Absolutely Fucking Nuts

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This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.


HICK TAW REJEWDANADDDDAADFGJFGHYRY For may years space and time have been converted in to doing nothing with your face, forth rights have been hacked into by top agents now only you can prevent forest fires. That's what Thiddimus Greoning the great inventor of butter cheese teeth paste said. (Called teeth paste because Thiddimus was the only one to figure out we have more than one fucking tooth.)Then guess what your little brother Johnny or what ever the fuck his name is came in and stole my wife he picked her up right out of her cage and stole her I tell you what, if I catch that little bastard I gonna gut him like a pig, yeah I said it Garry what the fuck you gonna do about it?

“Nothing...”

~ little bitch Garry

“Yeah that's right your a bitch just like your dad”

~ me


That's your dad and your mom Gary

Hey, I want toast too! (The Kevin Federline Story)[edit]

Who the fuck ate all the butter? Maybe it was the cat. Lets cover him in it from head to toe! And covered him from head to toe we did there was butter in every crevice of that poor cat I think he got browner since then. See we live in Arizona and the sun is far to hot for cats and Musketpuppies what the fuck is a musket puppy? (see bat fuck insane) Four score and 7 fucking years ago Kakarat came down from heaven to destroy all the free range chickens he could how could he possibly pull off such a feat? I don't know ask Santa Claus the next time you sit on his fucking lap. Wait a minute why are you sitting on santas lap your 24 years old you have no right to sit on santas lap unless your 24 and your a hot female like this (see the VISUAL BOX to your lower right)

see she can sit with santa clause all she wants, you fornicate SEMEN

Since when is it illegal to punt a baby over a soccer field so your friend can play some damn rugby. That's what I said to Sharline as she flipped me off so I ran and tackled her fat ass and started putting the lay down on that cunt. Then again your dad did say...

“...Why Does it always have to be these fucking retards to win the Special Olympics there not so "special". You know what I think I'm more special than they are at least I don't go around saying DER DER DER DER DADADADADA DUUUUUUUUH”

Your dad's face

Hello Fine people tickle my balls and look me in the eyes while doing it because Ska is a great genre![edit]

Kendrick Livingston is the butt baby of retired actress Lindsey Lohan. He invented the skin-stripper2001 he sold the product knowing that the product caused your skin to to ripped off from the bone even know it was clearly marked on the box that it was a skin stripper people still bought it. Why? We have no clue.

No Clue at all

50 years later a big maniac called Magee fucked your sister with his finger, but the size of his finger is equal to the girth of a calve muscle which would essentially tear your sister in half well maybe not. We all know how much of a whore she is. She probably wanted him to shove his calve-finger into her ass so she can actually feel something. WAIT A MINUTE: is this page actually starting to make sense. NO! This must stop!

And then Al Gore (remember him?) No?...TO BAD your going to hear a fucking story about him you heliotrope sorry did I offend you?

“There's that sound again Tipper.”

“It's just the wind”

“It's not the wind!”

THE END

Wasn't that fucking fun? Did you have so much fun your testicles dropped and your only 4?

Kittenhuffing.gif

This user (probably) huffs kittens.


Hey do you remember Yo-Yo Balls? Of course not because your to young to remember yo-yo balls I think the only person who knows what a yo-yo ball is to it's full potential is a bum named Sid.

“Yo! Sid! What do you know about Yo-Yo Balls?”

~ Me

“I sell em' fo' Crack.”

~ Sid

Thank you for that nice heartfelt response now here is the $50 dollars we promised you, now don't spend it all in one day!

(CORPORATE COMMERCIAL:)

HEY MAN IT's A FUCKING YO-YO BALL

Ramen is pronounced Rah-men Not Ray-men[edit]

Is fuck a duck all you can say these days for Christ sakes we know that you are mad but don't express it in such a weird fucking way. Not only did your dad just get killed by Boeing 747 he also raped a kid on the way down to his perilous death. So now he is a convicted pedophile in seven states. HAHA fucker yeah that's right I just dogged your life what the fuck are you gonna do about it? Why is it that you always have to point out the obvious? Not me I thrive off not knowing the obvious, it's my attention getter and if you dont like that you can Сожмите мои яйца if you wanna know what that means meet me down by the river so I can hold yer head under water and watch the bubbles stop, or if you don't wanna die go to translator.reference.com if that doesn't work move to Russia. Do it!... ...NOT NOW... ...NOW!

Now lets start your engines!?[edit]

And then Bon Jovi Came out of the dark and stole my feet, now I have stumps, it sucks I wish these crazy people would leave me alone they not only said I couldn't throw my feces they also made it impossible to give myself a lobotomy fuck these fascist pigs you can all burn in...oh wait a minute [what do you want?] (sir here is the burger value meal you ordered) [Oh, okay] (that will be $7.32) [Okay here's a 10 keep the change] (thank you sir) now back to what I was talking about. Oh shit I for-fucking-got.

“If you like someone because they're missing all their limbs, is it a sin?”

“Johnny do you like base ball?”

“You didn't even answer my question, and what the fuck does baseball have to do with my having sex with a physically handicapped woman? And my names not Johnny it's Tommy”

“Aww look a little baby, aren't you cute, where's your mommy?”

That ends our portion on fat people lets get back to making fun of the elderly not only do they smoke like fiends and hit you with paddles they also i.e.

  1. "Fart on policemen."
  2. "Kill people and keep their remains in the cellar."
  3. "Drink Yukon Jack."
  4. "Smoke some more."
  5. "Eat that shit that you we're to scared to because you though "it" was gonna eat "you"."
  6. "Yell about there lawn and the kids on it."
  7. "(If your their grand child) Spoil you rotten."
  8. "Clean Dishes quite slower than your mom does and your mom just got this new thing from Mr. Clean that washes the dishes with ultra-violet radioactive light that clear the skin right off of your bone (or dirt from a plate (but that's no fun.))"


See they just smoke won't even stop for cake

Fredrick came out of his bedroom and pissed all over my fucking floor.[edit]

In bible camp I learned how to repent a sinner! Someone can you please tell me why the fuck everyone has to be all up on my game? Not only does half the division hate me, but they also want me to trip over my own feet and break my neck you know how much that would hurt it wouldn't be any fun at all. Corned beef is all we used to eat back then. Then all the sudden there arose such a clatter we could see the red man getting fatter he was eating our house from top to base there was no chance of stopping this man from stuffing his face. Fuck him you know what he can die. He wouldn't have exploded if had only eaten the pie.

Childish games aren't welcome here there is only the sweet sound of boring-ness. BORING! Let's dance

Fuck your mom has my iguana and shes feeding it to the bunny why is she feeding the iguana to the bunny this makes absolutely no sense.

Then Johnny fired me for humping the CEO's leg[edit]

Who threw away all the tampons if Jesus was in this bathroom right now he'd probably kill everyone in sight with his laser eyes and then he will reign down upon you a horrible death. Then the monkeys came and started killing people with condoms. The question that is asked the most is "Why?" But the further question on everyone else's mind is "How?"

Then the gates of hell opened and stabbed you in the face with the sharp corner of a pillow.

“The sharp corner of a pillow?”

“Yes, the sharp corner of a pillow”

~ You, Me, and Everyone We Know

FREEDOM that's what I said after I released all over your face.

After the carbon monoxide poisoning that you endured you think you will ever start a fire again!?

"OH GOD THE MONKEYS!"

What the shit?[edit]

  1. "BULLSHIT*"
  2. "BULLSHIT!"
  3. "BULLSHIT?"
  4. "BULLSHIT."
DramaticQuestionMark.png
Did you know…
...that feetbutterfaceasscream is a derivative of cockmonkeyspitcuntjuice

Really Larry can you please keep the fucking noise down I'm trying to kill your mother with this rusty dull knife and I don't need the 5-0 coming down here and raping the back of my head with a gun.

“AND I'M STILL GETTING HEAD SHOTS, IT'S LIKE BOOM HEAD SHOT, BOOM HEAD SHOT!”

~ That one guy from that one movie

“I've come here to kick bubble gum and chew ass and I'm all out of ass”

~ Confused guy from that other movie

with in three weeks of each other the magical cases of Greg Daniels I present you with witness Fontina Wannata. Mrs. Fontina is it true that you ate the cat and fucked a snake in the ass with you vaginacock?

'Bout 50 years worth of documented cases of ducks humping the skull right out of a field mouse's head. This strange occurrence occurs when a duck is to close to a field Mouse, the duck picks up the mouse and first pops out the rodent's eye with it's beak and basically mounts the rodents face and skull fucks him until the pressure of the duck penis inside of the field mouse's eye makes the skull crack and the field mouse's skull is shattered, and easily sprinkles out of the two exposed eye holes. The duck impregnates the mouse's inner cavity and the baby incubates inside the mouse's stomach instead of the normal egg laying process.

That was great wasn't it?

Well any way only Your Mom knows how to give a Blowjob to a frog, but guess what your dad caught your mom cheating on him (with the frog) and he shot both of them and that night, guess what we had for dinner, I don't even know but it tasted like chicken.

...The form of Douche Water[edit]

Yeah, I saw your sister last night she was getting raped by a water buffalo repeatedly. Not once not twice but 18 times I saw that smelly beast mount your sister it was fun watching it but even more fun eating it with a straw, because your uncle knocked my teeth out. How many times is it now that the fucking window jumped to it perilous death, 4ft above from ground level get a better fucking window installer this is bull shit.

Then that smelly hobo down by the tracks asked me for some fucking money and I shot him in the head and pushed him into the bus it was fun because the train derailed and whipped around and ripped out the whole lower half of the building next to it and the train it self caught fire and exploded and then people started screaming as the ran out of the building on fire. You know how to play an Nintendo 64 it's quite simple take the console up to the top of high rise building. (Some travel required if you don't live near a high rise building the building needs to me at least 898ft tall.) Jump off and kill your self. Why? Because you still own a Nintendo 64 you fucking retard. Well personally I own one but do I play it no because my moms always playing it.

HORFEEEBLOOOORGE

That was great wasn't it kids?

Now it's time for me to cut out my eye balls for I am a bad soccer coach.

Now back to watching...

...fornicate kamikaze.

Stuff I wrote from Bat fuck insane[edit]

During the age of Norwegian singer Gertain Kersolov there was butter in his pocket which he lathered on old ladies Oh god it's seriously fucking happening again god whyyyyyyy? Porque? said the wise man to the falling oak. Miriam Von Turnblad and then there was all the sudden Paul Rubens irresistible gum drops spewed across the whole country of Greenland it's quite cold there fucker why would you kick me in my puppy fuck you Danny said to the quite queer queen PALINDROME ALERT Kayak, FUCKER! kayaks are what started Bat fuck insane fuck insane bat ass wiper that's right I said it they didn't shoot me they stared at me and said "GO MY FINE YOUNG MAN, WE YELL AT YOU WITH COMPASSION"

“ASS BUTTER”

WHO LEFT THE TOASTER ON BLEND?![edit]

MMMHHHM! Let me tell you something I will jump over this table like Mario and jump on you so hard a coin will pop out of your ass. Can you please get my baby from a tree.

Cquote1.png ...BABY FROM THE FUCKING TREE! Cquote2.png

thats what he said when the dog ignored him then the toilets started leaking chocolate pudding, (at least it tasted like chocolate pudding). I THINK! Then my Mom aborted my little brother on the coffee table then used him as an ashtray for about three years until I called the cops on my cool new phone from VERSION WIRELESS!!!! Then Jesus came out swinging with a steel pipe.

“Jesus Christ!”

~ Random bystander getting hit in the face with a steel pipe

“Random bystander getting hit the face with a steel pipe!”

I regained consciousness then I opened up on people with 2 "I FUCKING SAID 2" AK-47s and then santa "YEAH THAT RIGHT I FUCKING SAID SANTA, DON'T LOSE YOUR TAMPONS!!!" came down from the sky and slit his wrists covering all the unsuspecting citizens with artificial vanilla which tastes like musket puppy whats a musket puppy you ask?

THIS IS A MUSKET PUPPY!

large MUSKET PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!1111one kamikaze SEMEN

Chernobyl[edit]

Not everyone is a country girl like me, but some can achieve what they don't even want. It's quite alright that you just sat on my child and crushed his head I was gonna smother him later any way. We have a bunch of plastic cups and there just not stopping they rapped all our produce and now there is green stuff every where. It's not looking to good for your brother he has suffered some great tragedy starting with the fact that all of his arms and legs have been removed from his body at a high rate of speed. In fact if any one were to touch him right now in the condition he's he would probably cave in from the center.

Ninjab washu ninhab limp lolly pop listless first face we came we saw we killed the big fucker.


If Shirley doesn't get the fuck out of the car I'm about to set fire to her face with this new invention the face fucker-upper. It has a beautiful ergonomic design from the caves of Germany. it shreds the face off with over 2000MRW (Micro Radio Waves) and your face slowly peels off from the skull and slowly starts to melt.

Kramer, that's not the fist time a kitten has ripped the face off the ass of the donkey. Cody could you please take some time off of your day of kicking grandma in the boot straps and hump this penguin? Fuck your dad just killed everyone in the morgue.

Only your brother is that goddamn stealthy he hit me in the head then threw me through the front door and I didn't even get to turn on the fucking TV and I missed Judge Judy and then I had to take a crap so I used your little brother as a silencer for my new gun. FORE! Watch out I'm throwing this baby at my friend so he can play some goddamn Rugby fuck this thing's starting to repeat this is a paradox no one understands the things I have to go through my bird just killed my sister.WAIT A MINUTE! I don't have a bird nor a sister. AAAAAAAAA! Fuck this this is bull shit nothing makes sense, nor will it ever the world has failed us, me, and you FUCK!

Let's fuck with Fred Phelps for a second[edit]

“Damn it damn it damn it these Jews just won't leave me alone!”

~ Random bystander not getting hit in the face with a steel pipe

“You mean fags!”

~ a person we don't know yet because no one has mentioned his name yet

“It's a conservative

~ A Guy named guy No.1

“No, it's a reactionary”

~ A Guy named guy No.2

“NO! NO! NO! Shit Fuck Fuck ass Fuck cunt Bitch...sorry.”

~ A Guy named Tourette's Syndrome guy No.1

“No, it's Super Phelps!”

~ Someone looking to get his ass beat after the script reading.

“What seems to be the problem Random bystander not getting hit in the face with a steel pipe”

~ Super (retarded) Phelps

“All these Jew's...”

~ RBNGHITFWASP

“...Fags...”

~ SP

“...Yeah whatever. But these Jew came in to town and since were ignorant hicks we need to get these Jewfags out of here.”

~ RBNGHITFWASP

“Yeah, I should beat them in the face with, give a 'round of applause for the ugliest girl in this scene, my daughter Shirley Phelps-Roper.”

~ SP

Applause

“Hate fags hate fags thank you thank you good to meet you, goodnight.”

~ SPR

Alright no more fucking with that fag slammer[edit]

Yeah! No! Fuck!

TECHNO!

Techno.jpg

The End[edit]

Ann frank.jpg

Not Quite[edit]

Goddammit there not stopping the n00bs just keep coming (on my chest) blurgey the name of th3 great detective known as rewadi of veritis there you will find a midget his name is god n00 not again my tampon is falling out of my rain poncho jesus that was wet and I dont understand why all yall have to be killing each other cant we just light up a bong and get along>>>>ducks thats what I said to her before she threw up on my cat I threw him out side cuz he smelt like peanut butter and cocaine this is not a smell fabreeze can get rid of this is a smell for those obscure rear view mirror hanging thingies dont patronize me because im a patron (GO WHITE SOX) no not there here over where you can see Chicago OMG! WTF! Chicago's blowing up and... there is a bunch of old cans of Billy Beer float ing down to earth this really fucking sucks, billy beer sucks, you suck, your whole family sucks, and your fucking best friend sucks also as much.<Look at that first period! Cheater! That's what Amy said about salad there were three possible outcomes kill me your self or HanBar the Butt milker choice three leads to some pretty awesome free mp3 downloads CAULDERON! free spirit for sale dirt cheap!

Whom says it must be the end I say when it's the fucking ENd!!![edit]

Sarah that's not nice to stick your face in to other peoples business I mean why is your face all up in that random guy's junk? Gregory the category for today is comeuppance and you know what that means that's right we get to electrocute you through your scrotum with a car battery and some jumper cables when I say jump the electricity will stream through every inch of your mother fucking bathtub go fuck your shelf!