Aesop

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Aesop, looking a tad stoned
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The Fabled Aesop[edit]

Aesop

620BC - 560BC, excluding Tuesdays


Famous for writing the Fables, a series of morality lessons featuring animals.

Aesop lived his life in Ancient Greece, learning his stories from the animals with whom he would hold regular discussions. This left him feared by the other Ancient Greeks, although the younger ones were fairly relaxed about it. He was executed three years before his death, for the crime of cursing in fluent Kangaroo.


The Fables[edit]

Some of Aesop's more famous Fables:


Androcles and the Lion[edit]

Androcles took a thorn out of a lion's paw. The lion swore eternal gratitude to Androcles. Later, Androcles was thrown in an arena and fed to the lions. As luck would have it, the very same lion was thrown in to eat him. And so the story had a happy ending, because Androcles had kept the thorn all the time, and stuck it in the Lion's eyes, blinding him.

  • Moral of the tale: Always carry something sharp with you, or a gun.

This story was submitted for inclusion into the Bible, but was rejected due to missing the publishing deadline.


The Crow and the Pitcher[edit]

A Crow was really thirsty and there was a pitcher of water, but the crow couldn't get his beak far enough in to reach the water. So, the clever crow found a stone, and dropped it in. Still the water wasn't high enough. He dropped more and more stones in, and the water level rose. Eventually the water was high enough that he could reach it with his beak. Just then a fox came by. "Haha!" said the fox, "I just pissed in that pitcher this morning."

  • Moral of the tale: Foxes are bastards and will piss in anything.

The Hare and the Tortoise[edit]

A Hare and a Tortoise had a race. The Hare was very fast, and won.

  • Moral of the tale: Never bet your shirt on a Tortoise, even if it looks like a fast Tortoise. What are you, stupid?

And there's more ...[edit]

There are more fables in the Aesop series. Collect them all!