2100 AD - Before the End of Time

This is the timeline of nonexistent events. I hope you enjoy.

2100

• The world will end on a time of the space time continuum after a bunch of retards had been going around ranting about Y2.1K, and everyone goes back to sleep. 3 hours later the prophecy, which appears to have been postponed due to technical difficulties, comes true when GEORGE W. BUSH molests 90% of world to death. Then mysteriously everyone comes back to life so that the global timeline may continue, but everyone still has the horrible memory of that plastic face lurking about them. Oh, the horror.
• Zombies run out of food, start eating each other.
• Only the obese survived.
• British communist Comrade Neil Clark is still predicting communism's second coming.
• We run out of oil, thus the obese start eating each other. Soon, only Amy Whiner-house the Jew is left, and she commits suicide because there is no one for her to flip off.
• In 2101, War was begin.
• Ultra Quail Mach 25 is invented.
• The word stupid becomes the next word for sex
• Ultra Quail Mach 25 is recalled after 375 unconfirmed deaths,and 75 testicle related injuries.
• Doub-O is finally found, masturbating in his room with a Sonic doll.
• Pink Floyd forms reunion tour. This time the lasers in the light shows are real. They also literally play on the Dark Side of the Moon, despite many protests by lunar sea squids.
• 452,243 people are injured by lasers from the show, most living on the Dark Side of the Moon.
• I am damn sexy, and not just in someone's dreams either.
• Enter Shikari finally go on indefinite hiatus.
• The Quail Empire declares war on Mongolia, over quail reserves.
• Cardinals take over the shipping industry.
• Bill Clinton's grandson DID NOT HAVE RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN, again.
• Black people take over the world and establish the BBB (black, black, black).
• The world's population is estimates at 13-14 billion
• My Grandson finally fulfills my dream and takes over the world.
• The Simpsons actually becomes a live T.V. Series with Bart played by Elijah Wood, Lisa by Scarlett Johansson, Marge by Angelina Jolie and Homer by Brad Pitt.
• We forget that computers are good for use, and devour them in landslides.
• Duke Nukem Forever is finished but destroyed by a massive attack from a clan of apes named "The Simpsons" they were raped and killed shortly after by angry fans.
• Nathan Blake turns 100.
• Skynet wakes up in the hospital, goes home, makes toast, eats toast, plays the Sims 40 on his PS 50, makes coffee, forgets coffee, goes to check mail, cures common cold, decides to launch nukes later, forgets to launch nukes, watches re-runs hundred year old of Ed, Edd, and Eddy, makes a deep dish lasagna, blogs, goes on MySpace 99.0, takes a dump, reads "Harry Potter the 99th and the Hairy Back of Lord Moldyassbutt, Brushes teeth takes NyQuil, puts on grind guard ,and goes to sleep at 10:30 pm. Skynet wakes up yet again forgetting about the nukes. then the cycle restarts. For Now......
• Zombie Bellis born
• Zombie bellis smashes everything now
• Ash Ketchum finally realizes to use a thunder stone to evolve his weak Pikachu to a Raichu
• ninjas will burst out and attack only to get bored and blow up zombie bellis

2101

• War was beginning.
• Somebody set up us the bomb.
• Main screen turn on.
• |All your base are belong to us|.
• You have no chance to survive make your time.
• ZiG Launch.
  

  A picture of CATS, who took over all the bases
• The oxygen bomb is invented
• War just ended
• War was beginning again
• Jesus is uninvented causing all the Christians to kill themselves.
• Tensions were rising
• The Letter "W" is banned from Earth.
• First transgender president of USA (Aka, The Frozen "Hil. Dog" comes back to life)
• USA economy collapses (For the 25th time)
• The first race war - NASCAR vs Formula 1
• NASCAR and Formula 1 settle their differences and combine to create something twice as boring. ∰⊡∓∆⋩≮∵∤∐⊃⊖⋔
• Some people read this article and tell themselves " Ah men this is SO 2008"
• Mars collapses under it's own weight
• Goku rises from the dead. (for the 9001st time)
• But immediately dies right after
• Runescape Becomes too awsesome to handle. And So, Viagra was Created.
• KA.....MEEEEE......
• Paul finally finds out where all the lonely people come form.
• Liberals and conservatives start blaming each other for the world's problems.
• Taoists, Buddhists, and Confucians start killing each other in China.

2102

• The year 29910 is invented, (two thousand nine-hundred ninety-ten).
• Dhyllan rises from the pile of Windows Vistas and goes back to the moon and uses the Windows Vistas to load his bazooka and kill Steve Jobs. He then brings Bill Gates back from his crumbling mansion at Mount Olympus to rule over the Moon. Bill then moves the moon away from the Earth thus increasing global warming.
• Big brother canceled, the world rejoices, but asks "why couldn't it have happened 100 years earlier?"
• Aidan carves "AGN was here 2102" onto the wall from his deathbead.
• America stops the Yo Mama fad, Africa starts it.
• Runespace is still as (Cialis!!!!!) as ever.
• Elmo begins playing Runescape. He calls it interactive hide-and-seek.
• You Discover condoms.
• Simpsons celebrate their one millionth episode. Family guy dies happliy in his sleep.

2103

• This year is famous for the great bakery fire of Bent Creek on the small island nation of Spain.
• Bill Gates kills Dhyllan as Bill wanted sole credit for destroying the forces of Apple.
• Angry Dude attacks England.
• Adolf Hitler wannabes invent super elephant war machines.
• George Bush is reincarnated as a rabbit, but is killed shortly after by an Englishman. (But some legend has give light as to that he may still be alive, there have been sightings and ghost stories - it must be true!)
• Vinny Testaverde retires from NFL... the last time.
• Big Show changes his theme (to Bop It) once again.

2104

• President of Finland Paavo Väyrynen dropped from power.
• Also, Paris Hilton's great great granddaughter ascends to the throne of Kyrgyzstan where she is worshipped as a god and is above the law although she gets drunk and stoned every day, despite it been Post-Wahhabism in Saudi Arabia.
• Half-Life 4.765 releases for the pocket computer, Mac OSXXXX, PS40,000, and Qbox 1080 to the public, and is overall regarded as last week's steamed veggies, because an assorted bunch of geeks went forward in time to get the same game back in 2072.
• The Atlántida remnant proves that Humanity does not exist, which begins a perpetual world war lasting for a thousand years.

2105

• Dogs take over the world with their first invention of opposable pinkies. They soon give it back to humans because they see how bad it is and don't want to be the rulers when it blows up.
• January 10, 2105, Someone forgot to switch the time over and they never thought to mention it until July 2 but by then it was way too late to do anything about it, so they proclaimed the year to be the only repeated year in the history of mankind! so year 2104b came to be!
• Penguins begin to grow tree out of their heads and flippers. This new species of penguin is called the "Tree Penguin". Unfortunately, they start growing marijuana out of their bodies, leading to an unexplained fish shortage and an eerie smoke coming from Antarctica. Mars is affected by this smoke and scientists are baffled at the fact that penguins figured out how to roll a joint and had the ability to hold it.

2107

• Antarctica melts, with the penguins laughing, leaving the tombs of Jimmy Hoffa, James Gandolfini, Jim Carrey, and assorted other Jim's (JAMES). This came to be known as the Temple of Jim. 666 Jims where discovered by a Chinese archeological team.

• Barney the Dinosaur, the formal ruler of the galaxy, gets challenged to a card game by the Non-Huffable Kitten and loses. Barney is then thrown to a gray hole by Non-Huffable Kitten and dies.

• The Non-Huffable Kitten who took position of ruler of the galaxy after defeating Barney the Dinosaur in a card game and makes it illegal to huff kittens.

• The amount of criminals in jail for kitten huffing increases by 600%.

• Soulja boy elected the first pimp president.

• The so called all powerful mathameticians of the world create a bunch of new numbers, eleventy, eleventeen hundred, eleventeen thousand, etc. Riots break out all over the world chanting "Fuck Maths! Fuck Maths! Fuck Maths!" Later that year, the change was erased.

• Adolf Hitler 2.0, which is a killer robot is made.

2108

• July 31 - Barney the Mammoth, who was supposed to be Barney the Dinosaur's successor, goes after the Non-Huffable Kitten, which is one of the many signs that the world will end.
• Lance Cade finally re-rediscovers the Golden Dickie

2110

• Xaritix finally STFUs about Paris Hilton, thus causing a wormhole which allows the borg to assimilate superman, who was defeated soon after by a radioactive bagelthat bagel then died of a drug addiction

• Frank Herbert's novel Dune, is discovered to be a reality in an adjacent universe. It discovered by George Herbert Walker Bush VII.

• Kentucky Fried Chicken and FedEx merge, creating K-Fed.

2111

• All bases of CATS were destroyed. It seems to be peaceful, but it is incorrect.
• Chinese Democracy is discovered hiding under a rock near the Yellow River.
• First year since 1999 without a zero in it.

2112

• A man finds a guitar and it pisses off the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx, then he is banished and the Elder Race comes back and kicks Solar Federation ass!

• Charlie Brown finally kicks the football. It was very unsatisfying.

• Ricky shoots Neil Peart after a disagreement with Alex Lifeson.

• A gray hole hits Earth.

• The world ends, but no one cares since they discovered a new planet were they could live in.

• A random guy has a party for the 100 year anniversary of December 21, 2012, but this time the world ACTUALLY ends. But turns out that it was only his internet that was down, and he lives on another hundred years.

2113

• Rush releases their rock anthem, 2112, originally titled The Spirit of Radio.

• New Wembely opens

• The band Coheed and Cambria release an album called 2113 and swear they didn't know who Rush was. They consequently die after the making of their album.

2121

• Phil of the Future realizes now his girlfriend's an old shitbag and he dumps her.
• Rede Globo Network Abolished by Brazilian government, due to lack of balls.
• An Iranian nuke malfunctions hits and the last drilling site in the world located in Saudi Arabia. The oil acts as an excelerant and causes a huge underground explosion. The result is it makes new continental plates making everywhere from Spain to Poland to Nepal to Chad a constant earthquake zone.
• People find that shark pee works as a substitute for oil.

2133

• Saint Paul gets assimilated into the Borg Collective by having unprotected sex with Seven of Nine aboard a stolen Cylon Raider.
• Richard Dawkins is resurrected but quickly dies.
• Somebody is sentenced to 400 years in a federal prison for an attempt to kill Non-Huffable Kitten.
• The number of retards becomes 10 times as large as it was in 2100, a sign that time would soon end.

2143

• World War VII ends.
• World War VII determined to be the best World War though many experts still argue that World War VI was better, in turn causing World War VIII.

2144

• World War VIII is canceled due to lack of interest.
• World War IX begins but ends one week later, again due to lack of interest.
• The United States Marine Corps creates 30 MV-22 Osprey Squadrons. The USMC total force is at 220,469 Marines. The Osprey kills a reported 12,985 a year just in training exercises.

2145

• The biggest sporting event ever is held on Onken 3. The Withdean Stadium held a total of 4,354,013,784 people for the football(soccer) game between Noto Galaxy and Briggs Universal.
• The land speed record is broken by a Richard Hammond III.
• Canada and America are at war. It was ended quickly by a English person asking them round for tea. They both laughed and the EU decided to blow them up. They later stopped after getting 300'000'000'000'000'000 euros worth of money from the USA (in that year China increased interest price to over 10.39403940459439559403049594503032040438408340328428350325034855555045034850348503450340538405834058034850345034850 dollars).
• Muslims blamed for having too many children.
• Muslims uninvent Allah, Muhammad, and everything else in Islam to make everyone happy.

2146

• Rin Tin Tin resurrects Hitler, Saddam and Walt Disney.
• A 500 year old Swiss cheese spontaneously explodes in the London subway. Somebody suffers severe injury to his bumgut and several people die. A roasted pig is rushed to the nearest hospital.
• The One True Googlewhack is finally discovered.

2150

World War XXI

“Huhuh... Bulge”

~ Butthead on The Battle of the Bulge

• World War XXI begins. Wait a minute, shouldn't it have started AFTER World War XX? Well, everybody though the series was getting stagnant, so Gavrilo Princip decided to give the series a fresher look, and make a World War that would cause even more sexual innuendo jokes than the Battle of the Bulge.

2155

• Star Trek is cancelled again. Thank God.

• Optimus Prime and Jesus fight to the death. Jesus wins after a distressing 3 seconds. God gets a bit pissed off and the second holocaust occurs.

• If you read this, you suck.

2153

• Half Alien Born
• The other half was born.

• World War XXI ends.

2161

• Star Trek fans are demoralised that Utopianism has not been achieved, which causes millions to commit suicide, due to Earth’s prolonged Dystopianism.
• Runescape ends,another million people commit suicide.

2166

• To deal with the cancellation of Star Trek, the remaining few Trekkies forge a powerful alliance with Stargate fans and 2 guys that like Firefly, and create the United Star Trek Empire (USTE), challenging the Star Wars galaxy.
• The Star Wars galaxy declares war on the USTE.
• God replies "sure, whatever" and leaves them to it
• Richard Dawkins resurrected from the dead. Leaves evolutionary biology to become a physicist. Constructs the Tardis and becomes Dr. Who.
• In response to the recent cancellation of Star Trek, The Enterprise comes to earth to retrieve those ever faithful Trekkies. Who are fighting the Star Wars galaxy. Thermopylae, anyone?
• Marrying outside of your family is illegalised in Norfolk

2170

• Pat Robertson looses his left testicle in a freak fishing accident.
• Super Mario kills Kevin Federline by jumping on his head.
• God turns Mozilla Firefox into a Pokemon.
• Robert Pattinson (y'know, the bloke off "Twilight") is discovered to be an actual vampire, and eats everyone who has ever hated the film. This reduces the planet's population by about 666%.

• Skynet still ain't dead.

2173

• Jarrod Wilson goes back into 2005 and gives president George W. Bush a cum jockey after reading his history book for homework. Jarrod said as he climbed into the Seendo-brand Warp, "I will teach that redneck what he did, abandoning my people during the terrorist group called Katrina bombed up New Orleans. Them peoples gonna see what I do to dat skanizzle."

• Half alien turns 20

• Other Half alien also turns 20

2175

• President P. Curran adds the 27th letter to the English alphabet, double H.
• Land Before Time 207 is released; it is the first land before time to feature humans.

2176.7

• President P. Curran finds out the Welsh added the double H to the English alphabet and quickly withdraws his double H before he is eaten by angry Welsh people.

2178

• FIFA finally gives in and women can play in mens' soccer leagues, thus becoming dykes.
• Suddenly the interest in soccer plummets. A few days later, however, it rose again by incredible amounts.
• First reptilian pope

2180

• January - Joonas Hytönen rises to president of Finland and immediately begins committing war crimes.
• March - Finland's ex-president Matti Vanhanen dies of depression.
• February came after March this year.
• May - Chewbacca eats all the Trekkers, thereby ending the 13-year Star Wars/ United Star Trek Enterprise War.

2186

May 12 - People Power 10 starts at the same year as the 200th anniversary of the first People Power protests. June 19 - 229,000 people killed in the protest by the Filipino Empire Army.

2188

The year when the Filipino Empire ends. Well, it ended 18 years later.

• February 12 - Protests sprawled around Southeast Asia against Emperor Wowoweee! I - LXIXth's war crimes.
• April 5 - The Dubai Revolt starts.
• April 20 - Emperor Wowoweee! I - LXIXth's army crushed the revolt and kills 100,000 protesters, mostly Arab.
• May 4 - Emperor Wowoweee! I - LXIXth assassinated by the governor of the UAE.
• June 26 - Emperor Joseph the Silent took over as heir to the throne.
• September 20 - Middle Eastern countries (including Turkey) regained independence from the Filipino Empire.
• December 13 - The collapse of the South Asia Territories as they regained independence from the same empire.

2192

• May 3 - The entire Southeast Asia becomes independent countries by the Treaty of Petronas from the Filipino Empire.
• July 1 - The Empire withdraw from World War VIII by resignation. That killed Jesus in 2194. Bastards.
• August 19 - There is only Taiwan, Japan and Korea left for the Empire.

2192b

• Funny named kids destroy England, millions killed.
• Sole survivor clones itself and destroys funny-named kids. HA!!

2193

• The Jonas Brothers finally die via Super Mario jumping on their collective heads.
• President Curran is eaten by angry Welsh people.
• Then regurgitated.

2194

• The Second Coming of Jesus!!!...or is it?

:Jesus comes down from Heaven and kills the President of Finland on account of said president's unrighteousness. This pretty much gets the entire world pissed at Him (seeing as they wanted to killed the guy first), and they attempt to throw him off a cliff. Jesus can fly, however, so He gets away.

:On the plus side, given that most of this is future retroactively counter-predictable, and that whole reality of no one knowing the time or day of The Second Coming, this does and/or does not happen, depending on who gets killed first per universal fact.

:Mankind really blown away at how eerily similar to Fallout 3 the world looks. Ya know, super mutants roaming the lands and all. Oh crap, I wasn't supposed to give that spoiler away...uh, forget it. It's all good, really! *whew!*...close one.

:Jesus gets bird shit in his eyes, which turns him blind. He flies into a Grue's mouth. Grue swallows Jesus. Grue becomes nations God.

2195

• Saddened at the (necessary) loss of Jesus, the entire world agrees on an armistice (except the Philippine Empire; although their King loves Jesus and (everyone) was saddened of His Death, they quit just before the event), and World War VIII finally ends.

• Super Mario loses his last life. Yoshi saddened, goes emo. Evanescence kills Yoshi, makes a boot out of Yoshi's skin.
• Someone presses start to continue, & Super Mario goes on!

2196

• February, mad at March, attempts to murder him. He failed and was sentenced to 80 years (not including the month of February) in the center of the Sun. March was permanently scarred, having only 6.98724 days left in its entire month.

2200

• Everyone stood still for 2 minutes and the Earth fell silent, in remembrance of the tragic death of Jesus. Even the Filipino Empire (which is now dead, thank you very much) stood still for remembrance, but since that place is Catholic, it was three minutes for them.

Then, everything started again without much change.

• Paris Hilton dies after drowning in her daily semen-bath. Still, no one gives a shit.
• The Filipino Empire has another minute of silence of the death of Paris Hilton, but they partied as a result.
• Japan and the two Koreas became independent from the Filipino Empire.
• Another hour later, Spain becomes independent from the same empire.

2206

• December 24 - Taiwan went back to China
• December 31 - The Filipino Empire doesn't exist anymore. No one gives a shit.

2210

• Global warming finally starts to cause noticeable effects. As a result everyone starts wearing refrigerator suits.
• Someone Googles Yahoo!. Time collapses upon itself.
• Second coming of Ceiling Cat

2212

• World War IX ends after decades for a nanosecond but begins again cause someone stole all the beer from the fridge.

• Will Dubves, future captain of the starship Eclipse, is born.

• August: A cultist predicts that the world will end in November, but he was wrong and he got stoned and flogged to death.

2213

Bill Gates shows his Time Travel Device disguised as an iPod

• Bill Gates steals back his time machine from Steve Jobs and went back in time so that Apple never existed but Failed After The Lyokoian Forces (Lyokoian Army) Kill bill Gates Three Seconds Before He Goes Back in time.

Nothing Else Happened. Faggots....

2214

• World War IX ends. As a result, Russia is split into two, New Russia and East Russia.

2215

• World War X begins.

2220

• World War X ends. As a result, Earth is split in two. Western hemisphere renamed Planet Scotland. (Go Scotland) Macbeth and Macduff are brought back and Macduff kills Macbeth but the resurrected Braveheart Kills Macduff becoming Hedgemon of Planet Scotland. And the two Russias become New Russia altogether.
• New Mega Man game is released. Mega Man X8. X finally receives the duck function.

2222

• On Friday, February 22, 2222: At 02:22:22, the date will read something like: 2222-02-22 02:22:22. At 22:22:22, the date will read 2222-02-22 22:22:22 and it's a shit day.
• Wisconsin invents a 22nd month (Octwentytwober) just so the date can read 2222-22-22 22:22:22. At that moment...the the US will abolish anyone from leaving Wisconsin. Also, 2 people in Utah will be married at that precise moment.
• The fall of the Ninja Pirate. All those fucking 2's...
• Bill Clinton comes back from the future to stop the aliens.
• He fails cause Hillary caught him in bed wit' em'.
• The world's population is 22,222,222,222. 2,222,222,222 people lived in new Russia

2223

• World War XI begins.
• Fred Phelps loses his private parts in an unfortunate smelting accident.
• Fred Phelps private parts rule the world in a constitutional typo.

• To try to cope with pollution the UK is placed on rails making it only possible to tip either up or down. This leads to riots but enjoyment for children around the UK.
• March 22 - Jame Tiberius Kirk born, Riverside, Iowa, Earth.

2231

• World War XI ends. Hemispheres are reunited.
• Pluto regains planetary status.
• Bill Clinton Defeats the aliens

2244

• A megalomaniac Russian ruler becomes the world’s first dictator of Anti-Sexualism.

2245

• World War XII begins.
• Pluto once again loses planetary status.
• Earth is duct-taped back together after being split into two, destroying Scotland entirely.

2245.5422

• A new way of writing called "annoying almost-mirror-writing" is invented is "writing-mirror-almost annoying" called writing of way new A.

2246.869 686 785 685 757 585 756 676 566

• During a fit of aggressive binge drinking and playing 4D Holo-pong, a group of Liberal Arts majors from the University of Pokemonistan hatch a plan to stave off the end of the universe (and to extend the length of the drinking) by resetting all of the world's nuclear clocks to '0'. This does not have the desired effect; instead rubber bands are erased from history, Crystal Pepsi becomes the government's preferred mandated daily suppository, and said students are late for class.

2259

• World War XII ends. No, wait.
• World War XIII begins.

2260

• The Babylon Project was our last, best hope for peace. It failed. But, in the Year of the Shadow War, it became something greater: our last, best hope for victory. The year is 2260. The place: Babylon 5.
• At the age of 14, James T. Kirk lays his first alien chick.

“Well! What do ya know, It doesn't grow back!!... ”

~ Oscar Mayer on discovering where his first Hot Dog came from

2261

• John Sheridan returns from Z'Ha'Dum. Return celebrated by a parade thrown by the Munchkins of Emerald City.
• It was the year of fire; the year of destruction; the year we took back what was ours.
• It was the year of rebirth; the year of great sadness; the year of pain and a year of joy.
• Bill Clinton goes back to 2222 to warn the past about invading aliens.
• It was a new age; it was the end of history; it was the year everything changed.
• The year is 2261. The place: Babylon 5.
• Richard Dawkins writes The Vulcan Delusion
• Guns N' Roses finally releases Chinese Democracy. Oh, wait...
• The Onion runs out of fake news headlines.

2263

• The first star ship that can really travel in space is designed and then created. The first captain of this vessel, star ship Eclipse, Captain Dubves, waves goodbye as he hits warp speed, sending the ship into the unknown. The star ship Eclipse is built from spare parts for a Mitsubishi Eclipse, 500 empty beer cans, a hair dryer, two microwave oven and an old esprsso machine.

• Later the same year, scientists build and run the first space station designed to create and hold other ships that will come out of it and fly into space.

• Cambodia disappears during World War XII

April 14th, 2263

• On this day, the star ship Eclipse is revealed to the world and Dubves declares this ship worthy of flight!

2264

• The Anti-Sexual era of Russian ends, and the Individualist era begins by the locals overthrowing and killing their tyrannical leader.
• Razgriz2198 (The Shults Ace) Kills George Lucas For The 1932nd Time, And While Having An Orgasm.

2265

• A dead woodchuck lands on Pluto.
• Michael Phelps stops smoking pot.
• Having run out of things to disprove, Richard Dawkins writes a book disproving his own existence.
• George Lucas comes back as a woman...

“D'oh!”

~ The Shults Ace On George Lucas' New Life.

2265b

• Bill Gates plays Yu-Gi-Oh with Emperor Palpatine, millions were killed.

2267

• Formation of the Atheist Inquisition in Russia during the Individualist era.
• Runescape is brought back.

2269

• Star Trek cancelled. Again. Millions of virgins commit suicide by jumping into volcanoes.
• George Bush VI wins presidency. Entire world gripped with fear.

2271

• Star Trek returns for 3 months before cancellation. A world contract is written to never bring it back EVER!

2277

• February: reports begin to be filed entailing of a lone adolescent teenager wearing a tattered blue jumpsuit, imprinted with large yellow numbers “1’0’1” on his back, is seen mindlessly walking around the Downtown Washington D.C. area.

• April: a man showing resemblance to the one in previously file reports is seen wandering through the surrounding D.C. area, accompanied by a wild canine; when asked his purpose, he responded with the statement that he was “Retrieving [bottle] caps for Moriarty,” an unknown individual who is now wanted for additional questioning.

• July: the same unknown individual is seen again, but now accompanied by an overly muscled human wearing a torn jumpsuit, resembling his own, but with the numbers “8’6” on the back. Reported individual has multiple modified weapons on his person; while the overly muscled man, who police theorize to have received high level doses of steroids, has yet to be identified.

• September: After being issued a warrant to investigate, officers are, on contact, fired upon by suspect from earlier reports, killing nearly ten armored officers. When the man was arrested, he gave the statement that “the Enclave wants to set us up the bomb!”; drugs known to the arrested as ‘Jet’ and ‘Mentats’ were found on person, police believe these to be new forms of Heroin and Ecstasy, respectively.

2280

• Satan comes and asks why President Bush VI left him. Bush is dragged back in to Hell and world rejoices.

• Star Trek comes back. George Bush VI tore the contract up. He is such a dork!

2285

• KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!

2290

• The year of the space hopper. Many prophets have hinted at this being an important year in human and dolphin evolution. Unfortunately, the dolphin from the future that was here to warn us all, chose this most obscure delivery method: Uncyclopedia. End result: the six people that will ever read this will be the few to know humanity's horrible fate. Nell Carter will return as the Morning Star and devour our puny planet. Quick! Run!

• On second thought, never mind. It won't matter if you run. She will find and eat you anyway. She smells your stinky scent.

2292

• Ignoring the contract of 2271 (How unlike america huh?) Star Trek is brought back for FOUR MORE YEARS... give or take. People riot and kill werewolves. Werewolves riot and kill Russians. Russians riot and kill people.
• Bill Clinton dies of electrical problems with his new robo-suit

2293

• In this year, Zardoz discovers the key to jacking off.
• People actually start caring about Runescape.
• Censoring Uncyclopedia becomes banned. Anybody looking at this has had their bank account, credit card and passwords stolen. The police will send you to jail for life.

2300

• a robot (later revealed to be rick astley due to his theme music) is sent here to study and possibly kill some humans. however he can't find any and has altseimers, so he forgets he is supposed to be emo, and makes freinds with that mute kid named chrono and his lesbian girlfriend.
• Everyone this year is a hungry hobo living in giant "domes".
• A mute kid named chrono kills all robots, including Mother Brain excluding rick astley. Then he leaves on a time machine, presumably to go kill a giant porcupine look'n bug that destroyed the world 301 years ago
• Chuck Norris manages to kill 2 rocks with one bird.

2310

• January 13, 2310: All electronic supermarkets have a giant recall towards the PS34, the 321 year old man says, "This has been going on since the PS3. The Xbox 11160 looks just like the primitive 360. I like the remembrance of it, but people just have no taste, these days."
• Man confirmed pregnant with 18-duple twins. President Durban the II says, "His penis will be wider than a tissue box."
• Later in the year, scientists predict that comet Xerbon will hurdle towards the earth on June 8, thus killing over 200,000,000,0 people and causing over 400,500,000 organisms around the world to be extinct. Get your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild to be prepared for this massacre, or just just don't have a pleasing intercourse with someone or just take some birth control pills.
• Third coming of Ceiling Cat
• Obama monument is built. The world kills itself.

2325

• Bill Gates takes control of his own planet, the likes of which nobody but his Microsoft army knows. Or as we like to say "All your base are belong to us"
• Your mouth transforms into a black hole. Bill Gates's planet gets sucked into it.

2330

• Captain Dubves arrives back for the first time since his ship disappeared into the great beyond. He has discovered a colony in space, which is actually called the Klingons. He lost 5 of his crew but brought home some alien lifeforms that look a lot like Humans.

2332

• The star ship Enterprise is built and finally gets sent out into space, has Warp 6 capability and it can go anywhere. Capt. Conroy is the real first captain and they go on a 7 year mission to explore and make new friends.

2335

• Dr. Zeus' rotten corpse is brought back to life
• Shivans kick everyone's asses, get bored, and die of brain cancer from watching American Idol.
• Some dude at NASA decides to take the space shuttle Atlantis out for a spin, just for old times' sake. It enters an interdimensional rift, and he ends up on the Astral Plane. The dude and the shuttle are promptly consumed by spirits.

2338

• The Federation is formed, and Captain Dubves is named Chancellor of the Federation.

• Captain Conroy discovers the Vulcan race and they immediately make friends with Us.

• Obama is forgotten again, and birds shit all over the monument.

2340

• After Many delays and ship problems, the Enterprise arrives back home a year late! They retire the Ship and build Enterprise B.
• Duke Nukem Forever will be released...or so it seems. It was later discovered that this is a lie. It needs a few more years for polishing.

2341

Kirk in his Prime

• James T. Kirk is somehow transported in time from the year 2304 and immediately takes the captaincy of the Enterprise B.

“We.. Must.. Stop.. Them.. There's.. No.. Other.. Way.. ”

~ James T. Kirk on The Wrath of Braun - 2341

• The Clone Wars began in Antartica.

2343

• Earth grows a new plant, called the Human Eater. It eats humans for lunch.
• Dr. Who attempts to take Enterprise, but is stopped by Kirk.
• Kirk meets an alien priestess, gets married, and then leaves her for Professor Dumbledore.
• Even Spock is surprised by the above.
• The true identity of the eggman and the pornographic priestess is revealed.

2344

• The National Hockey League disbands forming the International Universal Hockey League, where the Vulcans and other alien lifeforms are allowed to play. The Vulcan Pucks win the First Interstellar Cup over the Toronto Maple Leafs 3-1.
• The old lady charged with looking after the Human Eater accidentally gives it water and not human flesh. It subsequently shrivels up and goes on to be president of Ukraine.

2345

• Moonlight Butterfly System was executed, but... nothing happened.

2346

• The First Space War occurs and lasts until 2350 with the Federation defeating the enemies about 2 light years away from Earth. After Space War II it is renamed Space War I.

2347

• Terrans defeat Protoss.

2348

• Zurg returns. Protoss Terran alliance is formed out of neccessity.

Taco Bell goes bankrupt

2349

• Santa's prediction that New york City will be destroyed is thought to be false until December 31 at 11:59:58 when a giant guitar landed in New York for no apparent reason. This sent out an F# chord so loud that the entire city was destroyed at 11:59:59. However, the zombie of Christopher Columbus , who specializes in standing F# chords over 120 decibals, survived and rebuilt the city and repopulated it so fast, no one noticed, and as far as anybody could tell, Santa was wrong.

2350

• New York is destroyed just minutes after the new year begins. Santa Claus is wrong (see 2101 for more information) so a crack team of lawyers sue him out of existance. Millions of kids are disappointed because their whiny butts get fried. This starts The Great Kids-Adults War.
• To prevent unemployment of elves, Santa is replaced by Satan. Unfortunately for elves, they are all fed to his imp workers. Kids-Adults War escalates.
• Duck Dodgers is created.
• Galactic War I ends with many deaths.
• Super Mario loses his last life....for real this time. Luigi dies of a heart attack. Peach runs from the tower and jumps onto sharp rocks at a waterfall! WOO!

2351

• Super Mario comes back with three new lives, but is so distressed by his girlfriends' and brothers' deaths he decides to lose them anyway. He decides to shrink himself down and hide in a golf ball set on a tee, with is momentarily hit and Super Mario is crushed by the G-Force.

• The Earth gets tired of being sunburned all the time and moves several million miles away from the Sun. Unfortunately, the Sun, by a freak coincidence, gets much bigger, eating Mercury and Cthulhu.

• James T. Kirk travels through a wormhole, where he and his crew find Gene Roddenberry and George Lucas locked in mortal kombat in an alternate universe. He brings them home to Earth.

• Star Trek cancelled. In an unrelated story, Gene Roddenberry shoots himself with a phaser. This stunned the entire Trekkie community.

• George Lucas is proclaimed Lord of All Sci-Fi.

• George Lucas says Star Trek will never ever never never ever ever ever ever ever never never never ever ever ever v-r ever ever ever ever ever ever come back.

• The Kids-Adult War ends with Tintin betraying the adults and then leading the Kids to victory in the Battle of Middle Earth.

• Snowy betrays Tintin and becomes leader of all humans, which by this point is about 400 people.

• Africa is hit by meteor. Millions start using Africa as a nuclear weapon testing ground.

2355

• With the Destruction of New York in 2350 by the Space War, New York is proclaimed. to be the home away from home for all the Aliens from other Worlds!
• Canadian eats a test tube, spits it on African cemeteries, and zombies rise.
• Star Trek comes back.
• This kills Lucas and resurects Roddenberry.
• Letter "w" Banned

2378

• France begins to crumble, the World doesn't care!
• Pope Ludacris III tries to mind-meld with Schroedinger's cat and goes insane. The cat survives, but begins to suffer from DDT, ADHD and ACDC.
• World War Z begins.
• One second in, World War Z has claims the life of Super Mario's son, Dorkus, while collecting coins. He is later reincarnated, but then killed eating a poison Mushroom which he thought was good for him.
• Mr. Burns greatest story is finished. He sets all the monkeys free. The monkey who wrote 'the blurst of times' is roasted on a stake. Thank God! Nobody cared anyway

2379

Captain Dubves of the starship Eclipse and the first captain ever, dies of old age, of 99 years, even though he was born in 2212. ( WoW, mysterious).

2388

• Captain Kirk retires from the Federation.
• Kaliningrad Oblast, that Weird little part of Russia that's in the middle of Eastern Europe and doesn't touch Russia, dies of loneliness. Soviet Premier Ivana Beatov, in a logical response, declares War on Poland.
• After disappearing ten years earlier, the insane Pope Ludacris III is caught running naked through Rome and taken to a mental institution.

2394

America's 51st state, ZimbabWe, enters the union.

• America's 52nd state, The Land of Oz, enters the union but instantly is taken over by the Zombified Nation of Something like NorWay Or Cuba (ZNSLNC).

1911

• We told you that 1911 comes between 2394 and 2395.
• Since it is 1911, the letter W cannot be banned since it is the past.

2395

Something has happened!

2396

• Nothing Special Happened

2397 333

With technolog, William Kowe ate head

2399

Micky, After his Amputation..

Mickey Mouse (no not the cartoon character) gets caught in a trap While trying to steal cheese from the kitchen table. Doctor's had to amputate his left arm and feared that he'd never be able to wave at little Children again!

The Grand Space War happened.

2457

• Australian Civil War - Sydney vanishes into space then returns a month later and destroys Melbourne. Someone finally replaces Kevin Rudd as Prime Minister although it's Kevin Rudds's clone, X437882111Stripper.
• France is eaten by Canada. Canada, being lactose intolerant, cannot digest France's cheese and dies. The three people living in Canada move to Texas.
• The Grand Space War ends.

2460

• The moon is turned into a neon sign With magic
• A NeW planet is discovered and named Neo-Canada. Is claimed by Canadians. NeWfoundlanders are only allowed to live on Neo-Canada's moon, Neo-NeWfoundland.

2487

IMPORTANT: The letter W (W) is not banned any more do to a gay protest,killing MJ's cousin.

• The planet Jupiter is captured by the Klingon Empire but when they try to land on it, (stupid Klingons), they are all sucked up by the giant Red Eye Storm and die. Hence, the end of the Klingons. James T. Kirk laughs.
• After meeting Jean Luke Picard, James T. Kirk begins a 2 month fight with him. Only shortly after Picard dies by a combination of brain hemreging and being French. Kirk is killed two days after by Spock.
• World War Z ends... 324 survivors... repopulate the Earth... in 3 seconds.

2500

• Delby takes control of the world for 5 seconds. Then 5U dies.
• u a jdog
• C*de is envented

2505

• Chuck Norris, God, Jesus, and Mike lay done planes for a set of supper soldiers called "Spartans." One in particular, Master Chief Petty Officer John-117
• Water (like, in the toilet?)is replaced with brawndo energy drink. It's got electrolytes!
• Your floor is- your floor is now clean.
• Carl's junior takes over the police
• Your children are now in custody of Carl's junior.
• Not Sure steps up as president and "gets the ball rolling".
• Upgrayedd wakes up and kills the hoe.
• Brawndo purchases FCC and FDA. They now have electrolytes!

2525

• There is no need for truth or lies, (if man is still alive, that is).
• The Covenant discover Humanity at planet Harvest and burn the world to cinders declaring us an affront to the gods. (If man is still alive that is.)
• In the year 2525 If man is still alive... If Oscar Wilde can survive... You will find...
  • A method of resurrecting dead penguins, it was pioneered by the famous Chipee tribe of West-N0orthen Azerbaijan. Its name comes from the fact that you must sacrifice 2526 penguins in order to appease Fred Flintstone, the god of dinner rolls and cutlery. Due to the tremendous waste involved with the procedure, the secret has been all but lost, and the knowledge lies with only Donald Trump, a homeless guy behind the 12th street mall. You must recite to him a dirty limerick involving both armpits and kiwis, and he will bring you to the sacred chamber. There, he tie you up, break every bone in your body, chop off your limbs, and force you to listen to Enya music until you die. You heal quickly, get up, and kick his ass

Interesting Fact

• 2525 is also the year the show "Cleopatra 2525" was canceled.

Relations

• 2525 is 25's great grandfather, 52's second cousin thrice removed, and 13's pet gerbil.

2552

• Earth is found and blown up by the Covenant with a nuclear bomb which actually wasn't a nuclear bomb just a metal shell containing Chuck Norris inside.

2553

• Earth finally is reformed by humanity after the Covenant Chuck Norris bomb incident.
• Human-Covenant War ends. Arbiter gets all the credit. Master Chief and that annoying hot bitch Cortana are left floating in space soon to be captured by the Combine. Never seen again.
• Humanity rebuilds and relearns everything because somehow they forgot everything and went back to the iron age.

2581

• Fall of the Atheist Inquisition in Russia during the Sinking Island era.
• Father Time becomes a Mary Sue, since he had destroyed both Religions and Atheist Fascism.

2623

• Prior to the invention of time machines in 2622, the year 2623 was warped back in time to some time before the invention of digital watches. This mishap was very distressing to the people living in 2623 because some of them had just ordered a pizza and it would be really cold by the time it arrived in the distant future. People in this ancient era were delighted when someone realized if they just put money in a bank they would all be bajillionaires by the year 2624, but joy turned to bitter disappointment when it was discovered that banks would not be invented until some time in the middle ages.

2622

• For some reason George Lucas is resurrected and makes this year 2622. I don't know why. DO YOU???

2688

• Rufus travels back in time to help future historians Bill S. Preston, Esq. and "Ted" Theodore Logan.

2705

• A note is found containing the following:
  • No Humans Remain. Oil Ran Out Hundreds Of Years Ago. The Entire Population Dead Of Starvation And WMDs. There is nothing, except Tom Cruise.
• The readers of the note are then grabbed by the necks and drained of their blood by the Scientologist High Command.

2719

• Dancing illegal dances will become illegal.
• Megatron opens the first space Subway restaraunt, in a vain attempt that the autobots will engage in dieting so exteamly that it will kill them.
• Super Mario goes to Bill Gates and wins 2000 coins and 20 extra lives, but then falls off a balcony and dies. Bill Gates buries the corpse and regains his coins.

2778

• June 6th The Tampa Bay Devil Rays finally fulfilled the prediction that they would end the million year Yankee/Red Sox war. They defeated the Chicago Cubs in an epic 4 game sweep.

2782b

• Man eats Bagel, Millions killed.
• World War Z II happens. Really, who expected THAT?

2807

• 16 April: The Simpsons final episode airs... it sucked.
• 2 May: In a historic referendum the undead granted full suffrage under international law.
• 42nd June: Czar Bush-Hilton promises troops will be out of Iraq by end of the year.
• 31 July: Lichtenstein wins bid for 2812 Olympics against Easter Island, UK and Antarctica.
• 24 August: Google shares peak at 13trillion Dollars.
• 2.5 September: Man from Mars marries woman from Venus. They have mad sex then get eaten
• 30 October: Broadcasting on AM Radio finally ceases, small riots break out in Australia as out-of-work talk show hosts turn against society.
• 66th November: Bob Dylan awakes from 800 year coma to release Alien Blood on the Intergalactic Space Tracks, an album which met mixed critical reviews.
• 25 December: Merry Multi-Faith Celebration Day.
• 31 December: Everybody in the universe forgets how to count while waiting for New Year. Exact new year missed.
• 32 December: New Years Day abolished. New Year starts on January 1.5

2809

• January 1.5: New Years Day abolished. Now the government sucks!
• Microsoft and Google work togethor. Microsoft hacks Google and steals 12 trillion bucks. Suck-ups...Microsoft is banned for 50 years
• A year having to do with robots, unless you're Jewish, in which has it has to do with kosher robots.
• Pat Robertson is raped by zombie Michael Jackson and gives birth to an elephant the same year

2814

• The Basingstoke summit brings all world leaders together under one roof. All outstanding conflicts are resolved, resulting in a new age of peace across the world.
• America gets a new state, Wheekland Island

2815

Basingstoke Becomes capital of the World a Qoute from the chav moyar was aright no jeans in it i no da words gay but aldershot its just omfg

• World War XIV begins. Summit of last year declared void, thus ending one of the world's longest eras of total peace.

2846

• World War XIV ends.
• Universe re-learns to count

2858

• The Cure for Cancer is finally found.

“Give me your best shot Cancer!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Cancer

“You may have defeated Cancer, but you'll never defeat me!!”

~ Tom Cruise

• A cave in the western side of Main St. Ireland is discovered to house the souls of the dead, and heaven is declared null and void. God is pissed.

• Microsoft unbanned from X-Box live after only 49 years. Who knew?

• Microsoft gets banned from X-Box live again for 365.2422 more days.

2901

• World War XV begins.
• Google hacks Microsoft. Bill Gates destroys Microsoft after he gets broke. AHAHAHAHAHA!
• Google bans the searching of Chuck Norris.
• Microsoft bans the using of Google.
• Google gets screwed. Suckers.
• Pat Robertson decides not to wear pants for a whole year.
• Satan dies from lung cancer.
• God decides to retire and moves to a mansion on the Jupiter moon Io.

2902.6

• After years of alcoholism and prostitution, Wikipedia finally dies. Hooray!

2923

• World War XV ends.

Uncyclopedia celebrates by executing barney the dinosaur again.

2931

• Lite-Brite becomes hip again.
• People decide that since there are no more world wars that mabey everyone should just die in other countries on there own. thus starting the travel agency
• If you die in the game, you die for real.
• Somebody put the lime in the coconut and shook it all up. 628 people die

2939

• Canada defeats the USA in a battle of Tiddlywinks, hence gaining full control of the Country Until 3001 (see that year)
• Hell goes bankrupt and is auctioned off to the Soviet Union.
• Melmac joins the United Federation of Planets.
• God becomes a fashion model for Diana Ferrari
• Baby elephant of Pat Robinson gaves birth to 3959 stillborn kids who look like Pat Robinson. Elephant dies in labor and Pat starts getting it on with a dead corpse elephant in an experiment to see if a long dead elephant can give birth to a living baby elephant calf. Pat dies during humping though.

2940

• May 18 - The first T-rex is spotted since Cretaceous times.
• Double breasted suits are expected to be fashionable again.
• It is discovered that Luxembourg doesn't exist, and that it is just an illusion.
• Man blinks, 193 billion killed.

2995

• The James Bond film Whitemetalsatellite, the fifty-sixth in the series, is released.
• December 31 - Everybody was on fire.
• The Macarena dies out. Tom Cruise was last seen doing the dance before momentarily running to shoot some more films.
• Man blinks, 193 billion rise from the dead.

2996

• Johnny Cash stumbles upon a time machine, and accidentally sends the world back in time for a few days.
• After realizing his mistake, Johnny Cash freezes himself. He is set to be thawed on the day after he sent the world back in time.
• Johnny Cash stumbles upon a time machine, and accidentally sends the world back in time for a few days.
• This creates an infinte paradox, therefore fucking up science. Several men who are smarter than you get pissed off and fire the "Stupidly Huge Instantaneous Transmogrifier".

Physics is restored to the world.

2997

• World agreement to never agree is agreed upon, trillions confused and commit suicide.
• Slovenia does not agree to the and breaks the rule of the world and god turns all of Slovenia into decaying carcasses which then get eaten by vultures

2999

Planet Sony

• The Planet Earth Changes its name to Planet Sony, when Sony buys the Rights to name the Planet for Marketing purposes. So Earth from year 3,000 on is known as Planet Sony.
• Final Fantasy XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIIICM-2 released.
• 23:59:59, Dec 31: Somebody breaks a computer. The Y3K bug comes into action. Bill Gates resigns as President of Dumbassland (His imaginary world. What a loser)

3000

• Fry's tomb opens up. Maniac robot almost kills him
• Fry, Leela, Bender, and Zoidberg control Planet Sony for five minutes.
• Gallifrey joins the United Federation of Planets
• Dr. Evil becomes Pope
• Pat Robertson turns into a volleyball
• The Psychlos, a bureacratic alien species from Planet Psychlo, invade earth and take over it after nine minutes. Then they spend the rest of their time doing absolutely nothing constructive. After a week of occupation, rebels in Denver rise up against the conqerors. Victory comes when the people of earth teleport a nuclear missile to Planet Psychlo, which causes the entire planet to blow up due to the unstable atmosphere. Having forgotten to take an insurance, the invaders are unable to replace the damage and are rapidly overrun.
• Busted appear in the Year 3000 after watching Back to the Future too many times. They then lock themselves up in their room before their concert, thus creating a universal paradox, and the beginning of Time3. Busted take over the world after repainting the last Supper as their logo.
• McFly finally realise there was already a band with much better singers in it and fall on their own microphones, killing themselves.
• Gibson Guitars celebrate its 600.8974362956224735207534646478745345th birthday, giving out a lemon-shaped guitar, legs and all, to every person on Planet Sony for free. 3 seconds afterwards, they become bankrupt.

3001

• King Prime Dictator Esq., George Bush VIII, organizes and successfully commands a raid on the Canadian Capital in Ottawa and reclaims his Old Country, the United States of America, back to the Americans. Then Loses it to Mexico in 3015 (see that year).

“Ummm..... Uhhh....We are Happy Sad that our country the USSA USA was Gambled Lost to the Filthy Powerful Mexicans! ”

~ George Bush VIII on the day of his New Conference after Losing the USA to Mexico

3004

• The year in which the planet Gandalvalosus was officially discovered.

3005

• The year in which Gandalf visited Gandalvalosus and met up with Marty McFly and Lemmy.
• The year in which the famous song Døømcröw and the Motion Captured Performances of Tom Hanks was written.

3006

• Bedford is founded.
• Bob the retarted leprecon was here.

3007

• Jonny Bell is God

3009

• The year when the raccoon/poor people baby count jumped 200%.
• Johnny Cash Finnaly does fall into the "Ring of fire".
• Ne Yo finally gets a wife.
• The Bill Gates cyborg suffers a fatal error, due to running off Windows 3001, he dies, while screaming incoherent nonsense about frat parties and sodomy.
• Denica Fairman was the Winner of the annual Unperson Of The Year. The Great Khali & WordGirl were the runner-ups (Captian Huggyface was not in the event.)
• The year some little kid takes you to in a "flux capasitor"
• Coca-Cola buys Mars, Jupiter, Mercury and Bilbo Baggins.
• I win 2 bucks in the lottery. That's how much I spend every week, so I just got my money back (Shameless plugs).

3010

• Brian Boitano: He fought the evil robot king and saved us all again
• Big Show changes his theme yet agian...
• World War XIX begins.

3011

• 3011 is, logically, the year after 3010. But by a strange loophole in time, the year 3011 will be immediately followed by the year 4219. Having skipped a period of 1,208 years, the era between 3011 and 4219 will be "remembered" as a dark age by the inhabitants of the future. Also note that 3011 = 42 + 2969.
• 3011 is also the ratio of the number of Deadly Owls to Genius Barbers

3015

• The Country of Mexico Wins the USA from Bush VIII on a bet that he could drink Pepsi faster than Bush could. Mexico is then conquered by Canada who is, in turn, conquered by the Soviet Union. Bush VIII swells up and explodes, spawning Bushes IX through XLVII.
• A Grue eats a big butt.

3022

• The Space Olympics start on planet Zargon but must be stopped due to a budget snafu allowing humans to only eat one meal a day. but, someone accidentally hit the 'self destruct' button and everyone goes back to Earth.

3104

• The perpetual world war of a thousand years of the question of our own physical existence ends with the remnants of humanity make their exodus from Earth to a system near the centre of the Milky Way.

3112

• Ricky shoots Neil Peart again. Neil Peart moves to Neo-Canada.
• World population finally passes the 1 trillion mark. See Population estimates

3113

• Rush releases the song 3112, the hit sequel to 2112. As it is released approximately 1000 years after 2112 (which was of course released in 2113), people add that as though it is of some significance when analyzing this song.

3114

• The year when Pepsi declared war on Coke. Later that year, Pepsi discovers a formula which, if a Coke drinker touches a can of Pepsi, will cause them to feel immense pain for two months before finally dying.
• September - Enter Shikari and The Jonas Brothers are resurrected to wage war on good music.
• September 14, 12:00am: Google signs 300-year contract that nobody searches on their search engine. Yahoo becomes trillionaires, Bill Gates and George Bush become co-presidents.

3118

After the war on Pepsi and Coke ended with a victory by Dr. Pepper, Pepsi realized with great despair that their pain inflicting formula actually brings people back from the dead as zombies after four years. Half of the Planet Sony is consumed by the undead. Luckily for Planet Sony, millions of teenagers educated on Dr. Pepper and PlayStation 69 utilize their Resident Evil Skills and save the earth. Shotgun companies report record profits.

• Pepsi mysteriously dies when the mafia shoots them mysteriously for mysteriously riding camels for mysertious reasons involving a mysterious cactus named Filipe. MYSTERIOUSLY!

3119-3203

Absolutely no events what-so-ever take place between the years 3119-3203. Seriously... none at all... Well actually... I did stub my toe this morning. But that's IT.

• A few events happen on December 31, 3203. Tom Cruise releases a film, Thriller albums sell out after 28 billion albums, and somebody says 'STOP HAMMER TIME'

3204

Mortal Kombat becomes a great trend in this year. Players all across the world are told of a secret "Reality" feature, which ends up killing 80% of the population. The government then try to hide the game for the well being of the other 20%, which happends to just be a bunch of hippies aliens and trash punks.

3265

The last Harry Potter book is released.

3266

The last Harry Potter movie is released.

Anti-Flag still isn't any good

“Hello. I'm Ron Goldman. I like Chicken Nuggets.”

~ Ron Goldman on Chicken Nuggets

3305

Archeologists discover an ancient mailbox. Because of the inscription "USMAIL" and the envelopes inside, they believe that people once made daily offerings to the god Usmail. By finding white powder in the box, they believe that it was added as a spice. They also speculate the existence of a goddess Usfemail, but have yet to find such a box.

3382

• Apple Ltd, Apple corps, and Disney unite to form the Triple Alliance

3407

• Microsoft, Capitol Records and Starbucks unite against the Triple Alliance and form the Triple Entente

3414

• Archduke George Martin's Head-in-a-Jar of Apple-Corps is shot dead in his car by Mario Princip of the Nintendians. Apple-Corpsians get pissed off and declare war with Nintendia. Nintendia calls on the Triple Entente for help and together they form the Allies. Apple Ltd then declares war on the allies with Apple-Corps and forms the Central Powers. Italy pussys out for a bit.

• Galactic War I begins

• September 13, 11:59.59pm: Everybody on Google sent to lifetime prison after somebody searches on their search engine a second prior to the contract being finished. Some jerk at Google had a clock that was two seconds slow, making him think it was 12:01.01am on September 14. Man commits suicide later.

3415

• Italy rejoins the war on the other side

3418

• Galactic War I ends and the central powers are pwned. End of story... or is it?

3439

• Galactic War II begins. Apple Ltd declares war on the Allies again now with Disney back on its side.

3440

• Yo Sushi unites with Apple Ltd and Disney to form the Axis Powers

• Yo Sushians bomb Happy Meal Harbour which gets the McDonaldssians pissed so they join the allies

3445

• Victory for the Allies, Galactic War II ends

3452

• January 23 - Judgment Day!!!

YHWH comes down from Heaven. In a fright, archeologists mail letters to Him, believing Him to be the pagan god Usmail. YHWH smites them hard.

Everyone gathers to where the mighty YHWH has landed. In a pillar of cloud, He summons them; with a flash of smoke, He destroys them: those who attempted to poison and destroy His children will know that He is the LORD, when He lays his vengeance upon them.

After He furiously destroys the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men, YHWH declares that to get to Heaven, one must...

3452 v2.0

The Five General Demigods of All Humanity reboot the year in an effort to gather the righteous for another eon.

Judgment Day does not occur... for now.

All years after this date are marked with A.J.D., instead of the prior A.3.C. (After Third Coming). Everyone forgets to use the new date system. PTA blamed.

'musical' gang declare it's fun to stay at the YHWH , signaling the return of Jesus Christ and his comically mismatched black sidekick.

3462

• FSM smites the god YHWH. Spaghetti replaces the Eucharist.
• Pluto becomes a planet again
• Neptune kills a woodchuck
• Earth doesn't care. Bill Gates rules!
• Aidan is ressurected.
• The Mecha-Beatles wreak havoc with their first Album: Please Please Die.

3467

• Aidan causes more grafity.
• Paul Machinery allegedly dies in a car accident and is replaced by a new model. This claim is backed up by lots of Retards

3468

• World War VII Parts 1 and 2 were re-inacted by Sum 41. The song became a massive number 1 hit, although it was released on Does This Look Retarted? in 2002.

3470

• The Mecha-Beatles record their last album (Let it Suffer) before all going their separate ways

3535

In the year 3535 Humans become programed cyborgs

3985

Brazil, having become grossly overpopulated by Hitlers, is transplanted with a Brazil loaned from a distant planet. Planet Sony survived the surgery.

3992

After beginning in 1905 from 'What's delaying my dinner?' to HappyCat, Ceiling Cat (still watching you), and Basement Cats, LOLcats finally die out after 2087 years of nothing but pornographic shit.

Ceiling Cat watches someone masturbate for the final time.

3999

IT'S ALMOST 4000!

3999.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

• IT'S ALMOST 4000! WE'RE SO CLOSE.
• Hey fag, I think the phrase is OVER 9000!
• Shit, so I have 5000 more years?
• Yes.
• FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---

4000

General information about that most beautiful of numbers, 4000:

• It is the number after 3999 and before 4001.
• It is an even number.
• It has four digits, the first of which is four. How's that for a coincidence.

If you are talking about the year 4000:

• It comes after the year 3999 and before the year 4001.
• The first 'economy' anti-gravity vehicle is expected to be unveiled during this year.
• It is a leap year except for odd-numbered addresses on the west side of Obeliskistan beyond the lower peg.
• The Y4K bug is expected to cause the apocalypse, but surely programmers won't still be programming this way at that point.
• October 5 this year is when the telegraph made to George W. Bush on that day in 2003 will arrive, on the telegraph receiver in the ruins of the White House. It will read: "Dude, declaring war on Iraq is a really bad idea." It will break the Guinness World Record for "Most Tardy Telegraph," being one thousand, nine hundred, and ninety-seven years late.
• The end of time will arrive in the next 13 years, but will loop back once more, starting at the year 4015. The two years in between are nonexistent.
• In this fatal year, the US sent two nuclear ICBM rockets up Russia's ass by 'accident'.

• The first year since 3000 that doesn't have a 3 in it.

4001

• God is created. On his back, it says 'Made in China; No refunds'.
• John Petrucci invents the 584 string guitar and plays a solo on it that kills 300,000 people.
• A second later, he then plays the guitar solo backwards to bring those people back to life.
• July 17: worldwide holiday: scream till you can fucking talk anymore day is celebrated for the first time.
• July 18: The day the world went silent.
• July 19: The day the world went loud again.
• July 20: Archaeologists discover another USMAIL box, but also a torn, muddy photo that features what seems to be a grey cat with words vaguely saying 'I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?'. After further investigation, scientists believe that this strange cat worked with God as a porno man and was given free cheeseburgers for any porn efforts. The smiling by the cat is believed that the cat had just done porn before and was asking for his free cheeseburger.
• July 21: Riots through the street; Everyone says 'FUCK USMAIL! FUCK USMAIL!'. More investigation shows the cat is really a LOLcat photo, and LOLcats had died out 9 years before. LOLcats make a comeback after nine shitty, fucked years.

4004

• The year 4004 occurs.
• On the 13th of October, Religion is officially disbanded, after precisely 8,000 years of Monotheism.

4055b

• Global peace declared, millions killed.
• Global peace UNdeclared, millions riot in the streets

4077

• M*A*S*H 4077 is built in Ouijongbou, South Korea.

• The new Carthaginian Empire is started

4078

• Pluto asplodes and loses its planetship and virginity.

4096

4096 AD marked a historic turning point in History itself.

• Jan 1: Planet Sony's entire population suffers the worst post-party hangover in all of recorded history. The forever-youthful Dick Clark's Head in a Jar is arrested on suspicion of spiking the punch bowl. It is also the end of the MySpace era.
• Jan 13: Something very important happens, but nobody cares to write it down. Nobody knows when, either, so it's extremely odd that it occurs specifically on this date. Maybe they forget to huff some kittens beforehand.
• Jan 37: Pope John Paul CLXXVIII signs an executive order to remove the month of February from the Gregorian calendar, due to a slowing of Planet Sony's rate of rotation caused by nuclear-armed late risers.
• Chi 1: A new month is added to replace February which has exactly one day and sixteen seconds, this new month is known as Chicken.
• Apr 4 For the first time in 400,000,000 years, Darth Vader takes a piss.
• Apr 13: Wal-Mart opens its 1,000,000,000,000th store in the Andromeda Galaxy.
• Apr 17: An alien from planet Meekrob 9 visits earth to take the worlds biggest shit which explodes and destroys all of the Palestinian Republic and some of India.
• July 4: The United States celebrates the 2,091th anniversary of the unilateral bombing of Comet Tempel 1. As usual, there is much rejoicing.
• July 22: The time machine is invented.
• July 17: The time machine is invented. Again.
• July 9: The time machine is invented for the third time.
• June 25: Someone finally gets the time machine joke, and invents the time machine for the fourth time.
• June 24: Someone goes back in time and realizes that Johnny Cash invented the time machine on accident in 2996.
• June 23: Orion Blastar the Space Pirate steals a time machine and travels back to 1995 AD in a failed attempt to secretly infiltrate Uncyclopedia.
• June 24: The 4096 A(J)D universe is finally glad to be rid of Orion Blastar the Space Pirate who was sent to 1995 AD, and the 4096 AD Universe replaces him with Oscar Blastar the Space Pirate.
• July 27: Fire rains from the sky, people stop giving a damn.
• Aug 20: The United States invades Poland. Unlike hundreds of previous such invasions, President Oprah Harpo 5932 refuses to say why and officially pleads the 5th Amendment.
• Aug 21: Jesus is resurrected, for the third (or is it fourth?) time. Celebrations are held around the world.
• Aug 22: Jesus is killed again, this time by Zig attacks. The world doesn't care anymore.
• Aug 23: The last remaining space shuttle, Endeavour, is decommissioned. NASA finally begins to seriously consider getting its ass in gear on researching and developing the long-long-LONG-overdue Crew Exploration Vehicle.
• Sept 27: Nothing important happens, but they write it down anyway. Idiots.
• Oct 7: Research scientists from Answers in Genesis deliberately cause a global flood on Rigel VI in order to observe the effects of hydrological sorting first-hand.
• Nov 17: CBS Anchorclone Zontar Rather-37 announces his retirement after only 273 years on the job.
• Dec 21: The number of demoscene gods reaches 65536, which is the critical mass required for world domination.
• Dec 24: Santa Claus decides to use transporter technology for the first time, because he's getting too damn old for this flying reindeer crap.
• Dec 25: Sanat Clasu, a friendly visiting alien from the planet Grzzpleuzzgamula ZZ-97-Theta-Farzzkwak, is arrested on Planet Sony for having a name too similar to Santa Claus.
• Dec 26: Santa Claus is tried for breaking into a little kid's house during his previous year of "Ronin".
• Dec 27: Microsoft sheepishly announces the release of Windows 3000 (code-named Fred), a tad behind schedule.
• Dec 59: The world leaders (Sadam Hussein the 50050984238717986468624557583rd) decide to extend the current year 4096 AD indefinitely since it has been (so far) the most awesome and l337est year ever(!).
• Dec 93785034546542389056: People begin to realize that they are sick and tired of the month of December. Bajeezus Christ Almighty Bagorah orders that 4096 be repeated in 4096.0000000000001 form. Thus begins the 4096 Age of history.
• Dec 2.75937393nv4394573497359353802øøyey348505iteuteteorNOESLOL69wwiyo95709v570439754o0v8443739\]\[\[.\.[]\[\[\0[0\[math]\displaystyle{ 1 + 1 = 3 }[/math] 743265239v7 b34794745b0ugoj MCDONALDS [math]\displaystyle{ you smell crap }[/math] b34y5 b3yt4398t43769eyute9ru 9eboer325739573bobba crap!ut9eu ey0e5uy05yu0y4u: The date gets all messed up.
• Being gay becomes cool again. The Earth's population suffers.
• Jonny bill is reborn

4096.39053563456344350566

The names for the repeats of 4096 become too unwieldy so they finally move on to 4097. This causes the Pro-4096 states of the US to secede, leaving only 907 states in the union. The United States of The Year that Will Not Die is soon pwnz0rd by the Jabberwock...the jaws that bite, the claws that catch.

4097

Since nothing was happening this year, some time travellers decided to send the world back to 4096. However, they calcuated the spin of the Planet Sony's axis wrong so they end up in 4098. 4097 is now referred to as "The Year Some Time Travellers Decided to Get Us Out of Our Boredom But Ended Up Miscalcuating Everything and Making Us End Up in Yet Another Uneventful Year". The time travellers were defamed and later died of an overdose of huffed kitten.

The Year Some Time Travellers Decided to Get Us Out of Our Boredom But Ended Up Miscalcuating Everything and Making Us End Up in Yet Another Uneventful Year

People decide the jokes revolving around 4096 stopped being funny a long time ago so they just decide to forget all this and move on to the time machine transporting them to 4096. Otherwise, absolutely nothing happened this year. For confusion on the title of the year, refer to 4097.

JB

• The Seventh Side return and eat all Eibmozgnithdavidians.

• Jonny Bell dies for the 5th time. He saw himself die, He dies for the 6th time. This causes time to end in the end of time.

4231

Ian McKellen dies after being thrown off a cliff by Pat Robertson XXXIX. Robertson is then smote by none other than the ever-lasting know-it-all Oscar Wilde.

Praise HALLELUJAH!!!

4545

• Over 9000 people don't care that Microsoft lost the source code to Windows. Bill Gates is claimed to have put it on several thousand floppy disks, and then overwrote No 1.

• The Easter Bunny dies from an impacted bowel.

No one will have teeth or eyes

4890

• Christopher Lee dies of a fatal lightsaber wound that infected his brain. The doctors tried to save him but they didn't care much.
• I will be born.
• Pope Ludacris III arrives via time machine, which he had stolen after escaping from a mental institution in Rome.
• South Park enters its 324,443th season.
• Baked Beans will be discovered
• 50 cent appears from the sky: chickens dance to signal his arrival.

4891

Notable for being the year that Pope Ludacris III died at the hands of the Colin Mochrie Fanimutation Robot Squad of Doom, being it that the Squad was demolished by a passing school of dolphins. Their resistance finally crushed, the New Macromedia Flash Confederation was created, and the former victims of Fanimutation were the new rulers of the Planet Sony.

Jesus is baked, not fried, in a 1963 model Easy-Bake.

Way back in 4891, a man named George Bush (yah, I know, stupid name) went streaking at the 'Super Bowl' (origin of the 'Super Bowl' unknown.)

Lysdexic people see Robther Gib.

4950

Who's the Real George Bush?

George Bush finds out that he's the descendent of the not-so-great George W. Bush. Luckily, he gets run over by a bus seconds later. He was the last living person in the Bush line. Or so we thought... See 4951.

4951

George Bush's illegitimate daughter (strangely, also named George Bush, because her father had a bad time remembering any name aside from his own) realizes her mediocre legacy. She then takes over the United Spades of Amerika, and claims that gophers were taking over Antarctica, so she sends an army of 13204918273498wqordifa239824928 to go and stop them. When they get there they realize that theres only ice there. And frozen water (ORLY?).

In the Back To The Future universe

• Marty realises he left the DeLorean keys on the kitchen table back in 4982. Nobody cares.

5150

• Eddie Van Halen rose from the dead
• Album "5150 II: All your Pokemon Are Belong To Us" was released.

5637.65

Cops found out that The Da Vinci Code was written by Steve Ballmer and Oscar Wilde using Steve Ballmer's Fabled Fucking Eye Rays to burn the letters into the pages. In an unrelated note, the Catholic Church also finally stopped caring.

5678

• July 20 - Eminem's disembodied head's latest album goes platinum. Ironically, for most of this year 90% of all people in the world are suffering with cases of "Falling Off Ears."

• The year 1234's older brother.

5679

• July 20 - English language shanty is reinvented shanty. The only shanty real difference is shanty the word shanty "Shanty" shanty appearing throughout sentences shanty.

5687

• Waffles, like shanty tons of em shanty, just raining shanty down, all year shanty.

5793

• July 20 - In the case of The State of Wisconsin v.s. Shanty, the English language is re-re-reverted back to its old form. The only people to protest were two hobos living outside of Chicago.

Ice fishers everywhere miss the court date and are thoroughly confused.

5744

• Poetry re-invented, millions killed.
• Time machine invented yet again
• Missing years still missing
• Computer attempts to give a damn, but fails. Millions cry until they drown.
• World War III begins. Wait, don't we still have World War Z II going on? Global Government blames this confusion on Canadian Super-Astro-Beavers

5854 (The Year of Yahoo)

• PlayStation 930 is released to the general public for the price of .412 Sony dollars or today's equivalent of $562,623.

• On a completely unrelated note, there is a massive rise of riots at Planet Bestbuy and the Walmart Galaxy. 500,000,000 die and 13 planets are blown up.
• Yahoo.com buys this year (formerly 5963) and calls it Yahoo.
• Apparently everyone is a consumer whore.
• And how!
• Windows XP blows up your face.
• The number 321,683,362,832,234,564,253.7896723632876352873568735

dies of and calls 1 an asshole.

6452

The Beatles Return in true Form singing their hit's "She Loves You", and "Please please me!" but because of the law that was founded in 6133 (No songs about relationships are allowed) they are arrested on the Spot and evaporated! Clearly They aren't Bigger than Jesus!

“Thanks On Behalf of the Group and We hope to Pass the Audition! ”

~ John Lennon on being arrested

• Ringo comes back from the past again, finds out what happens, and decides to go on a killing spree with a platinum sledgehammer under the alias "Maxwell". maxwell gets arrested, but Ringo, with a separate set of I.D. papers, manages to get back to 1962 Liverpool.

6969

• The year 6969 was deleted by the media in attempt to clean up the amount of gratuitous filth been printed on calendars at the time. 6969 was replaced by "The number of that position where you both get some, but like, doubled, so there are two, or something." As a result the calendars were approximately .0000000001 parsecs wider and sales decreased infinitely, until it was proven this was in fact, impossible.

7134

• January 34 - Breathing is declared illegal. The following day seven-hundred thousand are dead, and the law is revoked.
• February 17 - The sun becomes available for download, and gamers everywhere are sunburnt.
• August 2.389 - The MPAA files suite against gamers for free downloading of the sun, and begins charging admission for people to leave there homes.
• December 31 - Exhausted, humanity decides to take a year off and everyone carbon-freezes themselves for a year (which proves to be simpler than the 'digital transition' was) except for...

7135

• Daniel Fugacello remains unfrozen just to piss everyone off. He dies later that year of starvation.

7331

The anti-nerds go back in time and destroy the year 1337 and turn 1337 into the year 7331 the new leet

7777

Barret deals 7777 damage every time he attacks.

7777.777 777 777 77

World War Z IV begins, along with World War II and III STILL going on.*

8000

• Optimus Prime seduces Bill Gates and steals Microsoft after murdering Bill in his sleep.
• The Zula Patrol retires after the succecers were to tired and drunk. Later the planet Zula disappears.
• Shortly after the above, everything in our galaxy disappears (along with the people), but later reappears in year 9001 AD after a slumber.

The year where the universe started to show the first fuckin' signs that it was going to tear open and eventually explode in around one hundred trillion years when pi's last digit gets found

And this year is 8274! Lithuanian genius I. Fukdup predicts the last digit of pi is six.

8999

“Please Lord, don't go to at least one more year later....”

~ Hassole on 8999

• Hassole goes on a quest to end time before "Da Scouter" interferes with the timeline.
• John McCain begins a war with Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, and quite possibly Northern Africa.
• God, yet again, floods the Earth. But eventually, no one died....not even life.

8999.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.......

OMG, it's almost 9000, and time has lost itself.

• In this extraordinary year, Hassole bans 9000 and over 9000 to distract Internet users and ends time.
• The 9000 meme is protested, and Hassole fails to ban the numeral.
• God keeps Earth flooding for months.....but no life was dead.

Over 9000

“I feel a Shoop coming along...”

~ Captain Obvious on Over 9000

This year and time period are officially 4chan trademarks. Om Nom Nom Nom Nom.

9001

“It's Over 9000!”

~ Captain Obvious on The year 9001

It's over 9000!! NINE THOUSAAAAANDD! And we just skipped a thousand years in the timeline (all of the 8000 millennium) because everyone and everything disappeared for a thousand years and reappeared this year.

• This year the ISO upgrades its 9002 standards to ISO-12502, considering they still want to be in commission for the next 3500 years.

9002

• Nobody does anything because they all had hangovers from celebrating in 9001.
• 3rd graders all over go on strike. It doesn't work.
• World War XIX ends, Daleks turn up but are ticked off because they missed it so they go and destroy a solar system.
• The legendary ninja known as Sneaky Fuck, retires after stealing God's Shadow.
• Stone Cold Steve Austins great(83x)grandson faces Mr.Mcmahons 84th grandson in a kiss my dick match Stone Cold #83 wins because Mr.McMahon dosent have a dick
• The Carthaginian Empire conquers all of Africa.
• Istanbul is renamed Constantinople.

9999

June 4, 9999 The bird is still the word

December 31, 9999. With So many 9's in the year, the world loses the fact that a 5th Digit is going to come into the Calendar year. A Man calls out! "WHY??" Vincent Valentine, still a badass vampire, shoots the man in the head, exclaiming silently "That's why." ITS OVER 9000!!!!1!1!111!!ONE!11!1!1!1!ELEVEN!11! aswell.

• Captain Obvious finally quits. Nobody CARES!
• 23:59:59, Dec 31, 9999: The last four year digit second ever happens.
• 24:00:00, Dec 31, 9999: WTF!
• 24:00:01, Dec 31, 9999: Somebody screwed up us the time. What the hell is wrong with these asses?
• Firefox Joins The LNADF (lyokoian Nations Air Defense Force) To Stop Shadow the Hedgehog's Rampage Upon Osama Bin Dumbass Laden.(Osama Bin Laden's Successor). "And I Thought Amy Rose Was The Issue!" Ambassador Shults

10000

Not much is known about the year 10000. One can only speculate at this point, however, theorists have predicted Earth will crash in to the sun around this time frame. If, by some chance of fate, the Planet still survives, there is one major problem left for humanity to solve: The Y10K problem.

Y10K

While such mundane problems as a 20 replacing a 19 were of no real concern to computers and clocks of the past, there is simply nothing to prevent the catastrophe that will occur when a four digit year gains a fifth digit. Years, according to most computers, are only meant to last until the year 9999. There is no fifth digit, as any logic program will tell you, and most electronic judges will fine you severely for trying to prove there is one.

What will happen on December 31, 9999? Only time will tell. Some say that the world, now one enormous timepiece, will lose one second and crash on itself, letting loose hinges and gears that will demolish the cities below. Others believe spaceliners will fall from the sky, unable to comprehend where or when they are going. Computer hardware and software will look at the current date, and commit suicide by concluding that they can not exist.

Some speculate that time will roll back to 0 B.C., in effect restarting the birth of Jesus, and setting about a new age as Heaven and Earth is recreated from scratch much like the movie The Matrix starring sean connery the 8th , as told in Revelations.

13337

This year is marked by the selling of Chuck Norris's WoW account to Rick Astley, who then proceeded to inflict unimaginable pain on what remained of the intergalactic MMO Servers.

19367

This year is marked by the resurrection of Pink Floyd just in time for them to begin their rule over the Earth. However, their asteroid will unfortunately obliterate the psychedelic zombies before they can begin their benevolent reign.

22222

• On OctwentyTWOber (the month Wisconsin still has) 22, at 22 seconds past 10:22am, the time and date will now read 22/22/22222, 22:22:22. Scientist's invent new numbers such as TwentyTWOteen, Twentyteen, Twentyteenthousand. Twelve hours later, the same time and date happens. 2,222,222,222,222,222,222,222 people live in the world at this time. 222/2222 of the world people in the world will were 22's (or TUTU'S) in an effort TO celebrate the TWO phenomenon. The number of digit's in people living in the world now is 22 (22 digits in 2,222,222,222,222,222,222,222). Everything is TOO much TO bear, with all the TWO'S make everything TOO confusing!

All TWO'S will be italicized TO make TWO better.

Are you TOO angry with all the TWO'S?

I thought so TO.

24601

See Les Miserables.

31296

The last of Planet Sony's water is used to make a new brand of Gatorade. Sells widely, until it is discovered that it turns people into Scotsmen. Gatorade relocates itself to the Moon's center.

Manchester City United finally get their hands on a trophy beating WatfordLiverpool 1-03-2 in the FA cup final. Just as the captain raises the cup, an angry seagull steals it and is never seen again, except by one of hitlers mutated nose-hairs

[math]\displaystyle{ 1 + 1 = 3 }[/math] formula discovered. Also discovered was [math]\displaystyle{ you smell X forty skunks = WTF? }[/math]

31337

• Google is the only company left on Planet Sony. At least according to Google's own deadline. Also at this year, Google has indexed all the information available in the multiverse.
• Martin Short is not born.
• This year is known as 3x|33+ cause it's 3 times cooler than 1337.

31338

• StarSiege: 2845 Causes the Begin of the Fall of the Human Race
• The project, deemed StarSiege: 2845, Alpha Alpha Alpha Beta Tech Demo Trial Alpha Beta Development Trial Beta Version 0.00001 Release, stessed by the game developersas not done.
• Despite their claims, the Alpha Alpha Alpha Beta Tech Demo Trial Alpha Beta Development Trial Beta Version 0.00001 Release of StarSiege: 2845, is actually the best game ever conciieved, being created by a compilation of volunteers over the course of nearly three hundred centuries, and the creation of a Final version is not needed, or expected (for at least 2-3 eternities).
• lanCore claims the game "only allows for moving around and getting the feel for the game, bugs will be everywhere", yet the game is so good that it becomes like a drug, mass distributed for free to all of humanity. The game actually caused the death of millions in its first few weeks after release, as a result of StarSiegetigmatism, a disorder contracted by the addictive properties of StarSiege: 2845. Over the course of four months, 98.619138% of humanity was killed off by starvation. After two more years, as the outer planets such as Moogle-Phi-Seven and Oprah eventually heard of the terrible news, but eventually felt a need to try out the game, foolishly thinking they could push off StarSiegetigmatism.
• Eventualy, the only Human Beings, Cybernetic Humans, Genetically Enhanced Humans, Cybernetic Genetically Enhanced Mecha Human/Apes, and Robots left in existence were the creators of StarSiege: 2845.
• The members of ClanCore decided to make a new nation to surpass all previous nations' endeavours; however, the members of this new nation could never release a FINAL version of their constitution, and all ClanCore members died from overexhaustion. The last version of the constitution was ClanCoreConstitution: Development Version 0.0000000000000000023c.

31340

Trump Planet

Trump to Sony!

Sony in Going Bankrupt, and so in order to keep afloat, they sell the rights to the Planet's Name to Donald Trump for $12.85c (which under current inflation is worth a lot). The planet is now known as Trump Planet!

“Sony... You're Fired! ”

~ Donald Trump on the day of his takeover.

The Grand Scintillant Capital of All Space and Time, Home of All Worthy Life, World of A Thousand Cities, And Undisputed Center of the Indomitable Glorious Galactic Imperium of Trump Planet

Only twelve minutes into his reign, the absolute power gets to Donald Trump's head. The new, more cumbersome name for Trump Planet was invented by Trump himself as a way of dealing with the fact that the Earth, by this time, was a shit planet.

31341

• By 31341, all Human Beings, Cybernetic Humans, Genetically Enhanced Humans, Cybernetic Genetically Enhanced Mecha Human/Apes, and Robots cease to live or exist.

31342-31347

• Man reads this entire article taking 6 years, millions killed.
• Man reading article kills himself after reading this article.
• Man has no clue what is going on, because he is dead.
• Man stubbed his toe again.
• Man cries.
• Man bleeds.
• Man uses Band-Aid.

31348

• God presses the restart button on the universe, after ctrl+alt+del fails
• Final peace is achieved in the Middle East as Israeli Prime Minister Shimon Peres and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas XXVIII sign a pact of peace, harmony, and mutual understanding and goodwill. Also, there are nobody else left to fight in the entire region.
• Doom II: The Play is released.

---

31348.2010

“Wow, it's just like 2010!”

~ Captain Obvious on Over the reversion to the state of the world in 2010

• This point of the year was named what it was because the state of the world reverted to the way it was in 2010, which, in turn, caused the suicide of 1/4 of Planet Sony's population (2 people).

• Chuck Norris claims he is Lenny Kravitz Father and Jessica Alba is the mother

31349

• ...the Chicago Cubs still haven't won the World Series. But the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have.

• ...and you're still a virgin.

• ...in fact you're more of a virgin than before... although I'm not sure how that works.

• ...and if you weren't a virgin, you will be now.

• ...but seriously, basically the world was reborn for the 19th time and it is full of monkeys crossed with Super Slayin' Jesus.
• ...babies are eaten upon birth and are considered a delicacy in Northern Europe.
• ...Justin has been imprisoned for raping small kittens at the local zoo and taping it and selling it as "Chicks gone wild".
• Dick Clark makes up for all the aging he missed. He is soon mistaken for a burlap sack. He is stuffed with sand and left on a roadside in Nevada. He has lain there since.

63360

• The Imperial measurement system is officially retarded

65536

• The universe enters a 16-bit era.
• Zuke Vukem, who was unaffected by the new 16-bit-ness of the universe, used the necro powers he stole from Heretic to resurrect George Washington as a zombie. The Great Onslaught of Zombie George Washington commences, prompting Duke to go into hiding on Phobos with the Doom guy.
• Forrest Gump is finally resurrected.

93511

411 t3H 1337 93511 4|23 5|_||>|>053|) 70 |-|4|/3 41|234|)`/ |v|4|)3 7|-|3||2 53(0|/||) (0|v|||/|6 8`/ 7|-||5 7||v|3

n00b5: All the 1337 (Leet) Jesii are supposed to have already made their Second Coming by this time.

96036

• The most important event ever occurs, but the book describing the event is so costly that no one can afford it, and it is forgotten.
• Reality television finally dies.
• Danny Glover is resurrected (no one seems to notice).
• Planet Trump develops a cough, Mercury and Venus thinks it has cooties and throws rocks at it. Millions die, thousands don't care.
• Benedict LXXVIII begins a 3964-year long papacy in the Vatican City of Slough.

100000

• The Toronto Maple Leafs win their first Stanley Cup since 1967.
• George Bush finally announces an exit strategy for Iraq. George Washington Carver is brought back to life because peanuts are coolio. Also to combat zombie George Washington.
• Benedict LXXVIII is killed in a freak car accident involving a parliament of 966,720 escaped owls and a cannibal pelican.
• Y100k disaster

“ WOW... look at all them zero's... ”

~ Homer

117284

• Yes... Nothing has happened for the past 17284 years and nothing will happen again for 32716 more. Damn black outs...
• Uncyclopedia finally has more articles than wikipedia. And takes over the world. Everyone worships the Uncyclopedia like the bible, and more than half the goats in the world are slayed as offerings to the great god of stupid junk that the Uncyclopedia contains.
• Word of the Toronto Maple Leaf's victory reaches Neo-Canada. There is much civil unrest. Neil Peart calms the rioting.

150000

• The sports football and rugby combine to create the 45757th official sport, frugby. Unfortunately, nobody cares and is abolished within four hours and 33 seconds.
• World peanut supply officially runs out. The nut is subsequently abolished.
• 78 million killed in mass Y150K problem which caused the ever-popular TV-gameshow Deal Or No Deal

to explode the third box on the left ruling out the second box on the right cancelling out Noel Edmonds's brain causing a mass seizure.

150001

• World learns to Shoop Da Whoop. Millions were killed.

150573

• Peanuts are so 10573 years ago!

• Star trek is brought back for the 23,892.12th time.

• Citizendium wipes wikipedia off the web causing Conservapedia: The Trustworthy Encyclopedia to laugh until it was hospitalized.

• Pinky becomes smarter than the Brain. The Brain gets so pissed off he bops Pinky on the head, reversing his genius, therefore giving Pinky an incurable brain tumour, but cannot die anyway. Pinky will now live forever and Brain will get really annoyed by his pondering replies.

200000

• Zombie George Washington wreaks havoc after invading the capital. National Guardsmens are brought in, but Democrats protest, throwing aborted fetuses at the soldiers.
• The last sample of the T-Virus is destroyed by a Psyduck.
• Wikipedia returns for revenge & Wikipedia Advent 2.11.0 BETA version is opened up, soon to be installed as a microchip in the human brain.

200048

• Zombie George Washington drinks the blood of every man, woman, and child who is a Democrat, then decides to go after the Republicans.

200247

• Zombie George Washington is finally vanquished, choking on a cursed pretzel meant for George Bush back in 2008. With no Democrats still living, the world is at peace. Until people remember that Iraq still exists (albeit in 20,000 tiny pieces on your mom's carpet).

204593

• Survivor is finally canceled after producer Mark Burnett mysteriously vanishes searching for a new island to film on.
• The land feature "island" is abolished.
• Stewie Griffin Finally kills Lois.
• Claus von Stauffenburg travels back to 1944, kills Hitler, and alters reality so that technology (warp drive, plasma screen TV's, etc.) could be researched as early as 1950.

210539

• William Petersen, in an act of mercy, blows Jerry Bruckheimer's brains out with an AK-47.
• CSI is finally cancelled, after experiencing less and less interesting versions culminating in CSI: Monaco.

230675

• People finally realise what a shit television show Big Brother was.
• Jack Bauer finally kills the last evil guy on 24.
• George Bush's exit strategy is finally used. 2 days later, Iran invades whats left of Iraq. Unfortunately, since the Taliban, Al queda,and Hezbollah were all democrats. the invasion fails since the remaining Iranians would much rather not destroy the earth by being democrats( oh yes. I went there.)
• The characters in Lost finally get found. No one cares.

230675, at 5:00

• Planet Fluffyangrybunnyhipposareafraidofreallyreallyreallylongwords is founded.
• Zombie George Washington declares war on Planet Fluffyangrybunnyhipposareafraidofreallyreallyreallylongwords

230675, at 5:05

• Planet Fluffyangrybunnyhipposareafraidofreallyreallyreallylongwords is invaded by Zombie George Washington's army of wraiths. Planet it then becomes a protectorate of Washington's personal planet (Planet Sex) and is renamed Planet Pr0n I.

230681b

• Year ends in b, millions killed.

299999

• Santa Claus conquers the Martians, this time for real.

300000

• Earth attacks Mars, demanding refunds for defective Martian Christmas toys.
• God sends Jesus back to earth, but re-thinks this. "My son deserves better than this". He then sends him to the sun, to form human colonies.

300001

• Santa Claus commits suicide.
• Christmas is replaced by Mother's Day.
• Mother's Day is replaced by Cheating ex-Husband's Day.
• Walt Disney's head in a jar was finally recovered.

300658

• Albert Einstein's brain in a jar declares that time will fall apart in 4000 years. People get angry and pulverize his jar.

The Year Time Started to Fall Apart, 304658

Strange things happened this year, like everything suddenly jumping back a few minutes, and George Lucas started filming more Star Wars movies. Also, the edges of the universe started to unravel. Albert Einstein's floating brain in a jar is proved right, but nobody cares.

Several timestops appeared, locking everything inside them in position. Esteemed scientist George Washington Carver chucked a watch into a timestop, which froze instantly in midair. Bob Ross walked into the timestop because he wanted Carver's Rolex and froze. <insert name here> also disappeared when he tried to make sure the end of the universe didn't happen by making up an ending to this story that didn't involve the end of the universe. The last reported sighting of <insert name here> was when he was being fired out of a cannon into Planet Lucas (formerly known as the Sun) by some crazy people who were worried that they would be wiped out of existence in the new ending. The new ending was said to involve Jesus, time travel, and some ducks and a loon.

While said to be typos in the universe's source code by many people, several fanatical loons said it was a sign of Armageddon. And they were right. At midnight on December 31^st, the world suddenly stopped. Everyone hung like this for several years, until...

455643

• New World Order!
  • The Planet is in shambles and the lord Fergy has finally decided that enough is enough. He declares that he is King of New Earth! Donald Trump, the former dictator of The Grand Scintillant Capital of All Space and Time, Home of All Worthy Life, World of A Thousand Cities, And Undisputed Center of the Indomitable Glorious Galactic Imperium of Trump Planet, steps down after purchasing the actual capital of the Universe. Everyone on earth is free under Lord Fergy's rule, except for the hobbits.

“Fuck the hobbits.”

~ King Fergy on hobbits

• The song "YMCA" is declared overrated and overperformed by the Taste Society of the Saturn moons.

802701

• The Time Traveller goes forward in time and meets the Eloi and the Morlocks. Oh, and he kills King Fergy, too.
• The Toronto Maple Leafs finally win the Stanley Cup for the second time since 100000. Enraged hockey fans everywhere (except for Toronto) throw themselves into volcanoes.
• Pi is declared by the Russian Government to equal 3. Mathematicians everywhere stab themselves with compass pins.
• The Neo-Toronto Maple Leaves win on Neo-Canada. Enraged hockey fans everwhere (except for Neo-Toronto) throw themselves into volcanoes.
• A grue eats Zombie Bellis,of Jonny beel and is killkilled
• ZOMBIES CANT BE KILLKILLED
• Brain murders Pinky. Tries to take over the world for the 273986435645946467413967391st time, fails. Goes to live in a gutter where he dies of Depression.

2299113

• New Earth is made into a planet wide city, environmentalists don't care anymore, and go to live on Mars ("the wild west of the universe!",David Suzuki XXIV is pissed.

• CrazyBliep is elected as WorldDominator to control the planets. Quote CrazyBliep: "I dominate therefore we are". CrazyBliep promised to dominate in peace.

(Little bit strange that there is an old blue police box in the Presidential house...)

• The Vancouver Canuckleheads suddenly get really good, under the guidance of Robo-Luongo and create an intergalactic hockey dynasty that will last until the end of time. Fans back in 2008 are pissed it took this long.

• The spot where the Iranian nuke hit Saudi Arabia finally collapses into the inner core and causes it to grow. Slowly, the area around the whole seeps into the core and causes it to get larger and larger.

3141592/6/25

• Millions of pies!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• WHO ATE ALL THE [math]\displaystyle{ PIIIIIIII }[/math]?
• Nobody cares.
• Amendment MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMDCCILXXVIII passed
• Everyone finds out that pi actually is completely wrong: it doesn't go on forever, AND in fact we have the one digit wrong: 8
• Nobody cares.
• Amendment MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMDCCILXXVIV passed
• Once again, nobody cares.

8473902

• Everyone decides to target Ethiopia because all along they and Ted Nugent were hiding the holy grail filled with pancakes.

• Self-styled nihilists finally get confused when it is pointed out that embracing science and logic as the holy grail isn't much different from religion or the tooth fairy. South Park is subsequently cancelled and most of civilization is put into a stupor for about 3000 years due to having grown accustomed to rejecting free will.

• Galactus opens the Gates of Dawn where the demons rip forth and spill the blood of trillions of people living along the inner planets of the Milky Way. The Ghosts of Shakespeare, Jesus, Santa, Goofy, Mario & Luigi, Superman, Link, Spiderman, The Hulk, Aquaman, and Gandalf the White team together to thwarth the invasion. They are successful and they eventually form a new order of government and civilization along the galaxy by ruling successfully as an oligarchy. This lasts only 56 years as they bring a new age of peace but they become corrupt and they each wage war on each other. In the end Jesus goes back to Heaven, Shakespeare goes back to playwrighting, Link goes back to his life of robbery and banging Zelda, Santa and Goofy now rule over most of the downtown L.A area, Mario and Luigi opened a pizza shop in New York, Aquaman and The Hulk are dead, Spidey is missing, Superman is the new ruler of Nova Krypton a new planet with a warlike society, and Gandalf is now stuck in the lost realm of Dementius. The Galaxy is now without a leader and almost all life is dead. It will be a while before man can adapt and perhaps evolve to push forward out of the dark ages of time.

• Team Fortress 3 is released

8476902

• The collective intellect yearns toward the mystical but discover that their pineal gland has long since devolved into a diode. "Existential Quandary" becomes the best-selling brand of splenda.
• Star Trek is forbidden by law, millions of years after its final cancellation.

8585858

• May 1 - All winter months refuse to exist any longer. Turns out this is what global warming was actually referring to.
• June 9 - Donald Duck Begins to age.
• July 3 - Duke Nukem Forever is finally finished, but it is incompatible on all computers.
• July 20 - Pi's final digit is found (it was a 5 all along). The universe begins to tear open.
• July 6 - COS is multiplied by SIN. World is sent back 14 days.
• July 20 - Pi's final digit is re-found (it was actually 6, proving I. Fukdup was right, see 8274). The Milky Way begins to explode.
• September 33 - Sakaki finally has sex with you. It wasn't good for her.
• November 17 - Sweden and King Sven XMCVIII finally conquers the Universe, and most parts of the parallel universe.
• December 2 - Scientists finally prove that the universe doesn't exist.
• December 14 - Satan declares Hell overpopulated. He deports millions of the damned to his colonies on Mars, Phobos, Diemos, and Nevada.
• December 23 - United States scientists finish a prototype weapon for use in the army. The weapon is surprisingly easy to use. The user simply thinks about using the weapon, and his/her brain disinegrates.
• Amy Winehouse dies.
• December 21st - You die from The 2010102201212212 phenomonom disease. (Damn, are you stupid or something?)

8587858

• June 5 - Judgment Day... again!!!

YHWH comes down from heaven, and everyone gathers to where he has landed. Since everyone is now faithful to him, YHWH has no one to smite.

Now in a furious anger from not being able to kill puny mortals, the mighty YHWH declares that the Five General Demigods of All Humanity are no longer to be worshipped. Summoning the Demigods, He brutally destroys them.

He then opens the gates of Heaven, and everyone (except Satan) enters to have the time of their afterlife.

8675309

Everyone has a generally good time and the world-wide crime average goes down to 128347982175978%

Until...

???(about 9,000,000 AD)

• Super Jebus uses his special rolex and destroys the space time continuum, and causes a massive loop in time sending everything back 8,587,858 years.
• Satan finally stops his war with God, and they join forces to create the ultimate water slide.
• Microsoft releases their next OS - WindowsMexpvistatronimatronV8.

99,999,000,000,000, billion years before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is banned in Maori lands

99,999,999,000,000, million years before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is banned at Poland

99,999,999,999,000, the millieum before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is banned at Eastern Europe

99,999,999,999,900, the century before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is banned at British schools

99,999,999,999,990, the decade before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is banned at Canadian schools

99,999,999,999,999, the year before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is banned at school

November 100,000,000,000,000, the month before end of time

• Encyclopedia Dramatica is annahilated. now uncyclopedia and wikipedia is alone fighting who will be the superpower of the internet. the intresting part of the war starts...

December 29, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D. the day before end of time

Wikipedia launches an e-mail to Uncyclopedia-users and the mail has viruses which destroy their computers. Uncyclopedia wants to do the same but if it happen, Wikipedia will activate the "Anti-Internet" which will destroy the Internet by blocking every server in the Internet. Uncyclopedia launch viruses, and the battle couldn't end worse..... the Internet is.... gone.... unreachable, but the Anti-Internet reaches the real universe, and destroys it, which is the beginning of the end of time.

for short: December 30, 10^14 will be a bad day. REALLY BAD

1 Hour Before The End Of Time (5:00:00pm, Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

The Non-Huffable Kitten is caught and will be huffed in an hour.

60 Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:00 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• The ass population grows to 6,000,000,000,000,000 (6 quadrillion) times
• The following 4 continents that are made are:
  • Jifuck
  • Juyihokikuol (say Juu-ye-hoe-key-cu-oul)
  • Torres (a large land mass ass)
  • Monkey See (a large land mass ass)

God kills a catgirl.

30 Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:30 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• The USA ceases to exist.
• Keith Richards dies.

America doesn't really exist.

• Mexico also fucks off.

10 Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:50 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• The Union of Ireland moves its capital from Waterford to Cork

5 Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:55 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• Man finally realizes that The End is near, after a song by the dolphins.
• Keith Richards comes back to life.
• Jamaica takes over the world by launching a spliff-bomb into the atmosphere, thus making all world leaders high(Except the Jamaican one because he's used to it)
• Ninjas and pirates realise that they have no reason to hate each other. Group hugs ensue.
• The Non-Huffable Kitten... huffed.
• Soviet Galactic Battle Fleet suddenly achieves Communism and blows it up among with themselves. Hey, who needs it at 5 Seconds Before End of Time anyway?
• Super Mario Bros. is released to the PlayStation 1023654411023163
• God of War is released to the Nintendo Iiw
• The Master steals Dr. Who's tardis and goes back in time to assume the role of Prime Minister of Britain; later killed by flying cabbages

1 Second Before the End of Time (5:59:59 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• BRITISH SUPERIORITY OVER ALL IS FINALLY REALIZED AS REDCOATS STORM ACROSS THE SPACE TIME CONTINUAL TO ERASE ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OVER 9000 OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• The beginning of the 2 second battle of the gods known as Ragnarök

• A second before the End of Time, Tom Cruise steps out from the shadows and finally admits "Scientology isn't r--!" Before he can finish, he is shot by Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, "You won't be back!"

• FINAL FANTASY VII IS FINALLY REMADE FOR THE PLAYSTATION 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEKS ALL OVER THE WORLD HAVE AN INSTANTANEOUS AND SIMULTANEOUS ORGASM!!!!!!! THEIR FIRST SINCE THE FIRST FINAL FANTASY VII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!! YEARS PREVIOUS!!!!

• World War XX Begins.

• The second big bang finally opens the door to where the ghosts of Bowser and Mario are. Mario defeats Bowser. He heads off through the next door to free the Princess and the Mushroom Kingdom which heralds the coming of a glorious, Pikachu-free world. Instead, a small Toad happily says "SORRY, BUT YOUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!"

• Cristiano Ronaldo reveals he is gay!!!!

• Oscar Wilde, on his magical penny-farthing, travels back to three seconds before the Big Bang in an effort to gain superpowers from a naïve Chaos.

• Sony releases its Playstation -2

• The Killers release their 967,454,398,374,059,834,275,823,561,955,629,876,032,057,984 album. Pitchfork Media gives it a 6.2.(The only only rating they can give albums) Pitchfork Media also finally realize that nobody actually gives a shit about their opinions.

• In continuation with The Killers jokes; The Killers almost finally get into a fist fight with Fall Out Boy but stop, because Pete Wentz and Brandon Flowers both have to put on eyeliner before every fight, but then time ends. Mark Stoermer Jesus will be excluded from the fight because he will have automatically won.

• Jesus gets pissed and puts Spongbob on Saturn to die.

• The new world order is taken over by Mexicans due to lousy security makeing the new NEW world order.

• Mankind finally discovers Universal Peace, and the real purpose of life.

• Sudan developes and becomes a member of the First World and the 73rd state of the U.S.A.

• Earth President Vladimir Putin declares the second to be equal to 700 years in an effort to maintain his life presidency. He discovers, however, that time is the only thing outside of the KGB's jurisdiction and time ends a second later.

• Bruce Campbell finishes reciting Pi. In celebration, he starts reciting e, but then Time ends.

• After releasing their last Album, Rush falls back into the shadows from whence they came, and the planets colided and Rush fans everywhere cried "Uh...MAYBE!!!!!!", putting an unexpected twist on the popular phrase.

• The question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is finally known.

• Horohoro gets a girlfriend, but time ends before he can get laid.

• William Peterson has sex with a bear. (Not counting himself, I mean another one.) How ironic.

• David Bowie FINALLY releases another album, but no ever gets the chance to hear it, because then . . .

• FINALLY The Simpsons is canceled and Matt Groening's cold lifeless body is preserved in carbonate and sent to Omega 354 where the Downfall of American Civilization Museum is located. It arrives exactly 42 minutes before the end.

• Canadians look back and are proud. Yes for one of the first times...proud. William Shatner takes this as his cue to go back in time to invent Canadians.

• And at 3:47:59PM, .0001 seconds before the end of time, as the the entirety of the cosmos screams out in one final fit of rage, as countless eons of time melt into each other and ceased to be, as man and god alike cower before the gaping maw of an eternity of nothingness, Trix the rabbit, beloved cartoon character, reaches out in a desperate stupor, grasping at that which should have been his from the start. And at 3:47:59PM, he finally, "finally," gets his hands on a fucking bowl of cereal.

• At 5:59:59PM, Star Trek is finally, "finally," cancelled for good.

• God is shot in the back of the head by Sarah Palin, who had just taken much, much cocaine. She then tries to shoot herself in the head but shoots herself in the clit. The Welsh Rarebit then gouges her eyes out and rapes her profusely.

• The Welsh Rarebit is elected president. He then marries Oscar Wilde, goes back in time, and invents Uncyclopedia.

• The Chicago Cubs still haven't won a World Series. Sammy Sosa's cryogenically frozen head weeps.

• Link plays the song of time and goes back to the dawn of the 1st day, where he can save

his progress. Unfortunately he loses all his rupees, arrows, and other non-key items.\

• The three story flying hexagon returns to see if the universe has gotten anymore interesting. Still unimpressed it heaves a long sigh and dissapears.

• Humans finally realize how fucked up their existence is. Well shit.

• Petunia, the king of existence, dies and the end of time happens.

0.01 Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:59.99 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• Xenu admits that he had relations with "that woman"

• Humans Create a machine which prevents themselves from changing their ways called "The bible: Scentology addition"

• The Master's wife from Doctor Who goes mad and decides to go back in time kill a bunch of people. After which she sees the error of her ways and kills the master but not really only joking.

• God ressurects only to think the words "Oh no, not again" (LAWSUIT IN PROGRESS)

• Time itself shits itself literly and metaphotically. Decides to infext spacetime with a reality virust to prevent The end of time to be possible.

• Humans drain the core back to the size it was before the Saudi Arabian Hole was created (which now had taken up the entire Middle East) was filled up with giant cheese.

• The Carthaginian Empire falls after a tsunami sinks most of the western side of Africa.

• Vatican City invades Rome and starts a war.

0.000000000000000001 Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:59.999999999999999999 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• Vatican City looses

• We celebrate the last attosecond of the world as things are finally done in science. The last gram of bacteria infects the last Hollywood celebrity, the last egg-in-a-beaker vacuum experiment is done, and the final time two gas particles collide.

• The Matrix takes over the world and everything goes in bullet time. Actually, bullet time takes one minute to go half an attosecond in real time, so we have four more nice minutes of life to go. And finally, Dave Chappelle dies.

• 3, 2, 1, 0.5, 0.25, 0.125, 0.0625.....0.01........and HERE WE GO! BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE EXPLOSION BITCHES!

0. One centillion zero's Seconds Before the End of Time (5:59:59.One centillion nines PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.)

• The cat gets the cheezburger.

6:00 PM Central U.S. Time, December 30, 100,000,000,000,000 A.D.

• Humans try to change their ways. NOW; of ALL TIMES!?
• Joudan Wyan appears

• Someone types "rm -rf~/" into the universe's command window, causing all history to disappear.
• Darth Vader is resurrected by Someone.
• Darth Vader takes control of Quake Studios and forces them to make a new game.
• Runescape 3 finally comes out.
• Bowser kills Mario and throws his remains into the lava, only to find out later that it was Luigi dressed up as Mario; attempting to get in Peach's pants. Which neither succeed. ever.

* Radiohead dies, All the staff at Pitchfork Media kill themselves.

• Keith Richards snorts the ashes of his Great X 3093258456 Grandchildren.
• After a 3 day wait, the Moon finally crashes into the Big Ben.
• Paris Hilton is laid for the 354,354,221,353,234,134,265,126,654,512,123,212,323,234,346,543,123,987,890,756,786,753,234,531,235,432,234,332,179,067,256,343,456,314,335,757,539,064,069,405,494,098,765,432,198,692,380,208,295,740,209,987,123,456,789,101st time.
• Someone masturbated off of Paris Hilton for the 109,398,543,456,864,456,543,456,543,334,553,670,456,773,656,377,125,774,136,195,128,991,024,013,742,356,904,190,567,192nd time.
• Canada and Australia, tired of being pushed around, finally take over the world.
• The country of Lithuania,tired of no one knowing where it is takes over the world with Darth_Lithuanias awesome superpowers .Everyone asks how the hell they took over the universe.
• The Danes finally accepts that the Tuborg and Carlsberg breweries makes the same beer with different names.
• Jonny Bell dies for the 393,641,898,133,355,472,473,126,291,133,292,691,133,354,136,999,345,324,534,234,765,354,886,123,251,366,315th time.
• All of the straight men will become gays.
• The end of the 2 second battle of the morons known as the Battle of the Morons.
• Spongebob isn't ready
• Mario kills Luigi
• Pokemon World gives birth through our universe.
• Orochimaru finally dumps Sasuke.
• Habbo finally dumps Sulake.
• Disney finally admits that the dust in the Lion King did say SEX!
• The world will begin to explode at 1:00 am Pacific Time in the US.
• Mars will experience floods 'cause by typhoons created by aliens
• God takes her first crap and realizes she isn't vegan after all.
• Brain finally takes over the world. Sadly, Pinky reminds the Brain that the world is ending. Brain comments 'What a really stupid life I had. I finally take over the world, and now, it's dying out. Come, Pinky, we must prepare for the next minute.'. Pinky asks 'Why Brain, what are we going to do next minute?'. Brain replies 'The same thing we do every minute Pinky; TRY TO SAVE THE WOR....' but then the world explodes before someone can say 'They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!'
• Ghosts will dominate the universe.
• John Farnam announces final farewell tour, only to have another one at the beginning of time. millions die
• The Philippines will dominate all the universes!
• You put the lime in the coconut.
• You shake it all up.
• The Little Mermaid 'boner' hidden message is finally fixed up.
• People finally believe that it's butter after all these years.
• Science will abolish caused by typhoons.
• Philippines will rename as Pikachu (a tribute for what Pikachu did for this country)
• The jokes on Canada, Australia actually took over the world. Canadians get mad and kill dingos in retaliation. Dingo population plummets. Conversely, the survival rate for Australian babies rises.
• The game of Monopoly you started with yourself finally ends.
• Maids will become rich.
• Santa becomes Times Man of the Nanosecond.500 dead
• Everyone still in existence is blessed with extremely huge eyes.
• Everyone chooses to reside forever at Woodstock where the concert lasts forever, you never have to sleep, everyone can be in the front row, the fields are made of candy, and Jimi Hendrix's Star-Spangled Banner rings on through the ages.
• Lucifer will kill himself because he's emo

It's Heaven (if you've been good)... at long last.

• Einstein will be given a chance to live again.
• Our apples will bear pears.
• Our pears rot.
• Our rots.....WTF?
• North Pole will become a powerful state
• Malaysia discovers its existence. millions injured, no cassualties
• Antarctica will become a first world country
• Hawaii learns the last letter of the english alphabet. Unfortunately it was not right and are laughed at and shunned by all of humanity forcing them to live with apes for all eternity.
• Jupiter eats Saturn.
• The last person says the last yo momma joke.
• Halley's Comet hits itself, splits into a quadrillion pieces, and those pieces flow throughout the universe.
• She goes out with That Guy
• Buckethead is still alive.
• The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
• Michael Jackson comes to life with forty zombies and does Thriller.
• Robo-Luongo destroys all the Toronto Maple Leafs, but is mortally wounded in the process when they cheat and summon Megatron. But we can rebuild him, we have the technology. (He will be back at around 1BC)
• Rick Astley makes a comeback, but is murdered 2 minutes afterwards by his loyal fans.

• And Planet Scotland became a moon of Pluto (now a planet) everyone lived a happy life until Braveheart XXXXX decided to go to war against them. Unfortunately Russia's space station was "accidentally destroyed" during 8000-9000

• And Africa still obsessed with YO mamma has a population of 7 because of Disease and bad decisions (not G8)

• An armistice is signed which ends the Badger/Mushroom war. There is no real winner, but there is a Arctonyx-Agaricus bisporus anschluss (a badger-mushroom aliance) against that evil looking snake thingy.

This Article is severely abused by every idiot who has the ability to type. (Including myself.) [Original writer] Yeah, I didn't write that.

And you (me) still haven't gotten laid. 2 dead

I did. just yesterday. and now that time has ended, I'm getting laid all the time!

You finally stop reading this.

• For Athens, continuity, they still think the end may never come for them. Not until 5.5 Apple 26, at least. By then, I guarantee you that they've found another planet.

• History literally shits itself. thousands killed

• Nobody really gives a shit whether time ends or not.

• None of these events actually happen because time has ended

• Time ends? Not really, it was just an illusion. Bunnies destroy Australia's sister, Bugsy. Guinea pigs join the rabbits for world domination.

• Carmine starts time again....easily.

• Arceus and God finally put aside their differences and destroy the universe together once and for all, they laugh and get pissed.

• Bill Gates comes back to life.

• Carmine chuckles to himself and repairs the universe.

• Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks himself in the past, therefore causing a ripple in the space time continuum and rendering himself useless. This proves that Chuck Norris is stronger than himself.

• New Zealand has had enough of Australia and takes over the all of the Multiverses with its army which contains 9 quadrillion sheep.

• Microsoft realizes Apple's superiority.

• Razgriz And Xana Nuke The Space Time Contimum For The 50th F***ing Time!!! (Wow, Aren't You Special?)

• Finally, Jesus comes back to Earth to reveal that he is actually a Metal Head causing nothing but pure ANARCHY!!!
• Then Jesus eats the universe's last taco with Chuck Norris's permission

• Roadhouse 2 is released starring patrick's Great grandson.

• And so, the world ends. I'm now forced to give up writing. Goodbye!

October 29, 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,912 A.D. (The day ??? came out [of the closet])

• Actually, there's still more to write!

• The world enters a 666-bit era, but the world, like your computer, can't handle it, and then...

• This Guy finally reveals that he is gay and has absolutely no power at all... Damian Erickson was the one controlling everything with the help of Moose, Jimmany, and Gabe the Guitar God.

• Duncan's Trophy Is There, Now He Is The Final,True Guy And Gets Dual Artifact 19.

• Jesus said "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris Said "Say Please!"

January 1st. 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,913 A.D. T.D.A.T.L. (The Day After The Light)

• The new Jesus is born to two parents, who are Chuck Norris nd Oprah

A picture of the new Jesus.

This is what happens when you leave the new Jesus alone.

He doesn't approve, but says nothing, since his lungs don't like him.

July 13th. [math]\displaystyle{ 10^10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 }[/math] (1 Google Plex) A.D.

• Humans discover multi-dimentions and as a result also discover new sexual fetishes possible in multiple dimentions.

• Humans invent multi-layered time and time itself implodes.

• None of the above ever existed.

∞

• After long last, infinity is found. Since it's not 2100 yet,we traveled forward into time,which would be invented in2100 too.The number written is: 2836294650574226427482643462394364923465294629424954961283723824624674638658163538324585485432845284752314444444444446452374532745323543287453784547324537483254825428454723572157245283453282364298345328453854824589425643295494549215494540142344329827474930729307327479467294472947299623966565993465398665346398565369513653218660750345703702750372314159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494473449463298659563259346594365956349063453495634956576456656666666666666666666666638739536539564655465756546756475674564756475674564756476574654765746547561234567890987654321755647564574564754657475472047024705531771877143573565206036569151036543956356313698565965969696969696969696969696946428569265329569365916529356056549659365145064301 to the power of 723404297347320653296539859135329836593465034564504365396509365956961595869564105645645986534856916325926530956934659569356986593465936595695659836598659653565963926596593465463985665369596569486456859865438659832653635295659565956985689765378956598659856956595659659865298655692741075205757050175711016510569600536501655065695056516051656565981 to the power of 3205612198462691416369565903256940565659843634650564396563206520123561056656965095241650129565065965651260516516591665799465057422642748264346239436492346529462942495496128372382462467463865816353832458548543284528475231444444444444645237453274532354328745378454732453748325482542845472357215724528345328236429834532845385482458942564329549454921549454014234432982747493072930732747946729447294729962396656599346539866534639856536951365321866075034570370275037231415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749447344946329865956325934659436595634906345349563495657645262398653563196543095465941438739536539564655465756546756475674564756475674564756476574654765746547561234567890987654329465057422642748264346239436492346529462942495496128372382462467463865816353832458548543284528475231444444444444645237453274532354328745378454732453748325482542845472357215724528345328236429834532845385482458942564329549454921549454014234432982747493072930732747946729447294729962396656599346539866534639856536951365321866075034570370275037231415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749447344946329865956325934659436595634906345349563495657645665666666666666666666666663873953653956465546575654675647567456475647567456475647657465476574654756123456789098765432, multiplied by 50 trigent-billillion and to the power of 1323723223 sextent-billillion.. Although the number is seriously long, it's not higher than a googleplex.

• The data above is incorrect, I have been to the end of time and back again. The number is actually... ∞. This is proven within the workings. 8 multiplied by sideways equals ∞ therefore ∞ divided by 8 equals sideways. Sideways multiplied by vertical equals life. Life divided by ∞ equals the end of time. Therefore I WIN.

Infinity plus one year

Infinity is not 8 sideways. OH CRAP I JUST WENT OVER INFINITY AND IT ISN'T POSSIBLE ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D!

Events of this year -Marijuana is legalized

-Duke Nukem 3D is finally realeased and sells 100 copies (all bought by Duke Nukem's Mom because she is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, proud of her son

-Microsoft realeases the Xbetterthanps3box which is the first multimedia device from the company that only had 2453 flaws

-The king of hippies, John Lennon was resurected, only to die from taking some bunk acid a 14 year old made in his bedroom closet

-Mypace eventually dies due to users not logging on since March 14, 2010

-Facebook eventually stops allowing stupid fan pages to be created

-Wearers of Ugg boots eventually realize that Ugg boots are fucking retarded

-Wearers of Croc shoes " "Croc Shoes" "

                ***'THE END'***

• • • 'Or is it?'***

• • • 'No, still not finished'***