The Soviet Squirrel are of rare kind and may only be found in small socialist communist groups located in Great-Britain. They are sometimes rarely found in the mountains of Wales. From the small rare race there is only one that can be fammiliarised with, and that would be Soviet Squirrel, who goes by the same name of the race he is.
This page is not infomation about the race "Soviet Squirrels", but the popular communist; Soviet Squirrel. Please do not get the two mixed up.
The Soviet Squirrel, being a rare race hold an immense amount of power, ranging from shooting balls of fire to time travelling. They can also do some funky shizzle like mind control, though it may of already done that to the whole world, and we may just not of know.
Soviet Squirrel, coming from such a powerful race owns a few of his own unique powers. These include;
Using the powers of its complex brain, Soviet Squirrel can summon a worm hole or vortex splitting time and space into a tunnel, leading to another destination of its own choice. It is unknown to the human kind how this is possible, or if worm hole travelling is even safe. But perhaps if it were to be controlled by such mind waves, such as the Soviet Squirrels, then it could possibly by possible.
The Soviet Squirrel can control any being or living thing by simply using mind waves, it can communicate with its own language (as seen below) but prefers to send mind waves telepathically. Scientists theorize that possibly communicating with the brain through mind waves, it would be possible even to send emotions or pain. Little is know about the brain so far.
The robot dance
Soviet Squirrels are one of the most amazing dancing animals in the world, alongside dolphins, dogs and Michael Jackson. The robot dance is also the mating call for female Soviet Squirrels.
If ever approaching a Soviet Squirrel, or the famous Soviet Squirrel, then please be cautous as they may begin to unctrollably dance, or destroy you and your whole family and friends.
Yes, Soviet Squirrel speaks his own language. Below you can find a simple phrases translation guide, incase you ever wish to negiotate your life with him. I doubt he will give you a chance though.
- Hello, please spare my life. Take my balls instead; SQAKSHKY SQAKSHKY SLAVASKY
- Please, i didnt know she was your sister; SLAVASKY SUNKUVUSKY SLANKAVASKY!! (must be said with anger)
- Please dont kill me; SLAVASKY
- I speak little Soviet Squirrel, excuse my bad speaking; SLUNKASKY SPANASHKY SPUNASHKY SAAAASHKY
- Where are the bathrooms?; SLUNKSHKY BUNSHKY!!?? (Must be said shouting)
- May i stroke your fur hat?; PAAAAAAAAAAAASHKKYYYYY (may result in death, or free massage)
- My name is ___; SHUSHKY BUSHKY BONSHKY ___
- In soviet russia, ___ ___ you!!; SULSHKY MUTHERLAND, ___ ___ SHOOOSHKY!!
- I wish my canadian man beating wife were here to beat you up right now; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSKKYYY
- I come in peace; SHAAAASHKY SHUUUVUVUSKIY!!! (must be said while waving sword around angrily)
When prounancing any phrases or vocabulary, you must speak with a strong russian accent. If you dont, you will be killed. Also, try not to spit, or he will kill you also. I reccomend avoiding conversation with Soviet Squirrel.
Soviet Squirrel can also be eaten, like any other animal it is cooked. And usually presented in burger baps. Though i also strongly suggest you do not capture and kill one, and then eat it. May result in death. Seeing as the soviet squirrel has the ability to time travel, a few moments before death, it may travel back in time to kill you, so that you dont eat it.
Or, if your really unlucky, hell go back in time and kill your mother. Or if you really piss him off, hell go back in time, become your father and then kill you and your mother at birth.
Though if you do eat one. Best served with HP brown sauce.
Soviet Squirrel is popular for being one of the creators of the socialist communist group; ACS.
Soviet Squirrel has travelled throughout history helping left wing leaders and implementing his beliefs upon the world he believes in. He has witnessed many wars, past and future and still travels the universe. Though most events may have been experienced many times by Soviet Squirrel untill he decided the event that took place is to stay as history.
Many cults follow the Soviet Squirrel, as he has the ability to decide the worlds destiny, he is an important creature in the existance of earth.
The coca cola war
Some years after the establishment of the ACS, the group took action against one of the biggest capitilist organisations in the world, coca cola. They hi-jacked over two thousand loads and cargos of coca cola and destroyed them, coca colas profits dropped dramatically, allowing smaller soft drink companys to path their way to higher profits.
The operation was lead by Fuzi0n. With MisterCow in secound command and SovietSquirrel as strategic advisor.
It was winter, yet the date is unknown, due to TVs and radios randomly imploding, it may of been the power of SovietSquirrel, but no one truly knows. Hundreds of cargo ships from around the world were transporting the highly profitable drink to countries around the world, trucks were delivering the drinks to garages, bars, restaurants, and that lady from the advert. Who is now wanted for rape charges. The group didnt actually do much work, as SovietSquirrel used his mind powers to blow most of the cargo up. But it was confessed that it was their doings. The group was not charged due to no evidence against them.
The battle against the USS government
Sadly, little is know of this battle. But one of the founding fathers of the ACS; Jean-Luc Picard was taken in battle by a really big mind controlling thing, and Jean-Luc Picard joined the USS government, later he became captain of a star ship.
Once all the comrades filled balloons with water and threw them at old women and small children, one of the small boys who got a balloon in the face fell over and hit his face on the pavement and began to bleed, they laughed for a while, but really it was quite nasty. The day went down in history as Bloody saturday.
The idea had come to the comrades when the news had come on that morning, stating it was a heat wave, and that people were told water levels were low, and also hose pipes were banned from being used, to help reserve water levels. Though the group had forgotten that in the present time, water was not owned by "Coca cola", in the future water had become a major profitable drink a wide range of tastes and bottles. So the group had thought it would be a good way to fight against capilism, yet all they were doing was splashing a bit of water around, like a right group of digerie doos.