99 Lives

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about life.

99 Lives is the sum total lives of eleven cats. Oh, you probably want the other 99 Lives. Carry on, then.

Definition[edit]

It is said that one can gain 99 Lives by inserting 33 quarters into a video game. This is a theory proposed by Prof. Theodore Giblets-Rambo, after he came up with the idea of Pass The Ammo from translating The Bible into Hittite. It has since come to be known as a pseudo-scientific artifact of confused cogitation.

Proof[edit]

Let L = lives
Let 33 = number of quarters
Let x = 99 lives
L * 33 = x
3 * 33 = 99
L * times = x
33 times 3 lives per quarter equals 99 lives.
Therefore Jebus is Lord

Origin of the Phrase[edit]

Derek Smart in his never ending quest to fight Coca Cola vending machines, invented the quarter and the video game to compete with them. Derek Smart set the law that 3 lives would equal one quarter for his video games. Everyone else followed the smart way of doing this, except for Coca Cola, who decided to do things the dumb way and give a can or bottle of soda for between 3 to 8 quarters. It only works if one is able to change dollar bills into quarters.

Christianity adopts it[edit]

Seeing as how it was a law of physics, Christianity adopted it when Loki was in charge of changing Pagans into Christians, and thought that Smart's idea was a good one. Loki works for Dr. Smart as an Astronomer. Later on Giblets-Rambo took credit for the theory and idea of uniting the European economy with a common currency, and nobody has been brave enough to tell him otherwise.

The Contra Theory[edit]

It was discovered around 1988 by Dr. Hans Gruber that one could acchieve 99 Lives in a more cost efficient way. By pressing Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, and the Start button, one could receive the first 30 Lives for only one credit. They could then insert 23 more quarters, bringing the grand total to 24.

Let L = lives
Let C = 1 quarter + cheat
Let 23 = number of quarters post-cheat
Let x = 99 lives
L = C + (23 * 3)
L = 30+ (23 * 3) = 99
L = 99
30 lives plus 23 * 3 Lives = 99 Lives
Therefore, Science pwns Jesus!

See Also[edit]