother Queen Victoria took some good drugs to reduce labor pains, on how not prude they are or hidden birthing should be.
- British Member of Parliament Winston Churchill issues the famous "Who the fuck are you looking at?" address to Adolf Hitler.
- Chamberlain proceeds to ( along with whoever the fuck was the leader of France) pussy out of fighting the Germans and preventing WWII from ever really heating up, though they wouldn't have done much anyway.
- Leon Blum. Jewish, right?
- Adolf Hitler wets his pants and protests to Chamberlain.
- Chamberlain declares that Churchill should never have offended the Fuhrer and quickly disbands half the British Army.
- Real 1939 worlds fair begins, theme centre becomes target practice for German Bombs due to their shape.
- Thomas Edison's campaign to sell direct electrical current under the "No imaginary power here, it's all 100% real energy" marketing strategy ends upon the outbreak of WWII.
- The Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition is held for the first time as Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler, and Emperor Hirohito begin a frankfurter eating contest during a roadtrip to Rome.
- Bob Barker is apparently given an infinite amount of money. The IRS come knocking. Hilarity ensues.
- Francium is discovered at the Curie Institute in Paris.
- April 23 - Buddha is born.
- Germany are invited for tea by Poland. Punch was also served.
- September 1 - Something happened in Euorpe, but nobody cared about it.
- Ash Ketchum decides not to start World War 2, but sadly his Wartortle is completely owned by Adolf Hitler's Charazard, thus putting Poland under the rule of Donald Trump.
- Adolf Hitler wipes out the dinosaurs.
Hitler doesnt get his period, blames poland for pregnancy, aborts baby, France declares it was their baby, France attacks.
- Jews cause an up rising in Germany during WWII and kill Hitler and go back in time with Marty Mcfly in the Dolorian and become the dominate race and now we are all Jews!
- June 3- In the Sultanate of South Carolina, a period known as Gay Hysteria is started when gays raped (4 guys) and killed (53 girls) in Summerville, South Carolina.
- "I'm the Gizzard Queen".
- Steve Guttenburg becomes the first man to swim the English Channel, then continues on to Germany where he gives Adolf Hitler a wedgie.
- Walt Disney is created by Rasputin as a demi-god. He is later put up for adoption for legal reasons and taken in by a family in Iowa.
- Hermann Goering leaves the Nazi Party and founds Bavarian Fried Scheisse. The company is so successful that Hitler gets jealous and starts a rumor that Scheisse doesn't mean "Yummy Chicken" as it really does, but that it means Shit. Within weeks Goering has to close his new restaurant and go back to the Nazi Party.
- First Nazi Scientists goe to another world.
- In this dimension the year is 70AH (Year dating for Annal Hitler), Washington DC is the capitol of a global Reich Empire. Also it is named "Hitlerburg, Die Germania". Die Fuehrer Hitler presides from the balcony, thanks to his cryogenic sleep chamber to keep him young for a 1000 years.
- Scaremongers are saying that the new war with Germany may could turn 'a bit nasty'.
- March 10: Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris begins his reign of terror, which goes on for 70 years.
- Germany completes its demolition of Poland.
- Nazis begin their vacation around Europe.
- Germany takes Denmark.
- Germany takes Norway.
- Germany takes Finland.
- Germany takes your mum.
- Germany takes you.
- Germany takes New Jersey.
- Germany takes Jonas Brothers
- Germany takes your virginity
- Germany takes your dog's virginity
- Germany takes Canada
- Diarrhea is found to be hereditary; it runs through your jeans.
- On second thought, Germany gives your mum back.
- Some people are really beginning to worry about Germany.
- Germany takes Luxembourg. 44 sheep and 2 shepherds die resisting.
- France declares it has nothing to fear from the Germans because the Maginot Line will protect the French and their Allies.
- Germany takes the Netherlands.
- Germany begins drafting Pokemon to decrease the number of German deaths.
- France declares the Maginot Line will secure the country.
- Germany takes Belgium (It is rumoured the Nazis just did it for the chocolate, after all, why else would they be there?).
- Germany takes candy from a baby.
- Some Allied Generals realize that this could be discomforting.
- Germany cheats and unexpectedly invades France from Belgium! (Well, they did do it in 1914...) The French High Command states that all French are 'deeply offended'. "We had the Maginot Line to the east, you know. This Hitler character clearly isn't a gentleman, I mean we had already provided the Maginot Line with thousands of white flags!" says General Charles de Gaulle after fleeing to Britain and surrendering to Churchill.
- Germany declares that it will take Sweden, ja ja ja. Nazi forces are subsequently turned back by a barrage of surströmming.
- The Dialects declare war on the world.
- June 24 - The first samples of the recently discovered Francium is surrendered to a test-tube filled with germanium.
- Pesticide is first proposed as a potential doomsday weapon by a team of Monarch butterflies at MITE.
- Francium becomes to unstable and decays into Vichy Francium.
- As a national defense move, Hoover Dam is temporarily filled with Nutella.
- Snakes on a Plane is reinvented as a Nazi propaganda film.
- The Battle of Britain takes place, featuring an all-star cast including Michael Caine, Trevor Howard, Laurence Olivier, Christopher Plummer, Ian McShane and some Spaniards masquerading as German extras...oh wait, that was the film.
- Prophet John Lennon is born, meanwhile Yoko Ono hits puberty.
- WW76 hasn't happened yet.
- Invention of magic cubbord by jesus as a refundable gift to humantiy.
- For some reason, Germany never took Sweden and Switzerland.
- Himmler commented on the French people looked like gibbons and Italians were mulatto. What a bunch of racists them Nazis are.
- It is still acceptable to refer to Germans as "krauts".
"These individuals are a stain on recorded history. We may just have to blow up the building again. The real trick will be isolating the explosion - we don't want to rebuild the cafeteria more often than we have to. We were going to practice on Elementary schools in the American Midwest, but nobody here wants to read any more angry letters from mourning parents."
— University of The North Pole spokesman on removing the '1941 Believers' cult from the basement
- Japan begins taking countries again. Nobody notices because Germany already did that.
- Many attribute the year's strange "disappearance" to some sort of extraterrestrial brainwash, or possibly people trying to forget the tragedies of World War VII, and/or the completion of Mount Rushmore. Among the scarce information, 1941 is said to have been the year when Adolf Hitler and FDR were forced to live together in the then-popular reality series "Axis 'n' Allies".
- Certain individuals, almost all of them drunk or in some sort of stupor, claim to have distinct recollections of 1941. In response to their persecution by the rest of the world (except for the male half of the United States, as it was Monday night and the game was on), these individuals moved to the North Pole, where they now take up valuable space in the History department of the University of The North Pole. Several attempts to remove them by faculty members have been woefully unsuccessful, as they appear to be frozen in several feet of permafrost, a process climatologists call "tenure."
- The Japs bomb Janis Joplin on some day in December of this year, apparently due to a navigational error while heading for Kitty Carlisle. None the less, the Americans were so glad they thought to reward the Japs with a series of fireworks. One accidently lands in the President's soup. He survived but the Americans - being, as they only could be, Americans - claimed it to be a Japanese attack and declared war upon the rest of the world.
- Steven Spielberg makes his first crappy movie in this year when he is given a Super 8 camera during the Los Angeles race riots.
- January 1 The Sultan of South Carolina, Burnett R. Maybank, uses military force to stop a gay riot in Charleston, 1890 die.
- February 3 The leader of the gays in the Sultanate of South Carolina, calls for a completely gay county named Gayshire, or else they will terrorize the people of South Carolina.
- February 4 Sultan Burnett R. Maybank states that, "We must kill all the goddamn faggots in South Carolina!"
- March 25 Gay terrorists bomb the First Federal Bank Tower in Charleston killing 4,000 people.
- A gay sniper shoots 16 sexy girls on the College of Charleston campus.
- December 25 Sultan Burnett R. Maybank is assassinated by the gays during a parade in Charleston.
- Winston Churchill declares that 1942 never existed. ("This Phoney Year nonsense is getting on my tits a bit. When are we to find the time to fight the bloody Nazzies?" ~~Winston Churchill)
“Oh yeah and forget about that Dieppe thing.”
- 1942 was the beginning of time, discarding many disputed Mayan prophecies.
- Battlefield 1942 v1.0 is released by EA and Dice, updated in 2267 to V1.001
- The first of the popular porn video series, Hitler Gone Wild, is released.
- September 5 - Cecil Christ III, the self-proclaimed descendant of Jebus, born to Cecil Christ II and his beloved hunting rifle Maisie.
- The famed restaurant, Grease Hut, opens its doors for the first time and begins to clog the collective arteries of America.
- German Scientists agree to allow the first Scene Kid into this dimension in exchange for Sauerkraut.
- Explosions were pretty common this year, especially in Europe and parts of the Pacific. Those explosions are believed to be artificial in origin, but the American Association of Petroleum Geologists questions this hypothesis and calls for conducting more research.
- September 14 In the Sultanate of South Carolina, College of Charleston students invent GayDAR, a device capable of detecting gays.
- This is the year the film "The Deer Hunter" takes place.
“In Soviet Union, Hitler shoots YOU!! Oh, wait...”
- Battle of Stalingrad - Annoyed that the Nazi army is closing on a city named after himself, Soviet dictator Uncle Joe Stalin oils up his muscles, puts on fighting camouflage makeup and parachutes behind German lines. "This time, it personal" he is said to have growled.
- Battle of Guadalcanal - US forces retake the island of Guadalcanal (pronounced KhkchwAAAAd'lcanal)from the Japanese. The Japanese return home to plot the destruction of America in a flood of Hentai, Pokemon and cheap VCRs.
- The Casablanca Conference. Winston Churchill and FDR Roosevelt meet in Casablanca, Morrocco. Churchill is surprised to see Roosevelt, who left him all alone and miserable when the Germans took Paris, and bitterly notes that "Of all the plush gentlemen's clubs in all the towns in all the world, he had to walk into mine". He learns that Roosevelt is married to resistance leader Eleanor Roosevelt, and eventually realises that he must sacrifice his own happiness so that the Roosevelts can be together, both for FDR's happiness and for the good of the resistance. Then he walks off with Charles de Gaulle. 'This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the beginning of a beautiful friendship.' ~~ Winston Churchill.
Britian fends off Germany on it's home court. Key words...HOME COURT.
- The Damnbuster Raids, with the bouncing bombs that resembled undercover industrial trash cans in drag ('Man, ze English are all fucked up...ein frickin' bouncing bomb!' ~~ German Survivor of the Raid)
- Battle of the Kursk - A German tank offensive that ran straight up against Trofim Lysenko's mutated wheat monsters.
- Many homefront saboteurs defeated by Batman (...and his orchestra).
- The computer invented by Sir Albert Gore.
- Nobel Prize in Physics won by Doctor Who.
- The height of the Nazi eugenics project to produce a "pure-Aryan superrace".
- The project failed by killing off 6 million of their specimens by gift gas.
- First artificial colon built by researchers in Florida.
- First artificial colon farts itself out of existence in Florida.
- The London-Bangkok pneumatic railway tunnel is completed. Three days later, the Japanese fill it with a mysterious substance later determined to be water.
- Military engineers in Australia invent a form of exploding gorilla. This has no practical use, but is considered very funny by all. Churchill sees it as a major step for peace and understanding around the world.
- Lawmakers embark on the first version of the Jude Law.
- Lassie Come Home sweeps the Oscars, winning 15 awards, including Best Actor for Lassie and Best Performance Whilst Stuck Down A Well for Timmy. Churchill sees this film as a major step for peace and understanding around the world.
- Oscar for Best Explosion goes to Robert Oppenheimer (...and his orchestra).
- High School Musical is shown in theatres. It sucked more than Zac Effron's acting.
- Batman (...and his orchestra) compose the famous hit Stairway to Gotham, an anthem to Churchill's peace and understanding around the world.
- Robert Oppenheimer (...and his orchestra) bomb the heck out of Batman, after their hit single Bomb Bomb Bombin' on Gotham's Door came only second at the World War Music Awards.
- Benito Mussolini loses both the control of Italy and that of his 'most fascist' bladder. The Italians nominate Versace as their Godfarter. 'Atsa fine, boss' ~~ the Italians.
- Zanzibar proclaims independence from Montenegro, much to the confusion of the Montenegrans, who were unaware that Zanzibar was a colony of theirs. 'I had no idea. Did you?' ~~ a Montenegran.
- Montenegro protests to Zanzibar 'I mean, you could have said that we owned you couldn't you?' ~~ another Montenegran.
- Adolf Hitler marries Prince Queer XVI of Canada. Churchill sees this as yet another major step for peace and understanding worldwide.
“Huh huh. Bulge. Huh huh.”
- During one of those days, a group of young women in Istanbul attended a small parade of children, each carrying a different small animal on his or her shoulders. One of those animals, a wydot, leapt into the crowd as the parade left the large central square, striking several of the young women with its prehensile toes. Most of the young women abided by their lifelong training in personal restraint, only modestly cursing under their breath about the foul stench the wydot carried with it in a small red leather Gladstone bag. One woman, however, whose name is forever lost because it was utterly unpronouncable, had the courage (or ill manners, depending on one's perspective) to call out the young boy who had brought the wydot to the parade. As she screamed for the young boy's death, an ambulance carrying the dauphin lost control and spun into the crowd, killing the boy and the young woman instantly. The ambulance doors flew open on impact, and the dauphin fell to the pavement, where his eyes were immediately gouged out by a pair of turtledoves.
- After the event, onlookers claimed that the eyes of the dauphin were as ephemeral as pee in a pool. Thus was born the saying, "we don't swim in your toilet, and would be very happy if you didn't either." The Turkish magazine The Saturday Evening Foot Odor devoted a special issue to the story, whose brightly colored chromolithographs were framed and worshiped as icons in many Anatolian bathrooms.
- As a footnote, less important incidents in this year included the Battle of the Bulge, in which Charles de Gaulle is thought to have said "Please don't eat it". To whom, and what for, nobody yet knows; though Professor Roy Falsetto thinks it was to his future wife Paris Hilton, who was about to eat the neighboring post office. Others think Falsetto is simply a naughty boy who needs spanking.
- Robert Oppenheimer and Batman develop their First Oh My God It's Gonna Explode Theorem on the World War.
- Conan O' Brien is elected to be the king of Finland, Tarja Halonen is voted in as queen.
- Captain America defeats the Japs at Iwo-Jima.
- Montenegro invades Zanzibar, claiming "we want you back."
- July 4 Los Angeles, California, USA: Mexican invasion halted when our fighting men: sailors and soldiers, heavily drunk, beaten up some brown people wearing zoot suits, and to prepare for fighting Wops, Japs and Coons next.
- August 15 Within the Sultanate of South Carolina, the first gay is tracked down by the Charleston Police Dept. using GayDAR.
- September 12 In Sumter, South Carolina a gay in the military goes on a shooting rampage through Shaw Air Force Base, killing 9.
- October 31 In the gayest city in the Sultanate of South Carolina, Myrtle Beach, gays kill 90 people inside of a Holiday Inn.
- Claus von Stauffenburg comes back in time, kills Hitler, and alters time so that technology (warp drive, plasma screen TV's, ETC.) can be researched and produced as early as 1950. Also, the event led to Beavis and Butthead being created a decade early and ending at the exact day King of the Hill began.
- CBBC begins airing the popular puppet show Captain Scarlet.
- Neutral Milk Hotel is formed.
- A young girl named Katulatakulu etc etc blah blah blah. You know what happens.
- April 5 - USSR deploys troops in Yugoslavia to act as security at T.A.T.U. gig.
- April 20 - Paul Pressler is born.
- July - The Manhattan Project sees its first test.
- July - The Manhattan Project fails its first test; switches name to The Los Angeles Project.
- The Los Angeles Project succeeded by internment of all the Japs, "redlining" of South side from the East and west sides to keep out the "coloreds" and street beatings of "zoot suiters" 'til they run back to Mexico. But, Hollywood (or West and North Hollywood) is the headquarters of the World Jewish Zionist conspiracy.
- Lu Bu is dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
- Philip Seymour Hoffman shoots himself.
- Phillip J. Fry died.
- Neutral Milk Hotel breaks up.
- Victory hemp endorsed, promoted and supported by the feds, man!
- Satan goes on another drinking binge and plans the birth of George W. Bush, a man he deemed unsuitable for Earth years ago.
- Paul Simon moves in with Hitler into his S&M bondage tent on Upper West Side.
- America in its 13th year of economic depression (or was it since 1929?).
- Qwert Yuiop invents computer with magic. Al Gore then invents the series of tubes that is the internets.
- Iran and Soviet Union demand that Iran and Britain demand that everybody go home.
- Milton Hershey chokes on a baguette in Rwanda and creates the Tootsie Roll in his last testament. Which is later discoved not be the last one.
- The German World Tour comes to an end in Berlin and a mysterious mushroom thingy, seen in Hiroshima by Oprah, confirms the Second Batman-Oppenheimer Oh My God It's Really Gonna Explode Theorem on the World War.
- Large, allegedly artificial, explosions are witnessed over Hiroshima, Japan, and Nagasaki, Japan. George W. Bush and Sarah Palin, seeing only clouds in those areas, question whether the explosions were artificial and whether they occurred to begin with. They point to the Old Farmer's Almanac, which says that no artificial explosions are expected over Japan, and they point to dissident scientist Hirohito Showa, who asserts that any evidence of huge artificial explosions are dubious. (Showa died in 1989 and was reincarnated as Baghdad Bob.)
- The Norwegian Fascist Party declare themselves as Fremskrittspartiet, stating that they're no longer the bad guys anymore.
- The United States of Germania is formed.
- After development of the A-Bomb, Albert Einstein is jailed for helping to create a WMD.
- Adolf Hilter is assassinated by Jerry Seinfeld while on tour with Megadeth. Seinfeld would later become the 47th President, after being frozen in carbonite and put into storage in Hangar 18 at Area 51 for 36 years.
- Van halen kicks off their world tour in the United States of Germania.
- Giant Two Year Knees Up begins in London to the tune of "Roll Out The Barrel".
- The U.S. annexed Japan, Korea, Taiwan, China, Vietnam and the Philippines.
- Homer Simpsons born in Springfield, Illinois.
- Soekarno founded the East-Indies Empire, or mostly known as "Indonesia", the place of the most corrupt leaders in the world.
- Hitler shot himself in the planet, when he got pwned by Stalin, when they played 1.6.
- WE FUCKING WON!!!!! YESS YESS YESSSS FUCKING YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!111111!!!!1!!!1!
- After the riotous commercial success of World War II, it was agreed by most world leaders, and the US President, that having a 1946 would be pointless and unnecessary, and so 1945 skipped straight into 1947.
- This indirectly caused the Great Mathematician Suicide of 1947.
- Not so indirectly, it caused Winston Churchill to shit licorice babies.
- The martial art of Kung Pow is first practiced by Kung Pow Master Wei Tei Lei.
- The entire nation of Vietnam becomes an amusement park called the Vietnam Adventure! The most popular attraction in the park is the Jungle Cruise.
Aliens ElvisCraftsman Tools puts the Dremel rotary multi-tool on hardware store shelves in time for the Christmas Shopping Season.
- Tom Cruise appears in a dream and says "Hooray to Scientology" to Ron Hubbard.
- April 12 - The United Nations is formed, with little to no hope of a better future.
- April 20 - The League of Nations is dissolated and the United Nations takes its place, in which by then most people already want it to be destroyed, just like its predecessor.
- Kaboom! said Hiroshima'
- Freddie Mercury burst fully-grown from the head of Zeus, his father.
- Sweet and sour sauce was discovered by Dr. Von Fungi.
- George Bush is forged in the depths of Mordor.
- John McCain calls for drilling for oil to avert any future potential artificial explosions over Japanese cities. A mad rush to Alaska begins, leading to the invention of Baked Alaska.
- Hermann Goering is sentenced to death by the Nuremberg Tribunal. Two hours before his hanging Goering takes the time travel pill he forgot he had in his pocket. After stopping off in 1970's Birmingham, England for a Slurpee, he continues on to the twenty-first century where it's rumored he runs a Starbucks Franchise.
- Prussia gets raped by Russia
- Russians not only stay for tea in Poland, but also for coffee. A looong coffee.
- The centuries old Japanese criminal organization Xianggang, on the run from authorities, unfortunately choose as their hideout the Caribbean island, Bikini Atoll shortly before the US nuclear test.
- Cheese first harnessed for the power of evil.
- An Ass-hole called India was sighted.
- Pakistan left her for someone else.
- Africa was divided into 50 pieces (or states) by the British.
- Alfred Kinsey makes a breakthrough in his chav theory
- Holly Bolly invented the tree.
- The machine Bob Hope became self-aware.
- Bob Marley was born.
- Bob Marley was sold to Chinese goths.
- Bob Marley bought a guitar.
- Bob Marley had his guitar confiscated by Chinese goths.
- Bob Marley ate a sandwich.
- Bob Marley drank a glass of milk.
- Bob Marley escaped.
- Bob Marley got his guitar back.
- Bob Marley fell in a bottomless pit.
- Bob Marley proved that there was a bottom in the bottomless pit.
- March 14 - Construction begins at the Four Mile Peninsula nuclear power plant in the Grand Republic of Cleveland.
- March 20 - Slovanian male model Chris Wilson is born.
- April 8 - The Nun Wars are held in Switzerland.
- February 4, Corrine Pulliam Quayle has an exceptionaly large bowel movement. it is later discovered to be Dan Quayle.
- May 22 - The Cold War douse NOT begin.
- May 27 - The Mexican Space Program launches 20th rocket powered by jumping jelly.
- June - "Flying saucer" sightings in the Western U.S. and the occupants looked like them Yellers or Brown Mexicans. Are them Russians? No, they're Nazis.
- July 4 - A
n alien spacecraftweather balloon crashed in Roswell, Old Mexico.
- July 8 - CONTACT. U.S. government made a deal with a living grey alien in Wright-Patterson Air Base in Dayton, Ohio.
- August - The first modern suburb Levitt-town, N.Y. (or was it New Jersey? Pennsylvania? they are all the same!) and other plain blend cookie-cutters to follow, today Levitt-town is another ghetto after they had to let in Blacks, Latinos and Rednecks to buy their "block-busted" homes.
- November - Chinatown declares itself as an independent state and a 5 billion year long great war erupts, killing billions of people all across the universe.
- Submarine Golf invented 19 July by Lt Cdr Clark Springheel DSO RN.
- Giant Two Year Knees Up finally ends, taking with it the British Empire.
- Last Yellers (Japanese people) allowed to return in California, like nothing happened.
- CIA discovers that the band on tour with Hitler at the time of his assassination was not actually Megadeth, but an assassination squad of robo-doppelgangers. The real Megadeth was cryogenically frozen during the shooting of the Hangar 18 music video and transported into the past to be stored alongside Jerry Seinfeld in that very same hangar.
- January 30 - Mohandas Ghandi, the international Street Fighter, dies.
- 1 February 1 - Soviet Union begins to jam with DJ Lauren Bacall.
- March 1 - The Great Jew Convention convened under president Vin Diesel to restore the nation of Israel. A rider to the resolution allows the public to receive television broadcasts for the first time. Civilian use of the idiot light had previously been banned by the GJC International Media Conspiracy oversight committee.
- March 9 - F. Murray Abraham passed an ancient Italian blood ritual endowing him with superpowers rivaling those of Oprah.
- March 31 - Al Gore is invented by the Internet. In Russia, of course.
- April 4 - The Marshall Mathers plan to flood Europe with rap music commences.
- May 1 - MS Paint invented by Linus Torvalds. It is initially sold in cans in hardware stores until someone realizes that that is not the point. The product is then withdrawn for extensive retooling.
- June 16 - Communist gorillas kill three nice-smelling plants in Malay. Researchers are split on whether the hairy mammals
were actually communist or not.
- July 4 George Orwell writes At Last! The 1948 Book!; sells 200 million copies within the first nanosecond of its existance.
- A 21-ton coal-fed Xerox machine goes on sale. The first copies emerge from it early in 1949.
- Western powers airlift capitalism into West Berlin, saving it from inferior communism imports.
- August - Levitt-town became the symbol of American overconsumption, pollution and cultural conformity, the foundation of Liberalism against all that.
- Sept. 24 - Rosh Hashanah became legal, so was Yom Kippur, Hannukah, Purim, Pesah and all the other Jewish holidays.
- Oct. 31 - Halloween banned in America, due to demonic, pagan, homosexual and communist references.
- Nov. 5- DEWEY WINS! Oh wait a minute, Truman wins. Imagine if Fox News were around back then.
- Dec. 25 - Jesus Christ declared the official hero of America.
- December 32 - the rare extra day to keep our calendars on track. Government timekeeping station WWV devotes the day to an extended Gene Krupa drum solo.
- January 14 - see November 28, 1936, for the event previously believed to have taken place today.
- April 3 - World Pillow Fight Day is conceived after an angry Welsh farmer hit his wife with another sheep.
- April 4 - Iceland inadvertently declares war on the USA, a blunder that leads to the accidental formation of NATO.
- July 6 - Phyllis Hyman was born.
- October 1 - The Modern Chinese Empire, continues its conquest of the world.
- June 16 - Lucky day for a birth! Several world famous persons have seen the first light of night on this date.
- October 29 - Shinto monks from southern Unamerica state that the world will fall into the sun in February. A mass slaughter of rams is held to celebrate. Stealers are victorious.
- Satan was arrested in Los Santos with CJ on charges of DUI and assaulting hookers.
- G. I. Gurdjieff never dies, and in the words of Yogi Berra, "he still does."
More or Less around 1950
- Weaselpudge was introduced to earthlings by the Tree People of Heranus.
- The Good Ole' Days occur in the United States.
- The U.S. had 48 states back then, but everybody seemed to wanna move in 2 of 'em (Florida and California).
World War III started in 1950. Duh. I thought you'd know that.
Used as a loose reference in time, an era, centered around the success of Howdy Doody. Simulates an expression of "ancient"...
Did you know:
- Drugs, or narcoticums as we know them, were invented in 1950 by a descendant of the viking Tore Hund.
- You can eat 1950 hot dogs in one sitting before your stomach explodes?
- Koreans were pretty violent for some reason near the end of the year 1950?
- Walt Disney was, in fact, a large wooden badger?
- The H-Bomb didn't stand for Hydrogen Bomb, but in fact stood for Hoochie mama Bomb?
- Sassafrass is a funny word?
- "Nigger" was considered funny.
- "Gay" meant happy except in South Carolina.
- "Damn" was a bad word.
- "Communist" was BAD WORD, really BAD.
- So was "Pregnant", they were called "expectant".
- You can buy the bible for only $19,50?
- 1950 people have exploded as the result of a laxative overdose.
- It's impossible to divide 1950 by anything other than 1 and 1950. This means 1950 is a Fine number.
- Sunday's on the phone to Monday, Tuesday's on the phone to me.
- Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are pulled over in Pismo Beach for possesion of firearms without a license.
- October 1 - Harry S Truman assassinated by two Puerto Ricans, Benito Mussolini and Adolfo Hitlerino.
- "Mexicans" were considered by white Americans a bunch of Communist spies with names like Jose Stalez and Fidel Castro).
- "Jews", "Canadians" and "Southerners" were passing white, American and patriotic, but if you're Irish, Italian or Polish, you're just a "mick", "wop" and "polack".
- "Mormons" are still considered Christians...sorta.
- Chinese, Japanese, North or South Koreans and Vietnamese, Filipinos and Hawaiians look "the same" to white Americans.
- Puerto Ricans, Cubans and any other Latino types were called "Spicks", it got worst after one of 'em tried to assassinate President Hairy Ass Truman.
- An overweight man eats a donut.
- some guy kills an ant.
- Ants Retaliate and lauch nuclear weapons at Moscow and Washington D.C
- Americans never were overweight, then came white bread and fast food joints.
- Bushes were wacked.
- Clintons were kids back then.
- U.S and Russia Signed Treaty with the Union of Socialist Ant Federationed Democries.(USAFD)
- Ms. Hillary Rodham grew up in the Hamptons, Long Island with a silver spoon hidden under her dodo-feather pilow in her chrome gold rimmed bed...up her ass, while William Jefferson Blythe grew up in the sticks of Western Arkansas with tree snakes in the back yard outhouse...up his ass.
- Everything was 5, 10 or 25 cents.
- The average annual income in America was $2,000.
- America was the only country (well, there was also Canada, Australia and New Zealand too) deemed the "promised land" full of "peace, progress, prosperity, freedom, liberty, justice, the land of opportunity" and "God's chosen kingdom".
- and best of all, we're the ONLY ones back then to possess the A-bomb.
- Plasma Screen TV, Warp Drive, and ETC. invented (in top secret in Area 51).
- January 16 Sultan James Byrnes takes power in South Carolina.
- Funkenstein is born.
- March 6 Gay terrorists bomb the Hilton Head Lighthouse and snipe off 10 straight couples on the beach in Hilton Head.
- "Mid Century" American architecture in houses, automobiles and art, now worth collecting to show how everything blend can be "chic" in 2008. :-/
- Apr 4 - The world's favourite missile, the Tomahawk, goes on sale in Walmart.
- Being black no longer punishable by rape in several American states, legal punishment downgraded to flogging.
- August 25 In the Sultanate of South Carolina, Native American engineers at Winthrop University in Rock Hill invent the cellphone.
- Adolf Hitler is raised as a zombie, but is swiftly dealt with by the combined force of Jackie Chan, Steven Segal and Jesus. Lu Bu Clones himself later that day.
- The famous quote comes out "what would you do for a klodike bar, once someone punches a cactus for the delicous treat!
1952 has many, many meanings. Far too many to describe without going into a rambling discourse like this one isn't. Suffice to say that, when talking about 1952, someone means:
In the year 1952, Elizabeth II became Queen of England, mainly because with a surname like 'II', there aren't many other jobs you can do. If her full name had been Elizabeth Farmer, she might've spent her days fiddling with cows.
- Television sets were just about in every upper-middle-class home if they could afford one.
- The Ununited Counties of America ratified a peace treaty with Brazil which was good for the rain desert.
- The Banana Olympics were held in Oslo.
- Some European counties like Mongolia, France, North, Germany, Italy, Netherlands and Legum signed a pact of solidarity.
- February 29 - Albert Carter is born.
- July 6 - The egg is invented by Scientists at Wallsend University.
- November - Armed forces general Dwight Eisenhower elected military dictator of the U.S. sided with guess who? Richard Nixon was the vice president. The U.S. government either segregated, interned and exterminated "enemies of the state": Liberals (Communists), "negroes" (blacks), beatniks (pre-hippies) and "tomboys" or "sissyboys" (homosexuals).
- Eight minutes to eight o'clock in the evening, particularly if they're a railway station announcer. To be honest, if you asked me what time it was, and it was 19:52, I'd be more likely to say 'about ten to eight'.
- Nineteen foot two, which is quite tall (for people, a bit less tall for skyscrapers). If they mean this, clean your lug'oles out, cloth-ears.
- Most American women back then would be classified as "fat" today, but the feminists and P.C. left don't even know that fact.
- An American man MUST wear a suit wherever he goes, has slacks on with NO wrinkles, plain black shoes that costed more than the original sneakers, and wears a hat when outside, but HAS TO take it off when sitting on a table or greets customers, esp. those ladies wanna see your hair for like 5 seconds.\
Horoscope:1953 started in early January which means that she's a Capricorn and so she's loyal and giving but sometimes a bit of a scatterbrain - anyone wondering why there was no August in 1953 will know what i mean!!!! LOL. When 1953 starts looking for love, and what year isn't!!!1!, then she best set her heart on a Pisces or a hunky Scorpio. Which means 1953 should be going for years that started in early March or late October - so no moist moments in the 15th century LOL :) , but according to Stephen Hawking 1957 started in October and he's well fit <3 - 1957 i meeeeean not Stephen Hawking he's a radio controlled spaz ROFL!!!!!.
- The future is born. Harley Earl promptly gives it a domed crib with chrome lining, tailfins, and a silver grille.
- The peak of the "baby boom" generation between like 1942 and 1964.
- Sex education, Free-thinking and Rock n' roll are forbidden in America.
- Drugs like antipsychotics prescribed to repressed housewifes and cigarettes smoked by everyone from your parents to the Pope, but NEVER anyone under age 13.
- Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay tell everyone they climbed Everest.
- "I love Lucy" starring loud-mouthed comedienne Lucille Ball and her sleezy latin lover Desi Arnaz was the first big TV show.
- Elizabeth II is crowned 'Queen for a day' live on television.
- Interrupted by "Ike"'s inaguaration to the white house, "Tricky Dick" Richard Nixon is the vice president and the whole government was...Republican. We didn't see that again until 50 years later.
- This just in: Josef Stalin dies. His moustache continues governing the USSR for several weeks.
- And a MORE important development: Lucille Ball has a baby. The FCC censors get nervous: Sex and death was never discussed on TV, nor was politics and religion...right?
- Utah rediscovered. First found in 1832, it was later lost sometime in the late 1940s. As the state's representatives in Washington could not explain what had happened they were tried for misappropriating government property and the 5 prettiest congressmen were stoned to death.
- The first trailer park is invented.
- Onanism over takes pederasty as the largest spectator perversion in Norway.
- The Bermuda Triangle, in a brilliant move, does the unexpected and sites itself off the coast of Cornwall.
- Omar Sharif begins acting career at Blockbuster.
- August 2: President Thomas Whitmore is born and an earthquake kills like a million people in San Francisco. Coincidence?
- Meanwhile, astrologers urged a young Hollywood actor named Ronald Reagan to run for politics, be it a state, federal or international level.
- CIA messes with Winnipeg. Winnipeg has never been the same since.
- Ethan Woodward is born, and his atomic jazz changes the world.
1954 (also known as Tits McGee)
- January - The first nuclear submarine is introduced at Subway and Mr. Sub franchise outlets across North America to a great fanfare.
- Prime Minister Louis Saint-Laurent of Canada completes construction of the St. Lawrence River with pick and shovel, naming it in his own honour.
- February - The first battle of the Vietnam War takes place at Dien Bien Phu. France surrenders within a matter of weeks.
- March - Toronto Subway opens, giving Torontonians somewhere to eat their nuclear-fresh submarine sandwiches.
- Torontonians refuse to come back up from underground on hearing reports that US has tested its first hydrogen bomb.
- March 14 - The first International Pie Day is celebrated in Wank, Bavaria.
- April - The ad jingle "Rock around the Clock" makes its début in an ad for a large 24-hour rock quarry, later to become the Hard Rock Café after finally hitting rock bottom. Elvis ate a burger and Rock and Roll was born.
- May - North Vietnam commences hostile occupation of France May 7 after their humiliating defeat at Dien Bien Phu. No one notices.
- US Even Supremer Court abolishes racial segregation in schools, leading way for exposure of more students to hideous rap music.
- The United States, formerly entirely black-and-white, begins to appear in colour with the exception of Kansas.
- June - Population of Las Vegas quietly replaced with flamingos.
- June - A CIA-supported coup overthrows democratic rule in Guatemala; US-backed guerilla warriors place a Republican monkey on crack in charge of the entire banana republic.
- The Turing Test is used to determine that Turing is indeed dead and not merely a computerised robot.
- July - First Elvis sighting reported July 5 at Sun Records in Memphis. Sun later becomes a supermarket tabloid and continues to report weekly Elvis sightings to this day.
- President Joseph McCarthy commits suicide on camera during his popular afternoon cartoon show Big Brother Really Is Watching You. 500,000 children send letters of condolence.
- Godzilla is born.
- Disneyist activists, including Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, take over the Gracey Estate (frequently informally referred to as the Haunted Mansion) for 12 days, demanding independence for Disneyland. During the demonstration, Mouse gives the famous “I Dream of Having” speech.
- August - Last of the Nash automobiles roll over Guatemala, crushing the remains of the previous régime. Nash itself becomes part of AMC, which stands for Another Mediocre Car.
- September - 20-year U2 spy plane mission launched by the CIA; Eastern Bloc countries bombarded with annoying "With or Without You" tune, causing Communist forces to flee and hide themselves Where the Streets Have No Name, before regrouping on New Year's Day.
- October - West Germany joins NATO and Common Market, the first step toward re-establishing German control over all of Europe.
- November 31, 1954 - Jack Schitt is born the illigitimate child of tycoon Col. Cornyn Schitt and a young prostitute Chava Schitt.
- December - Santa Claus shot down over Alaska by Senator Ted Williams and labelled a Communist fellow traveller because of his bright red suit, the first use of colour in warfare, (World War I and World War II both having been fought in black-and-white).
- Esko Aho born in Finland.
- C. Everett Koop nearly invades Canada.
Everybody in 1955 was on fire.
- Johnny Cash's song "ring of fire".
- Elvis' song "that's alright Mama".
- Wayne Newton's song "Dankeschay".
- Chicano Negro who is "beige-colored" Art Laboe, first known radio DJ to air rock n' roll music from Los Angeles, later to follow by American Jew with long-hair "before it went in style" Wolfman Jack live from Rosarito, Mexico.
- Johnny Cash, Wayne Newton and Elvis weren't WHITE either, they are half-Injun...but are "All-American" just like the negroes were.
- Happy Days happened!!!!1 Happy Days, Happy Days, why am I singing this freaking song.
- January 1- America's apex, the leading global superpower and the U.S. dollar ruled the world market.
- Januari 26 - Pim Fortuyn died from a heart attack, due to Anne Frank thinking he was her dad.
- February 30- Groundskeeper Willie, philosopher born.
- March 17 - In the U.S., St. Patrick's Day declared a "White Christian American" holiday, after being identified as a drunken pagan ritual of the "Irish Catholic Micks" for over a previous century and still outlawed in Great Britain (esp. Northern Ireland).
- April 5 - Winston Churchill gives up politics and goes into insurance.
- April 6 - Hell freezes over, Devil skates to work.
- April 18 - Albert Einstein is thought to have died, but actually became Michael Dell.
- June 30 - In the Sultanate of South Carolina, Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) scientists invent AIDS to kill all the gays.
- July 17 - Treaty of Corporation is signed, giving Disneyland official recognition as an independent nation.
- October 1 - Rosa Parks takes cab. - Finnish President of Finland Matti Vanhanen born in Nurmijärvi.
- October 7 - Yo Mama is born for the third time.
- October 12 - The first pair of electric scissors were created by Marvin Gaye.
- October 28 - Satan's third son, antichristened William Robert Gates III (later known as Bill Gates) is born.
- October 31 - Contrary to common sense, Satan created Halloween in 1955 to celebrate the birth of his third son.
- November 5 - Marty McFly travels back to the year 1955 to perve on his 17 year old mother.
- November 12 - Marty McFly travels back to 1985 after the clock tower is struck by lightning
- November 16 - Marty McFly travels back to 1885.
- November 20 - Marty McFly returns aboard new Delorean, only to crash in Disneyland and get pwned in the crotch by the Chieftain of the Disneys. This is not very comfortable.
- November 19 - Canada invaded by Giant Ants.
- December 1 - Rosa Parks played a practical joke on the public bus in Montgomery, Birmingham, Alabama, Dixie, the south.
- December 2 - Rosa Parks arrested, booked and jailed for her joke.
- December 3 - She got a "friend" who she sleeps with, named Michael Carl Elroy Moe Jones, a quack reverend known to street preach in the Dark side of town.
- December 4 - The reverend changed his name to "Martin Luther" and added the term "King" to sell his image to defend a joker Ms. Parks.
- December 5 - There goes the neighborhood.
- December 9 - Jesus releases his first greatest hits album "Best Of Jesus: The Rockin' Years" is released...and was banned in 12 states.
- December 10 - In Brooklyn, a 14-year old Jewish woman, the mother of NewMessiahDavid attempts to have an abortion in a back alley.
- December 11 - The abortion failed, she has a baby boy on NewMessiahDavidmas.
- December 12 - In order to get herself off the hook, she creates a new "Messianic" religion of her baby boy is the NewMessiahDavid.
- December 13 - A new religious cult is born and relocated into Waco, Texas: hence came the Branch NewMessiahDavidian Compound: doomsday predicted on Easter Monday April 19, 1993.
- December 14 - Franklin D. Roosevelt's corpse is put on display at the Smithsonian.
- December 15 - Canada loses 500000 men in the Giant Ants battle.
- December 22 - Canadian Prime Minister is killed by Giant Ants.
- December 25 - Christmas in America, where we have Trust in God and everyone believed in Jesus, we're in a war against godless atheistic evil gay
- December 27 - Bear Grylls lands in Nova Scotia. Defeats Giant Ants by eating their queen. Explains to ant-ravaged nation how this can provide enough water and protein to survive in harsh climates.
- December 31 - A new religion Elvisism became illegal in 31 U.S. states.
- John conner goes back in to find to find Elvis.