Abbott and Costello

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A screenshot from their best routine, Who's on First. For the record, Lou Costello was on Bud Abbott first.

Abbott and Costello [1] was a comedy team that began in 1940, and lasted until 1957. The team was comprised of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, who had a non-conformist relationship of which no one talked aout in the 50's. Their calling was in the burgeoning post war physical celebration industry[2], which was called "two reelers" back then.

Abbott and Costello's jokes were often chuckled at, since suggestive humour was innocent back in the day. Eventually, their popularity ran out and the act ended. Both died from bizzare and unexplained circumstances from 1 to 20 years later and in one case quite soon after and in the other case a little over 20 years after.

Formation of the team[edit]


Bud Abbott was never sure where or what day he was born. He isn't even sure that his real name is Bud Abbott. His solo bit When's my birthday? is widely considered the prototype for the much more famous, future Who's On First? routine. Some theorists think that Bud Abbott was born in 1897, but Bud Abbot usually responded with "I don't remember 1897, so I wasn't born in that year". He was given up for adoption at age 5, promptly because nobody in his family was funny, thus not making him a straight man. He then ran away from the orphanage (as it was "in" at the time) and he joined the circus. For a while he was an Irish Midget, and people threw apples and pennies at him. But Abbott did not like that, so he attacked the audience. They threw him in the garbage, which was sent to the dump. He was raised by seagulls and he thought he was a seagull until he was at least 26. After he stopped being a seagull (which was 1923) he began doing vaudeville. While doing vaudeville, he began being part of comedy teams. He partnered with many unfunny fat guys, who all ended up having massive coronaries and dying at young ages. At last he found one that was not going to die of a massive coronary. Not yet.


The man he found was Lou Costello. Unlike Abbott, Lou Costello was completely certain where he was born. Whenever a city name needed to be used, he always brought up "Patterson, New Jersey". He was always quoted that if it weren't for him, Patterson would be only known for the annual Butt Buddies contest [3]. Despite his mirthful girth, Lou Costello was surprisingly the skinniest of his family. He then was sold to the circus for a chocolate cake. Costello became a lion tamer and from there, he began vaudeville. For a while (since many of the comedians at that time were Jewish) he used the name "Jew Costello". This act went until 1933, when Hitler took over Germany. After meeting Abbott, they became physically attracted to each other. They were married on March 15, 1938. They then signed a 6 year movie contract with Paramount, as they planned to become the next Burns and Allen (apparently, Costello was the catcher in this partnership).


A screenshot of the movie "Butt Privates". In this scene, Lou Costello is encouraging a fivesome.

Their first movie was a blue movie, A Night in the Tropics. The blue movie was about a Amazon tour group that gets pleasured by a bunch of lions. Abbott and Costello played the lions. They received a dual Academy Award in 1941 for best supporting actor in that movie. "Astounding performance by the next top husband and wife combo!", read TIME.

Because of all this popularity, a lot of people went to see their second movie. Butt Privates, was another blue movie. As were most films during the war, it was a film about the army. This film created the term "fivesome", which happens 8 times in this film (still a record).

That film proved to be their Break out film, leaving behind forever the blue movies setting the stage for future stars like Brooke Shields. With their new found freedom of expression, they started a series of films entitled "Abbott and Costello meet ...". Virtually every character imaginable was included in a series of seminal trilogies; Frankenstein, Dracula & The WolfmanThe Mummy, Mommy Dearest & The Mummy II • and the last being, The Fuller brush man, Ingmar Burmashave & That Indian test pattern guy. The latter trilogy bombed at the box office, and started to drive a wedge in their partnership. This was the beginning of the end of their golden path.

A Bitter End[edit]

As with most movie stars; drugs, alcohol, and chipmunks began to take effect in Abbott and Costello's lives. They began arguing, which led them to take their act to television. They starred on the Colgate Erotic Nude Champagne Bubble Party Hour from 1951 to 1954. Eventually, the arguing and bickering worsened. They decided to return to the porn industry with what would be their final film, Fuck With Me, Henry. Afterwards, they filed for divorce.

While Bud Abbott continued to do well, Lou Costello began sinking to the gutter. Costello had gained weight[4], taken an interest in college football, and participated in low budget movies. The most notbale of the low budget films was The 30 Foot Vulva of Candy Cock. Costello contacted syphillis from a fellow actor during filming, which lead to pneumonia. Lou Costello died in 1959. His final words were reported as, "Come on! Gimee some cock before I go!"

Bud Abbott still continued to do well, until he couldn't keep up with the times. He attempted to dress as a hippie, but overdosed on LSD and died in 1975.

Abbott and Costello are remembered as an odd, but pleasing couple and comedy team.

See also[edit]


  1. (not to be confused with A butt and Costello)
  2. Pr0n
  3. (which sadly, does not run anymore, you sick prick)
  4. He was already fat, though.