2 Chainz

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“Fuck you, Uwe Boll! I can't like SpongeBob? I can't like Carebears? FUCK YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CHOCOLATE-COLORED ASS YOU BLACK PIECE OF SHIT! I'm an immature pedophile? OF COURSE NOT!!! YOU SHOULD BE THROWN IN HELL AND BE COOKED INTO ROAST BEEF BY THE DEVIL YOU LIFELESS SHITFUCK!!! Gosh, middle-schoolers are jerks!”

~ 2 Chainz on the guy who bllied him in middle school

“You seriously don't know how to spell 'chains'?”

~ Captain Obvious on 2 Chainz's low end vocabulary.

Twopert Jon-Jon Chainston ( December 30, 1990-June 9, 2013) known as just 2 Chainz,Boobie Man!, and Whoopi Goldberg is the laziest rapper in the gosh damn universe. His songs are filled with pointless bullshit about "drinking champagne on an airplane".

He formed a poitical rap group called Playaz Circle in 2012, but Dolla Boy (b. November 29, 1992) is LAZY!!!, so guess what.

The world didn't hear from Playaz Circle at all until June 2012, when their song "Buffle Dag Doy" came out.

Well that's because the faggot was in jail because he assassinated Bill Clinton on May 13, 2010. Come on, Dolla Boy.

Early life[edit]

Twopert J. Chainston (his real name) was born on December 30, 1990 in Nazi, Germany, to proud dissapointed parents Maumee (,b. December 29, 1974) and Daupee Chainz (b. September 12, 1972). Twopert was a huge accident and the Chainz family never expected a child on the way beforehand. Oh and plus they never got married. Theyre still dating and have been since January 1990 but havent married. Chainz was shot and killed in San Fransico on June 9, 2013. Now he got No Chainz!

Does this look like two chains to you? Go to the eye doctor dumbass. Its one fuckin chain. He Photoshopped this just to look cool.

For whatever reason he hated his mom. She said that Chainz was "a foolish, gumpy-ass anti-social boy with a brain disease.". His dad always told him these crazy-ass stories about the Holocaust. After that, Chainz had nightmares about being in the Holocaust until he had a master's degree in college. His classmates would always tease him for his names. Nobody would play any game 2 wanted to play because they said the games were for "little defensless braindead pedophiles". This made 2 Chainz really angry. He went up and kicked the bully in the balls so hard that the guy got testicular cancer and died 11 days later.

In May 1995, when 2 was let out of Preschool, his drunk great grandpa Dopple Bagg (b. March 30, 1936, grandpa of Mikkle Chainz (b. September 27, 1954), father of Maumee Chainz) bought the farm in a car accident. 2 bawled his eyes out, literally. But his mom was not sad. She actually was quite happy because her grandpa didmt care when she had a child one day after turning 16, needed help, and had to spend her 16th birthday in the hospital. Boo hoo.

His mom was too lazy to hold a funeral, so they instead ate his dead body for dinner.

Schoolar life[edit]

2 Chainz was a full blown underachiever in middle school. All his report cards had D's, F's, G's, W's, X's, ¥'s, and ¿¡£'s on them.

The reason was that 2 Chainz had no brain at all. He still spells "Hello", "Helow", he can barely count to 1 and a half, and he is not married.

2 Chainz was bullied for liking "Care Bears". One time, one of his bully encounters ended up with the teacher's desk in the parking lot.

He loved Spongebob, and once he got punched in the guts for imitating his laugh.


2 Chainz has never had a job and never will. That's because he totally sucks at life.


Years active: 2007-present

2 Chainz loved guns and weapons. He collaborated with Nirvana in 2004 with "Birthday Song". He wants a big boy gun for his birthday. Seriously, whath the hell is a "big boy gun"?


OK, the world has known 2 Chainz since 2007. He didn't even BEGIN to think of writing music until like, 2010! But, because he's such a lazy, donkey brained piece of shit who does'nt begin to qualify as a good rapper, he has too much money, hot ladies always hit on him, he can't be bothered to care at all.

Ok, here is a list of his bullshit, unepic pointless albums.

He DID collaborate with Nirvana in 2000, appeared in a few songs from 2004 and 2008, but other than that, he waited til fuckin 2010! What the hell, 2? Why so LAZY?!

  • Milk It Mr. Chainz! (Nirvana and 2 Chainz) (2001)
    • y2k is REAL! (4:25) January 31, 2000
    • Milk It (3:58) September 7, 2000
    • You See (3:41) November 6, 2000
    • Dare (5:09) February 6, 2001
    • Ready or Not (2:47) April 9, 2001
    • Half White, Half Black (4:27) June 29, 2001
    • May the Force Be With You (5:37) October 21, 2001
    • Gun Range (3:01) April 8, 2002
    • Blastah! (3:06) April 8, 2002
    • Never Known By Me (6:02) May 13, 2002
    • Stop Lying (4:06) May 31, 2002
    • Ah Hell Forget ABout It! (3:45) October 8, 2002
  • TRUREALigion (2011)
    • "All Tha Girls" 5:27 [June 9, 2010]
    • "But Mama, I Don't Wanna Be Your Wing-man!" 1:18 [August 3, 2010]
    • "That Stupid Disney Crap" 6:05 [October 8, 2010]
    • "Fuck Ya, MetaCritic" 3:26 [December 3, 2010]
    • "Bullion" 4:07 [April 1, 2011]
    • "The Cancer of the Century" (featuring Drake, will.i.am, Tech N9ne, Lil Wayne, and Royce da 5'9) 7:09 [May 8, 2011]
    • "Policticians Must Die" 4:06 [September 9, 2011]
    • "The Moon Talked to Me" (featuring Owel City, Fun., and Pusha T) 6:02 [July 25, 2011]
    • "Booooooooooooooooies" 4:15 [December 1, 2011]
    • "A Rooster in my Rarry" (featuring Waka Flocka Flame) 3:37 [December 8, 2011]
  • Based on a TRU story (2012)
    • "Hornets in the Death Trap" (featuring Nicki Minaj) 4:39 [April 4, 2012]
    • "Lamborginee Mercie" (featuring Stinky Poo Toilet, Puusha T, Fuzzy Q. Jones, Little Shawn) 5:34 [April 14, 2012]
    • "I Lie, I Lie, I Lieeieeie" (featuring Drake (or was it Big Sean?)) 4:02 [May 8, 2012]
    • "I Hate Them Klub Dancas" (featuring Micky Ninaj) 3:17 [August 29, 2012]
    • "We're all the same" 3:29 [September 5, 2012]
    • "Bands A Maek me Wanna Shoot Obama's Ballz off!" (featuring Juicy J and Big Wayn)4:19 [June 20, 2012]
    • "DJ, Turn it up-up-upupupupupupupupupupjprkhiohej8vy3958vy3647b45&%$B&#V^@#%@CC$%~C$$^YBVUI(MNLOL" 9:09 [September 1, 2012]
    • "I'm So Glad Your Dead" 5:06 [September 10, 2012]
    • "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude" 10:12 [September 12, 2012]
    • "Fuk Da Teechah!" 4:28 [March 31, 2013]
    • "I Am HIV (High, under the Influence, soon to become a drinking Victim)" (featuring Rihanna's Great-great-great grandpa (surprised that 380-year-old faggotcock can still snig!)) 6:06 [April 21, 2013]
    • "Hey I Have An Idea, Let's Get Lost in the Woods and eaten by the FoxPro wolf!" 4:27 [May 8, 2013]
    • "Based on a TRU Story" (featuring Young Jeezy, Dolla boy (the guy who was in jail), Earl Sweatshirt, The Lonely Island, Matchbox 21 (the sequel to Matchbox 20, which disbanded in 2003), Ghostface Killah, Busta Rhymes, Tupac Shakur's brother, $o$, 9/11 Lovah!, Tyga, ASAP Rocky, Kendrick Lamar, and Kelly Clarkson) 13:47 [June 21, 2013]
  Note: "Based on a TRU Story" is the longest song on tha album at 13:44. It was performed by 15 artists.
  • NU Album! (2013)
    • "TBA"
    • "TBA"
    • "TBA"
    • "TBA"
    • "TBA"

Featured songs[edit]

  • Break Stuff (6:43) [DTP featuring 2 Chainz] 29 Dec. 2002
  • Birthday Song (5:09) [Nirvana featuring 2 Chainz and Kanye O. West] 24 July 2004
  • Fitein the Club (4:09) [I 20 featuring Little Fate and 2 Chainz] September 12, 2004

Playaz Circle (2012-2016) Songs[edit]

  • Duffle Bag Boys (3:11) June 5, 2012
  • Better Nock (4:13) June 27, 2012
  • Smart (6:24) August 12, 2012
  • We Goin' Bankrupt (2:23) April 26, 2013
  • Big Dogs (9:42) [featuring Jiucy J, Lil' Fate and Young Jeezy] June 10, 2013

Playaz never released an album. Not one. That's because they're lazy, mostly 2 Chainz because Dolla Boy shot Bill Clinton in May 2002. They were going to release an album then, but never did. Dolla was jailed on May 19, 2002 and wasn't released until January 12, 2012, so they had to wait until then.

On September 15, 2012, 2 Chainz was shot by Obama, and almost died. He was admitted into the hospital the next day, and, surprisingly, was not released from the ER until March 22, 2013. That's why he is on hiatus.

After, and because of, all the trouble Playaz Circle had encountered in their 15-year existence, they officially decided to break up. They are considered inactive as of January 2013.