Adelaide United

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Adelaide is the home of the Tanks, ladyboys and premature wankers Robert Cornthwaite, and a soccer team. It is believed that they were formed to be Melbourne Victory's bitches. This is a road that they have followed down with some success really, including at 45-0 loss in the 2006-7 Grand Final; a game in which Archibald Thompson descended from heaven to score 44 goals. In this game, another astonishing phenomenon occured, Adelaide actually believed that the referee was to blame for there loss. After the game, Ladyboy John Kosmina and cane toad look-a-like winner of 2005, Ross Aloisi acted like a bunch of 4 year old girls, complaining that it was solely the referee's fault for the hopeless blob, Daniel Beltrame forgetting his role as a goalkeeper and letting balls in at will(something that he would later do consistently in the dressing rooms after the game?

Early Club History[edit]

Formed due to Adelaide City leaving in NSL, Adelaide United meant to be a club South Australia could be proud of. While the citizens of Adelaide are vocal, and sometimes, nasal in their support of the club, citizens of Coober Pedy still show signs of indifference. After John Kosmina was sacked from the coaching job, Aurelio Vidmar was appointed coach. After the Melbourne Victory smashed Adelaide in the semi final first leg at the Telstra Dome, Vidmar called his team the PISS-ANTs and today Adelaide are known as the Piss-ant football club.They don't have many fans but the ones who go to their games at Behindmarsh are all imbred scummy fucks


2007 Transfer Window[edit]

On Friday, March 30th, Kristian Sarkies decided to leave Melbourne Victory because Ernie Merrick would not force him to marry his son. Sarkies's opposition for gayness was not welcome in Melbourne. When the Adelaide Utd. fans heard about this during their weekly shit on victoria, John Kosmina was quick to sign on the young player. On Wednesday, April 11th, not two weeks after Sarkies revealed himself, Matthew Kemp announced he was leaving Adelaide Utd. for Melbourne Victory to escape persecution. Kemp, born in Canberra had made plans to marry outside of his immediate family [1]. When he announced his plans, every gap-toothed brother-father and mother-sister of South Australia grabbed their pitchforks and came after Kemp. He was rescued by a fairy though, so it's cools.

2008/09 and Beyond[edit]

2008/09 would prove to be Adelaide United's most successful season. They finished second in the Asian Champions League, second in the A-League ladder, second in the A-League finals and second in the Youth League. Not bad for a team based in Australia fifth best city, and foremost "pissant town", to quote current manager Aurelio Vidmar.

Unfortunately the beginning of 2009 would prove to be a difficult period for the club. Just like Perth Glory are anything but glorious, Adelaide would prove to be anything but United, as coach Aurelio Vidmar launched a tirade against the club, the city and the Jews, after the club's 4-0 loss to the Melbourne Victory (who, themselves, are ironically named on a bi-season basis).

In the near future Adelaide United are looking to forfeit games, in order for them to spend more time in the showers learing to juggle balls. There has been a few sparks that the coach, Vidmar/Viduka/Vidullo whatever the hell he's weird name is has favoutrite players, forcing the coach to confront the media and tell them that, any and all players are welcome to his buttocks.

The specculation over the formation and game plans have been clarified. The formation will 11 - 0 - 0 with all eleven men to stand on the goal line, whilst still managing to lose 40 - 0 against the Royal Society for the Blind. The game plan is quite simple and is based on the Cristiano Method, grease yourself up and start diving flamboyantly(It won Italy a world cup).