Abbas Kiarostami

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Abba's crash test dummy?
This is Kiarostami starting his car. Do you see?

Abbas Kiarostami is an Iranian taxi driver who is internationally known for shooting his own customers if they talk too much. Although considered wanted by Iranian legal authorities since 1970, Kiarostami has been involved in over forty shooting incidents, all of them captured by traffic enforcement cameras. He is considered the most wanted fugitive in Iran since the capture of Saddam Hussein.

Kiarostami's latest shootings gave the Iranian police a few fresh angles on the very thing that's driving Kiarostami. And some fresh beef.

Kiarostami notoriously began his career by shooting a little boy and his dog. Several interpretations were suggested for that act, one of them is that Kiarostami became jealous as Iran joined the race of nuclear weapons and Little Boy was declared most wanted by Iranian police. He still enjoys shooting children, including orphans from Uganda.

Many of Kiarostami's shootings begin as he starts a conversation with one of his most boring passengers, thus forcing the increased involvement of the passenger in the shooting. They start conversing on different issues like the place of women in Iranian society, while Kiarostami starts shooting the passenger. In recent years, it becomes more and more unclear who is the Kiarostami and who is the passenger, as the conversations become much more minimalistic. Sometimes the passenger starts believing he is the Kiarostami and sometimes the Kiarostami starts believing he is directing a movie, only he is not sure who's directing it, him or the passenger. This made the Iranian authorities very confused, to a point where even President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and King Xerxes became suspects, much more so with the increased use of contemporary Iranian poetry by Kiarostami himself:

Cquote1.png We are confident that the Islamic logic, culture, and discourse can prove their superiority in all fields over all schools of thought and theories. You Greeks take pride in your logic. I suggest you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously defend. Picture it reduced to ash at my whim! Consider the fate of your women! Cquote2.png

—from An interview with an Egyptian taxi driver

This is Kiarostami turning left, do you see?
Here Kiarostami is approaching a dangerous curve. This was just nearby the curve. Do you see?

Lately, Kiarostami began to break into the Iranian police offices and digitally alter his own shots. This has been known as The Wind Will Carry Us sting, and created even further confusionism between the passenger and his Kiarostamis. Moreover, Kiarostami developed a technique to convince one of his passengers that he is the

This juxtaposed screenshot of the article's editing process is a continuation of the regular presentation of the article (above).

Kiarostami who pictures himself as a passenger and the other is a passenger who pictures himself as a Kiarostami, none of this made the camera believe it is a taxi, or vice versa. Kiarostami is also known for offering a new definition to the concept of shooting. Some of the shootings of Kiarostami shoot a passenger end with a shooting of Kiarostami shooting himself, a passenger, or a passenger shooting Kiarostami while shooting is in the progress.

This is Kiarostami doing an interpretation of Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Do you see?

Throughout his career, Kiarostami's work, often called Kiarostamian Cinema, has influenced many Hollywood filmmakers. American answers to Kiarostami are sometimes referred to as Keirastamian or Keanustamian films. Much like Kiarostami's shootings, Keanu Reeves' films are known for their treatment of the victory of the human spirit, no matter how boring the human might be.

This is Kiarostami in his tribute to Woody Allen's Hollywood Ending, do you see?
This is me creating this article. Do you see?

Filmmakers of the World
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Peter Bogdanovich | Robert Bresson | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Francis Ford Coppola | Cecil B. De Mille | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | John Ford | D.W. Griffith | Alfred Hitchcock | Abbas Kiarostami | Sergio Leone | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | James Cameron | Akira Kurosawa

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Uwe Boll | Tim Burton | Ken Burns | John Carpenter | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Mel Gibson | Tom Green | Catherine Hardwicke | Spike Lee | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Michael Moore | Leonard Nimoy | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Joel Schumacher | M. Night Shyamalan | Alan Smithee | Oliver Stone | Billy Bob Thornton | Tommy Wiseau | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie | Nicholas Webster | Roger Corman | Ang Lee

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Sofia Coppola | Jean-Luc Godard | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Jerry Lewis | David Lynch | Rob Schneider | Lars von Trier

Highly Confusing in Japan

Milos Forman | Terry Gilliam | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Quentin Tarantino

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro | Jared Hess

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

view  discuss  edit