Achmed the Dead Terrorist

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Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Achmed's smeer campaign line.
Achmed's smeer campaign line.
Name Achmed
Occupation Idiot suicide bomber
Age How the hell should I know!?
Born Afghanistan. You know, the country where the citisens wears paper towels on their heads?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist is a terrorist. Not just a terrorist, but an idiot suicide bomber. As he thought he was going to get 72 hot women virgins, he ended up going to hell, where he and had sex with a bunch of nerds! (including a creepy pedaphile). Dumbass! Recently, he tried to do his smeer campaign to become the tyrant of the world, but can't, because he's a fucking puppet of an ass wipe named Jeff Dunham. So now, he shall forever be bound to have a hand that's has loshain on it stuck up his ass. Sorry, am I pissing Jeff Dunham off? Then go fuck yourselves, grammar dicks!

He's also known for his catchfrase such as, "SILENCE! I KILL YOU!". While Lars Ulrich aka Danish n00b has tried to steal his catchfrase by changing it a little saying, "SILENCE! I SUE YOUR ASS!", Achmed has always came up on top by hitting him with a fucking baseball bat eight times!


This is Achmed before the suicide bombing. I know, pretty shocking, eh?

Achmed was born in Las Vegas, Nevada to a Bat Fuck Insane mother, and an Ape Shit Crazy terrorist father. It was always his father's dream to follow in his footsteps of killing people, burning buildings, having sex with as many female virgins if he wants. Although Achmed wanted to do what ever the fuck he wanted, he wanted to do the unthinkable, and that's being a suicide bomber. So at age 12, he left the douche-coo family house and enrolled to Adolf Hitler's Institution of become a Suicide Bomber. No queers, no fags. That means YOU Joas Brothers!. During class, they tested on how to bomb a place, and instructed everyone set the bomb off at 3:00. Unfortunaly for Achmed being a stupid n00b and everything, acidentley set his bomb off at 30 seconds, single handedly exploding the place, and killing everybody. (Exept Achmed, who's skin burned to over 300 degrees, turning into a skeleton). After that incedent, he was kicked out of the institution and fled to America to become part of the Jonas Brosthers gang. Just kidding, he died, and went to hell and was forced to have sex with every single creepy pedaphiles and other evil demonds around him.

So in order to get out of hell, he needed to create a bomb that will open a hole to get back to earth. He tried to pull the Richard McGiver clich'e by making the bomb out of sticks and rocks. Did it work? Must I answer that? HELL NO, it didn't work! So just crawled to the top of the mountain to earth, and he did it! All the way to China, the only place where comunism still exsists. Now he has to find a way to get out of china, before the dome closes and compresses the entire country, with the only store to go to would be Wall-Mart. He got away, moved to United States, and planned a 6-year attack on Americans.

Plotting In America[edit]


For years, he tried to contact a legion of terrorists from Afghanistan to burn down a building called the Twin Towers. His plan was almost ready to be almost completed, until another terrorist group called Al Queda exploded it first. Too bad for Achmed, he was down right pissed of, and tried to claim it was his plan. What a pathetic fag, because Americans allready knew it was Osama's fault in the first place. But at least he can turn what evers left of the towers into smaller peices, right? After that, he soon went back to the drawing board to create a new plan, and that was creating a campaign for 2004. So three years later, he made posters of himself (see above), but his campaign was tarnished, mostly because he was NOT a legal US citisen, and that fact that George Bush was allready remewed as the President of the United States. Which was a bad idea from the start, because he's a dumbass puppet of that Dickhead Chaney Guy.

This is what he looked like during his hobo years.

With all of his plans completely failed, Achmed had decided to become a rapper, putting out singles such as, "SILENCE!", and "I KILL YOU!". But like his other idiot plans, the singles floped the charts considering no one had literaly listened to his songs. So he ended up living as a bumb for the next four more years.

Recent Times[edit]


In 2008, he was resurrected by Jeff Dunham, and made his debut in Washington DC. Where he complained like a fucking cry baby about being a retarted suicide bomber, the president, and how he didn't get those 72 female virgins he always wanted. At first, he was happy about it, but then he started to feel like a puppet to an old dick of a comedian. In which he STILL is the puppet of an old dick.

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