Aberdeen

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Aberdeen is a city in Scotland famed for its oil, granite, football, sheep and fish. The football team is Aberdeen FC, who constantly languish near the bottom of the league.They speak a funny dialect called the Doric, which sounds very strange to the ears of those speaking Lowland Scots. As the place is so cold and dark most of the year, the locals find entertainment romancing the local sheep and fish in a manner best left to your imagination. Other entertainment involves taking helicopter rides to the many oil rigs offshore, sometimes dipping perilously close to the North Sea.

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Aberdeen.

It is a shithole

Independence[edit]

Regardless of the result of the upcoming Scottish independence vote, there are many calls within the city for Aberdeen itself to become an independent, Doric-speaking nation, as embodied by the Aberdeen Nationalist Party. And indeed, within the party itself, there are calls for different areas within the city to have their own independent assemblies. The Royal Aberdeen Golf Club holds distinctly monarchist views and wishes to keep the Queen, the area around the docks intends to hold model boat competitions, and Old Aberdeen intends to uphold the rights of pensioners. The chants of these factions can be heard at Pittodrie during home matches, although the cries of the Railway Station faction are often drowned out.

Sheep[edit]

“Where men are men and sheep are scared”

~ Unofficial Aberdeen motto

Aberdonians and sheep go together like, well like Romeo and Juliet. On Friday and Saturday nights, the hills above the town are full of the joyful sounds of men and sheep singing in beautiful harmony.

History[edit]

Aberdeen has a long history of royal patronage, beginning with David I, who made it a Royal Burgh. William, a real-life lion, granted it a charter in 1179. Robert the Bruce, the famous Australian who helped William Wallace kill the English, granted the city a Great Charter in 1319. Bruce had destroyed Aberdeen Castle in 1308, during the Wars of Scottish Independence. He later became famous for defeating the English at the bun-fight that was the Battle of Bannockburn.