“Let`s smoke this shit!”
“In Soviet Russia, shit smokes MUTU!!”
Adrian "Rentboy" Mutu a.k.a. Mutu the Inhaler is a professional Romanian drug addict and Football player that currently plays for AC Fiorentina. Mutu was born in a small town in Romania called Calinesti. At the age of six he could already smoke seven joints without knocking himself out. His passion for football also derived from his Drug Use, he once realized that when you`re high enough, no matter where you kick, you always seem to hit the ball. Armed with this knowledge, he decided to become the greatest football player on the planet... or at least get his hands on some original Jamaican brownies.
Mutu played a few games for his local team, but soon understood that he wasn`t making enough money to support his drug addiction, so he moved to FC Two Stupid Dogs Bucharest where he scored many times (as in got high, what were you thinking, that this guy is actually capable of scoring goals?!)
Later on he signed for Inter Milan, where he yet again failed to score any goals. His total abject failure soon attracted the Russian football club Chelski Abramograd who immediately bought him for 22.4 million chocolate bars. His greatest non drug related achievement at Chelski was when he got spit on by Siniša Mihajlović at a match against Lazio Roma. Eventually the Russians realized that Mutu was a waste of time and money so they threw him out with a huge lawsuit. Today Mutu is considered the worst transfer that ever occured in British football. Oh, and he still owes Chelski 13 million euros, but everytime they send a bounty hunter to collect the money, Mutu misteriously disapears (some say he hides up his own ass).
In 2005 Juventus signed Mutu to strenghten themselves in their Campaign of Football Domination. Eventually UEFA caught Juve in the act, ripped them of their trophies and sent them back to Serie B. Despite this tragic event the hardcore Juventus players such as Gianluigi Buffon or Alessandro Del Piero stayed at the club and helped rebuilding it to the cheating glory it once had. Mutu, along with the other wankers left sooner that you can say "Cheesecake", trying to save his own drug abusing ass.
Next he signed for AC Fiorentina, yet another Italian side. The club`s supporters call him "The Brilliant One", after seeing his unique diving skills that surprised even the Italians, world champions at diving, hacking and play acting.
Mutu also plays for his national team, where he has taken part in many great victories such as Romania - Lituania 0-3 or Netherlands - Romania 2-0.
When he`s not playing football or getting high, Mutu spends his time with his wife Consuelo and his two year old son Mario, mixing Marijuana into his milk. He ownes three houses in Florence`s Rich District, a mansion in Transylvania, two cars, six horse carts and 72 virgins which he had recieved from Allah for helping him with the London bombings.
In 2008 he was decorated by the president of Romania, Traian Bashescu with The German Cross. He was also voted the third greatest Romanian citizen, first two places being occupied by Jiji Becali and Nicolae Guta.