Acura

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
I'm John Gest, and I approve this message for the AARP.

“Acura is Honda in the USA?”

~ Someone on Acura.

“But...why is the IRL, which is American, using Honda engines?”

~ That some person on the IRL.

Acura is the first Hillbilly Jap lux car made and will always be the supreme pinnacle of totalitarian Japanese-German hyper engineering with world-first class intuition and the most innovative glorious car company in ze vurld, created by Honda before Honda existed. It started with the Integra and the Legend. It was a secret plan by Hitler to make people buy more cars from Honda by making it seem like a different company. This plan was already tried by GM in the GMC Massacre of 1792. Some people believe the the Acura logo resembles an "H" for HONDA, squeezed at a top, but it actually is a stylized depiction of Honda founder Soichiro Honda's tiny Japanese penis.

Unfortunately for Honda, all Acura dealerships turned on their once time owners and simultaneously turned into giant robots in the year 2042 and destroyed all of Honda's factories, offices, and dealers. Honda would not return until the 5000s, when it would kill Toyota/Lexus empire of 5020 with their mutated ASIMO Transformer robots to later take on Acura which by now rules all of N. America and some parts of your moms anatomy.

Sentient Coin, a president of the United States, was the original owner of Acura. He later sold Acura because he hated President Hector Hitle and bought GM for the sole purpose of buying Bobble Heads. He is in the process of succeeding because Acura no longer makes the RSX (stands for Real SeX) or NSX (stands for NutSack Extreme).

In the late 1980's, Doofus came out with the Legend. With its poor mechanical design and constantly failing head gaskets and transmissions that couldn't take any abuse, The Legend was a symbol of the Japanese failure in World War II, and in the world in general. There were 3 trim packages available with the Legend, The GS (Golden Shower) model which featured a leather wrapped, penis shaped shift stick so you felt like you were jacking Honda founder Soichiro Honda's tiny Japanese penis off. Golden showers were Soichiro's favorite sexual act. The L model was sparsely equipped and stood for Lust, because it made you lust for cars such as the Geo Metro or Ford Fiesta. And finally the G model which stands for Gross.

In Canada and Australia, Acura cars like to blow up Hyundai and Kia dealerships.

And no, Acura does not cure anything. It never has. It never will. You are thinking of acupunctured tire.



Stop crap.png PIECE OF CRAP WARNING!
This page is a piece of crap. The author acknowledges this fact.