Aestheticism

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Aesthetes believe that everything should always be pretty. In order to achieve this they drink a lot of Vodka, take amyl nitrate and then dance the night away. They wear feather boas and sing songs from that movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, you know, the one with all the Australian drag queens.

History[edit]

Oscar Wilde followed the philosophy of Aestheticism, meaning he dressed up like my aunt, Oida, and acted, well, like Oscar Wilde all the time. Aestheticism was founded in 253 AD by the Greek philosopher Artagorias, who was also somewhat flamboyant. Oh, and spiders made him scream like a little girl. Once, when Artagorias was a cub scout, the other Webelos put a bunch of spiders in his sleeping bag and he screamed so loud that they heard him three campsites over and the ranger came by because he thought the scoutmaster might have overstepped a boundary. It was awesome. Anyway, Wilde started experimenting with Aestheticsim while attending Cambridge University. On weekends he would decorate his room and cry to himself because he wasn't invited to any keggers. At least not until the frat boys were drunk.

Definitions[edit]

Aestheticism is generally defined as being 'Art for Art's Sake.' In this context, Art means 1) making everything all pretty and fabulous and metrosexual, 2) a popular drug at orgies, and 3) an early Iron Age Slavic god that demands living blood sacrifices to quench his insatiable thirst. This is reflected in the common Aesthetic practice of dressing as outrageously as possible, taking a lot of Art, having an orgy, and finally sacrificing 12 nubile young virgins at the high alter of Art.