A Christmas Story
“I Double-dog Dare You!”
“I Triple-dog Dare You!”
“Only he said 'Fuck'!”
A Christmas Story is known to many as the best damn Christmas Story and movie period...but it wasn't when it came out since no one knew about Christmas Movies in 1983.
Ah, Life as a child where you get your perfect gift and would remember the holidays by getting your perfect gift...even if others object.
It starts in a small city near Chicago, even though it's Cleveland. Ralphie wants an official Red Ryder double-shot, carbon-action BB-Gun so he could later fight the Nazis a few years later and the Commies during the Cold War, and Terrorists until his death, but his mom said..."You'll shoot your eye out". Ralphie even wrote an article in his paper so that he could tell everyone why a Red Ryder double-shot, carbon-action BB Gun would be a great gift. Here's what it says....
|Here's my Christmas List...
I would like to have an official Red Ryder double-shot, carbon-action BB Gun with a lot of stuff on it, because I heard a lot about Adolph Hitler invading small countries like Poland which may cause a lot of strife and maybe another war that we'll be dragged in. This would also help if the Nazis would invade America which possibly could happen since Prescott Bush and Franklin Delano Roosevelt made a lot of deals with Hitler. So much, that Prescott Bush has sold his soul and his son's soul and his soon-to-be grandson's soul to Hitler too. Everyone should have a BB Gun since we need to protect our Constitution and make America the best country in the whole wide world. Also, it would make men men. A football isn't a great gift since The NFL won't be needing players right now.
This report gave Ralphie a C+, the lowest grade on a 'Christmas Report' that year.
|You'll Shoot Your Eye Out!|
Santa Claus was the only answer for getting a Red Ryder double-shot, carbon-action B.B. Gun, but Santa was drunk the night that Ralphie saw him and just told him "You'll shoot your eye out"! Well, Christmas came and Ralphie Parker finally got his gift...a B.B. Gun. He tried it out while wearing his bunny costume...and shot his eye out!
Even though it ended with Ralphie getting a B.B. Gun, it also ended with 1,0000 Bloodhounds eating turkey. The heavenly aroma was still around, but it was all gone! No turkey, no turkey hash, no turkey sandwiches, no turkey salad, no turkey soup, or gallons of turkey ice cream. But no avail...Ralphie and his family ate Chinese Turkey that day. -- And no, he was not wearing his bunny costume at that time.
Casting was real easy for this film, it had Drew Carey as Ralphie Parker, Kurtwood Smith as 'Old Man' Parker, Susan Sarandon as Ralphie's Mom, Matt Damon as Randy Parker, Santa Claus as himself, and The Cast of The Wizard of OZ. It was the first Christmas Movie to show a Leg Lamp and Cleveland. Also, for awhile, this film was never seen by people because Cleveland was used and it was when the river caught on fire.
This movie was a big hit in 1984 when it was shown by the people in the NRA because it used a BB Gun and shooting bad guys as well. After Charlton Heston saw this film for 24-hours, he showed it to his other friends such as Ronald Reagan and it became a staple for Christmases to come.
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BE SURE TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE
Here's another one that was used as well....
The movie is shown on TBS for 24 Days in December since everything else is crap anyhow. If you watched the movie for 24 days, you're a bully; if you watched the movie for 24 hours, you're a toadie; if you watched it only once...who the Fuck are you?
The first Leg Lamp is buried somewhere in the Cuyahoga River by an angey housewife (Probably Mom Parker) when she broke it as she was watering her plant which was across the other side of the room, but now you can get a Leg Lamp every time you watch this film. The box it comes with says "Fra-gi-lay", and is made in Italy. It isn't Christmas without that glow of Electric Sex by your window!
But beware of some people who may be jealous about your lamp...like Your Mom, they may break it and use up all the glue to prevent you from repairing your Leg Lamp!