Black People

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Two typical black people.
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Black People.

If you are a racist, you are unlikely to enjoy this page about Black People, which contains kill whitey hardly any hideous racial slurs or stereotypes (for that, you might try the other article we have). [1]

Thanks to the killjoys from the political correctness movement, it's no longer socially acceptable to be openly racist. Because bigots can no longer openly discuss their beliefs, some are even beginning to forget that they are racists! Take the following test to see if you are keeping it real:

Question 1: Michael Jackson is.....

  • A) Black
  • B) You are a fucking nasty little Nazi. Of course he's black, he's an African American and for better or for worse no skin cream accident will ever change that. Black people know it, white people know it, only halfwit redneck hicks are in any doubt.

And now... down to business[edit]

Behind you!

“Fo Shizzle My Nizzle”

~ Snoop Dogg on Something or another

“I honestly don't really care”

~ George W. Bush on Black People

“Okay this is racist!!!”

~ captain obvious on Black people

The term "black" as applied to "black people" is actually a misnomer; there are many gradations of skin tone seen on people of African descent, but none of them are actually black. In fact, there are no black people, unless you consider "nidros" from the evolved "hybrid" human race of 30,000s-40,348 AD to be one of them. Unfortunately, the term "Brown People" has already been trademarked by the United Parcel Service.

Black people come in all shapes and sizes... Jolly fat ones, little shifty-looking ones, and just regular average Joe type ones. Black people from northern Europe tend to be blonde haired and blue eyed, those from the Mediterranean are usually olive skinned, while the Celtic black person is often pale and ginger. This makes them very difficult to identify, but there are some tell tale signs which will give them away:

Things black people can't do[edit]

An example of the average white person's beautiful hair. Note how much more restrained and attractive it looks.

There are some things black people are completely incapable of....

  • Editing this page. It's clear from the poor content of this page that no black person has ever even seen it.
  • Taking a joke lightly. Even the slightest joke about their nappy hair, large nose, or fat lips will cause a black person to throw ninjastars at you. Your hair, of course, is perfectly beautiful - really, no-one would notice the wig unless it was pointed out in a prominent position on a well-known humour wiki, or something ridiculous like that.

"Black People", although widely suspected to be among the most racist of all races in the world, still lag a full 402 years behind white people in terms of persecutory acts, exclusion, and sheer amount of harm done to other ethnicities.

Black people have also had a difficult time remaining popular, most likely due to the constant changing of marketing strategies. Blacks, as they are known today, have also been known by such names as colored, negro, slave, nigger and darkie. However, it is rarely acceptable to use these terms today, unless you are a rich, white plantation owner with a time machine and a penchant for inhuman cruelty. This has led to confusion over the years.

Things black people can do[edit]

Is Stanley gonna hafta choke a bitch?

But there are certainly things blacks can do / have / be that white people can't....

  • Work as slaves.
  • Be cool.
  • Rap.
  • Rape.
  • Hip-hop.
  • Crossword puzzles.
  • Tell GOOD yo momma jokes.
  • Be cool.
  • Beat up nerds.
  • Eat chickins.
  • Be cool.
  • Eat watermelons.
  • Eat collard greens.
  • Eat corn bread.
  • Drink Kool-Aid wine cooler-mixed in with malt liquor.
  • Beat up a coyote.
  • Wrestle a tiger or lion.
  • Talk funny.
  • Talk odd.
  • Talk weird.
  • Talk incomprehensible gibberish.
  • Talk shit.
  • Talk @#$%^&* language.
  • Talk ebonics, a language taught in instruction in Oakland, Cal. public schools.
  • Be cool.
  • Eat Watermelons.
  • Eat Bananas.
  • Eat Strawberry-Banana-Grape flavored anything.
  • Run from the cops, successfully
  • Steal TVs, DVRs, PCs, video game consoles, cars, bikes or anything else from a rich white man's house, successfully.
  • Be cool.
  • Believe in God without being considered un-Democratic.
  • ...Mango?
  • And of course, use the N-word.

Black people in other cultures[edit]

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It is a widely accepted fact among religious fundamentalists that it is against the will of God and nature to be born with any skin color darker than the palest of ivories (this statement does not include the back of the neck, which can be any color, though bright red is preferable). Though not specifically forbidden in the Holy Bible, it is at least highly objected-to on most right-wing talk radio programs, which amounts to the same thing. Black people can be also be rednecks, although it is harder to see it.


Main article: Wigger

In the same way that some youngsters have an old person trapped inside them dying to get out, and some men have an uncontrollable urge to wear dresses, some white people are white on the outside, but black on the inside. These people are known as wiggers, and generally get mad respect from other white people for their courage in breaking down racial stereotypes. Identification of a wigger is usually simple; however, we have outlined some tell-tale signs below.

  • Use of percieved "black" vocabulary while addressing randomly selected caucasian bystanders. This technique is designed to cause extreme embarrassment to the target, and rarely fails.
  • Spontaneous breakdancing in public areas. Just move along, sir, nothing to see here.
  • Dreadlocks. Bonus points if the hair in question is blond; it should also be full of dust, fleas, and the occasional stray twig, due to their lack of knowledge of how to clean it.
  • Insane levels of solidarity are common among groups of wiggers (known as wigwams), possibly due to their rarity in normal society.
There are 27 black people (and 40 ninjas) in this picture.


Unlike white people, who have normal first names and weird-ass last names (like Ted Barlow), black people have weird-ass first names and normal last names (Sha'queentia Davis). Having a normal first name and a normal last name (like Mike Davies) suggests that the person might be a redneck, like George W. Bush. And if you have both a stupid first and last name, please move back to Europe.

The Black Market[edit]

The Black Market is a car boot sale held on the first and third Sunday of every month, in Chigwell Rise, (next to David Lloyd fitness), Chigwell, Essex, UK. For the best bargains arrive early!! It's run by black people, but everyone is welcome.

See also[edit]

This is....well I think it's Al Sharpton, but...hmm.


  1. Complaints may be addressed to the article's talk page, where you will have the piss thoroughly taken out of you.

External links[edit]

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