A-1 Steak Sauce

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A1's Origins[edit]

A1 Steak Sauce is a delicious blend of steak and sauce. It was originally developed by French scientist in an attempt to cure cancer. The experiment was a success but Frenchman then accidentally consumed some of the mixture. It was so delicious that he forgot all about its ability to cure cancer and decided to market as a smoothy flavor. This first attempt to sell it was unsuccessful, but an American factory worker (Douglas 'Dip' Schitt) discovered that it went great on steak. Frenchman and Schitt became partners and began selling the sauce, which they had named after Frenchman's automated sexbot A1C-3P0.
A1 Steak Sauce

The A1 Incident of 1966[edit]

Buisiness was good for Frenchman and Schitt until 1966 when all hell broke loose. It began after a night of bar hopping. When they got back to A1 headquarters, a fight broke out. Schitt called Frenchman a pansy-ass (hence the nickname). In reaction to this Frenchman threw a hissy fit and began to cry. Schitt, completely wasted, proceeded to push Frenchman to the ground for being a baby. Frenchman accidentally cracked his head open on a table. It was a fatal wound, and before help could get to him, he died. Schitt, realizing that he would be accused of murder, went home and shot himself five times in the head. Schitt apparently couldn't count, either.

New Ownership[edit]

After the tragedy (see above, just in case you read from the bottom of the page and work your way up), the company was bought by wealthy entrepreneur Bill Gates. He and his associate/lover, Steve Ballmer, brought the company to a new level of success. Part of their success, many historians believe, can be attributed to the addition of small amounts of cocaine into the recipe. Most scientists believe that there was a link between A1 sauce and the massive number of cocaine-overdoses by frequent consumers of the sauce between 1968 and 1972, at which time the cocaine was apparently replaced by a mysterious "secret ingredient" that has nearly the same effect on people as the drug it replaced, without the side effects.

Microsoft's Invention - And Another Change in Ownership[edit]

In 1971, while high on A1, Bill Gates came up with the idea for a company that would, as he said in a later interview, make him "the richest man in the universe!" He called it Microsoft. After starting the company, he and Ballmer ditched A1 and went on to make billions - and in Ballmer's case - threaten to kill and bury countless people, places and things.
Without Gates, the company suffered. For years, A1 went from lousy owner to good owner who would soon be murdered to lousy owner, until finally, in 1988, the company was taken over by Donald Trump in an attempt to own everything that Bill Gates didn't. After tasting some of the A1 sauce his newly acquired business produced, he had an idea for a TV show (don't ask me how), which, more than ten years later, he would call "Survivor".

Recent Developments[edit]

In development since the 1960s has been the significantly hotter A-10 "steak sauce", which originally found favour in the Far East, particularly Vietnam. Since then, its popularity has gradually spread further and further west, with levels of consumption in the Middle East far outstripping that of the rest of the world. Recipes involving A-10 "sauce" have also been reported in parts of Mexico.
Strangely enough, A-10 "sauce" has failed to catch on in the West, with many commentators remarking on the burning sensation it leaves in the mouth, while the negative publicity makes it unlikely that it would be commercially viable.
There is an inaccurate recipe for A-10 "sauce" in the film Fight Club


List of Sauces That A1 is Better Than[edit]