Agent 47

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Agent 47, seen here disguised as Applejack (Yet we will never know how he got that golden wig on both his own skull and ass)

Agent 47 is a hitman who looks like <insert name here> (In fact, he IS <insert name here>'s clone). Agent 47 is a clone of Mr. Clean (original appearance), Saddam Hussein (terrorism), The Incredible Hulk (strength) and Papa Smurf (immunity) all combined. He has the ability to eat your leg by cutting it with his bare hands whenever he is hungry, kill people by stabbing them with a banana, burn down your house (With lemons) and have sex with your girlfriend/wife without you noticing it.


Some scientists managed to make a clone of Justin Bieber to kill that gay boy without killing the original, but he became bald and was called "47" (Was originally called 69, but was changed for unknown reasons). He was then sold by Dr. Wily because of the Baricode (Code 39) stuck on the back of his head and the fact that he has no price tag to show how much he costs..

Ka-ching! You're sold out.

After that incident, 47 is now trained by Dr. Wily to take over the internet using his Navy named "Crap Man", which he eats your poop, then YOU. Then, 47 escaped to the woods and became a hillbilly because he hates technology. In there, he trained himself to reap the fruits and shoot down birds (And eat it raw). So as he grew up, he became calm, often depicting some attitudes of Buddha (But he is a Catholic). He played Halo 3 with his friends (And that's how he got the desire to kill) and killed his own friends and enjoyed it. That's where he got the desire to kill at age 30. He killed many motorists and ate their flesh for a living, sometimes using their bones as weapons and/or ornamental objects for his shed, sometimes using those bones as an alternative for a banjo using the stomach as the cover and the heartstrings to make the sounds (gross). He then joined a secret group of murderers (Which is a secret, so I don't know much about it)


47 is shown to have the abilities of Superman, as he lifted MY house and killed That Guy by squashing him. He cannot fly, but he made his own sperm powered jet pack to fly and touch the sky (And see Jesus). 47 has sharp eyesight, making it easy for him to shoot people 5 miles away with his Silverballers. He can survive and leave unharmed from my "One-way ticket to my fist". 47 once joined the dick-sucking contest, which he was disqualified for eating the hot dogs of each and every single person. He can commit all forms of suicide, be a ninja, kill a grue, eat a grue, be a grue, rape people without harming them, eat all kinds of matter (Even mercury, lead, tin and yo momma), and win a sumo wrestling competition against Galactus.

Things he can do that you can't[edit]

Because of his powers, he can do anything he wants, except making people, time travel (unless its with god's consent) or anything God can do. Here's the things he can do that YOU cant:

  • Eating everything
  • Wearing everything
  • Being everything (Including a pebble)
  • Portraying everything (Including Mona Lisa)
  • Multiple suicide attempts
  • Being white
  • Being black
  • Being the god of bullets
  • Things that Chuck Norris cannot do
  • Being forgiven by God for all the things that he ever had done
  • Being a rich seller of bathtubs that shoot you when you sit on the toilet
  • Getting a 3 kilometers length of a boner
  • Eating you, your family, and your girlfriend
  • Being dumb
  • Being smart
  • Going to the moon using a liquid rope
  • "Silently" kill/torture people using any kinds of procedures (Including cougars)
  • Being as quick as a little bunny
  • Answering all kinds of questions using math (example - Q: What is your name? A: 1154 - 1201 = 47)
  • Farting in public THEN detonating it
  • Killing people in an instant
  • Shaving his pubes using hydrochloric acid/lava
  • Taming a giant lizard
  • Being Undead
  • Being himself
  • Being himself BEING himself
  • Being you
  • Preventing caesium from reacting under cold water contact
  • Preventing your arse from touching his favorite couch

People he murdered[edit]

He murdered many people he was assigned to kill using simple tactics (like silent hammering of the skull, quiet brick hitting on your head and mute body sharpening . Here is the list of people 47 killed:


He is shown to have good dental health

He is so healthy that he killed many diseases, except baldness and age and a few others.

He has overcome and vanquished death; in fact, he IS death himself.

He never felt pain, just some funny tickling every time he gets hit/shot at, even if its about squashing him with the giant foot

On May 25, 2008, he broke his third leg and got it amputated to replace it with a mechanical groin pistol

On July 7, he went to the toilet and pooped a lot, because of the mixture of your mom, acid, laxatives, kryptonite, and uranium that he just ate from a rotting fish sandwich in the dump

On October 5, he pissed a lot and flooded the mountains with pee.

On December 25, he got a severed head as a present, then ate it, then was examined in an X-ray and revealed that the skull shards he ate is ripping out his insides.


42's job today is being a hitman. But at first, he is a poor silent retard who went to cheap jobs at first. His first job was tiger taming, but because of his white cannibalistic instincts and superhuman strength, he ate the lions and gotten himself a lot of trouble. So he got fired and got another job; test dummy. But, of course, he destroyed every single vehicle that runs over him just by standing and getting hit. 42 got fired again and got another job; being a house maid. He ate all that dirt from the house and, ironically, ate the house itself (claiming that it was more tasty than Jollibee's CHAMP) so it looks REALLY clean. He got fired and killed the house owner. He got another job as being a janitor on the CIA; just like the house maid thing, he ate the toilets and the entire agency are now forced to take a crap on the bushes. He got fired, kicked out and found a new job as a blowjob; he bit those wieners (because he's a cannibal, DUH) and got fired. He took another job as a last resort; being a hitman.

Death and Escape[edit]

42 "died" from being hit by a giant dick, and the russian mob sent his body to the church. While in church, Lady Gaga puts 42's favorite custom Balls on his chest and makes out, which the fluids inside her cunt is the only thing that can "resurrect" him. After a few seconds, when the priest is in front of him, 42 jumped out, took him hostage, killed all the witnesses (Including the priest himself), killed a victim who looks like <insert name here> and went back to the woods to his shed and played Halo (Again) and played his bony stomach-covered heart stringed banjo while looking at the night sky.


  • He's bald yet he can grow hair whenever he wants
  • He is a supernatural
  • He knows when the end of the world will happen; in 2060
  • He had a deal with satan that when he keeps killing people he is assigned by his boss to, he will live forever. Then the devil failed
  • He- er, 47, got his supernatural abilities from Papa Smurf
  • He can regrow lost body parts/organs, including the heart
  • He is white
  • He can portray a woman by growing boobs and/or decreasing muscle mass
  • He has been to Oz once
  • He killed himself, then killed himself being himself
  • He owns all sorts of licenses, ranging from vehicles, medicals, funeral parlor, etc. to illegal drug selling, murdering, prostitution, and lots more.
  • Whenhetypes,heislazytousespacebar

See also[edit]