Abigail Hensel

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That's Abby on the left. Isn't she awesome? I'm the one with the sideways head. I wish I could look as pretty as Abby.

Abigail Hensel is my sister and she's like the coolest person ever! I'm so proud to have her as my sister. She's so perfect! Every time I see her, I wish I could be as awesome as Abby. She's just that great!

She's such a nice person. I follow her around everywhere to bask in her gloriousness, and she doesn't mind one bit! We even sleep together! Right now, she's like sleeping on my boob and drooling all over it! Awesome!

After reading this article, you'll totally understand how my sister is the greatest person in the world.

Abby has this thing for boys[edit]

She likes to talk to them and stuff. It's like she's attracted to them or something. But every boy she talks to is like freaking ugly! They don't deserve my Abby! They want to take her away from me!

Luckily, most boys are easy to scare away. Like last time, I started singing a Nickelback song and I picked my nose. It was epic! Because I'm the sideways head, they think I'm supposed to be stupid. Ha! Ignorant fools.

Abby has these adorable fingers[edit]

Her fingers are like totally cute! She uses them to write stuff for these boring assignments. Like this one time, she was writing about some book, it was really funny like "Treasure Island was a really interesting book. But suddenly I started feeling confused and giggly and horny, and I look over, and Britty is taking shots of Jagermeister!!" She got an A+ for that one.

I like it when Abby's horny. We're always horny at the same time. That has to mean something, right?

Abby doesn't know when we need to pee[edit]

It's really weird. Like this one time, she was watching this lame movie about sparkly vampires and puppy-like werewolves (WTF?) and I tell her we need to pee, but she doesn't believe me. I had to pull us out of the chair and run for the bathroom, or there would've been pee all over the floor. I almost left Abby behind!

I thinks it's because she can sense our vagina better, while I can feel the peehole. When we're both drunk and horny, she lets me finger her sometimes. Hot!

Abby doesn't like playing—Oh wait! Abby's waking up![edit]

Hi Abby! Was my boob a good pillow? Look, I'm writing an article about you on this awesome funny site!

What? You don't like it? You want to play guitar? But you never want to play guitar! What's wrong Abby? You want to play guitar and drink Jagermeisters with me? Oh Abby, you're the greatest!

Thank God she didn't read my article about her. Britty's such a dork. I'll clear our cache and then I'll drug her so she won't know she ever wrote this. Yeah, that'll work!