“Although all advocates at AAAAAAAAA are all against Acronyms, Alliteration, and Assonance, they aren't at all aiding against the advancement of all alliteration anywhere, as arranged here.”
“So... many... A's...”
“Affirmative, agreed alright, amazing ain't it?”
“I'm against it.”
“Their name is self-defeating”
AAA AAA AA AAAAAAA AAA AAAAAAAAA!, AAA AAA AAAA AAAA AA!!
The American Association Against Acronym Abuse and Alliteration and Assonance Abuse of America, or AAAAAAAAA (Not to be confused with AAAAAAAAA!), is a top-secret organization founded to prevent people and organizations from abusing acronyms, alliteration, and assonance. Originally, they only cared about acronymns, but when they realized that they hated alliteration too they changed the name. Then, they realized that they needed to cover abuse of similar vowel sounds as well, so they added assonance to their list of things to watch out for. Its agents drive around in expensive German cars so, naturally, everyone thinks they work for Jesus Burger and not AAAAAAAA. This is mainly due to the American Dry Cleaners Association of America (ADCAA) implementing a new policy to only wash clothes costing over 3000 dollars due to the superstrings comprising the subatomic particles of less expensive garments being of poorer quality. Also, the orange trees staffing the dry cleaners despise formal clothes, and are therefore less likely to get lemon juice on them.
The AAAAAAA's ultimate goal is for all organisations to have easily remembered names that are not acronyms and do not use alliteration or, indeed, assonance. Their struggle against increasingly confusing acronyms has so far managed to fail miserably, meaning that organisations such as AA, the AA and the AAA continue to perplex the general public.
“We feel very perplexed”
The XAAS Acronym Abusiveness Scale is a system for quantifying just how abusive an acronym really is, ranging from 1 to 5. The full scale is as follows:
- Non-acronyms (example: "example")
- Pronounceable, non-recursive acronyms with no repeated letters in a row (example: NASA, SCSI, ZABI)
- Unpronounceable, non-recursive acronyms with no repeated letters in a row (example: ATX, NRC, WXY)
- Non-recursive acronyms with repeated letters (example: IEEE, AAAAA, XAAS)
- Recursive acronyms (example: GNU, PHP, RPM, TTP, TLA, TATIR)
AAAAA was originally founded by Nikola Tesla, a young person of great ambition. His big brother's best friend's uncle had a speech impediment that did not allow him to say acronyms. He prayed everyday to god to remove the idea of acronyms from the world. Due to a freak accident, Nikola Tesla listened in on his prayers, and decided that if God wanted it done, he should be the one to do it. Therefore he would be the one to do it. He created AAA, Association Against Acronyms. He then discovered that the name AAA was already taken, so he changed it to AAAA, Association Against Acronyms Abuse. He then proceeded to tell the Uncle, only to discover he had died of a heart attack. This was trouble, but Nikola decided he could not let the organization fall! So, he made his decision to speak with the president of the untied states.
He ventured to the white house, only to discover that they were all out on a mission to bomb Iraq. At this point, he realized that he needed to speak with a man who would understand him, and decided on speaking to the modern playwright, Oscar Wilde.
Wilde was a wild man who's wiles were far too wiley for Nikola. Also, he was a master of Alliteration, which broke about half of everyone's brain. Nikola's second in command, his big brother's best friend, stated he hated alliteration, and wanted Oscar Wilde shot. To please him, he changed the name to Association Against Acronym and Alliteration Abuse, or AAAAA for short. Then, to his dismay, his Big Brother's best friend died of a heart attack. This was trouble, but Nikola decided he could not let the organization fall! So, he made his decision to speak with the Queen of England.
They went to the Queen on England, only to discover that the Queen was off having biscuits with the President of the United States after their long bombing of Iraq. At this point, he realized that he needed to speak with a man that would understand him, and decided on speaking to the modern playwright, Reverend Loveshade.
At this point in Reverend Loveshade's life, he was already the Pharoah of the Middle Kingdom, or MIddle Earth. He babbled words that did not go together too well, and Nikola's Big Brother punched him in the face, saying he was worse than Oscar. Truly, God, upset with their lack of understanding for any literacy tricks altogether, gave him a heart attack too. This was trouble, but Nikola decided he could not let the organization fall! So, he made his decision to get another member.
At this point he went back to the Americas, looking for another member to join his organization. At the same time, he changed it's name to Association Against Acronym, Alliteration, and Assonance abuse. After talking to many people, he finally found a group that would back him. So, it became an actual Association instead of one guy talking to people and having other people have heart attacks.
Then the great Redundancy plague swept, and the name was changed once more to Association Against Acronym Abuse and Alliteration and Assonance Abuse. Nikola was hospitalized during this event, and at this time, like everything else he has created, it was stolen ruthlessly by an American Beer gone wrong.
At this point, he had a heart attack, and the new, rather unimportant leader decided to re-name the association once more, The American Association Against Acronym Abuse and Alliteration and Assonance Abuse of America. Since then it has done little other than the occasional protest.
In 1984, the government cited the AAAAAAAAA and a potentially dangerous organization. This was due to the numerous instances of a panic when its name was uttered too loudly. Since then, no changes have been made.